#853 When your microwave pops microwave popcorn perfectly

We’ve all been there. Staring nervously into the microglow at the fat, puffed up bag of popcorn calmly spiralling in the center of the dish like no big deal. But it is a big deal, and you know it’s a big deal, because despite the puffbag’s straightface, there’s a minute left, the … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#854 Crying

Pop quiz, hotshot. A 2006 study in Scientific American Mind magazine said that on average men cry X times a month and woman cry Y times a month. Take a guess on the numbers and see how close you are (answers below). Now, whether you’re above or below average, consider crying a li … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#855 When you cut off your disgusting big toenail

Big toes are tough. Chances are good that Big Digit is holding onto the largest nail you’ve got. And yeah, chopping it off can be a tough job, but then again — if you didn’t do it once in a while you’d pop holes in your socks and end up with scraggly Hobbit Feet all … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#856 The Perfect Chicken Wing Partner

There are two kinds of chicken wings. First up, there’s the Baby Drumstick. You know the one. It’s a cute, little baby drumstick dripping in wing sauce. It’s the JPEG attachment you’d expect to see on a “We had a baby!” email sent to you from a couple buckets of KFC. It’s so cute … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#857 Getting the big corner stall in the public bathroom

Get some distance between you and your fellow squatters and just sit back, relax, and flip open the newspaper as you enjoy this bright and spacious Cadillac of Public Toilets. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#858 The other side of the pillow

Have you ever found yourself laying in bed wide awake in the middle of the night? You know how it is: the clock’s clicking past 1:30 AM and you lay there wide awake, eyes bugged open, chewing your upper lip, tapping the sheets with your fingers, completely frustrated. Your pupils … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#859 Playing with a baby and not having to change its diaper

Save your money. Babies aren’t interested in your board games, video games, or iPhone Applications. They just want to play Peekaboo, Patty Cake, Ripping up Wrapping Paper, Breaking Your Glasses, or Sticking Their Hands In Stuff. And playing with babies is great fun. You don’t nee … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#860 When the vending machine gives you two things instead of one

First you spot the Teetering Treat. It’s the candy bar hanging onto the metal spirals for dear life, just sitting there after giving the last customer the ol’ For Sale Fail and just teasing them instead of delivering the goods. And instead of spending another dollar to test their … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#861 Not getting a hangover when you were expecting to get one

Don’t ask me how this happens. Sometimes it just happens. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#862 The Laugh Echo

While sitting around the lunch table in tenth grade my friend Mike accidentally squirted himself in the face with a juice box. He thought it was empty and squeezed the daylights out of the thing, causing streams of apple juice to just drench him completely. His hair soaked, his e … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#863 The Perfect Egg Crack

Put your hand up if you’ve ever tried to fish out some slippery, slathery egg shell pieces from a bowl full of raw egg. Brother, I been there, too and we both know ain’t pretty. Yes, Shell Diving is high on the Kitchen Humiliation List, together with dropping a piece of toast jam … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#864 Mastering the art of the all-you-can-eat buffet

[digg=http://digg.com/food_drink/Mastering_the_art_of_the_all_you_can_eat_buffet] Munch lunch at a Chinese restaurant, brunch at a Holiday Inn, or dinner at a wedding reception, and chances are good you will come face to face with the The All-You-Can-Eat Buffet. If you’re a Buffe … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#865 When you’re driving late at night on an empty gas tank and suddenly a gas station appears on the horizon

When it’s late at night on a lonely road and your fuel gauge starts flirting with the Big E, it’s gut check time. First you enter Fuel Preservation Mode and start accelerating really slowly and coasting nonchalantly through Stop signs to save your precious, remaining fumes. Next … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#866 When the gift receipt is already in the box

ALF was a great TV show. But let’s be honest, you may not want to own the wise-cracking, cat-eating alien’s first three seasons on DVD. So if you land ALF, or a fondue kit, or a shot glass chess set, or a gelato maker, or a sweater that doesn’t fit you, or the Wheel of … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#867 Snow falling on Christmas eve

Jumbo snowflakes falling thick and heavy on Christmas Eve is a special sight. They blur the world for a moment and lay a fresh blank canvas over everything. So if you’re sitting inside listening to carols on the radio, munching Christmas cookies, or chatting with family and frien … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#868 Snow stepping

Snow stepping is when you’re wearing shoes, but the person ahead of you is wearing boots, and while the two of you are trudging through the snow, you just step in all the nice Snow Holes they made for you. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#869 Slurping hot soup on a cold night

Say it’s a cold, bone-shivering night. Say there’s snow shooting sharp, shooting sideways, shooting into your eyes, and the wind is just howling and twirling into mini-tornadoes, slicing and dicing deep through your coat and into your chest. Your fingers are icicles, your nose a … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#870 When you get the milk to cereal ratio just right

Things could go a few different ways near the bottom of that cereal bowl: 1. Drowning in white. You poured 2 fast and 2 furious and overfilled the bowl. Now after you spoon up those last few soggy Honey Nut Cheerios you’re left with a good inch of sloshy, super-saturated, sandy-c … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#871 Finding out your birthday is on a Friday or Saturday next year

[digg=http://digg.com/food_drink/Truly_Awesome_Flipping_open_next_year_s_calendar_and] Planning those Wednesday birthdays is tough. Do you party-back on the weekend before or party-forward to the weekend after? Either way, you’ll get a lot of “So wait, when’s your actual birthday … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#872 The feeling of scrunching sand in your feet

Free your feet. When you kick off your tight, suffocating shoes, peel off your nasty, sweaty socks, and just starting walking on the beach in bare feet, how good does that feel? Man, it’s a million molecules of Earthbeads massaging your foot all at once. It’s a tickly, gripply sa … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#873 Finding a mix tape given to you by an old boyfriend or girlfriend

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@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#874 The Five Second Rule

The Five Second Rule simply states that any food dropped on the floor is perfectly fine to eat as long as you pick it up in less than five seconds. The rule has many variations, including The Three Second Rule, The Seven Second Rule, and the extremely handy and versatile The Howe … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#875 Facial hair experiments

I used to be The Wolf Man. At least, that’s what a big guy named Fletch used to call me in tenth grade homeroom. He said it with a hearty, bug-eyed giggle while pinching and tugging the soft patches of thin, black hair extending from my ears to my collar bones. Now, I wasn’t just … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#876 Taking your bra off after wearing it for hours

It just feels like freedom. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#877 Getting in a line just before it gets really long

The worst lineups of all time include: • Airport security. Plastic bins, loafers, keychains, and laptop computers fly in all directions in the maddening chaos of the airport security lineup. People are getting the beepdown and guards are tearing through suitcases looking for Terr … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#878 The smell and sound of a campfire

Slicing and dicing a dead tree, tossing it on a pile of dirt, and setting it ablaze is pure joy. As that dry, withered stump slowly releases years and years of energy soaked up from the sun, the air, and the ground around it, out come bright lights, whispering hisses, sizzling po … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#879 The Parking Lot Pull Through

Backing out of a parking spot is no fun. You’re turning side to side, checking mirrors, moving real slowly, trying to size up how far away your car is from the next one. It’s an awkward three, four, five-point turn, as you twist your spine up, scrape your tires up, dent someone’s … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#880 Getting piggy-backed anywhere

This ancient and mystical mode of transportation deserves big ups for big reasons. Piggy-backing makes you happy in so many ways: 1. Give yourself a break. Piggy-backing about town is a relaxing way to get around. You just focus on holding on and not strangling the piggy-backer a … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#881 When someone lands on the hotel you just built in Monopoly

Shelling out for that primo real estate on the corner lot ain’t always easy. Yes, you may have to mortgage Electric Company or dip into that stash of hundreds hidden under the game board. But after you make your big investment, there’s nothing finer than somebody landing right pl … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#882 A good floss after a tough steak

How bad was the first steak you ever made? I hope it was better than the charred shoe I served for dinner after a good forty minutes of grilling. Needless to say, I made sure there wasn’t anything too raw in there. Nothing too tasty, either. Of course, the worst part about a toug … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#883 Ugly actors

Props to ugly actors. These wrinkly, crinkly stars of the screen made it up through a system that values looks and beauty and they did it on raw talent alone. Yes, ugly actors shine bright as a beacon of hope to any of us with bushy eyebrows, gap teeth, or big, crooked noses. The … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#884 A plunger when you really need one

If you feel that loose toilet chain jiggle around or that low-flow toilet flush sort of spit, sputter, and die, then I’m telling you man: it’s bad news. Before you know it you’ve got Toilet Chaos on your hands — the bowl starts filling up instead of filling down, and your chocola … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#885 Paying for something with exact change

Feel this pain: You’re a cashier in a busy store at holiday season. Now, say you’re good at your job and you’ve been there a while. You’ve long memorized the produce codes and you bag like a champion. You’re keeping up with the traffic, whipping customer after customer through th … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#886 High fiving babies

Because they don’t usually leave you hanging. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#887 Talking about how much the meal you’re eating at home would cost at a restaurant

It all starts with a recipe downloaded off the Internet. Then there’s the new item on the grocery store shopping list, the big soup pot or fancy barbecue tools you haven’t used in a while, and about an hour of commotion in the kitchen. Finally everyone takes a seat and out pops a … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#888 Peeing in a pool

Okay, admit it. You’ve done it, I’ve done it, we’ve all done it together. And sure, peeing in the pool is a bit of a social faux pas, but dang girl, it sure feels good, doesn’t it? After all: Mini hot-tub. You get that classic hot cloud effect, where suddenly there’s a nice warm … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#889 The sound of a solid crack from a good break in billiards

I am a terrible pool player. Yet, despite this, whenever someone at a bar asks me to play against them or be their partner, I’m like sure, yeah, I’m totally in. I mean, I’m having a good time, I’m in a good mood, so I sort of tipsily swagger over to the cue rack on … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 3 months ago

#890 Really, really tall people

They’re tall and there’s nothing they can do about it except learn to live with their crazy tallness. For this reason, we respect them and think they’re cool. If you’re really, really tall, you feel it, because this is your life: •Everyone hates you at movies and concerts. Sure, … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 4 months ago

#891 Bowling celebrations

Because let’s be honest: most people are pretty stinking awful at rolling a ball the size and weight of a human head perfectly straight down a sixty-foot lane. There are gutters on both sides, you’re slipping around in torn-up shoes that look like they’ve been through a war and a … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 4 months ago

#892 Taking your shoes and socks off after a really long day

Cold, wet, and clammy. That pretty much sums up the state my feet are in after walking around in thin, sweaty socks and tight shoes all day. They’re aching and sore and full of flattened toe hair, crispy corns, and dry, flaky skin. Yeah, it’s a real horror show in the hallway eve … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 4 months ago

#893 Orange slices at half-time

When I was six years old my math skills suddenly took a steep tumble, so my parents whisked me off to the eye doctor who twiddled a bunch of knobs and eventually concluded that this L’il Squinter couldn’t see the blackboard. Unfortunately, instead of asking me to drink a glass of … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 4 months ago

#894 When the only other person going up in the elevator is going to the same floor as you

You know how it is: you walk into the elevator, you press your button, and just as the door is about to fully close, a hand appears out of nowhere and pulls it back open. Then a stranger walks in and presses the same button you already pressed, going to the same floor you were … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 4 months ago

#895 Getting something with actual handwriting on it in the mail

Checking the mail can be a bit depressing. Sometimes there isn’t anything in there. Nope, nothing at all. Just one big, empty mailbox telling the world that everybody forgot about you today. Then again, the alternative is typically a fistful of bills and flyers. Someone’s selling … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 4 months ago

#896 That feeling you get right after you just vomited

When that churning ocean of sickness in your stomach finally leaves your body in a massive, ab-clencing heave, it sort of feels like a rebirth. Your headache instantly disappears, you chug a glass of water, and then all is well in the world again. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 4 months ago

#897 A pack of matches on the back of the toilet

Air fresheners don’t work. They just make the bathroom smell like someone cracked a bottle of Chanel 5 open like an egg and poured it on top of a hot and steamy garbage dump. Air fresheners don’t so much solve bathroom pollution as they do call attention to it. And ceiling fans h … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 4 months ago

#898 Playing old-school video games

[digg=http://digg.com/gaming_news/13_Best_Old_School_Video_Games] If you’ve ever enjoyed some lazy afternoons just sitting on the rug, passing greasy controllers around, and occasionally blowing into the business end of a Nintendo cartridge, then you know what we’re talking about … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 4 months ago

#899 The smell of frying onions

According to our egghead pals over at Wikipedia, the onion has a long and glorious past. For instance, get this: •Ancient Egyptians used to worship onions. That’s right — they believed their spherical shape and concentric rings symbolized eternal life. They also used to bury thei … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 4 months ago

#900 Multitasking while brushing your teeth

Hey, there’s a lot to get done around here. Oh what, you thought those magazines on top of the toilet were just going to organize themselves? Yeah, right. And I suppose the shower curtain would magically get pulled out and straightened by the same invisible bathroom butler too, r … | Continue reading


@1000awesomethings.com | 4 months ago