Maybe it’s a metaphor for us all. Or maybe it’s just AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #286 Seeing a dog or cat chasing its own tail appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Once upon a time you had a baby. Over those first few years you had ups and down, good times and bad, lots of laughs and lots of tears. You spooned applesauce off chins, you washed off their skin, and you walked them to their first day of school. And as they grow up and […] The p … | Continue reading
Where were you 31,000 years ago? Immortal wizards aside, I’m guessing you were the same place I was: nowhere. Nope, you were just a twinkle in your cave grandpa’s eye back then. Seriously, you weren’t around but your ancestors were scraping across soggy jungles, wet cliffs, and d … | Continue reading
You think it’s gonna be easy. But finally finding and finger-peeling the start of this stupid roll of tape takes two focused hawk eyes, a sharp set of witch’s nails, and a soft and delicate touch. If you’re missing these you’re outta luck. But if you’ve got all three you’re AWESO … | Continue reading
Chad came to visit last week. We’ve been friends since ninth grade and you may remember him playing important roles in my life like Neapolitan Shake Inspiration, Ticking Clock Monster, or Chocolate Milk Boy Genius. Chad’s been there for me through the thick and thin. He’s helped … | Continue reading
Goodbye, perfume. When I was a little kid I dreaded walking through Perfume Alley at the front of the department store. Holding my mom or dad’s hand I’d squeeze my face real tight while walking past lipstick-smeared smilies standing in front of shiny glass-n-brass countertops hol … | Continue reading
You were meant to be naked. After swimming in a stomach you came out crying in a new world full of harsh lights, surgical masks, and cold tables. A couple minutes later you were quickly covered in plastic, wool, and cotton, but you never forgot. You never forgot. Yes, you’ve been … | Continue reading
Our world can be a filthy place. Car fumes, cigarette smoke, and pet hair fill our air while our eyes suit up to sit on the front lines every day. This Dust War rages and rages and our eyes don’t get much protection in the trenches. On top of that, we don’t always treat them […] … | Continue reading
Successful sheet swooping is the term used to describe when you’re making the bed by yourself and you grab all four corners of a sheet and then suddenly swoop it out into the air in one quick move so that the entire sheet unfolds in a majestic rectangle of cotton that floats in t … | Continue reading
Stuff that belly. It’s time to enjoy some location based tastiness with some location based snacks: • Massive bag of wet popcorn at the movies. Squirt some hot buttery-like substance on that corn get ready to chomp through the previews. Now, there are two possible endings to this … | Continue reading
Because you know they’re not faking it. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #296 Making a baby laugh appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
We start as strangers. Pushing into sweaty stadiums for the ballgame or splitting into opposites sides of the soccer pitch always feels like we’re getting ready to battle, getting ready to fight, and getting ready to cheer. Grab your flag, pump your fist, and finish that beer as … | Continue reading
I ain’t good at much. Seriously, when it comes to cooking I tend to burn toast, overcook pasta, and drown my cereal in white. Sports wise, I’ve been picked last in everything I’ve played — a broken-glasses freeze frame of me getting pegged in the forehead with a dodgeball would a … | Continue reading
Pull, pull, twist. Pull, pull, squeeze. Pull, pull, yank. Pull, pull, tweeze. SPROINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!! AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #299 Finally pulling out an ingrown hair appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Welcome to the dark. . It’s time to assess your nightwalking skills, young warrior: . Level 1: Fresh soldier. You’ve got confidence to try getting around in the dark but you’re just no good yet. Maybe you moved into a new place and are stubbing your toes on walls, stepping on you … | Continue reading
Packed boxes are ghosts. After you move into your shiny new place those cardboard demons haunt your hallways and basements for months and months and months. You see them hiding behind drain pipes in the storage room, lingering between boots in the closet, and even subbing in for … | Continue reading
Congratulations! You’re a walking talking Grandma. Well, if you made it this far then I think life’s treated you pretty gosh-darned well. You got born into a brave new world full of possibilities and you grew up and grew into someone who’s managed to spread their life, ideas, and … | Continue reading
AWESOME! Photos from: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here The post #303 All the food that comes out of a pig appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Check out the sun. It’s just a big ball of fire swirling high in the sky. Plants, heat, life, pretty sunsets — damn girl, that’s some good deals for free. Yes, we owe a lot to that friendly fireball so it’s no wonder one of the Greatest Things We Ever Did was make fire in […] The … | Continue reading
Really outgoing two year olds are the friendliest people on earth. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #305 When little kids hit the age where they just start saying hi to everyone appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Life’s too short to be uncomfortable. Look, we already figured it out at nighttime: baggy flannel keeping you cozy in the cold, smooth and silky underthings slipping and sliding in the sheets, and extra-large sweatpants and thin fraying T’s help keep us relaxed when we’re sawing … | Continue reading
Works on underwear, milk, and babies. If it smells bad it’s bad. If it smells good it’s AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #307 The Sniff Test appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
I eat out a lot. I’m not proud of it but living alone downtown surrounded by greasy burger joints, neon sandwich signs, and late-night pizza places means I’m often tempted to trade a crinkly fiver for a waxy-wrapped package in a paper bag. Sometimes I step into the zone of an emp … | Continue reading
Snores are steam trains, clock radios are car alarms, and the neighbor building a deck outside is suddenly knocking urgently at your front door. When the sounds around your sleeping self magically morph into new stories in new worlds it’s a sign that the plump pile of pink flesh … | Continue reading
Flip the switch. After touch-feeling your way past the bed frame and slow-peeling your way under the sheets you blindly slip and shiver into the cool and cozy comfort of your beautifully dented bed. And whether you’re giggling in the bunks with your brother, whispering in sleepin … | Continue reading
Your brain is glue. Long after the cars are finished off-roading up a mountainside or speeding around a cliffside bend the jingle-jangly tune that accompanied those smooth rolling moments is still smooth rolling around your head. Yes, it bumps around your brain at the office and … | Continue reading
First you wait. Cold wind whips you on the lonely platform as you shudder and shuffle in the rain. Whether you’re catching the commuter train downtown, backpacking home from college, or visiting in-laws out of town you’re alone in that barren platform zone, baby. So you wait … an … | Continue reading
It makes you feel like a genius. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #313 Showing old people how to do something on a computer appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
It’s more than a pour. Watching a bartender work really fast is like staring through the factory glass and watching all the whirring parts bump and grind before your beautiful finished drink pops out. Yes, you’re the foreman in a hardhat standing with a clipboard and a smile watc … | Continue reading
It’s your second home. Sure, you might shower and sleep on a suburban street but you probably spend most of your waking hours somewhere else — at a high school, in a cubicle, at the factory, on a farm. Maybe your second home is a dimly-lit and dusty hallway or maybe it’s a dirty … | Continue reading
You’re Jack Bauer. The clock’s clicking and sweat is pouring down your forehead because you know a bomb is about to go off… on your face! You can feel that sneeze tingle up where your brain connects to your eyeball and you know it’s about to boom out in a showery snotstorm the li … | Continue reading
Just listen. When the white sky splits and the big flakes fall there’s a certain peaceful calm that covers everything like a blanket. Floating flurries flutter and fly past dull yellow streetlamps before covering coats and cars in a thin layer of icing. Whistling winds fade to wh … | Continue reading
Ready, aim, fire. After dumping piles of frozen pizzas and melting ice cream into your trunk it’s time to turn around and fire the shopping cart into the big pile on the other side of the lot. Sure, sure, you could always walk over, but there’s something much more satisfying abou … | Continue reading
Congratulations, Superdresser. You just saved twenty seconds of pushing that belt through your jeans tomorrow morning while bumbling around late for work. Also applies to leaving your shoelaces tied up, keeping your undershirt in your hoodie, and sleeping with your watch on. AWES … | Continue reading
Say goodbye. Watch your high school pal slowly fade into the foggy shadows at the park after a long night catching up on the swings. Close the cab door on Grandma after the smoky bingo parlor clears out and watch her swerve down wet-slicked roads out of sight. Flick on the porch … | Continue reading
Once upon a time I ran a sandwich shop. Yes, it was back in the early 00’s when I was a mayo-squirting kingpin working in the sticky, mustard-smeared sandwich underbelly. Surrounding me were a hodgepodge of acne-covered teenage longhairs who clocked in each day to slice tomatoes, … | Continue reading
They make everything. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #322 Atoms appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Get crackin’. Groggy and sore with jagged bedhead and an achy back you shuffle to the kitchen in stained sweats and mindlessly flick on the stove. Next it’s time to pop open the fridge and squint into the bright light before snagging some butter and the egg carton so you can get … | Continue reading
They’re everywhere. . They’re on every bus we ride, sitting in every doctor’s office, and standing behind every take-out counter. They’re beside us on the sidewalk, in front of us at the ballgame, and behind us at the movies. . Yes, you all know who I’m talking about. . Weirdos. … | Continue reading
Snap on the spandex, turn on the hose, and let’s get down to business. Jumping through the sprinkler in your bathing suit is one of the greatest joys of childhood. Your backyard turns into a Waterpark as you pull off one of these classic moves: 1.The Original. Get the sprinkler s … | Continue reading
You just about took a nude and soapy tumble into that slippery ceramic tub. But then you didn’t. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #326 Slipping in the tub but catching yourself at the last second appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Bumping bumpers is a bummer. Couple years ago my friend Allison was wheeling her rusty bucket into the library when she crashed into the parked car in front of her. When she got out to inspect the damage she noticed she’d put a big bruise on the other guy but came out clean herse … | Continue reading
Come on in. Pull open the wooden door with those giant oversized handles that are smooth and worn down to a light brown finish. Drag your boots over the dirty green carpeted floor that bubbles up in the corners and splashes tiny dust clouds into shimmery orange sunbeams with ever … | Continue reading
I used to hang out at Jean’s place. Yes, back when I was in second grade and my sister Nina was in Kindergarten we spent our lunchtimes and after schools at a do-it-yourself daycare run by a leathery old woman named Jean. Her home was a cold and dark playground of plastic toys an … | Continue reading
Sniff those powdery fresh fumes as you pick up that fuzzy bundle of flabby cheeks and drooly drips. Someone just had a bath. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #330 Clean baby smell appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Thanks for the helping hand, friendly stranger. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #331 When someone already highlighted your textbook appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
If you’re as bad at sweeping as I am then this is one of the few moments you get of complete cleaning catharsis. “Hey dust, you got cocky.” Also applies to hairballs. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #332 When dust gets so big you can pick it up with your hand appeared first on … | Continue reading
Have you ever had a panzarotti? Well, if not then let me tell you that panzarottis are magical miniature pepperoni pizzas folded over into a giant doughy envelopes and baked to a golden brown crisp before being slathered with steaming tomato sauce. Sawing into them with a knife a … | Continue reading