I threw my back out this weekend, and not even for a good reason. I wasn’t dancing, hauling furniture, or rescuing kittens from a burning building. Or… you know. That might’ve been worth it. No, I was cleaning. Cleaning! Truly the least sexy origin story imaginable. A nap would n … | Continue reading
It’s funny that today’s writing prompt is, “What’s the first impression I want to give people?” Because I swear the universe is messing with me — this exact topic blindsided me yesterday while I was shopping with a friend. I was minding my business, smelling a candle, and she jus … | Continue reading
If I could live anywhere in the world, I’d move to the county of Midsomer — in one of the many idyllic English villages where the cottages are adorable, the gardens are always in bloom, and someone gets murdered every week. Sometimes two or three someones. I’ve written about the … | Continue reading
Most people find cool things like sea glass, old coins, or a $20 bill in a winter coat pocket. I found Rufus. And not to brag, but he’s the coolest of the cool. Too cool for school. Fonz-level cool. To be fair, Rufus found me first. Looking at me with those deep brown eyes, despe … | Continue reading
Everyone has a daily routine, and I’m no different. Wake up, inhale caffeine – or in my case, decaf, because life is cruel – brush teeth, breakfast, the whole deal. Don’t forget to moisturize! And look, for whatever reason, my spell check keeps picking up “moisturize” as misspell … | Continue reading
You ever get one of those “free $5 gift card with your next purchase of $30 or more” deals? Yeah, because nothing says “free” and “gift” like “spend more money than you planned.” So, you go in, thinking, “Oh, $30 is easy, I’ll just grab a few things,” because clearly, I need more … | Continue reading
You know how people always say pets make you a better person? Yeah, sure. If by “better” you mean “faster,” “more alert,” and “emotionally on edge.” But, let’s roll with that. A better person. Sure. Having a cat is like living in a reality show – Survivor, but with no island, no … | Continue reading
Every Sunday, my phone kindly informs me that my average screen time was up by 27%, like some sort of glowing tattletale. I don’t remember asking for that level of judgment from a device that still autocorrects “ducking” like it’s fooling anyone. Look, I manage my screen time the … | Continue reading
Do I need time? Absolutely. Do I need time to be productive, motivated, and finally clean out my hall closet? Absolutely not. What I need is more Frank and Earl time. I went to Costco because apparently that’s what functioning adults do. You walk in thinking, Oh, I just need a fe … | Continue reading
Mark your calendars, friends — Shut the Fuck Up Day is finally here. A long-overdue holiday dedicated to the brave, silent souls who have suffered through Bluetooth arguments in grocery store aisles, coworker overshares at 8 a.m., and the guy on the train who thinks everyone need … | Continue reading
Knock knock. Hello, FBI! Don’t mind me, I’m just over here browsing perfectly normal stuff. Definitely not checking out a livestream of penguins waddling around at the zoo. Who am I kidding, I’m doing exactly that, and reading someone’s blog on how to befriend squirrels. No need … | Continue reading
Doing my best Sophia Petrillo impression. Picture it: 39 A.D. The Roman army lines up along the beach, armor gleaming, flags flapping dramatically. They aim their spears toward the surf like Neptune himself had just insulted their mothers. The command? Attack. The enemy? The sea. … | Continue reading
You know what I think everyone should know? How to return a shopping cart. Not the theory of it. Not the concept. The actual execution. Because based on what I see in parking lots, a shocking number of people have no idea how this works. They’ll just shove it vaguely toward the c … | Continue reading
You know that joke where people say their brain has a thousand tabs open at once? I saw a meme about it today. I can’t find it now or I’d share it with you. But yeah, I get it. I’m lucky, I guess. My brain prefers 5 or 6 tabs… okay, fine, 437. Maybe 682. […] | Continue reading
If I ever got three wishes from a genie, I just know I’d screw it up. There’s too much pressure. You think you’ll be calm and logical, but then suddenly there’s a glowing man in your living room offering you unlimited power, and your brain goes, “Quick! Say something impressive!” … | Continue reading
Okay, so I just assume everyone has one of these individuals in their family. You know the type. They have that toxic kind of love that leaves you begging for approval, all while acting like they couldn’t care less about you. They know exactly how to push your buttons, and they d … | Continue reading
The question, “What’s your favorite exercise?” makes me feel like I should have an inspirational answer, like I’m some marathon-running, yoga-loving goddess of fitness. But no. My favorite exercise is walking around Costco for free samples. It’s honestly a full-body workout. If y … | Continue reading
You know, I don’t know how much I’d pay for me to go to the moon, but I do know how much I’d pay to send a few other people there. Which is to say… a lot. Like, “let me check my pockets and see if I can sell a kidney” kind of a lot. […] | Continue reading
The question was, “What food would you say is your specialty?” Which is adorable. Any food I don’t have to make. That’s my specialty. I’m a master at ordering takeout. DoorDash, Uber Eats, you name it, I’ve got the apps, the notifications, and the loyalty points. I’m basically a … | Continue reading
You know, when people ask, “What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take?” they usually mean something exciting like skydiving, moving to Bali to “find yourself,” or starting a business that sells bespoke bowties for dogs. Me? The biggest risk I could take would be watching a movie … | Continue reading
Obviously, I’m proud of my kids. They are the best things I’ve ever done with my life. They’re kind, funny, and smart. Basically everything I was hoping to be when I grew up but somehow got distracted by snacks and sarcasm. But also… I once parallel parked in front of people succ … | Continue reading
Most people don’t know this about me, but I have a problem. I assign personalities and feelings to inanimate objects. Not like “Oh, that mug looks cheerful,” but like, actual emotional lives. Full inner monologues. Deep existential trauma. If I pick something up in a store, I fee … | Continue reading
You know, that’s a lovely question — what could I try for the first time? It sounds so optimistic, like I’m about to take up skydiving or learn Italian or finally understand how Roth IRAs work. But in reality, my brain immediately went to: “a complete absence of anxiety.” I’ve ne … | Continue reading
I try to live my life by one simple principle: don’t be an asshole. You’d think that would be universal. Like, I don’t know, gravity. Or the urge to hit “remind me later” on software updates. But no. Every day, people wake up and actively choose “asshole” like it’s their defining … | Continue reading
I don’t do Columbus Day. The only decent thing about it is maybe getting the day off. And even that feels like it should come with an asterisk. I mean, we’re celebrating a guy who was literally lost. He thought he’d landed in Asia, never once set foot in what’s now the United Sta … | Continue reading
You know how people talk about the exact moment they knew they were an adult? Like it was this grand, cinematic milestone. College graduation, a wedding, a mortgage, the birth of a child. Yeah. Mine was a vacuum cleaner. Not even a fancy one, mind you. I’m definitely not adult en … | Continue reading
You may not believe this, but once upon a time, I set out to completely change my life. Not just a small change, like remembering to drink water or stop using my shirt sleeve as a napkin. No, I went all in. I decided I was going to get healthy. Like, “Instagram before-and-after p … | Continue reading
Alright, so I’ve been asked to write about my favorite hobby or pastime and let me tell you, I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I mean, hobbies are weird. Like, I know people who love hiking, and I’m like, “Okay, cool, you like walking uphill for hours just to turn around a … | Continue reading
So, the daily prompt is asking me to talk about a time when I felt out of place. A time? Singular? One time? Folks, that’s my default setting. That’s my home base. Feeling out of place is my everyday vibe. I’m an introvert with anxiety. I feel out of place walking from my living … | Continue reading
I was trying to imagine my life without a computer. Which, you know, as a Gen-Xer isn’t entirely an act of imagination for me. It’s also just called “1983.” I grew up in the last analog generation. We didn’t have the internet, but we had hope. We had one phone in the house, and i … | Continue reading
I’ve been told that you’re never too old to learn a new skill. Which is great news, because I’m at an age where my main skill is knowing exactly where I left my reading glasses. Spoiler alert: on top of my head. They’re on top of my head. So, I’ve decided I want to learn […] | Continue reading
You see these motivational people, right? They’re always talking about setting priorities. They wake up at 5 a.m., drink a glass of lemon water, and ask themselves, “What is my number one priority today?” And I assume their answers are very impressive. Things like, “Disrupt the i … | Continue reading
So, the WordPress question of the day is, “In what ways does hard work make you feel fulfilled?” And I just stared at the screen for a second. You know, that slow blink you do when you’re trying to process a question that your brain has immediately rejected as nonsense. Like aski … | Continue reading
If money didn’t matter – first off, let’s just acknowledge the truth here, because I’m pretty sure that if money didn’t matter, I’d be living on a beach somewhere with a big hammock, a margarita the size of my head, and zero ambition. But let’s say, just for fun, that I felt the … | Continue reading
I could do more of nothing. Not the lazy, binge-watch-Netflix kind of nothing. And not even nap nothing, although don’t get me wrong, naps are top-tier. I mean the kind of nothing where you just exist. Like sitting on a park bench watching ducks. That’s real nothing. Quality noth … | Continue reading
The best advice I ever got came from my drunk friend. Which, looking back, is like getting medical advice from Reddit. It’s not ideal, but it’s memorable. We were at a bar, and she gets this look on her face, like she’s about to drop some life-changing wisdom or maybe tell me she … | Continue reading
Red Bull says it gives you wings. That’s cute. Me? Anxiety gives me wings. Panic gives me jet fuel. It’s not healthy, but it works. You ever suddenly remember an email you were supposed to respond to three days ago? You’ll never type faster in your life. Or wake up at 3 a.m. conv … | Continue reading
Sometimes I wish I knew more about useful things, like finance, or how to fix the Wi-Fi without my only move being… unplugging the router 17 times. And then plugging it back in like I’m some kind of bargain basement IT wizard. But instead, I’ve got a head full of random trivia fr … | Continue reading
Buckle up because this one is kind of long. Don’t expect an apology. I’ve accepted I’m the kind of person who can turn a perfectly normal research session into an existential crisis about old shopping catalogs. I was flipping through some old Sears catalog archives the other day… … | Continue reading
You know what I wish I had learned earlier in life? That you can have birthday cake… whenever you want. Nobody told me. I spent decades thinking you had to wait for a birthday. Like there was some sort of cake police patrolling the bakery section. “Oh, is it your birthday, ma’am? … | Continue reading
How often do I walk or run? Well, let me put it this way: if you ever see me running, you should run too. Because something terrible is happening. And if I’m running, you can be sure it’s bad enough that you also don’t want to be there. There’s a bear, or a clown, or […] | Continue reading
Don’t you just love icebreakers? Here’s one for the books: do you consider yourself a leader? I mean, okay, yeah. Kinda. But not, like, the good kind. I’m not leading a company, or soldiers, or… even a small group of volunteers. Hell, I don’t even lead the carpool. I’m more of a … | Continue reading
I’ll admit it. I haven’t been to the diner in a while. I know, I know, I dropped the ball. Life gets in the way, and sometimes you forget to prioritize the things that matter — like weak tea, hashbrowns that may or may not be older than you, and the sweet, chaotic symphony of […] | Continue reading
People are always asking, “So, how do you relax?” Which is funny, because I don’t look like someone who relaxes. Heck, I don’t even look like someone who knows what relaxing is. I look like I’ve either got one bar left on my phone and I’m desperately hunting for a charger, or lik … | Continue reading
Today’s writing prompt is: If you had to give up one word you use regularly, what would it be? I thought about this way too long, which is already embarrassing. Because who even thinks about their words? Most of mine just fall out of my mouth like loose change. Nobody’s out here … | Continue reading
Am I holding a grudge? Oh, absolutely. In fact, I’m currently holding about six. One in each emotional hand and a few balanced on my head like a game of petty Jenga and I’m the champion player. But my most committed, longest-running grudge? It’s against Häagen-Dazs. For discontin … | Continue reading
You may not know this about me (and really, shame on you), but I’ve been to the Caribbean. Twice. Which sounds very fancy. Like I wear linen pants and casually drink out of coconuts every day like a seasoned jetsetter saying things like “Oh, the Caribbean was lovely this time of … | Continue reading
You ever think about your dream home? Like, really think about it? I mean, who hasn’t, right? Now, look — obviously I can’t afford a house. I can’t. I Googled “how to buy a house” and the internet just laughed at me. Pretty sure Zillow tried to redirect me to a tent. But this is … | Continue reading