And the meeting is what lit such a move and mood-morph. Smooth jazz back on, heater too… The vineyard, the vineyard… that’s what I have to repeat. All negative notes and nodes just there to … | Continue reading
Seeing Jack and Emma this morning so happy with the advent of their Spring Break, how carefree and anticipatory. Envy got me, then I understood my thinking and what was taking shape was unnec… | Continue reading
My mom and dad… my partners. Always feel better after talking to them. Do I rely on them, yes. Excessively, I don’t think so. Someone recently asserted I do. And even … | Continue reading
The vineyard. Just focus on that. Walking the rows, looking at buds while they break, full clusters later, making my own wine and touring with it… writing books atop books on how I got … | Continue reading
The other night I should’ve spent more time down here ‘stead of going up to the loft and relaxing, essentially doing nothing. Haven’t checked into work, and holding off on that for a bit. Getting… | Continue reading
Fucking internet isn’t working right now for some reason. Or, it’s working but so slow I’m about to use its speed as an excuse to be lazy. Watch a movie, sip this blend, note in the jou… | Continue reading
3-14-23 In office. Glass of the Abstract, trying to make the music go through this Sonic speaker, the one they gave me for President’s Club. Laptop acting weird but I got the music to play, E… | Continue reading
dominating and deciding my thinking this morning. | Continue reading
Another glass of this blend. Chenin Blanc and Viognier, that’s what it is. Has me thinking of when I first got into wine and pouring at St. Francis, and that one vintage of Viognier I couldn’t si… | Continue reading
Like I dreamt it and didn’t. Kerri and her daughters leave after dinner, me coming home to a nacho casserole her daughter Leilah made. Overtaken by gratitude, love, acknowledgment of where I … | Continue reading
Family business…. Becoming my beacon and sole Beat. GRATEFUL. All for my babies… | Continue reading
11:54 3.66 miles, 9:21 pace. Fuck it I’ll take it. First run of laundry on, about to walk to lunch then head to store for a couple bits and I’m in for 3/11/23. Missing the kids, especia… | Continue reading
Henry still asleep, Jack and Emma down here with me while I write a report for the weekend for their mom, and sip this espresso and now right this. Today, only making a list of what I’ve done, not… | Continue reading
Not pausing Not in any way surrendering. If anything, I’m of more fiery momentum and intention. | Continue reading
Out of virtual happy hour that was on company calendar. Me of course with my espresso, and most I noticed were sipping either coffee or some sparkling water. Only one person with wine, a Dry Cree… | Continue reading
Jack asks me if I have any Gatorade here. Tell him I don’t but on my lunch break I’ll go get some for him. He asks to come with me on the quick outing to the little story one block away… | Continue reading
I’m spinning in my thoughts and inner-images, the vineyard and the drive to St. Helena on Sunday.. notes on phone like I always do once in the tasting room, walking to Erosion for lunch, stepping o… | Continue reading
Jack home sick. Missed a meeting, now watching the recording. Fasting till 12:01 or later. Starving, and my mood greatly affected. In no mood to prospect, so I just watch the reco… | Continue reading
Going back to my thoughts on making things simple – battle with my own thinking, and how one side wants to analyze and build and take apart while its antithesis say, “STOP. JUST MOVE.” What … | Continue reading
Not as low as I thought it was. Trying to stay above .700. So no thought goes untyped or without adequate reflection… yesterday coffee in kitchen with Kerri, again the idea of responding versus n… | Continue reading
3-9-23 My average has dropped. Need to be better about writing, and only on this laptop. Take it with me to the city, not have lunch with anyone. Just go to the Starbucks on Calif… | Continue reading
The kids. It’s always them. Henry first.. his new words and sentences and principle expression. His asks and observations, asking where my neighbor Jenny is. Jack, and his startling intellige… | Continue reading
Up since 4-whatever, but I’m still quite alive. Recent events, maybe… traffic on the way back to Sonoma County, monstrous. But what could I do? Really started right out of the parking l… | Continue reading
But it will lose. Each time. | Continue reading
Time to think, meditate, be grateful. For EVERYTHING. | Continue reading
3-8-23 6:25, leaving a little late. Up early, in the 4 o’clock hour again. Purpose, statements made in my head. What I’m going to do and not looking for any approval, not inviting… | Continue reading
Not posting to blog.. calling night. Learned. From morning, last night, and tomorrow before if frames and proposes materiality. I still think about that one student, a high-schooler, who wrote a… | Continue reading
5:09 AM. Up early from not being able to sleep… Saving some specifics for book, but I have a new story. One placed and purposeful. Event in the city today. Already showered and dressed… | Continue reading
They talk, have stories So many of them Conveniently translated moments Docents of complete deceit I did this because you did this Sure that works Pollutants, sewer syllables, all her words But I b… | Continue reading
More music in thought and mind and in all cells of thinking. Was listening to Eric Hilton for the first time in a bit before leaving to get kids and on the way to their mom’s house in Coffey Park.… | Continue reading
2:06 Receipts done. Nearly disbelief. Don’t want to spend anything now, ‘cause I don’t want another fucking cyclone of a pile to confront me. I should have gone to law school. May… | Continue reading
If I do have the day to myself, I’m spending it here… music and cleaning. Maybe taking myself to coffee later, after a needed nap. Spent night on that goddamn mattress again. No serious complain… | Continue reading
Again changing the subject.. being a dad. A SINGLE dad… grateful. They’re so at peace. I ask Emma what she’s doing, over there in the corner in her grandfather’s old chair, she says nothing and n… | Continue reading
In for the night. Emma asking me what I loved most about being a dad. Told her watching them grow and learn, spending time with them and learning with them, having them close…. Was surp… | Continue reading
Just attack it, I tell myself. First load on, Henry helping me move the mattress back into Jack’s room. Took the pullout from his room so I could sleep on it, he requesting last night to slee… | Continue reading
Raining now, like actually raining. No more drizzle. Gave kids and myself till 10:30. Then, getting ready for day, laundry (will start with theirs), cleaning my room, setting aside what little d… | Continue reading
For everything. The moment you’re in, no matter its conditions. This is more than stoic approach, but accentuated appreciation for where you are, those around you, what you’re doing… My kids, rem… | Continue reading
3-4-23 Certain people are just sad. And I let them get to me. Why.. I really do need to talk with myself as Mom suggests. The kids.. THE KIDS. Watch them. They have no like-… | Continue reading
Good meeting in SF, renewing me even further in sales story. New attitude and approach mine toward everything remains. Not thinking, just moving, no self-doubt, not caring, seeing every… | Continue reading
Doing a couple things in office before logging off. “Poetry formula”, thought taking the Windsor exit. What does this mean, a lot of things. Some complicated, some simple…. More later. Realizin… | Continue reading
11:57. Lunch, but think I’m just going to try a power nap, then sandwich. One errand to run, do before getting kids. Day sailing… San Francisco, walking from One Maritime to the o… | Continue reading