If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, it stays with you for the rest of your life. Yet I could not ignore the visions of myself in Los Angeles. They said there was a place called Santa Monica. It called to me. I have never been drawn to the rugged America … | Continue reading
The hills across the valley of the Ebro were long and white. “They look like white elephants,” said the girl. “Whatever,” shouted the man, not bothering to look up. “Waitress,” he shouted to the señorita behind the bar, “nueve cervezas.” He thought that “nueve” meant “two” in Spa … | Continue reading
We are writing to inform you that Your Body (“you,” “yourself,” “your aging body”) has updated its terms of service, which apply to the use of all your Parts and Areas. These terms will apply only to Your Once-Useful Body and may differ from Other People’s Bodies, Which Are Still … | Continue reading
Been There, Smelled That explores the aromas of places around the world. Travel writer Maggie Downs investigates some of the world’s most potent smells, looks at how odor cultivates a connection to place, and presents how humans engage with smells, from scents that have endured g … | Continue reading
“Readers weigh in on Biden: Please go, Joe. Most don’t think he can win again and wish he’d make a graceful exit.” — Headline from op-ed in the Boston Globe, 7/17/24 - - - Once upon a time, there was a marvelous king. Well, “marvelous” may be an overstatement, but most reasonable … | Continue reading
I hope you’re all excited to get rehearsals started. The script is strong, the set designs are amazing, and the whole theatrical community is looking forward to what we’re putting up. There’s only one problem. We just can’t find enough boys to do the Broadway play. I know. It was … | Continue reading
I found my sister’s diary seven years after her death. It was in my parents’ storage room. I felt weird about the encounter, but I really wanted to read the diary. Plus, it’s not like my sister could walk in to bust me. After my sister died, my parents had to pack up her apartmen … | Continue reading
Modern medicine has failed us. To live full, healthy lives, we must go back to what nature intended. That means real food, vigorous exercise, and a byzantine combination of unregulated dietary supplements. Prehistoric man led a simple life. No sunscreen, no pasteurized milk, no F … | Continue reading
“‘I am not a senator, a governor or a former cabinet secretary,’ J.D. Vance wrote on the first page of ‘Hillbilly Elegy,’ by way of establishing his regular-guy bona fides. That was all true in 2016, when Vance was a former Marine and Yale Law School graduate with ‘a nice job, a … | Continue reading
“It is incredible that such an act can take place in our country.” — Donald Trump, writing on Truth Social after an attempt on his life, 7/13/24 - - - It is a sad time in American history, folks. A crazed gunman attempted to assassinate me, Donald Trump, in an act of hatred and v … | Continue reading
“Today, we’re all MAGA.” — Headline from The Spectator the day after an assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump, 7/14/24. - - - Decades ago, when a pasty, Jodie Foster–obsessed visitor to Miskatonic County attempted to render Azathoth back into the voidverse, the D … | Continue reading
I can’t believe you’ve never heard this album before. Dal Snagwood is one of the foundational comedians of the 1970s. He was so smart and incisive—almost more like a philosopher. Every comic from the ’90s says that this is the one that inspired them to try it, and those guys are … | Continue reading
Monday, July 15 9:00 p.m. The Banshees of the Bottomless Abyss wail the national anthem. 9:05 p.m. Axuloth, Slayer of Mortals, lays out his plan to stop the Great Replacement. 9:20 p.m. Arizona Senate candidate and election truther Kari Lake explains that Joe Biden couldn’t have … | Continue reading
They’re arrogant. They don’t like us very much. It’s more or less okay to apply preconceived blanket statements to this country. They think they’re cooler than we are. Friends greet each other with a gesture that’s weirdly intimate. More sex happening over there. More dynamic foo … | Continue reading
It turns out that building a humongous casino in a small city next to a mid-sized river, nowhere near a big city, the ocean, the desert, or good weather, excludes you from the “destination” designation. This means not many people want to come to lose their money in your oversized … | Continue reading
Independents once lived only in prairies and deserts in the United States. Today, they thrive almost anywhere there are ranches, farms, or ultimate Frisbee courses. Sometimes, they even live among people. It may seem charming when you spot one sitting on the fence, but don’t forg … | Continue reading
Hie thee hither that I might pour my spirits in thine ear On all that impedes thee from the Oval Room. Thane Axelrod summoned me today to betray my nature But follow my sense, when I say, my liege: What’s done is done. The enterprise is shot. In the past, thou hast found in me a … | Continue reading
When our great-grandfather Seb Ancestor built Ancestor Fields Farm 140 years ago, he was guided by a vision of earth-borne food harvested and passed along to the consumer as naturally as possible. His original dream began with fresh grains and produce handpicked by one of his fou … | Continue reading
The Soothing Sleepytime Baby Swing from Gurgle-Goo is designed to float even the fussiest baby to dreamland. In just a matter of minutes, little ones will be snoozing, and frazzled parents will be sighing with relief. Before joining the thousands of happy, well-rested Soothing Sl … | Continue reading
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I stare at Linoleum Snopes across the net, hating him. “It don’t bounce proper,” I say. “It don’t hardly bounce at all.” He studies the service line at his feet, furious. The sun is hot. It don’t bounce proper. It just. “Eight-three-one,” he says. “You best back up some.” I don’t … | Continue reading
Like the rest of the deathcore band of Americans who live with perpetual nimbus clouds of trepidation over their hanging heads, I watched CNN’s presidential debate. I was hoping (which is a rare thing for me) that there might be a thin wisp of a silver lining tucked somewhere in … | Continue reading
“Following the debate, the Beltway class is counting Joe Biden out. If we see changes in polling, it won’t be the first time overblown media narratives have driven dips in polls.” — Jen O’Malley Dillon, Biden-Harris Campaign Chair - - - All right, everybody calm down. I know Joe … | Continue reading
Originally published July 2, 2019 - - - The full transcript from the CNN Presidential debate between President Thomas Whitmore and challenger Governor Patrick Stevens. WOLF BLITZER, MODERATOR: Welcome to the CNN debate for the 1996 presidential election. President Whitmore, let m … | Continue reading
THOMAS JEFFERSON: Pizza’s here! BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: What’s on this? Is this blue cheese? JOHN ADAMS: Can I have a piece with less blue cheese on it? JEFFERSON: Just pick it off. ADAMS: Can someone help me cut my slice into smaller pieces? JEFFERSON: Sure, John. ADAMS: It’s so spic … | Continue reading
When COVID struck Rebecca Saltzman’s family, the virus unmasked a life-changing discovery: her husband and two of their kids had genetic heart disease. The kind where people drop dead. As their healthy wife and mother, Saltzman had a new role too—guiding her family through what S … | Continue reading
If someone’s go-to Fourth of July song is Springsteen’s “Born in the USA,” they’re conservative. If their go-to Fourth of July song is “American Tune” by Paul Simon, they’re liberal. If it’s “This is America” by Childish Gambino, they’re liberal, and they’re not celebrating. If a … | Continue reading
Hey, so great to see you! Sorry, the bar’s so crowded tonight; it’s not normally like this. Usually, you can grab a booth, no problem, but it looks like we’ll have to share a single barstool. Hope that’s all right. Normally, there’s live bluegrass on Sundays too. That’s why I pic … | Continue reading
Have a cookout The Fourth of July is a great opportunity to gather your friends and family outside and eat some burgers and hot dogs. On the land that you own, of course. Not on any other land, especially not any public spaces like parks or sidewalks, because it’s clear you didn’ … | Continue reading
Middle-aged Andie Walsh lives in a Chicago suburb with her underemployed and estranged husband, Mike, whom she can’t afford to divorce, because they both stupidly pursued creative careers instead of going into finance. That means their retirement savings are in the triple digits, … | Continue reading
Been There, Smelled That explores the aromas of places around the world. Travel writer Maggie Downs investigates some of the world’s most potent smells, looks at how odor cultivates a connection to place, and presents how humans engage with smells, from scents that have endured g … | Continue reading
When we first opened NEVERTHELESS, a West Village bakery rooted in my family’s rich traditions of Sardinian pastry and throat singing (cantu a tenóre), we had one simple goal: we wanted our food to tell a story. To bring the city baked goods brimming with the same love and passio … | Continue reading
“On the biggest stage in US politics, Biden did not meet their modest expectations. And by the end of the 90-minute showdown, the Democratic president’s allies—party strategists and rank-and-file voters alike—descended into all-out panic following a debate performance punctuated … | Continue reading
2024 PRESIDENTIAL deBATE CNN STUDIOS ATLANTA, GEORGIA JUNE 27, 2024 9:00 PM: Moderators Jake Tapper and Dana Bash explain that this debate will happen in a studio without a live audience as the only people even slightly interested in attending were individuals who fell into a com … | Continue reading
Today is a precious gift. Even if I do not walk out of this Target with a single, solitary Minecraft-themed item. I am a confident and unique being who can pick up a Tech Deck mini skateboard, stare directly at the label ULTRA RARE, and feel absolutely no urge to beg or whine. I … | Continue reading
A 2023 Column Contest grand-prize winner, Laurence Pevsner’s Sorry Not Sorry investigates why we’re sick of everyone apologizing all the time—and how the collapse of the public apology leaves little room for forgiveness and grace in our politics and culture. - - - Last week, Boei … | Continue reading
1. “That’s true they don’t go far. But it’s never been great for your climb. They call it climate.” 2. “And you can never quarantine the past.” 3. “He needs a haircut more than I do. It’s true. I couldn’t tell. Needs a haircut.” 4. “Oh, everybody’s gotta ride in something. High l … | Continue reading
It’s a universal modern-life experience to talk about something and immediately see an ad that seems like it must be a result of that conversation. Maybe you tell someone you’re planning a vacation and then start seeing advertisements for flights and hotels. Maybe you talk about … | Continue reading
REQUIRED ITEMS One 750 ml bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey A television or any device capable of streaming the debate live A sense of resigned masochism that can come only from no longer having any reason to believe that we live in a world where outcomes can be predicted using log … | Continue reading
No, no, great job, you disintegrated our Death Star, the first-ever pedestrian-only planet. You drove a million miles just to ruin a perfectly lovely living space. Just admit you were jealous of our commute and hated the idea of us enjoying a holistic work-life-play housing conce … | Continue reading
I was minding my own business in the produce section when I came across an unassuming display of apples near the end of the aisle with a small sign that read UNNAMED TEST VARIETY APPLES (NON-GMO). They were on sale for $1.48 per pound. I did not hesitate. What were they testing? … | Continue reading
“If you look at the trajectory of improvement, systems like GPT-3 were maybe toddler-level intelligence… and then systems like GPT-4 are more like smart high-schooler intelligence. And then, in the next couple of years, we’re looking at PhD intelligence…” — Open AI CTO Mira Murat … | Continue reading
Life can be pretty smelly sometimes. And that’s totally normal, so don’t worry. Our company is here to save you with products that will cover up your stench. We all know that traditional deodorant goes on your armpits. But other parts of your body smell, too. Obviously, we don’t … | Continue reading
THEM: Are you the Dan Kennedy who has written all about how to make millions of dollars? You sell a program of some sort to people and say they can get rich with this program if they buy your books and stuff? ME: Oh, god, no. I’m really glad we’re meeting. That’s a different Dan … | Continue reading
I yawn awake at the painfully early hour of noon o’clock to the pinging of 1,005 unread emails. A voicemail from my boss leaps to the top of my mountain of notifications: “PLEASE LOG INTO TEAMS NOW!!” I take a deep breath and realize it’s the perfect time to grab a cold brew—on t … | Continue reading
- - - Our friends at The Believer are now publishing web exclusives. To celebrate, we’re sharing excerpts of their inaugural weekly column, in which Katie Heindl (author of the beloved Basketball Feelings) writes about the WNBA for both longtime fans and the casual observer. If y … | Continue reading
Hey, your partner called us. Wow. Skateboarding? Right now, at this point in your life? Recreationally? No! Why do you insist on wading into the waters of the Unknown when the safe shores of Life have been given to you by people who love you? Here are our top five picks for outdo … | Continue reading
Art by Matt Smith - - - In 2019, an abandoned smartphone was found partially buried beneath layers of sediment and urine in a South Boston alleyway. This forgotten relic was soon revealed to contain a remarkable audio-text describing in great detail the religious beliefs of ancie … | Continue reading