Thanks for going on my first run with me. Just wondering. Are my feet supposed to feel like I’m smashing them into a pit of burning coals?Yeah? Co... | Continue reading
Monday MorningToad woke up.In his bed was last night’s dinner plate.And last night’s water glass.And last week’s pile of laundry.“Drat!” Toad ... | Continue reading
Why couldn’t my bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!It lies rusting in my garage, a reminder that everything once young and shining will ... | Continue reading
#109, Takeout: To achieve orgasm, fuck dinner. Order takeout.#467, Passive Couch: To achieve orgasm, sit on opposite sides of the couch and watch ... | Continue reading
Maple Valley, Washington- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are ... | Continue reading
Dear esteemed literary agent,I worked in President Donald Trump’s White House and I’m seeking representation for my tell-all book, in which I’ll r... | Continue reading
Beaver of Fine Arts: "Welcome Back! Your Classroom Is Down the Page and to the Left" | Continue reading
Dear Students,Due to our adjusted schedule this year, certain deadlines may have escaped your notice, so please consider the following changes fro... | Continue reading
“… This is one of the toughest times we’ve had in quite a while. But one thing I know for sure: The last thing we need in the thick of so many chal... | Continue reading
Greenbelt, Maryland- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are facin... | Continue reading
We’re so glad that you’re considering spending some time in bustling little Ashtabula, Ohio. Most likely, you’re here because you’re a big Bob Dyla... | Continue reading
Monday MorningToad woke up.In his bed was last night’s dinner plate.And last night’s water glass.And last week’s pile of laundry.“Drat!” Toad ... | Continue reading
Strutting out of your tent in a Hawaiian shirt, hula skirt, and coconut bra, then disconnecting Frank’s oxygen tank.Waking up the sherpa to see if... | Continue reading
One hundred and sixty days ago, I started watching a TV show that won’t let me go. It’s called Family Call, and it’s on the Zoom Network. The chara... | Continue reading
I regret to inform you that New York no longer exists. Unfortunately, as soon as it was out of my sight on our family trip earlier this year, it di... | Continue reading
The best way to keep the children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the bike tires. Not that they had anywher... | Continue reading
Hampton, Virginia- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are facing ... | Continue reading
Imagine if our teachers had reported back to work in July.That they’d been summoned in early for quarantine, not to their rectangular, utilitarian... | Continue reading
To the Dean and Board of Trustees:Thank you for submitting Miskatonic University’s proposed COVID safety plan. We have a few brief comments and qu... | Continue reading
1. You can’t remember when you last left the house.2. Or brushed your hair.3. Or showered.4. The outside world has achie... | Continue reading
Sharon, Massachusetts- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are fac... | Continue reading
Hello!We met last year at the Midsummer Night Drinks Gala silent auction — we were both bidding on getting to hold Andy Cohen’s baby for 20 minute... | Continue reading
“Patricia and Mark McCloskey, the St. Louis homeowners who pointed guns at protesters earlier this summer, are scheduled to speak at the Republica... | Continue reading
“Notre Dame and the University of North Carolina abandon in-person classes after COVID cases grow — and outbreaks are happening at several other ca... | Continue reading
The Birth of AthenaA long, long time ago, there lived the great god Zeus. One day, he had a terrible headache and summoned the god Hephestos, who ... | Continue reading
San Antonio, Texas- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are facing... | Continue reading
How does the Dreamweaver 2400 work?The Dreamweaver 2400 ceaselessly and with the determination of a provoked rhinoceros force-feeds a continual st... | Continue reading
My Dear Cousin —In this year of unrepentant disaster unimagined even by the scribes of the Old Testament, I write to offer some assistance. I cou... | Continue reading
1. So grateful this story found a home! = 72 other lit journals rejected it.2. Taking a short vacay from social media. Happy writing, y’all! = If... | Continue reading
New York, New York- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are facing... | Continue reading
At Tumbo’s Trampolines, we recognize that you want a fun and safe experience when on a trampoline — not one that ends up in the E.R.With the risin... | Continue reading
I’m a suburban mom, aka housewife. These things are interchangeable, just like my blonde children and my husband’s entire wardrobe. You’re probably... | Continue reading
Jane Eyre called Mr. Rochester “Rocky” when they were in bed together. This sucks but is also canon.Goya originally painted his famous Black Paint... | Continue reading
Massachusetts- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are facing bewi... | Continue reading
Excuse me, it appears I dropped the results of my antibody test. You probably can’t read them from the recommended six feet of distance from me, wh... | Continue reading
Here at Time, we try not to inundate our users with too many updates, so it gives us no pleasure to inform you that we’ve made another big, sweepin... | Continue reading
Click image to enlarge. | Continue reading
Montgomery County, Maryland- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers a... | Continue reading
“Trump admits he is undermining USPS to make it harder to vote by mail.” — The Guardian, 8/13/20- - -Every year the United States government pours... | Continue reading
School Committee Meeting to Decide On Your Future In Teaching Bingo | Continue reading
401KAn extremely long and hazardous foot race beginning in Seattle and terminating in Eugene, Oregon, with stops at artisanal graveyards and glute... | Continue reading
Elkins Park, Pennsylvania- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are... | Continue reading
So you clicked on this link for a 30-minute Sesame Pork Milanese recipe, and you have the audacity to think that you can do this in 30 minutes? Who... | Continue reading
Middle age brings few consolations. I have considerably less hair and a markedly slower metabolism. There has been a dramatic increase in the numbe... | Continue reading
I don’t hate women candidates. I just hated Hillary Clinton because she’s a Pizzagate Benghazi warlord with a satanic clone double, and I coinciden... | Continue reading
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Bronx, New York- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are facing be... | Continue reading
When the alien space crafts first glided over our cities, I laughed at how flimsy their ships looked and told the American people we had no reason ... | Continue reading