Your brain’s a drain. Yup, according to our egghead pals over at Wikipedia, although our brains are only 2% of our body weight they use somewhere in the neighborhood of 25% of our body’s energy. Now that’s a lot, especially when you consider the energy-hogging hearts, lungs, and … | Continue reading
It happens out of nowhere. The pace picks up, stories twist together, and suddenly the book is stuck in your hands. Your eyeballs grow wide and the clock keeps ticking as you go deeper and deeper into the dark hole that sends you straight to the last page. You know you’ve hit tha … | Continue reading
Are you a robot? Sometimes I feel like one when I’m texting friends these days. My friendly hellos gets a bit sharp and edgy when they’re digitized in six-point font on tiny screens costing a few cents a message. Suddenly all the pleasant small talk in front of the conversation i … | Continue reading
Close call. You almost had to open that door from the fully-closed position. Hands on doorknobs, fingers on sweaty bacteria, we don’t want that. Good thing you wedged your sneaker in there before it shut completely and saved us alllllllll the hassle. AWESOME! Photo from: here The … | Continue reading
Lettuce is overrated. Seriously, sandwich place — we don’t need a watery chompful of the pale green gratedness every time we bite into your squashed six-inch sub. Piling two handfuls on there like you’re setting up the stable with straw for the horse to give birth is too much. Ha … | Continue reading
We see you, we hear you. We see those movie endings and we hear those greeting cards. We know the cheesy quotes and we sing those ballads at bars. We feel those preaching choirs and we read those magazine tips. We feel our parents pushing and we hear your chatty lips. Yes, we kno … | Continue reading
Good work, Menu Detective. You finger-picked between standard options and boring choices to find that hidden gem of deliciousness hiding way down in the corner. Now when anyone asks about the food and nods politely you can smile a sneaky smile, clear your throat, wipe your napkin … | Continue reading
I own three bowls. I don’t really know why I only own three bowls but when I moved downtown two years ago I only had three bowls and I never bothered to bowl up. One for my cereal, one for my soup, and a spare in case of Emergency Ice Cream Sundaes. It’s seemed like […] The post … | Continue reading
Because they don’t even know they’re playing. AWESOME! The post #243 Having a staring contest with a baby appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Three cheers for brothers and sisters. There’s something beautiful about watching kids holding hands as they cross the street. You’re seeing someone small grow into someone tall. Those hands are the bridge from the stroller to the future, from walking with their parents to walkin … | Continue reading
I love cool moms. When I was growing up there was a Sunny D commercial on TV where a gang of kids in backwards caps and jammer shorts roller skates home before helping mom bring in the groceries. When they go inside they search between a fridge packed with cola and purple stuff b … | Continue reading
Sounds easy enough. You grab the meat, I’ll grab the veggies, meet you at the front. But after completing your Mushroom Mission and racing to the checkouts you suddenly find yourself all alone in Lineup Paradise. You can’t hang onto the awkward armload of plastic baggies for long … | Continue reading
Suddenly your milk gets classy, your orange juice gets refined, and your chocolate milk feels more sophisticated. When you’re a kid you suddenly go from ten years old to thirty and can legally show up at the dinner table with heavily slicked and parted hair, a handkerchief puffin … | Continue reading
Life begins with climate control. Since we first hung woolly mammoth furs from forest branches we’ve gotten used to getting comfy when we settle in somewhere. Just look at babies in those curly fetal poses in their flannel onesies, napping in sunhats, shades, and shorts in stroll … | Continue reading
We all know that slippery wet pile of steaming sauce and steaming cheese doesn’t usually hold together when you jigsaw it out of the pan. Nope, after you yank it out of the burning hot tray the rectangle hole left behind quickly fills up with lasagna swamp water. Sure, your soari … | Continue reading
Ten goods. That’s a phrase my friends used in high school to express our casual annoyance with minor problems. Extra homework for the weekend? Ten goods. Cafeteria sold out of panzerottis? Ten goods. Tennis ball stuck in the gutter during road hockey? Ten goods. Now you got it. R … | Continue reading
Piling those slow rollers onto your fork and steering them straight into your mouth is Kitchen Table Victory. It requires intense mental focus, steady wristing, and a slow-steering speed. A little mashed potatoes on the fork also helps. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #251 Whe … | Continue reading
I was a cakey mess yesterday. Before going onstage at The Today Show I was painted up by a friendly makeup artist wielding a messy palette full of assorted bottles and tubes. Clear gels, paintbrushes, and foam triangles came at me in a blurry daze before I teetered back to the le … | Continue reading
The jig is up. Nobody knows what the weather’s going to be. Not your nannie, not your newspaper, and not that guy on TV. So starting today we’re shredding the five-day forecasts, scrapping those swirling charts, and blowing the hot fronts out the window. Because after closer insp … | Continue reading
Surprise! While mindlessly dragging your hand between the couch cushions, sweeping the backyard patio stones, or searching for extra batteries in the junk drawer a tiny foiled egg suddenly appears like a sugary gift from the heavens. And when you score that surprise chocolate dro … | Continue reading
Office jobs are tough. I know we cubicle farmhands aren’t exactly hammering diamonds in dusty mineshafts, landing planes in snowy storms, or performing emergency appendectomies. But still — what we’re doing is complex mail merges to make envelope labels, compiling meeting minutes … | Continue reading
In your car you used to have all this lying around: an empty Doritos bag, a napkin, a parking stub, and a coffee cup. Now you just have a coffee cup. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #278 Putting garbage in other garbage appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Boom-badda, boom-badda. Back when I was a wee lad I remember begging my parents for some newfangled gadget from Radio Shack that let me play LCD checkers in the back of the station wagon. It was like Game Boy’s Great Uncle or something and after I fought with scissors to break it … | Continue reading
Big news, big news. I’ve got a new girlfriend. Her name is Leslie and she’s a kindergarten teacher. Now, one of the things I love about her is swapping stories after work because we do such different things. I work an office job in the suburbs so I tell horror stories of yellow-f … | Continue reading
There’s always one. It’s the beer belly guy with the megaphone, the face-painted lady with the dangly earrings, or the boozy teens with the letters on their chests. These folks don’t rest and we all can attest that they make our entire fan experience better than the best. The lou … | Continue reading
It’s good getting along with Future You. Whether it’s all-caps screaming to pick up the milk, terse finger-wagging reminding you to hit the gym, or polite memos to your Work Self to staple that important pamphlet tomorrow, well the point is that you’re making plans and pledging t … | Continue reading
Also known as Chef Snacks. When you’re stirring stew, popping corn, or frying fritters there’s nothing as nice as sneaking a few bites when nobody’s looking. You can do The Wooden Spoon Slurp to see if the soup has enough salt or the macaroni has enough cheese. Or you can try the … | Continue reading
Have you seen Twins? Yes, before The Governator governed he played Danny DeVito’s book-smart-street-stupid long lost brother in this classic screwball comedy. The story goes that The Terminator stole all the brains and muscles in the womb which turned him into a Superman but left … | Continue reading
Pop quiz, hotshot. What are your body’s five largest organs? No peeking, no peeking, we’ll reveal the big list later. But for now let’s just say skin is top dog and deserves six big props for six big reasons: 1. It’s our body’s giftwrap. No offense, but you wouldn’t look great wi … | Continue reading
Maybe it’s a metaphor for us all. Or maybe it’s just AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #286 Seeing a dog or cat chasing its own tail appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Once upon a time you had a baby. Over those first few years you had ups and down, good times and bad, lots of laughs and lots of tears. You spooned applesauce off chins, you washed off their skin, and you walked them to their first day of school. And as they grow up and […] The p … | Continue reading
Where were you 31,000 years ago? Immortal wizards aside, I’m guessing you were the same place I was: nowhere. Nope, you were just a twinkle in your cave grandpa’s eye back then. Seriously, you weren’t around but your ancestors were scraping across soggy jungles, wet cliffs, and d … | Continue reading
You think it’s gonna be easy. But finally finding and finger-peeling the start of this stupid roll of tape takes two focused hawk eyes, a sharp set of witch’s nails, and a soft and delicate touch. If you’re missing these you’re outta luck. But if you’ve got all three you’re AWESO … | Continue reading
Chad came to visit last week. We’ve been friends since ninth grade and you may remember him playing important roles in my life like Neapolitan Shake Inspiration, Ticking Clock Monster, or Chocolate Milk Boy Genius. Chad’s been there for me through the thick and thin. He’s helped … | Continue reading
Goodbye, perfume. When I was a little kid I dreaded walking through Perfume Alley at the front of the department store. Holding my mom or dad’s hand I’d squeeze my face real tight while walking past lipstick-smeared smilies standing in front of shiny glass-n-brass countertops hol … | Continue reading
You were meant to be naked. After swimming in a stomach you came out crying in a new world full of harsh lights, surgical masks, and cold tables. A couple minutes later you were quickly covered in plastic, wool, and cotton, but you never forgot. You never forgot. Yes, you’ve been … | Continue reading
Our world can be a filthy place. Car fumes, cigarette smoke, and pet hair fill our air while our eyes suit up to sit on the front lines every day. This Dust War rages and rages and our eyes don’t get much protection in the trenches. On top of that, we don’t always treat them […] … | Continue reading
Successful sheet swooping is the term used to describe when you’re making the bed by yourself and you grab all four corners of a sheet and then suddenly swoop it out into the air in one quick move so that the entire sheet unfolds in a majestic rectangle of cotton that floats in t … | Continue reading
Stuff that belly. It’s time to enjoy some location based tastiness with some location based snacks: • Massive bag of wet popcorn at the movies. Squirt some hot buttery-like substance on that corn get ready to chomp through the previews. Now, there are two possible endings to this … | Continue reading
Because you know they’re not faking it. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #296 Making a baby laugh appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
We start as strangers. Pushing into sweaty stadiums for the ballgame or splitting into opposites sides of the soccer pitch always feels like we’re getting ready to battle, getting ready to fight, and getting ready to cheer. Grab your flag, pump your fist, and finish that beer as … | Continue reading
I ain’t good at much. Seriously, when it comes to cooking I tend to burn toast, overcook pasta, and drown my cereal in white. Sports wise, I’ve been picked last in everything I’ve played — a broken-glasses freeze frame of me getting pegged in the forehead with a dodgeball would a … | Continue reading
Pull, pull, twist. Pull, pull, squeeze. Pull, pull, yank. Pull, pull, tweeze. SPROINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!! AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #299 Finally pulling out an ingrown hair appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Welcome to the dark. . It’s time to assess your nightwalking skills, young warrior: . Level 1: Fresh soldier. You’ve got confidence to try getting around in the dark but you’re just no good yet. Maybe you moved into a new place and are stubbing your toes on walls, stepping on you … | Continue reading
Packed boxes are ghosts. After you move into your shiny new place those cardboard demons haunt your hallways and basements for months and months and months. You see them hiding behind drain pipes in the storage room, lingering between boots in the closet, and even subbing in for … | Continue reading
Congratulations! You’re a walking talking Grandma. Well, if you made it this far then I think life’s treated you pretty gosh-darned well. You got born into a brave new world full of possibilities and you grew up and grew into someone who’s managed to spread their life, ideas, and … | Continue reading
AWESOME! Photos from: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here The post #303 All the food that comes out of a pig appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Check out the sun. It’s just a big ball of fire swirling high in the sky. Plants, heat, life, pretty sunsets — damn girl, that’s some good deals for free. Yes, we owe a lot to that friendly fireball so it’s no wonder one of the Greatest Things We Ever Did was make fire in […] The … | Continue reading