#272 The Stone Age

Props to the past. The Stone Age is the term describing the giant time period from 600,000 years ago to 8000 years ago where our earliest ancestors first made tools from stone. Unless you happen to be an immortal wizard, I’m guessing you weren’t around back then. Yeah, me neither … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 7 hours ago

#273 Breaking into your own place after realizing you locked yourself out

We’ve all been there. Whether you left the keys in your car, let a dorm door slam behind you, or just came home late without a key, we feel your pain, we feel your pain, we feel your pain. Now after the panic drains and you stop going insane it’s time to get your brain … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 3 days ago

#274 When your child reads you a bedtime story

Once upon a time you had a baby. Over those first few years you had ups and down, good times and bad, lots of laughs and lots of tears. You spooned applesauce off chins, you washed off their skin, and you walked them to their first day of school. And as they grow up and … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 4 days ago

#275 Sundays

It’s a beautiful day. Don’t let it get away. Now whether you’re holding hands in church, running with your dog at the park, just taking a break from the world, or just sleeping in till it’s dark, well … Sunday’s a good time to relax and enjoy some smaller moments: 1. Worship the … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 5 days ago

#276 Waiters and waitresses who know the menu really well

I’d make a bad waiter. Yeah, balancing wobbly trays of wet glasses, slipping and sliding on slick kitchen floors, and rushing for refills after refills is just way above my abilities. Of course, sometimes when you hit your local eating trough you meet other waiters and waitresses … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 6 days ago

#277 The fact that airplanes exist

Wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight. Giant hunks of metal weighing half a million pounds soar in the air way above the clouds over deep dark oceans to deliver people to distant lands thousands of miles away? AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Twitter — | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 7 days ago

#278 Putting garbage in other garbage

In your car you used to have all this lying around: an empty Doritos bag, a napkin, a parking stub, and a coffee cup. Now you just have a coffee cup. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my podcast 3 Books — | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 10 days ago

#279 Anything really, really heavy

Boom-badda, boom-badda. Back when I was a wee lad I remember begging my parents for some newfangled gadget from Radio Shack that let me play LCD checkers in the back of the station wagon. It was like Game Boy’s Great Uncle or something and after I fought with scissors to break it … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 11 days ago

#280 When little kids get really, really excited

Big news, big news. I’ve got a new girlfriend. Her name is Leslie and she’s a kindergarten teacher. Now, one of the things I love about her is swapping stories after work because we do such different things. I work an office job in the suburbs so I tell horror stories of yellow-f … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 12 days ago

#281 The loudest guy at the game

There’s always one. It’s the beer belly guy with the megaphone, the face-painted lady with the dangly earrings, or the boozy teens with the letters on their chests. These folks don’t rest and we all can attest that they make our entire fan experience better than the best. The lou … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 13 days ago

#282 Sending yourself emails to do stuff in the future

It’s good getting along with Future You. Whether it’s all-caps screaming to pick up the milk, terse finger-wagging reminding you to hit the gym, or polite memos to your Work Self to staple that important pamphlet tomorrow, well the point is that you’re making plans and pledging t … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 14 days ago

#283 Eating the thing you’re cooking while cooking it

Also known as Chef Snacks. When you’re stirring stew, popping corn, or frying fritters there’s nothing as nice as sneaking a few bites when nobody’s looking. You can do The Wooden Spoon Slurp to see if the soup has enough salt or the macaroni has enough cheese. Or you can try the … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 17 days ago

#284 When the chapters in the book you’re reading are really short

Have you seen Twins? Yes, before The Governator governed he played Danny DeVito’s book-smart-street-stupid long lost brother in this classic screwball comedy. The story goes that The Terminator stole all the brains and muscles in the womb which turned him into a Superman but left … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 18 days ago

#285 Your skin

Pop quiz, hotshot. What are your body’s five largest organs? No peeking, no peeking, we’ll reveal the big list later. But for now let’s just say skin is top dog and deserves six big props for six big reasons: 1. It’s our body’s giftwrap. No offense, but you wouldn’t look great wi … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 19 days ago

#286 Seeing a dog or cat chase its own tail

Maybe it’s a metaphor for us all. Or maybe it’s just AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my podcast 3 Books — | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 20 days ago

#287 Enjoying all the fresh smells of spring after a long winter

Who’s done with winter? Me, I’m finished with chapped knuckles, I’m finished with shoveling in pitch black darkness, I’m finished with sandpaper lips. I say we all point our chests at the sky, open our hands up real wide, and smile with pride as we warm our insides. When the warm … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 21 days ago

#288 Looking through the little window in an oven

Where were you 31,000 years ago? Immortal wizards aside, I’m guessing you were the same place I was: nowhere. Nope, you were just a twinkle in your cave grandpa’s eye back then. Seriously, you weren’t around but your ancestors were scraping across soggy jungles, wet cliffs, and d … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 24 days ago

#289 Finally finding the start of this stupid roll of tape

You think it’s gonna be easy. But finally finding and finger-peeling the start of this stupid roll of tape takes two focused hawk eyes, a sharp set of witch’s nails, and a soft and delicate touch. If you’re missing these you’re outta luck. But if you’ve got all three you’re AWESO … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 25 days ago

#290 Saying yes

Chad came to visit last week. We’ve been friends since ninth grade and you may remember him playing important roles in my life like Neapolitan Shake Inspiration, Ticking Clock Monster, or Chocolate Milk Boy Genius. Chad’s been there for me through the thick and thin. He’s helped … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 26 days ago

#291 Forgetting you ordered something online and then having it randomly show up

Goodbye, perfume. When I was a little kid I dreaded walking through Perfume Alley at the front of the department store. Holding my mom or dad’s hand I’d squeeze my face real tight while walking past lipstick-smeared smilies standing in front of shiny glass-n-brass countertops hol … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 27 days ago

#292 Skinny dipping somewhere you shouldn’t be

You were meant to be naked. After swimming in a stomach you came out crying in a new world full of harsh lights, surgical masks, and cold tables. A couple minutes later you were quickly covered in plastic, wool, and cotton, but you never forgot. You never forgot. Yes, you’ve been … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 28 days ago

#293 Rubbing your eyes at the end of a long day

Our world can be a filthy place. Car fumes, cigarette smoke, and pet hair fill our air while our eyes suit up to sit on the front lines every day. This Dust War rages and rages and our eyes don’t get much protection in the trenches. On top of that, we don’t always treat them … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#294 Successful sheet swooping

Successful sheet swooping is the term used to describe when you’re making the bed by yourself and you grab all four corners of a sheet and then suddenly swoop it out into the air in one quick move so that the entire sheet unfolds in a majestic rectangle of cotton that floats in t … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#295 Location based snacks

Stuff that belly. It’s time to enjoy some location based tastiness with some location based snacks: • Massive bag of wet popcorn at the movies. Squirt some hot buttery-like substance on that corn get ready to chomp through the previews. Now, there are two possible endings to this … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#296 Making a baby laugh

Because you know they’re not faking it. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my new book You Are Awesome — | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#297 Singing the national anthem in a big crowd

We start as strangers. Pushing into sweaty stadiums for the ballgame or splitting into opposites sides of the soccer pitch always feels like we’re getting ready to battle, getting ready to fight, and getting ready to cheer. Grab your flag, pump your fist, and finish that beer as … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#298 Successfully giving someone directions in your home town

I ain’t good at much. Seriously, when it comes to cooking I tend to burn toast, overcook pasta, and drown my cereal in white. Sports wise, I’ve been picked last in everything I’ve played — a broken-glasses freeze frame of me getting pegged in the forehead with a dodgeball would a … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#299 Finally pulling out an ingrown hair

Pull, pull, twist. Pull, pull, squeeze. Pull, pull, yank. Pull, pull, tweeze. SPROINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!! AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Instagram — | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#300 Successfully navigating your home in the dark like a ninja

Welcome to the dark. . It’s time to assess your nightwalking skills, young warrior: . Level 1: Fresh soldier. You’ve got confidence to try getting around in the dark but you’re just no good yet. Maybe you moved into a new place and are stubbing your toes on walls, stepping on you … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#301 Unpacking the very last box

Packed boxes are ghosts. After you move into your shiny new place those cardboard demons haunt your hallways and basements for months and months and months. You see them hiding behind drain pipes in the storage room, lingering between boots in the closet, and even subbing in for … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#302 Grandma hair

Congratulations! You’re a walking talking Grandma. Well, if you made it this far then I think life’s treated you pretty gosh-darned well. You got born into a brave new world full of possibilities and you grew up and grew into someone who’s managed to spread their life, ideas, and … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#303 All the food that somehow comes out of a pig

AWESOME! Photos from: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here — Follow me on Instagram — | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#304 Staring deeply into a fire

Check out the sun. It’s just a big ball of fire swirling high in the sky. Plants, heat, life, pretty sunsets — damn girl, that’s some good deals for free. Yes, we owe a lot to that friendly fireball so it’s no wonder one of the Greatest Things We Ever Did was make fire in … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#305 When little kids hit the age where they just start saying ‘Hi!’ to everyone

Really outgoing two year olds are the friendliest people on earth. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Facebook — | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#306 Wearing pajamas outside of normal pajama range

Life’s too short to be uncomfortable. Look, we already figured it out at nighttime: baggy flannel keeping you cozy in the cold, smooth and silky underthings slipping and sliding in the sheets, and extra-large sweatpants and thin fraying T’s help keep us relaxed when we’re sawing … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#307 The Sniff Test

Works on underwear, milk, and babies. If it smells bad it’s bad. If it smells good it’s AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my podcast 3 Books — | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#308 Joking with the staff at the restaurant

I eat out a lot. I’m not proud of it but living alone downtown surrounded by greasy burger joints, neon sandwich signs, and late-night pizza places means I’m often tempted to trade a crinkly fiver for a waxy-wrapped package in a paper bag. Sometimes I step into the zone of an emp … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#309 When you’re sleeping and the sounds around you turn into your dreams

Snores are steam trains, clock radios are car alarms, and the neighbor building a deck outside is suddenly knocking urgently at your front door. When the sounds around your sleeping self magically morph into new stories in new worlds it’s a sign that the plump pile of pink flesh … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#310 Laughing when you’re in bed

Flip the switch. After touch-feeling your way past the bed frame and slow-peeling your way under the sheets you blindly slip and shiver into the cool and cozy comfort of your beautifully dented bed. And whether you’re giggling in the bunks with your brother, whispering in sleepin … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#311 Finding out what song is playing in that commercial

Your brain is glue. Long after the cars are finished off-roading up a mountainside or speeding around a cliffside bend the jingle-jangly tune that accompanied those smooth rolling moments is still smooth rolling around your head. Yes, it bumps around your brain at the office and … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#312 The sound of the train chugging into the station

First you wait. Cold wind whips you on the lonely platform as you shudder and shuffle in the rain. Whether you’re catching the commuter train downtown, backpacking home from college, or visiting in-laws out of town you’re alone in that barren platform zone, baby. So you wait … an … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#313 Teaching old people how to do something on a computer

It makes you feel like a genius. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my Youtube channel — | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 1 month ago

#314 Super fast bartenders

It’s more than a pour. Watching a bartender work really fast is like staring through the factory glass and watching all the whirring parts bump and grind before your beautiful finished drink pops out. Yes, you’re the foreman in a hardhat standing with a clipboard and a smile watc … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#315 Lockers or cubicles decorated for your birthday

It’s your second home. Sure, you might shower and sleep on a suburban street but you probably spend most of your waking hours somewhere else — at a high school, in a cubicle, at the factory, on a farm. Maybe your second home is a dimly-lit and dusty hallway or maybe it’s a dirty … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#316 Grabbing a tissue at the very last second before a disgusting wet sneeze

You’re Jack Bauer. The clock’s clicking and sweat is pouring down your forehead because you know a bomb is about to go off… on your face! You can feel that sneeze tingle up where your brain connects to your eyeball and you know it’s about to boom out in a showery snotstorm the li … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#317 When you can actually hear it snowing

Just listen. When the white sky splits and the big flakes fall there’s a certain peaceful calm that covers everything like a blanket. Floating flurries flutter and fly past dull yellow streetlamps before covering coats and cars in a thin layer of icing. Whistling winds fade to wh … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#318 The perfect long distance shopping cart throw

Ready, aim, fire. After dumping piles of frozen pizzas and melting ice cream into your trunk it’s time to turn around and fire the shopping cart into the big pile on the other side of the lot. Sure, sure, you could always walk over, but there’s something much more satisfying abou … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago

#319 Leaving your belt right there in your pants for tomorrow

Congratulations, Superdresser. You just saved twenty seconds of pushing that belt through your jeans tomorrow morning while bumbling around late for work. Also applies to leaving your shoelaces tied up, keeping your undershirt in your hoodie, and sleeping with your watch on. AWES … | Continue reading

@1000awesomethings.com | 2 months ago