After more than a dozen people visited a modest personal website written in pure HTML and served via nginx, its author decided to attack the upcoming scalability issue ASAP, and spent two weekends rewriting all 6 pages with client-rendered React (with polyfills) and GraphQL. Thre … | Continue reading
Leaked internal emails from employees of several startups in the JAM-stack industry reveal the true nature of the acronym. While officially JAM stands for "JavaScript, APIs, Markup", the leaks support an alternative explanation: "Just Attend Moving off of our paid service". The … | Continue reading
Detroit, MI—Catholic priest Trevor Noll has openly denied absolution to Brendan Eich. Many believe that Priest Noll has personal reasons. But in order to maintain legitimacy he provided several technicalities. Namely, Trevor Noll thinks that the initial JavaScript implementation … | Continue reading
While Google, Microsoft and several other major players in the tech field work hard to create a fully functional quantum computer, an unexpected result was published in a Wordpress users forum. A beginner user with zero programming or web development experience couldn't decide wh … | Continue reading
Developers of Apache Kafka, open-source distributed event streaming platform, have decided that the name "Kafka" is better suited to describe Webpack, a popular web bundling utility. To make better use of the new name and trademark, the next version of the bundling utility will … | Continue reading
During a heated online discussion in one of Github's many threads, a young NodeJS developer firmly refused to believe that "giga" in gigahertz means "billion". In an emotional tantrum, they could not accept the fact that if giga truly means billion, then a simple consumer laptop … | Continue reading
Software developers specializing in Rust, a niche systems programming language, found themselves under pressure lately when a wider community of programmers worldwide started to accuse them of openly adhering to a Cargo cult. A cargo cult is a belief system in which adherents per … | Continue reading
New Orleans, LA—A young web developer with extensive experience in NoSQL technologies such as MongoDB has been hospitalized with acute alcohol poisoning after attending a virtual meetup. The apparent cause for the unexpected drinking is believed to be a talk given by one of their … | Continue reading
A group of web developers from a block of friendly European countries have announced "Universal Server Side Rendering" (USSR): a set of interchangeable adapters for React, Vue, Svelte and other popular frameworks. Common API promises to make things better for society. In USSR, t … | Continue reading
Menlo Park, CA—Sources within Facebook report that internal law department recommends updating the Terms of Service for WhatsApp, a popular messaging app. The update should remove mentions of "Lucifer" and "Soul", and generally become more inclusive and open to various cultures. … | Continue reading
Anonymous cyber security specialist submitted a formal report to FBI stating that popular mapping application Google Maps contains traces of the state of Russia. Apparently, any user of the app can potentially find Russia within it, as well as many surrounding pro-Russian states. … | Continue reading
Server-side rendering (SSR) is a technique of rendering the state of a dynamic javascript frontend on the sever rather than on the client's browser. Allegedly, this technique improves performance and reliability of web-based software. However, many senior developers start to ope … | Continue reading
A group of talented software developers behind the famous reproducible builds paradigm has announced that "runnable software" will be achieved by 2027. The concept of runnable software is widely believed to be impossible. However, nobody has been able to either prove or disprove … | Continue reading
With author's permission, we are publishing a comprehensive review of Apple Music for macOS Catalina, a wonderful product, the result of decades of advancements in software development. | Continue reading
Anonymous source from a major law firm claims that workers union at Google and Alphabet, Inc. may be an impossible dream because Google's corporate structure is schema-less NoSQL rather than relational, which makes certain things like UNIONs and JOINs impractical. Generally, any … | Continue reading
Washington, D.C.—NASA spokesperson shared breaking news this morning: the governmental agency had received an intelligent radio signal of extraterrestrial origin. The message contains information about the alien species and their benign intentions, as well as an invitation to con … | Continue reading
A tremendous boost in productivity has been recorded globally on January 4th 2021. The precise timeline heavily correlates with the downtime of Slack, a popular team communication application whose mission is to increase productivity by converting every weekday into a continuous … | Continue reading
Miami, FL—After hours of deliberation, the HR department of a large tech company handed the pink slip to a senior developer who had asked to remain anonymous. While most of the employees had adopted and publicly shared a set of regular personal pronouns, the senior developer in q … | Continue reading
Peter Summentyp, a software developer from Baden-Baden, Germany was found dead in the basement of his house. Peter's body was sealed in a large black metallic box, in an apparent vacuum. Cause of dead: asphyxiation. According to friends and colleagues, in the years preceding to … | Continue reading
Miramichi, NEW BRUNSWICK—An ambitious new javascript framework called 42.js aims to bring a refreshing simplicity within its core mission. The authors explain: We believe it is important for developers and end users to experience the same ups and downs, to be on the same page, to … | Continue reading
Ottawa, ON—A team of web developers in a rapidly-growing Canadian startup accidentally found out their whole production environment consisting of dozens of Docker containers has been running inside a VM that runs inside another Docker container since early 2017. The CTO is hesita … | Continue reading
A French lifelong VIM user Albert Colónque gone missing hours after telling his coworkers via email about discovering a computer mouse for the first time. Family members and colleagues are worried but hopeful. According to them, Albert has never shown signs of burnout or depress … | Continue reading
Years of progress towards a slower web and heavier websites undone Apple M1 ARM-based chip architecture. Web developers worldwide, feeling personally insulted, unite with a common challenge. The PJSE (Put JavaScript Everywhere) International is planning an emergency meeting on Ja … | Continue reading
After months of drinking, we are back! This time, 100% community supported. No corporations, no investors. Basically, it's communism. Plans for 2021: Most Exquisite Tech News every week.New video reviews by Your Product Sucks with whom we are now in bed (yes homo).New category: w … | Continue reading
A 17 sq. mi patch of forest near Waterloo, Ontario is about to be destroyed in order to clean up the plot for the construction of a large graveyard which will be the home of a single coffin. An unprecedented event is the result of a will of recently deceased | Continue reading
Xenobroom Inc., a young startup fresh out of Silicon Valley started a lengthy process of upgrading their server infrastructure back in May 2020. According to the remaining fragments of CEO's daily journal and CTO's engineering notes, the company enjoyed a sharp rise in daily use … | Continue reading
An exclusive platform catering only to the most enlightened tech startups. The current worldwide crisis has led to a mass exodus in the Bay Area, leading to speculation that Silicon Valley’s glory days are over. Rising from the ashes of Silicon Valley is Unicorn Valley, a remote- … | Continue reading
Marianne Mongo was sentenced to eleven months of jail in Bemidji, Minnesota after several customers of "No Server No Cry LLC" reported that the server hardware they have ordered weeks earlier never materialized. Mongo's arguments in court revolved around the idea that modern serv … | Continue reading
A new Visual Basic complier has been released and dozens of seasoned enterprise developers are terrified. This new complier promises to deliver faster compile times, and smaller DLLs, but cannot guarantee 100% compatibility. | Continue reading
New survey finds office worker whos day mostly filled with chaos has a calm moment of peace while their computer is booting Windows. Modern office work means managing notifications from all directions. | Continue reading
ctrl + shift + f3 - toggle case between lowercase, PascalCase, and UPPERCASEWinKey + T - focus on TaskBarctrl + shift + T - open last closed browser tabWinKey + ctrl + p - create portal to the shadow realmshift + alt + f1 - cry for help | Continue reading
A new research from the Institute of Static Human Operated Transparency and General Universal Neocomputing (IoSHOTGUN) concludes that statically typed programming languages do not yield as big of improvement in software quality as previously believed. However, regardless of the c … | Continue reading
Sysadmins around the world are experiencing dangerous spike in smugness caused by latest cloud outage. Experts warn the coming wave of decisions could put business at risk of buying on-prem server hardware. | Continue reading
Climate change activist Greta Thunberg sets the main focus for the decade 2020-2030: to dismantle several software technologies that contribute significantly to greenhouse emissions and heat generation. In particular, ElectronJS, blockchain and Docker on macOS. According to scien … | Continue reading
Google's UI framework Material Design has beed evolving over the years. It seems, we're about to see the culmination, the final iteration, the pinnacle of evolution: Material Design Omega – a bunch of flat circles. A gradual increase of corner radius was the staple of material de … | Continue reading
You've seen those social sharing buttons everywhere, but you'd be surprised to know that there was indeed a person who actually clicked on one. This event happened in early 2015, and was covered by many news agencies. Famously, Facebook's and Twitter's shares jumped significantly … | Continue reading
A group of scientists have submitted a formal request to tech companies who develop public software products, asking them to stop using the words "science", "hypothesis" and "experiment" when describing the decision making process based on A/B-testing. A/B-testing is a pseudo-sci … | Continue reading
While YouTube, Netflix, Hulu and other popular streaming services are available on virtually all platforms thanks to browsers, users of desktop Linux will soon be able to enjoy an exclusive offering from Notflix, a new streaming service developed specifically with Linux' users in … | Continue reading
Patrick and Katy, a couple of vigilant attendees of developer meetups in Berlin, Germany started to notice the same face appearing at completely different events. The bearded, casually stylish person known as Buddy had been seen talking about "the ways of improving infrastructure … | Continue reading
Soon you'll be able to monetize your speech by sharing recommendations with your friends and family. For example, simply replacing the phrase "dude, turn on the coffee maker" with "dude, turn on this affordable yet functional DeLonghi VG-4344N coffee maker to produce delicious es … | Continue reading
If your laptop is sleek and clean, and you've been looking down at those slightly dirty computers with dozens of "Docker", "Kubernetes", "VS Code" and other stickers, think again. Owners of those machines are starting to receive their ad revenue cheques in June 2020. However, not … | Continue reading
A team of marriage counsellors, divorce attorneys and computer scientists are unable to resolve a tricky situation. Jeremy Monoyd, 37, seemed perfectly happy on his wedding day. However, as soon as newlyweds' papers were processed by the local magistrate, Jeremy could not recogni … | Continue reading
The ever-growing list of duties of a "full stack developer" are about to be expanded again. Many technology companies in the Valley are already actively seeking full stack web developers with accounting, payroll, HVAC maintenance and industrial office cleaning skills, preferably … | Continue reading
Legislators across the globe are declaring the famous pointing stick (also known as "nub" or "nipple") popularized by IBM Thinkpad laptops, illegal to use in public. Generally, showing the "nub" is only allowed in certain special areas such as nudist beaches. However, actually us … | Continue reading
Transpiling is a popular approach in modern JavaScript ecosystem. TypeScript, ClojureScript, CoffeeScript, Elm and other languages are compiled to JavaScript because, for the most part, JS is still the only language native to the browser. Today, a new opportunity is being consid … | Continue reading
Human resources departments in major tech companies can no longer satisfy the needs of engineering departments. In most cases, developers with more years of experience are needed, often with more years than physically possible. Currently, only those with 25+ years of experience i … | Continue reading
Rumors of Apple producing a self-driving car recently expanded with experts predicting an expected, but still surprising insight. The electricity required for the operation of the electric vehicle will be in new, proprietary form. "Apple will probably reveal a new type of electr … | Continue reading