Mother Nature likes to mess. Honestly, when she gets crazy it’s time to watch out, everybody. Swirling oceans, spinning winds, icy rain drops — you never know what she’s got cooking in the atmosphere. One of her off-the-menu specials is definitely a fresh batch of clear blue skie … | Continue reading
It’s the sound of life. Listening to the sound of a stomach chowing down on a greasy hot dog is listening to the sound of a body filling up with energy. Ketchup, mustard, pickles — they’re all magically getting transmogrified into molecules of you and molecules of poo. Amen, sing … | Continue reading
What’s that on your arm? Wait, let me guess — is it a giant smear of white sunblock gooing up your arm hairs? Brother, I been there too. And I guarantee my arms are more gorilla than you, so whenever I’m thick-blobbing it on the back deck before the barbecue it feels like I’m pet … | Continue reading
It’s the buffalo of the backyard. Yes, when you’re a kid you live off that hose. It’s your friend. It’s your enemy. It keeps your entire afternoon moving with ritual cool downs, face-spraying entertainment, and lots of rust-and-plastic flavored water to keep you hydrated. Oh sure … | Continue reading
It’s better than half the stuff in the gallery. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #219 When little kids give you their artwork appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
It’s the warm underwear from the dryer of the summer. Yes, warm sandals are a tender hug for cold feet and a sweet escape from scalding sand. Just slip them on and say AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #220 Warm sandals that have been sitting in the sun appeared first on 1000 Aw … | Continue reading
First, there is nothing. You mindlessly walk into the Sea of Cars from the mall and start tapping your remote over and over and over again into quiet and silent night. Foggy memories of parking near the pizza smell by the back slowly hit you and you groggily stumble forward like … | Continue reading
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh — . . . … | Continue reading
My friend Ago got excited. We were hanging out after work the other day and he started going on and on about how the previous owners of his new house had planted perennial flowers. “They just popped outta the ground,” he said, completely astonished, eyes popping wide like a giant … | Continue reading
It’s like finding a secret button that gives you complete control over your furry friend. Just scratch once for AWESOME! The post #224 When you find the spot on the dog that makes its leg go crazy appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
It’s time for open egg surgery. Sure, maybe you didn’t make it in med school, but now’s your chance to tenderly crack open the egg skull and reveal the soft white brain below. After you successfully remove a giant chunk all at once make sure to delicately leave it on the plate be … | Continue reading
That pesky mosquito. Did you know those jabby jerks are responsible for more deaths on earth than any other creature? It’s true, homes. With millions of people getting malaria every year they’re bringing us all down, down, down. And they look so innocent too! Why, I almost feel s … | Continue reading
It haunts you on every turn. The muted thump of that half-filled water bottle, grass-stained golf ball, or pair of skates clanging against the side of your trunk. And you think it’s annoying, and you think you’ll get rid of it, but when you arrive at your destination it’s suddenl … | Continue reading
Thank you for being a friend. When you’re crashing into the couch in the cold basement and flicking on the TV screen there’s nothing as nice as being surrounded by your favorite pals in familiar places. And while we’ve chatted before about finding gold there’s also something grea … | Continue reading
Have you ever ruled a planet? Me, no. But I’ve wanted to! Wouldn’t it be fun? We could all have our own. We’d be like celebrities buying up tiny islands in the middle of the ocean. Only with planets in the middle of the universe. Perhaps if Science actually got off its ass and in … | Continue reading
When your groggy groans are met with head nods and smiles it means only one thing. You two are on the same wavelength. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #230 When you continue talking through the yawn and your friend actually understands you appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things … | Continue reading
Get out and start dripping. Yes, it’s time to swish your bathing suit wedgie over to the beach chair by the water and lie down on the soaking wet plastic for a sun dry. Who cares if your hair is a scraggly mat of chlorine knots? Who cares if your goosebumpy jello-thighs are dripp … | Continue reading
Why walk? Tossing something from a distance saves you an annoying six-second commute around the kitchen counter or picnic table. Since we humans have evolved the ability to suddenly hear someone scream “Heads up!” before turning into a set of keys flying at our face, it’s good pr … | Continue reading
There’s something adorable about tiny hands reaching up to grab your face or glasses with their baby strength. Just watch out for the wolverine claws. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #233 When babies grab at your face with their tiny hands appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things … | Continue reading
I grew up in the burbs. Streetlights and neon signs scattered red and yellow glows on empty streets and dark houses. Going out late at night with friends meant entering small worlds in bedrooms and basements away from the emptiness of the outside. Whenever those hangouts finished … | Continue reading
Your brain’s a drain. Yup, according to our egghead pals over at Wikipedia, although our brains are only 2% of our body weight they use somewhere in the neighborhood of 25% of our body’s energy. Now that’s a lot, especially when you consider the energy-hogging hearts, lungs, and … | Continue reading
It happens out of nowhere. The pace picks up, stories twist together, and suddenly the book is stuck in your hands. Your eyeballs grow wide and the clock keeps ticking as you go deeper and deeper into the dark hole that sends you straight to the last page. You know you’ve hit tha … | Continue reading
Are you a robot? Sometimes I feel like one when I’m texting friends these days. My friendly hellos gets a bit sharp and edgy when they’re digitized in six-point font on tiny screens costing a few cents a message. Suddenly all the pleasant small talk in front of the conversation i … | Continue reading
Close call. You almost had to open that door from the fully-closed position. Hands on doorknobs, fingers on sweaty bacteria, we don’t want that. Good thing you wedged your sneaker in there before it shut completely and saved us alllllllll the hassle. AWESOME! Photo from: here The … | Continue reading
Lettuce is overrated. Seriously, sandwich place — we don’t need a watery chompful of the pale green gratedness every time we bite into your squashed six-inch sub. Piling two handfuls on there like you’re setting up the stable with straw for the horse to give birth is too much. Ha … | Continue reading
We see you, we hear you. We see those movie endings and we hear those greeting cards. We know the cheesy quotes and we sing those ballads at bars. We feel those preaching choirs and we read those magazine tips. We feel our parents pushing and we hear your chatty lips. Yes, we kno … | Continue reading
Good work, Menu Detective. You finger-picked between standard options and boring choices to find that hidden gem of deliciousness hiding way down in the corner. Now when anyone asks about the food and nods politely you can smile a sneaky smile, clear your throat, wipe your napkin … | Continue reading
I own three bowls. I don’t really know why I only own three bowls but when I moved downtown two years ago I only had three bowls and I never bothered to bowl up. One for my cereal, one for my soup, and a spare in case of Emergency Ice Cream Sundaes. It’s seemed like […] The post … | Continue reading
Because they don’t even know they’re playing. AWESOME! The post #243 Having a staring contest with a baby appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Three cheers for brothers and sisters. There’s something beautiful about watching kids holding hands as they cross the street. You’re seeing someone small grow into someone tall. Those hands are the bridge from the stroller to the future, from walking with their parents to walkin … | Continue reading
I love cool moms. When I was growing up there was a Sunny D commercial on TV where a gang of kids in backwards caps and jammer shorts roller skates home before helping mom bring in the groceries. When they go inside they search between a fridge packed with cola and purple stuff b … | Continue reading
Sounds easy enough. You grab the meat, I’ll grab the veggies, meet you at the front. But after completing your Mushroom Mission and racing to the checkouts you suddenly find yourself all alone in Lineup Paradise. You can’t hang onto the awkward armload of plastic baggies for long … | Continue reading
Suddenly your milk gets classy, your orange juice gets refined, and your chocolate milk feels more sophisticated. When you’re a kid you suddenly go from ten years old to thirty and can legally show up at the dinner table with heavily slicked and parted hair, a handkerchief puffin … | Continue reading
Life begins with climate control. Since we first hung woolly mammoth furs from forest branches we’ve gotten used to getting comfy when we settle in somewhere. Just look at babies in those curly fetal poses in their flannel onesies, napping in sunhats, shades, and shorts in stroll … | Continue reading
We all know that slippery wet pile of steaming sauce and steaming cheese doesn’t usually hold together when you jigsaw it out of the pan. Nope, after you yank it out of the burning hot tray the rectangle hole left behind quickly fills up with lasagna swamp water. Sure, your soari … | Continue reading
Ten goods. That’s a phrase my friends used in high school to express our casual annoyance with minor problems. Extra homework for the weekend? Ten goods. Cafeteria sold out of panzerottis? Ten goods. Tennis ball stuck in the gutter during road hockey? Ten goods. Now you got it. R … | Continue reading
Piling those slow rollers onto your fork and steering them straight into your mouth is Kitchen Table Victory. It requires intense mental focus, steady wristing, and a slow-steering speed. A little mashed potatoes on the fork also helps. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #251 Whe … | Continue reading
I was a cakey mess yesterday. Before going onstage at The Today Show I was painted up by a friendly makeup artist wielding a messy palette full of assorted bottles and tubes. Clear gels, paintbrushes, and foam triangles came at me in a blurry daze before I teetered back to the le … | Continue reading
The jig is up. Nobody knows what the weather’s going to be. Not your nannie, not your newspaper, and not that guy on TV. So starting today we’re shredding the five-day forecasts, scrapping those swirling charts, and blowing the hot fronts out the window. Because after closer insp … | Continue reading
Surprise! While mindlessly dragging your hand between the couch cushions, sweeping the backyard patio stones, or searching for extra batteries in the junk drawer a tiny foiled egg suddenly appears like a sugary gift from the heavens. And when you score that surprise chocolate dro … | Continue reading
Office jobs are tough. I know we cubicle farmhands aren’t exactly hammering diamonds in dusty mineshafts, landing planes in snowy storms, or performing emergency appendectomies. But still — what we’re doing is complex mail merges to make envelope labels, compiling meeting minutes … | Continue reading
In your car you used to have all this lying around: an empty Doritos bag, a napkin, a parking stub, and a coffee cup. Now you just have a coffee cup. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #278 Putting garbage in other garbage appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Boom-badda, boom-badda. Back when I was a wee lad I remember begging my parents for some newfangled gadget from Radio Shack that let me play LCD checkers in the back of the station wagon. It was like Game Boy’s Great Uncle or something and after I fought with scissors to break it … | Continue reading
Big news, big news. I’ve got a new girlfriend. Her name is Leslie and she’s a kindergarten teacher. Now, one of the things I love about her is swapping stories after work because we do such different things. I work an office job in the suburbs so I tell horror stories of yellow-f … | Continue reading
There’s always one. It’s the beer belly guy with the megaphone, the face-painted lady with the dangly earrings, or the boozy teens with the letters on their chests. These folks don’t rest and we all can attest that they make our entire fan experience better than the best. The lou … | Continue reading
It’s good getting along with Future You. Whether it’s all-caps screaming to pick up the milk, terse finger-wagging reminding you to hit the gym, or polite memos to your Work Self to staple that important pamphlet tomorrow, well the point is that you’re making plans and pledging t … | Continue reading
Also known as Chef Snacks. When you’re stirring stew, popping corn, or frying fritters there’s nothing as nice as sneaking a few bites when nobody’s looking. You can do The Wooden Spoon Slurp to see if the soup has enough salt or the macaroni has enough cheese. Or you can try the … | Continue reading
Have you seen Twins? Yes, before The Governator governed he played Danny DeVito’s book-smart-street-stupid long lost brother in this classic screwball comedy. The story goes that The Terminator stole all the brains and muscles in the womb which turned him into a Superman but left … | Continue reading