I have an “ask” so-to-speak –But before I get to my question, I need to be clear about something first.More than the need for your touch or your company, I have the need for you and for us to come to an understanding, which is that yes, there will be times where it seems nothing … | Continue reading
I have this idea about the rain.And that’s us . . . sitting in the car in an empty parking lot and of course, the moment is otherwise intense. So much goes on in our lives. So much happens at once and if we’re not careful, it’s easy to overlook the reasons why we’re here.Or, […] | Continue reading
I believe that we all have enemies. No, really, I think this is true.And if we sit here and wait, just for a second, I can promise that mine will show up at any given moment. In fact, here he comes now.See him? He’s right there in the mirror, looking back at me. I have […] | Continue reading
It is quiet now. Then again, the yellow haze of Sunday mornings have always come with a special hue to me, or color, as in the sunrise, the daybreak, or the horizon, which as it stand now, is perfect to me and beautiful. (Just like you)The apartment is otherwise empty. Once more, … | Continue reading
The day is Saturday –I started early. then again, when don’t I start early?But that’s neither here nor there. And just so you know . . .You can’t stop. Not now. Not after all we’ve seen and all we’ve been through.And also, just so you know, there’s love out there for us.I know th … | Continue reading
I want to find a place where I fit perfectly. Better yet, I want to find a place where my imperfections and my jagged edges are complimented from all sides. I want to be where the rain is fine and the autumns are like something from a Thomas Kinkade painting or Norman Rockwell, f … | Continue reading
If I am to grow or if I am to better myself from this point onwards, regardless of what’s to come or in spite of what is, and no matter what takes place from here on in – if I am to be better, then I have to be better.It’s that simple, right? I know […] | Continue reading
I am not here to benefit anyone else, at least not at the moment. No, this is a selfish entry and one that I need to confess. As I have mentioned to you before, I am in the middle of so many changes. Too many things happened at once and while I wish I could […] | Continue reading
Dear Mom . . .I am sorry that it’s been so long since my last letter. A lot has changed since then. In fact, it has been said the three biggest changes that take place in life is your work life, your home life and your love life. All three of these things have changed […] | Continue reading
The idea behind this trip is so that I can somehow make my way through this next chapter. I want to heal as best as I can. But this change is a hard one. The upcoming moments are unclear and I am trying to process a brand new life. Again, all of this is unplanned […] | Continue reading
I took a long drive yesterday . . .I had to do something to be stronger than the voices in my head yet, the drive itself does not replace much of my thought with action. However, I do see this as either healing or cathartic.The drive, I mean. The radio plays at a moderate level. … | Continue reading
It is August and we are midway through the month,Soon, our side of the world is going to lean away and be farther from the sun. This means that cooler months will prevail and that sooner than we think, it will be the holiday season.This was interesting to me when I moved through … | Continue reading
Am I scared?Sure. I’m scared. I’m scared of the unknown and the obvious and yes, I’m scared of what might happen and lastly, I’m scared of the great abyss or the depth of personal despair, which comes with ideas and thoughts of shame, turned inwards and then festering like a sore … | Continue reading
I was never sure if I knew what love is. I suppose I compared it to the artwork of Benfield, which I am certainly a fan of him and Thomas Kinkade. Either of them, for some reason, have the ability to inspire me with their paintings. But wait – what is this?Is this too sappy […] | Continue reading
I suppose the real question is . . .What if I take a shot?What if I go at it and I miss?What if I give it everything I have and then I come up short?Or worse, what if I fall and then I end up with dirt on my face? Meanwhile, this great big world […] | Continue reading
This letter to all is my letter of intention. This is to you –This is to the one who keeps my time. This is to the one who keeps track of my mistakes and my faults and to the one who reminds me of my misspoken chaos or the times, which I regret. Also:This is […] | Continue reading
Life has a way of directing or redirecting us to where we’re supposed to be. This has nothing to do with whether we favor our position or not .I believe this. I believe in the nature of our soul and I believe in destiny. I believe this with all of my heart and with all […] | Continue reading
So why write?What does this do?What do these journals do?Does this help? Maybe . . . I used to shake my leg when I was a kid. Have you ever sat next to anyone who does this?If so, then I’m sure you might find the leg-bouncing a little annoying.Well, that was me.No one liked sitti … | Continue reading
I am sitting in a small room, softly lit by a small lava lamp, which is important to me for different reasons, and for all intents and purposes, I suppose I will call this my living room and my writing room, and above anything else; I suppose I’ll call this place my shelter from … | Continue reading
Everything is new now. Then again, everything is always new in the morning. Nothing is the same. Nothing will ever be the same again – I remember thinking this. throughout my life. I remember feeling this way at different points in my life too and for different reasons. At one po … | Continue reading
My next chapter is opening up in ways that I had not expected. I have not seen too much of my new neighborhood. However, I am learning the streets now. I’m finding my way around and carving a new path as well as a new daily routine. My trips into the City are somewhat easier. […] | Continue reading
I’m the new kid in town. And that’s fine.I’m in a new place. I’m in a new station in life and my position is not what it was, but then again, nothing is what it was and for me. I say that’s a good thing. I can’t believe what took place for me to get […] | Continue reading
And words . . .We use them all the time. We speak them and we often forget that words have meaning. We know this. At least we know this is true from an intellectual standpoint. But sometimes, either haphazardly or unintentionally or perhaps in a moment of frustration or anger, we … | Continue reading
Before we move on to understand why life moves in full-circle, first and foremost, we have to look back at what brings us back to where we came from. What is it?Are my reasons to circle back to a familiar place to find some kind of comfort? Is this something that can help restore … | Continue reading
Home . . .What a great word this is.Home. This is a word worth saying again.The dictionary says that home is a place where someone lives. I say there is more to this. I say there’s more to a home than where we live. I say home is more than where you hang your hat. […] | Continue reading
This has been a long time coming, I suppose. These journals of mine have grown into a collection and to me, these collections are maps and details and descriptions of changes, which have taken place in my life. This is something which has taken shape and grown, just like a child … | Continue reading
Why?This will be my last entry in this journal. What better way to finish this journal than with a look back on the birth of our greatest freak outs and meltdowns andthink about why they happened.In fairness, I do not always know why we freak out. But at the same time, if we thin … | Continue reading
When?This is a great word. It’s a great question as well and a hopeful one at that.Now that we are facing the close of this journal and since we have been talking about the rebirth of sanity, the question “when?” is an important one to ask. When is a pivotal word in a sense and [ … | Continue reading
I asked a question yesterday. If you remember, I asked “where are you?”Today, I find myself asking another questionWhat are you doing? What did you do?What have you done?In answer to any of the above, was any of this loyal to you? Was anything you’ve done or have been doing some … | Continue reading
I am cooing to a close here. But before I end this journal and move on to the next; phase seven will be my closing of this before I send it our deeper into the universe.But before I go, I have a few questions.Where are you now?I don’t mean where you are, as in your […] | Continue reading
As I find myself on the verge of a new chapter, I can see the choices of my past, which have left me with some unresolved tensions. I can also see how this has left me with a sense of incompleteness. This is a strange feeling to say the least. It’s surreal too, as if […] | Continue reading
For the record, I do not like the words, “Motivational Speaker.”I don’t like to associate myself with this because to me, I think this is more about ego. I don’t mind being called a speaker. I don’t mind the presentations; although, no one believes me but to be clear on this, I a … | Continue reading
I have been thinking about ow big things may seem and yet, in the grand scheme of it all, our life is so small. But yet, we make it a “big deal,” because to us, the moment is too huge to see our way around it.I get that. And I’m sure that you do too.But […] | Continue reading
I’m not so sure if this is more for me or for you. I suppose it’s safe to say that yes, this is for both of us. Or, maybe this is just to satisfy a thought and a need, which I have at this moment. But either way, something I appreciate most in life is […] | Continue reading
Life cannot exist in a vacuum. At least, this is what we’ve been told. However, I can say that I have lived in a vacuum for a very long time. I can say that I have seen people live in their own vacuum of a world, either caught or stuck, and unable to switch or […] | Continue reading
In the beginning of this journal, I referred to this as the rebirth of sanity which, hopefully, the details in this journal allow for a means to understand the reasons behind our freak-outs or meltdowns. This is to understand why they occur and where the come from. Also, this is … | Continue reading
I agree. Courage is important. I agree that it takes courage to step forward or to step away from a person, place, or thing.I agree that sometimes, these changes we face and the choices we have to make are unfair. And, I agree that when it comes to making a change or moving on or … | Continue reading
Our aim is to make peace with what is. And even if what is, is not what we want it to be; the question is how do we make peace with what we have? How do we do this when all we want is more? How do we sit idly by and wait and hope […] | Continue reading
This entry is both timely and necessary because as I write to you about recovery, the question becomes when do we need to recover the most? It’s not something we need when all is well or when life is happy. This is not something that comes when we’re around the ones we love the m … | Continue reading
What does it mean to recover or to get something back? Or wait, what did we lose in the first place? Is it time? Is it half of our life? Or, is it more than this and instead of things that we’ve lost, we opened our eyes to realize that so much has happened and […] | Continue reading
Phase Six is all about recovery. To be clear, everyone has something in their life which either hurt them or held them back. Everyone has a past or a previous life which they have tried to forget, shake off or tried to escape from. Also, everyone has a choice they wished they mad … | Continue reading
There were times in my life when I used to think about the art of war.I would think about the moments of heated debates and the hurt feelings or the battles we face. I would think about love or what it was like to be loveless and alone or worse, to have no one there […] | Continue reading
I was listening to a speaker tell a group of people that no one should ever underestimate the impact that we have upon each other’s lives. No one should ever underestimate their influence nor should they underestimate their presence or their absence. We are all uniquely important … | Continue reading
I can remember a story that someone told me in which he said, “Man cannot serve two masters.” His point was more than we can’t save our face and our ass at the same time. This was more than understanding where and who we challenge our energy towards. This was more about whether I … | Continue reading
I remember being told that “Whatever people think of me is none of my business.”So, whatever people think or whatever their intentions are and no matter if they wish me well or otherwise, none of this is my business.We talked about the meltdowns and the freak-outs and the reasons … | Continue reading
There is a cycle of life, to which of course, we all know about.We all go through births and rebirths of different kinds. We experience life in new ways and yes, death is very much a part of life. And to be clear, death comes in different ways. This is more than the literal sense … | Continue reading
Always look within. Remember, if we are to find what we need and if we are to define our best possible life, then the answers we need to understand are the answers that come from places like, our heart and our soul. Before exploring the external universe, start here first. Rememb … | Continue reading
We are social creatures. This means we gather and we flock. We find ourselves with groups and with people who either inspire or impose. We encounter people who will lift us up when we are down and, at the same time, there are people who will prefer us this way. So, they might loo … | Continue reading