I have never been tough. NeverAt least, not really.Then again, I do not define toughness or being tough the same as I used to.No, this word has taken on a new meaning for me. I am not strong in comparison to true strength or even brute strength and yet, I have always wished I was … | Continue reading
And you go and you try and you fight and you grind.And you wake up. You eat. You work and you come home.And we hope and we wish and we dream and we pray.This is life.God, grant me the serenity . . . This is the life for all of us and yes, I agree […] | Continue reading
Do you want to know what’s hard?I have not seen my Father since the hour of his death in the month of December back in the year of 1989. And yes, I understand that dying is part of living. I know this all too well.But I was just a kid at the time.I had yet […] | Continue reading
Labor Day Weekend – The waves were quiet yesterday. The wind was nice and the sun was strong. Somehow, it seemed as though the beach at Point Lookout knew that the summer was officially over. Not that the beach has any sentiment or emotional attachment to the seasons. And it’s no … | Continue reading
I go back to that thought which my Mother tried to encourage that life is life and there is only one chance to make this life what we want it to be.Mom used to try and push me with an attempt to make me think differently but of course, I was younger then. I know.I […] | Continue reading
And no one thinks. No one flinches until they wake up one day and find how their impossibilities became possible.Of course. No one believes this happens to someone like them. “Not me!” and yet, we find that our impossibilities and became all too real.I admit it –The city has chan … | Continue reading
I am north from where I would rather be and south of the sun, south of the clouds, and I am south of the moon, which was hidden last night, due to the clouds.Something is coming my way.I don’t know what this means or what it is, but I can feel this in my bones […] | Continue reading
No one ever told this was going to be easy.Remember that.No one ever said that all smiles are friendly and at the same time, not all threats are real or true.Remember that one too. I know . . .I know all about the debilitations of the mind.Sometimes I think I know too much and at … | Continue reading
I have been told that everything happens for a reason.I have been told, “you’re in the right place, kid!”I’ve been told, “Don’t quit before the miracle happens.”And I have argued all the above. I find myself looking for something that isn’t there.Has this ever happened to you? Yo … | Continue reading
I am sending this to you in parts to open myself and share the process of what comes next. And so, here I am Send me, I say….What else do I have left to lose? Part 1: The waves are folding close to the shore this morning. The sun is mostly hidden by a drape […] | Continue reading
Charles Bukowski once wrote: Find what you love and let it kill you. I am still not sure how I see this or what this means to me. Then again, I am unsure if I want this or anything to kill me again.Yes, I say again.I say I don’t want anything to kill me again […] | Continue reading
I have seen all kinds or people in all kinds of ways, both sick and deceived and lost, searching, waiting, and hoping that somehow the answers to their questions will either come to light or be left elsewhere and unobjectionable.I have watched good people undergo changes and beco … | Continue reading
inspired by an old friend from an old life You have to pay attention to the task at hand. Get up, keep going, run into yourself at the front door and yes, there are times when it seems like the candle is burning at both ends.And so, the burn out seems to be inevitable. The sober … | Continue reading
And looking up from the bottom always makes reaching for the top seem impossible..At the bottom, the top look so high and so far from my reach. I know . . . One of my last drunken memories was from an afternoon that went sideways. I was in my little town at a park known […] | Continue reading
So you say you want peace, is that right?If so, then I have a question.What does this mean?I ask because maybe peace is not the same to me as it is to you. What does peace look like?What does peace feel like? I wonder about this.Is peace the lack of turbulence?Does this mean that … | Continue reading
I am convinced of one thing.The mind is the greatest obstacle. I know this. I know this because I have lost before I started and I have quit before I’ve tried.I am not the only one who has lost this way.Not at all, but at the moment, I am the only one here and you […] | Continue reading
I took an early drive this morning to clear my head. Then again my head was heavy and my sinuses were not too kind to me. So, I was up early. I was on the road but the rain came suddenly and fell so hard that the rainfall interrupted my attempt to make a conscious […] | Continue reading
I admit it.Yes. My mind is always going. I am always rethinking, always calculating, always trying to decipher between safe and alert and tired and danger at the same time.Ah, the benefits of overthinking.This is exhausting, to say the least.I am talking about my own overexcitabi … | Continue reading
This is to you folks. This is to you, the moms, the dads, the married and to the divorced and all the in-between people in this world. And this is to you too.Absolutely, this is to you!This is to the kids, the sons and daughters, adopted, step, and to the biological and the other … | Continue reading
I used to write down my thoughts about an old tree that stood across the street from my home. This was years ago and back in another life that seems like it is ifetimes away.There was an old tree across from my home. This was not a big tree and nor was this anything special to [… … | Continue reading
I am famous for saying how today is just another day above the dirt. And it is. And that’s all this is for most of us. Today is just another day above the dirt.This is always so for those of us who are alive and breathing and living to the best of our ability. I … … Continue read … | Continue reading
I think that before anything moves forward, you and I have to agree on a certain level of honesty.Or, in this case, the one who needs to be honest here is me.Besides, who else is here but us and as far as I can tell, you are as real as can be and at the […] | Continue reading
Here it is, world. I am here.Send me, I say to which I know. I say this out loud and to an empty room but to hell with it all!At least I say this for myself. At least I say this here and now because if not now, then when? Right? I am told let […] | Continue reading
I have never been anyone else. Therefore, I cannot say what it means to think or feel like anyone else would.I never looked at myself in the mirror and believed that I was born in the wrong body. But yes. I have looked in the mirror and believed that I was born in the wrong […] | Continue reading
What if there is no if . . .what if this is the way it isand what if the wind never comes backor blows like it used to? What happens when we fail to turn the pageand let the next chapterbecome what it isand of coursethen what becomes of usbecoming who we are as opposed […] | Continue reading
Good morning. I exhale my sleepy thoughts and wake early.As usual. I have been told that if I want something, then I have to put it out there.Out there. I’ve been out there for too long and yet, I was told that if I want something, then I have to claim it. I have to […] | Continue reading
What does it mean, if anything, to be someone??“To be someone”I re-enter this with quotations because no one is ever “nobody” and anyone can be anybody, depending upon the dream, of course. Safe to say that I will never find myself as a starting guard in an NBA game.Safe to say t … | Continue reading
The rain is going to split the day in twoor so I am told.I am told the weatherman saysthe day will be partly cloudy to which this meansthe day will be sunny at times. I am told about the clouds having a silver liningor that despite the rough timesor bad whether”there will always … | Continue reading
I suppose I can say that I am in a holding pattern.I am waiting and facing a temporary moment in time. But then again, I understand that all of this and all of what we see, and all of what we think and what we feel is temporary.Well, maybe not everything . . . I […] | Continue reading
It is a trip to say the least and to say the least, it is a trip to turn around and realize that yes, age took place, time has passed, and years have gone by in a flash.Wow . . .I will be 54 next month. This is life and again, I repeat the C’est […] | Continue reading
When there is no room left for excuses and when there is nowhere left to turn, the next few steps may seem painful or perhaps risky. But rest assured, when there’s nothing left, then there’s nothing left, which means the next steps we take are far more worthy than anything else i … | Continue reading
And more than anything, I have to say that “it just can’t stop.”Nothing stops.“It just doesn’t work like that.” The dreams, I mean. Nothing stops when it comes to matters of the heart and as for the mind?Well? The mind is the biggest dilemma of all because the mind is focused on … | Continue reading
Something is amiss . . .Or maybe something is off or off-center and me, I am somewhere in the middle.Do you understand? I am stuck and looking around at the world that somehow consumes me.There is too much to see and so much to consider and at the same time; I am reminded when I … | Continue reading
1) And how would it be? A new world? A new life? A new time, made for a new form of living and a new way which is mad or madder than the madman who lives to die or dies to live.What is this? What is desire if nothing else than a spot or a […] | Continue reading
The time was sunset during an early August moment just before the sky changed.All was quiet. I was sitting in a small beach chair in a field of green grass and looking around at a small park known to me as Eisenhower.And this place too.This place dates back to the longstanding me … | Continue reading
It is amazing to me how after all the years have gone by and all the past instances and crimes and despite the aches or the pains or scars that never healed, I still have a sense of affection for the wild chaos that comes when being bad. I do. I admit to the drive […] | Continue reading
The rain is heavy outside.I suppose the rain matches the mood and the mood matches the time.At least, for me. I think now is a good time for me to get this out. The wind picked up but so has the rain. Perhaps now is a good time for me to cleanse my soul.And so […] | Continue reading
What do you miss the most? I ask this because if you miss something or if you miss anything, then there has to be a reason and regardless of what the reason is, what do you miss and what do you miss the most? I will say there is bravery in our decisions to stand […] | Continue reading
What I say nowI say without apology.So,I say this anyway and I say itplay the gameand see what happens . . . I have to say, The Old Man was right. I understand nowor should I say it “his” wayand I’ll say it like thisI understand . . .now that I am older. I understand […] | Continue reading
And I say this to you, despite the craziness of all the things around me . . . the morning is perfect.Nothing is pressing and nothing is weighing too heavy at the moment.The day is young and fresh, as if to just be born or perhaps I should say the day is born again.And for […] | Continue reading
You never forget and of course, how can anyone ever forget the times of their lives? And of course, I agree, the times of our life have changed and altered from their original state. But this is a normal thing. This is a thing that comes with age. Time moves and the glory days ar … | Continue reading
It amazes me that yes, I was blind. I was blind to the truth and blinded by the surrounding ignorance and the stupid bliss of capricious youth. I was blinded by the so-called standard and the status whores who were all too driven by the ideas of being cool and popular.I was blind … | Continue reading
And you start to wonder if there is such a thing . . .You think about the world you live in and all the ups and downs or the highs and the lows.You think.You know? You wonder about the lucky ones, or at least, I should keep this on me; and so, if this is […] | Continue reading
In the end,it all comes down to money,how much you havewho you payhow big is your houseand how much do you pay out. The idea of restartingor rebuilding your lifeand the ideaof having to start overor the word “dating” and reopening yourselfto a new ideaor a new relationship . . . … | Continue reading
I have news for you. Friends are often fair weathered and half the people who swear and promise to be there if you need them are either far away or far too busy when you need them the most.So, in all fairness to you, me or us and myself, I have to suggest this.Get used […] | Continue reading
And I go back to this idea because in all fairness, where else can I go?Where else can I go if I have no better place than this?Who else can I turn to if I have no one else?And if I have no one else, then let me turn to you here.Or, at least let […] | Continue reading
You know what??I don’t care.Not anymoreSo . . .I think I will say what I have to say and to be honest,I do not care whether you listen or if anyone else is on board with meor for the moment, I refuse to let the outside influencesdo anything to me that makes medeny my truththat [… … | Continue reading
If you want it then you have to want it.Nothing can stop this. Nothing is allowed to get in your way and nothing, no matter what it is, no matter how big the obstacle is and no matter how thick the walls might be and no matter how high you have to climb and how […] | Continue reading