Time is a strange thing.What I mean is a second is only a second and a minute is only a minute. Or better yet, to take this further, an hour is an hour, and a day is a day, but time is always moving, and the clock is always ticking.It always amazes me how time […] | Continue reading
Sometimes . . .The “when” moments are not a bad thing. For example, there as a time when I reenacted a chapter from the first book I ever read. And I say this mindfully because I did read before this. However, those books are something which I would call mandatory reading. And th … | Continue reading
So, I heard you want to understand the pains and the frustrations of anxiety.Okay. Let me give this a shot . . .Let me see if I can make this clear, at least from a subjective point of view. I have chosen to address my ideas about my past as well as my future. I […] | Continue reading
This is not going to be an easy read, however, this was not something that was easy to write. But either way, here it goes.There was a time when I saw myself differently than how I see myself now. At the same time, I can still see myself in the reflections of glimpses past. Of [… … | Continue reading
I remember when I landed my first suit and tie job. I swore this was going to make me a different person.I was moving up. I was a man with a job. At least, to me.However, I was nothing more than a kid in a suit with a briefcase and folders filled with samples of […] | Continue reading
I remember back when the summers used to mean something, I remember back when the kids from the neighborhood were still the kids from the neighborhood and yes, I remember the wild times and the bad times, and of course, I remember the troubles times. I remember when the wild nigh … | Continue reading
This is from the heart of me. This is from the deepest south of my soul and from this point onward, I plan to offer myself in the most honest sense of the word. and in the most truthful ways possible, I will detail the faults and flaws and the good and the bad and […] | Continue reading
I have spent years this way. I have been on a search. I’ve been looking and waiting and wondering or hoping that if at all, one day, I would find my way.I’ve often looked around and wondered how challenges to me seemed so simple to other people. Is it me?Have I done something wro … | Continue reading
More than anything, I just want to be. I want to belong. I want to fit.I want this more than anything else. I want to be comfortable, as if to know that in my heart, this is exactly where I am supposed to be, and even if things go astray, or of the days are […] | Continue reading
I want to go outside and feel the wind on my face. I want to watch the early sunrise or be like the great writers, like Kerouac , or the great ones to me, like Carroll and in some way, if I can, I’d like to reach the greatness of O’Hara and recite poetry, nearly […] | Continue reading
Rise . . . Get up like the sun and rise. Today is a new day. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is just an egg that hasn’t hatched yet, but tomorrow is brewing and so are the plots and the ideas and the problems we assume will take place. But now is not the time for […] | Continue reading
I remember it was way after midnight, or at 2:00, maybe. But again, this was long ago in a lifetime that seems far away from me now.I was on The Farm and the month of August was in mid-swing. The air was hot, and the sky was scattered with trillions of stars. This was beautiful. … | Continue reading
We are moving towards the end of another journal. This means another journal will begin soon enough. This means when one door closes, then another one opens. At least, I hope so.And there is a reason for all of this. I need to give myself something to look forward to. I need to f … | Continue reading
I admit that I am scared. I admit that I am intimidated and yes, I admit to the thoughts, which are not just about the “What now,” questions.Instead, they sound more like, “What if?What if I turned left instead of right?What if I listened more?What if I found a way to put my pain … | Continue reading
I see them often, young and crazy as ever. Defiant as ever too, and outraged, as if their youth is insulted by the rules and the laws, and to them, the powers that be and the authorities who rule over their life, from teachers to counselors, and from the law to parents, or anyone … | Continue reading
There needs to be a moment when you just push through. Understand?This needs to happen. Or maybe this just “has to” happen so that you can see the fruit from the vine. You can see the benefits from your labor or the purpose from behind the pain.You can see the horizon ahead, and … | Continue reading
When there’s nothing left or nowhere else to go, or when the ride stops and finally, the eyes open to a realization that forces you to understand that yes, this has been in the works for a long time now, and yes, that all signs pointed you to this very same place, and while you [ … | Continue reading
No one said life is easy. And maybe life is not supposed to be easy? Maybe the harder lessons are the more important ones and therefore, how else would we learn? Or how else would we understand the value of something if there were no struggles to achieve or claim it? I have sat a … | Continue reading
In all fairness, I suppose there will be times when all one can do is sit back and wait. There will be times when all one can do is close one’s eyes, and see what they can see, and dream as best as they can.I can say this is true from a personal perspective. And […] | Continue reading
This is amazing to me. Music, I mean.Another thing that amazes me are the songs that come up out of nowhere, especially when you’re sad or emotionally bleeding, and then as if to add insult to injury, a song comes up from our past, or a song that sings all the words you feel can … | Continue reading
It is morning and I am east or where I usually find myself. There are changes ahead and changes behind me. Then again, this is how life is. Everything moves and everything comes back in some way, as if to say we live and we move in either huge or small circles. This is the […] | Continue reading
I was thinking about the last few weeks and the things that I have seen. I’ve been thinking about the decisions I’ve had to make or the troubles I’ve had to face. I have been thinking about the people who I’ve met, or who live with special needs, or those face daily challenges, w … | Continue reading
Age steps in.I suppose I always believed that my life would be different. Or maybe I never thought that life would be this way, or this serious, or intense.I suppose I assumed that my life would be different from what it is now. Then again, I suppose that my youth never predicted … | Continue reading
And then one day becomes two and two becomes four. And deep down, I know this. I suppose we all do.We know that the past has a way of slipping behind us, if we allow it. Or the past can kill us alive, if we let it. So . . .There is something to be […] | Continue reading
I have been fortunate to know good people. Or equally, I have been more fortunate to know people, who might seem to have a rough edge around them or people who may appear to be tough, or hard, and yet, I have been fortunate enough to see their truth.I can say that I have been […] | Continue reading
This one will be quick –Sometimes, you have to lay back. And sometimes, I have to find an action to replace my thinking. However, as for laying back or trying to be calm, amongst the storm, as the say; I know this is not an easy task. At least, not for me. My mind id […] | Continue reading
I know what to means to be hungry. More to the point, I understand what it means to want or to need or to have desire, so great and so huge, or to have dreams that I can see, yet I can’t touch them.But I want to.I know what it feels like to be at […] | Continue reading
Despite my flaws and although they may weighty or lengthy, and despite whichever challenges I face, deep down, I know what love is. No. Really.I do.So regardless of where I find myself in this big arena, which is also known as middle-income or middle class, or dead center and on … | Continue reading
It is inaccurate to assume or to think that no one else hurts or feels pain. This is more common than we think or talk about.Life is out there. Always.And life is happening to everyone, right now in fact, which is of no surprise to anyone Everyone understands what it feels like t … | Continue reading
I know that this is all just another mission. Or as I say often, it’s just another day in paradise. I know that today is nothing more than another moment in time, and that regardless of where we are now, we are all stationed here for a short period of time, which means time is [… … | Continue reading
This journal is all about the question What now?And this entry was inspired by a new friend with an old soul . . . Sometimes, the best answer is to know that there is no answer. There are going to be times when you don’t know what to do—or there will be times when you […] | Continue reading
I see this a s quick and important note for those who live in their divorced life or for those who find themselves in their divorced mindsets and for those who have a need to be heard or have the need to be right. And before I say anything else, I want to say that […] | Continue reading
What I want to do now is go back. And yes, I mean I want to go way back. I want to go back to a time when I was young. I was sick but I was too young to understand why or what it meant to have gastroenteritis. I was too young to understand […] | Continue reading
Most people will never believe this about me, but I am shyer than I appear. I’m scared of people and while I understand that I am a public speaker, I have social anxiety and stage fright that often causes me to vomit before I do my presentations. And, too, I am much more submissi … | Continue reading
There is no one on the face of this world who hasn’t lived or thought or felt the sting of regret. And that’s the saying. Isn’t it? That’s the thing about life, right?“Life . . .No one ever gets out of this alive.” I can say that yes. I am a man who has lived. […] | Continue reading
I remember my first presentation in a high school setting. I have to say that I was as nervous then as I was when I was a kid. I never did well at school. I never fit in well and I never thought that I was “enough” or “cool,” and somehow, I was being brought […] | Continue reading
I have heard it said that when it rains, it pours. And I agree. There are times when the world is falling down around us. There are times when it seems like there’s no way out from the storms and there are certainly moments when nothing goes well. Each time you brace yourself to … | Continue reading
I have to say this because I believe this is true. We take moments for granted. We assume that this is life and that life will be the same. We make plans and never consider the alterations of life or the weather. We go and we live and we assume; and the ideas of change […] | Continue reading
I chose to end my last journal by asking the question, “What now?” I asked this because of the countless times when I found myself in the wake of an aftermath or in the wake of a tragedy or some life-altering change, and yes, I asked myself, “what now?” because out of nowhere, li … | Continue reading
And once again. I find myself at another moment where change is necessary. once again, I have come to the end of another chapter,or maybe this is the end of another journal and while I understand that when one door closes, another door opens, I am trying to find out which way to … | Continue reading
Even more than I wish to see the lights once more, across the old skyline of New York City, which is a place I recall, long ago, and more than I wish to stand in one of the ancient cities or to see The Ruins or Rome, or more than I have it in my […] | Continue reading
I have to goor moveor get upor, if I don’t I might fall deeper. Understand? I have been to the point whereI had to ask myself,What now?What do I do?What’s gonna happen?Or,What’s next? Am I here again?lost?Or, am I at a crossroad?Maybe . . .Maybe this is not a crossroad at alland … | Continue reading
1) I think of little kidsAnd the games they playor little girlsin their little dresses,or young boys on the playgroundand how,that used to be me, a long, long time ago I think about kids on swingsor seesaws and how they dream, or laughor wait for the final bell to ringand summer … | Continue reading
I suppose this one is not for everybody.Then again, that’s’ the thing about artor maybe this is more about me, or subjectively,I suppose this is how it goes with the written wordand when it comes to the wordanything and everything can be relative and to me, or to someI have come … | Continue reading
There was a time, which I recall, long ago, when the summer came and we were young and the fireworks took over the sky. I talk about this often when the nostalgia kicks up.I think about the innocence of youth or the feel of say, dipping your toes in a pool of cold water, or […] | Continue reading
1) This is not just about hope. This is about beliefBut moreThis is about those who push usor support usand this about the difference betweenthose who lead us to believeand those who lead us to doubt. I used to hope for a chanceor a shotor I’d look for an open windowor some kind … | Continue reading
Is there any hope in pain?Or is pain part of hope?And perhaps both are trueor interchangeableand perhaps pain is part of learningor understandingand perhaps pain in part of our awakeningto which, we wake upand we learn that we have to change,or if nothing else,we have to go about … | Continue reading
I can say this is an ode to thosewho put me downor to those who told medon’t even think about itor that as hard as I tryI’d be fortunate to be averageor to be anything special;I’d be lucky becauseeither I was not from their clubor tribeor that someone who lookslike “me” or speaks … | Continue reading