When there is nothing left, then there is nothing left to lose. And yet, we find ourselves pondering the losses and mourning the irretrievable. And we weep and we cry and we beg and we plead with the Gods, as if something or anything could eve be changed.Laugh all they want, I kn … | Continue reading
Are you who I think you are?I am . . .And in walks the devil without remorse for the fire. The guards told me to be on the lookout.They said you could appear at any moment.They tell me you feel at home here. Well . . .Here I am.I can see that. And in he […] | Continue reading
Beware the smiles you see, I was told.Not all of them are friendly. Be careful who you listen to, I was told.Everybody has an angle.Everyone has their own truth. Tread carefully . . .The weather gets rough from time to time.I heard the guards whistle this morning. I assume this w … | Continue reading
I come here in the mornings first, of course. I suppose this is the best time for me to come clean. or if nothing else, at least let me start clean. Let me purge now before the impurities of the day take away the purities in my heart. It is hard though. Not the mornings […] | Continue reading
I remember hearing two of the more famous questions, back when I was a kid. “What the hell were you thinking?”The second question was “Why?” to which yes, of course my stock answer was always the typical, “I don’t know!”Maybe this was age appropriate. Or maybe there’s truth to th … | Continue reading
The mind is the trick. I know.And as for thoughts? Our thoughts are just thoughts and feelings are just feelings. Emotion is emotion and life is life.We both understand this. I know that we are all involved in this big project which I often call Project Earth.And therefore, what … | Continue reading
Dear Mom, I know it’s been a while since my last letter to you. I suppose so much has happened that I don’t know where to begin. Then again, I find myself like I often do. I am a stranger in a familiar territory and here I am once more, facing a new beginning and […] | Continue reading
December, and the year is moving towards the end. So much has happened and yet, I am in the same place and doing the same things, and somehow, the year is about to change. I have seen more than my share this year. I have lived as much as I have died. But then again, […] | Continue reading
I had to stop for a moment and take a day off. It’s been a long time since I felt this sick. But a promise is a promise, and a commitment is a commitment. And so, here I am, defending my life and placing my thoughts in another entry. Suddenly, I am thinking about the […] | Continue reading
I see this as the morning after. This is just another page of real fiction and so, life keeps moving like the pocket watch that’s hidden in the inside pocket of the watchman’s jacket.Or to be more precise, the word “after’ means to follow the preceding rank of either time, peopl … | Continue reading
They decided to let the workers have a day off today, which means purgatory is closed for the day.I am told this was done so that those who choose can spend the day with their family, friends, or whomever it is they prefer to spend today with. They say the purpose of today is ded … | Continue reading
The dampness in the morning is rough on the joints. A man can only see what’s in front of him. Yet, the darkness of morning before the light is hard for me. And I’m not sure if it is darkest before the dawn.I see myself where I am. I know the courts await and the […] | Continue reading
What does it mean to stand up and shout? Or better yet, what does it mean to scream out at the top of your lungs?Could you imagine? Imagine climbing up to the highest peak of a mountaintop. The sky is blue. The sun is bright. The air is cool and thin and everything is crisp.Imagi … | Continue reading
Ah, the teenage version. The sun came up like it always does. I realized where I was and thought back to recall what happened the night before.I woke to the typical concerns after nights like the one before. “Do I have something to worry about?”Did I start something or say someth … | Continue reading
I remember being asked by someone, “What if I told you that your prison cell has no bars, no walls, no ceiling or roof?”He asked me, “What if the guards were not guards at all, and the judges, or your accusers, and the prosecutors were not real?”Even my warden was nothing more th … | Continue reading
I know what it means to want more.And yes, I know what it means to want more and settle for less. Only, I don’t ever want to settle again. Not now. Not ever.No, I am here for a reason. I have not come here to resign or make some kind of tearful confession.I have confessed […] | Continue reading
I have started this idea, which is a journal like all my other journals. Yet, this one is taken from a slightly different angle. Although this is fiction; there is truth to the stories the same as there is truth to all stories. There is truth to the facts that life will not alway … | Continue reading
If ever there was a day to be a new day, then let’s make this day the right time to be a new day.And who doesn’t want that?Who doesn’t want a new day or a new beginning?So, let’s go.Now . . . We have all been through the gears and the windings of this so-called […] | Continue reading
I wonder. I think all too much and I find myself asking questions.But still. And what about this?What about these questions?I ask because when we find out, I wonder if the answers will be what we thought they’d be. There are times when we go left instead of right. And there is a … | Continue reading
I like to think about myself in other places and doing other things. I see this more as something that I do for medicinal purposes, which helps restore my mental stability.I say these are the things that keep my soul alive.I dream. I see. I breathe and I hope.I close my eyes and … | Continue reading
I suppose I know what I have to do. I know what I need to do as well. The trouble is the more popular question which is this – what am I going to do now that I am here? It is dark before the dawn where I am now. Purgatory decided to dress for […] | Continue reading
It is a pretty Sunday morning in Purgatory. The autumn weather has settled down for the season and most of the leaves have fallen from the trees.You can smell this in the air too. You can smell the wet leaves which are stuck to the ground after last night’s rain. The streets are … | Continue reading
No one wants this. No one wants their back against the wall and their peers, or a jury thereof, sitting in front of them with the power to deliver a verdict.But let’s be honest. Who is anyone to judge me or you?Who has the authority? Or like it was said before The Son of Man […] | Continue reading
Another morning comes to us here, in Purgatory. I hate this part. I hate the smell of the courtroom. I hate the feeling of impending doom, but more, I cannot stand the feeling of being judged or being held as guilty until proven innocent.But we seem to be this way. We seem all to … | Continue reading
As I stand here to defend my life and the choices which I have made, I find that I have to pose some questions to the jury of my so-called peers. I further offer this question to the prosecution before they rest, and yes, I ask this question to the judges as they sit in […] | Continue reading
Of course life can be confusing. Just look around. Life is filled with confusion, changes, unexpected changes, and ups, downs, and somehow, there’s always someone around who loves to say, “Don’t worry, God has a plan for you.” or there’s someone who comes along and says, “God nev … | Continue reading
I have come to the understanding that everyone reaches a point or finds themselves at some kind of crossroads in their life. This is not uncommon or rare by any means. As it appears, and in fairness to us all; no one escapes or gets out of this place alive.Or at least, so I am [… … | Continue reading
I admit that I have been “there” before. I say this because I am no better, or worse.I am only me. But you and I knew this a long time ago.And I remember this well. I remember the different times and the troubles with chaos.I remember the spells of outrage and desperate needs.I h … | Continue reading
I will do my best to make this opening statement brief. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am here to enter my plea of guilty, not guilty, no contest and to the best of my ability, please allow this to benefit the jury’s deliberation. Therefore, I offer myself as a witness to my … | Continue reading
The world spins around another day, and so it goes.And so it goes that another year is nearly over. Another chance to make another change and all that was is gone and time flew by me again. And so it goes that I am another year older.I am another year away from where I was. […] | Continue reading
This is me “talking” to me. about you, of course.I was thinking about your birthday, which is near now, and I was thinking what I can give you. My words, perhaps.or more, let me give you this – Out of all the things that I know, I know there are certain truths that can never […] | Continue reading
I started this journal with a purpose. Then again, we start everything with a purpose.However, I decided to write this with the intention of asking myself the question, “What’s it gonna take?”And I ask myself this because I have seen different things. I have lived different lives … | Continue reading
Ah, the life according to question, “What if?”I know this all too well. Of course, there are two sides to every coin. Am I right?Therefore, there are two sides to every “what if” question.I’m sure. Let’s not forget the life according to the questions of “When?”When is it my turn? … | Continue reading
I heard this the other morning.“God is great.”And then someone said, “Is it that simple?”The other person replied, “Yeah. It’s that simple.” I can neither confirm nor deny whether anything is that simple. I cannot say whether my faith reaches that level, and nor can I confirm tha … | Continue reading
The aim is to be happy. I know I want this. We all want this.I suppose the difference between me and the happiness I aim for now as opposed to before is that I cannot allow my happiness to come at the expense of someone (or anyone) else.Selfish or self-centered living comes at a … | Continue reading
There is more to life than what we see. I suppose this is true for us as well. There is more to life and more to us than what appears on the surface level. There are more features beneath the surface, and yet, it seems common that people notice the surface levels without daring o … | Continue reading
I suppose the real question for me to answer has become this.What’s my purpose? What is my reason for being and living because more than anything else, I do not want to be here just to be here or take up space.I want to be more than someone who fills a void because if this […] | Continue reading
No one knows.No one really knows what goes on in your head or your heart. Even if you tell someone your thoughts, they can only understand you from their own perspective.No one knows how you feel.No one knows what it feels like to have a cut in my skin or a bone that never healed … | Continue reading
I have been me for as long as I can remember.I have tried to be different. I tried to be other people or someone else, but no matter how I tried, the only person I could ever be is me. Anything else was fake, like an imposter.I’ve been a fraud before, like a bad check […] | Continue reading
One thing I know is that the world does not happen in an accidental way. no, I believe in intention over coincidence and purpose over happenstance. I do believe that the world is a deliberate place; whereas you and I or the way we overlapped more than once is more the power of so … | Continue reading
I suppose a better question to ask is, “What is it?”What is it? What gets you out of bed in the morning?What motivates you to get out of bed and go to work? Or if you don’t work, what pushes you?What drives you?What is it that makes you put in work?Or what happens that makes […] | Continue reading
I believe in things, such as the war of man or the war within. I believe in the power of these battles and how the devastation of thought can lead us to our own forms of self-destruction.I am far from alone with this. Then again, life in thought can lead us to lonesome places, wh … | Continue reading
I often go back and consider what my life might have been like if I were to make one simple change. Perhaps I have spent too much time on this. Or maybe this is enough to motivate me and keep my past from being my present. I pick a time or an age and consider […] | Continue reading
If I could want to be anything, then I suppose I would want to be anything better than situations around me. Look around. Look at the unfinished plans or listen to the common arguments that seem to go on for hours. I say this with all certainty because I look around and I see the … | Continue reading
I have designed this place for years now. I tell you this because this place means the world to me, even if it’s not real or real to the rest of the world. But for all this is worth, this place is real to me. And so are you.I have created this little spot in […] | Continue reading
I am going to say this and leave this here. Then again, this is where I always leave things like this.Right here, with you. I suppose my fear and even my greatest fears are common, as if to be like the norm.Or maybe my fears are simple. Maybe this is silly and the items in […] | Continue reading
I have been thinking about the thought machine for years now.I know, this sounds like a funny thing. But this is very real to me. I think about the thoughts that either push or pull me in a specific direction. And what are they?Where do they come from?How do my thoughts gain spee … | Continue reading
Of course, you and I have a past. We all have them.Of course, our past has mapped out the ideas of how we should live or be in our future. Of course, our past has ways of shadowing the future, if you know what I mean.Our past can alter our perception or shade the way […] | Continue reading