Quite A Dingusy Translation

It’s apparently bad translation week here at One Foot Tsunami. Today’s edition starts with a rather garish Bentley convertible I recently saw here in Boston. The vehicle initially caught my eye because it was such a bright green, but I felt compelled to pull my phone out and take … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

The Pillars of Creation, Remastered

Back in July, I posted about the first images NASA showed from the new James Webb Space Telescope. I followed up with a second post showing off comparisons between the Webb and the old Hubble telescope. Now, NASA has another new comparison image, recreating a 1995 shot called “Th … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Translation Confirmations

Today we’re going to follow up on Monday’s post, “It’s an Idiom, a Colloquial Metaphor”. Since posting, I’ve been delighted to receive two different pieces of feedback related to the translation. First, friend-of-the-site James G. got in touch with a Turkish pal. Our man Nes was … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Postorgasmic Illness Syndrome Is a Real Turn-Off

If you’re anything like me, reading this article will have you adding “becoming allergic to orgasms” to your internal list of fears. Sorry!Link: https://gizmodo.com/man-allergic-to-orgasms-antihistamine-1849654242 | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

It’s an Idiom, a Colloquial Metaphor

Recently, while looking at a tweet praising a couple of my company’s products, I spotted a reply in a foreign language. Twitter offers a handy “Translate Tweet” button, which provides an inline translation of the text. What it showed was not heartening: That “OK” sign at the end … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Assault With Deadly Bees

Out in western Massachusetts, a woman taking part in a protest over an eviction was arrested and charged with four counts of assault and battery by means of a dangerous weapon, three counts of assault by means of a dangerous weapon, and one count of disorderly conduct. The danger … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

The Onion Addresses the Supreme Court

Though it’s been a few years since the last edition, this site has long offered a sporadic post category known as “Real or Fake?”. I explained its origins way back in 2009: For years, I’ve enjoyed a game with some friends called “Real or The Onion?”. To play, one person presents … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Getcher Free Avocados!

This past summer, I ate at a restaurant where the guacamole was listed as “market price”. I can’t say I’ve ever seen before, and I was greatly amused. Avocados aren’t lobster! Today, thanks to friend-of-the-site Colin W., I can tell you that the current market price for avocados … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

It’s a Strange Mix of Names

Yesterday, I received an envelope in the mail. It was addressed directly to me (with my full address, which has been edited out): Why, this looks like a nice little card. But it’s not my birthday, nor any holiday. The return address is listed as “Eden Prairie”. I don’t think I … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Practicing Land Surveying Without a License

Ryan Crownholm is the founder of MySitePlan.com, a site that provides informal property maps created from existing data. He’s currently fighting the state of California to keep his business alive.Link: https://www.vice.com/en/article/v7vyj3/california-man-fined-for-drawing-lines- … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Making Attorneys Get Attorneys

In June, Donald Trump’s legal team provided a sworn statement that Trump no longer had any classified documents in his possession. As an August raid proved, this was false. Now, his attorneys are turning on themselves to avoid prosecution, and it really just couldn’t happen to a … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

A Fool and Her Money Were Parted

I know some poor Japanese woman is out $30,000, but the idea that someone got scammed into paying “landing fees” for a fake astronaut still cracks me up.Link: https://english.kyodonews.net/news/2022/10/f6ca132ade77-woman-pays-for-russian-astronaut-to-return-to-earth-in-alleged-sc … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Vocal Whiteface

A company called Sanas thinks they have the solution to problems faced by call center workers: Make them all sound white.1 The tacit promise of Sanas seems to be that callers will be more polite — and more amenable to being helped — if they think the person on the other end is mo … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

4,851 People Can Be Wrong

Last year, artist Damien Hirst sold $20 million dollars worth of art tied to NFTs. That was 10,000 sales at $2,000 each. Hirst then gave buyers the option of receiving a physical piece, or an NFT representing it. 4,851 people chose the latter, and now, Hirst is destroying the phy … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

That’s Not Great

Apple’s newest iPhones included a feature called “Crash Detection”. If the device detects a car crash, it can automatically alert authorities (after a brief delay to allow you to cancel it). How is it working in practice? The iPhone 14’s new Crash Detection feature, which is supp … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

That’s the Man’s Name

Today in news you can use, there is a professional basketball player with an inarguably funny last name. Sorry, Steeve, but it’s true! [Image credit: Ballislife.com] Thankfully, there’s no comma after the first word of his last name, nor an exclamation mark at the end. Judging b … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

A Boner Is a Mistake

A far-right political party in Germany made quite a boner recently, when they sent out gummy candies modeled after their arrow logo: Oh, that’s bad. [Photo credit: Ann-Katrin Müller] They failed to follow the ABCs, which obviously apply to gummy candies.Link: https://www.huffpos … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Holding Hands and Demonstrating

Speaking of nonsense, friend-of-the-site Chris D. alerted me to a terribly stupid argument New York and New Jersey are having over automated enforcement of traffic laws. A little background: At present, over 1/3 of American states ban the use of red light and speed cameras. There … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

The Latest Twitter-Musk Nonsense

Back in April, world’s richest man/internet clown Elon Musk signed a deal to purchase Twitter for $54.20 a share (That’s a weed joke). Not long after, he declared the deal “on hold”, which is not a thing. He then repeatedly attempted to terminate the deal for what would charitabl … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Fat Bear Week Draws Near

Last year, I was only able to tell you about Fat Bear Week after it had concluded. This year, I had a reminder to find it for you ahead of time. Some preliminary contests have already taken place, but Fat Bear Week 2022 officially starts Wednesday. Get ready to place your bets! T … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

The Future Is Here and It’s Awful

I have approximately no desire to go to Walmart in the real world, so the odds of me visiting Walmart in the regrettable metaverse are very long indeed. A screenshot of a truly risible Walmart presentation inside Roblox1 Personally, my hope is that “the metaverse” is the 2020s ve … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

No One Seems to Have Cake

On Monday, I showed you some recent text messages with a wrong number. At the time, I believed a confused person had message the wrong phone number while trying to reach a friend. In fact, I created a whole imagined scenario. In my mind, Linda (the intended recipient) and Ruth (t … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

One Helluva Grudge

A hat tip to friend-of-the-site David S., who passed along this gross, goofy story of a man urinating on the grave of his ex-wife, from whom he’s been divorced for almost half a century. Camera timestamps showed the man coming to grave while his wife waited in the car around 6:15 … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Cheers to You, Sam Adams

Today marks the 300th anniversary of Samuel Adams’s birth. More than just a brewer (maybe), Adams was a politician and Founding Father of America. In that capacity, he wrote in favor of resistance to the British rule over the colonies. Earlier this morning, I came upon a particul … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Text Messages With a Wrong Number

Occasionally, my funniest writing is done in wrong number text message threads: Though I hoped for more confusion upon which to riff, that was the end of this brief but amusing conversation with a confused Floridian. | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

We Don’t Need Robots for This

Delivery food is seldom particularly good, but it’s grown enormously popular in recent years, in no small part due to the COVID-19 pandemic. As a result, pools of workers bustle around cities for companies like Grubhub and Uber Eats, delivering food from dozens of different resta … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Might Someone Out Taco the Bell?

OK, sure, Taco Bell has the Mexican pizza. But do you know about Pizza Hut’s Italian taco?Link: https://www.foodandwine.com/news/pizza-hut-italian-taco | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

The Singing Ice Machine

If you’ve ever purchased ice in bulk for a trip to the beach or the campground, it’s likely you pulled it out of an ice chest like this: [Photo credit: Roadsidepictures] Gas stations and convenience stores in America often feature such a unit, and sell ice for just a dollar or t … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Very Off-Brand

Beyond Meat is a producer of plant-based meat substitutes, including vegetarian hamburgers and sausages that are far more meat-like than products of old. The products are quite good, especially the sausages. You don’t have to be a vegetarian to enjoy them, but they are the sort t … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

What a Way to Make a Living

The Mexican pizza is back on Taco Bell’s menu, and as the prophesy foretold, “Mexican Pizza: The Musical” has hit the internet along with it.1 Because I love my readers and/or because I hate myself, I watched all three acts of this insanity. My review? It’s definitely the best mu … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Following in Real Life

Living in a city, I frequently see folks spending time taking pictures that are clearly intended for social media. It can be an amusing process to witness, because it often takes so. damned. long. Now, an artist named Dries Depoorter has coupled public cameras and AI to create so … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Follow the Practical Imperative

I didn’t expect to link to a second story related to Martha’s Vineyard so soon after last month’s “Taxivasion”. But then, I didn’t expect the repugnant Republican governors of Texas and Florida to go so far as to lie to poor human beings who are just looking for a better life, so … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Be Curious

I enjoyed this short story about Derek Sivers’s shortest date, and ketchup. I suspect you will too.Link: https://sive.rs/ketchup | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Scott Frost’s Extra $7.5 Million

Scott Frost is the now-former coach of Nebraska’s football team. After 4+ seasons of poor performance, he was fired on Sunday. You shouldn’t feel too bad for him, however, because he’s getting $15 million dollars to not coach Nebraska football. You and I are over here doing that … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Time Heals All Wounds

On the 18th of April in (17)75, two lanterns were hung in the steeple of Boston’s Old North Church, signalling the moves by the British Army so the colonists could react. This led directly to the start of the Revolutionary War, and America’s eventual independence from the British … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Kids Have Crappy Taste in Music

Why has a song called “Poopy Stupid Butt” earned $10,000? One word: Alexa. The virtual assistant found in Amazon’s smart speakers had led to a cottage industry of scatological songs appealing to young children.Link: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/katienotopoulos/alexa-play- … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

What’s Bad for the Goose Is Bad for the Gander

Last year, Texas passed a terrible law requiring public schools to display posters which contain the US national motto of “In God We Trust”. [U]nder a new law, Texas public schools are required to hang posters emblazoned with “In God We Trust” if someone donates a poster or frame … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Maybe These Are The Last Checks I Ever Buy

Three months ago, I wrote about the rather early reminder I received encouraging me to order new checks. At the time, I noted that in the 9+ months since I’d ordered my checks, I had used a total of 10 of them. Recently, I received another email from everyone’s favorite Vericast … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

CVS Agrees With My Mom

Recently, I received a letter from CVS. Mail! What fun! Here’s a look: You know what, My Local CVS Team? You’re absolutely right. Let’s celebrate me! Why not? I’m worth it. After all, I’m extra-special. I’m sure you don’t give out two 30% off coupons to just anyone. Of course, … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

The Great Potato Capers

The Williamsport Crosscutters, a minor league baseball team, recently rebranded for one night. Their temporary new name was “The Potato Capers”. [Image courtesy of the Williamsport Crosscutters] Why? Well, it was the 35th anniversary of what is perhaps the single most ridiculou … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Courtney Dauwalter Kicks Ass

I run a lot. Last month, I reached my fourth consecutive annual kilomile. And yet, for all that running, the very longest distances I compete in are marathons. 26.2 miles is more than enough for me. There’s another breed of runners who compete in ultramarathons, races which are 5 … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

But Really, You Shouldn’t Do It In Cabo Either

Listen, folks, once you get to Cabo you can AirDrop all the naked pictures to strangers you want. Just don’t do it on the plane.Link: https://nypost.com/2022/08/30/pilot-threatens-to-end-flight-due-to-airdrop-nudes-quit-sending-naked-pictures/ | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Taxivasion

In 2013, Angus McCoubrey had an incredibly minor dispute with a cab driver who perhaps was long hauling him. Nine years later, McCoubrey found himself arrested on an outstanding warrant for tax evasion, resulting in him being transported from his vacation on the island of Martha’ … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Your Pizza Will Arrive in Under 30 Hours or It’s Free

Are you looking for a new hobby? If you find yourself bored with a white-collar office job, you might follow in the delightfully weird footsteps of Umanami Futoshi, who dresses up as various delivery people and then climbs Mt. Fuji. There are a lot of better pizzas than Domino’s … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Dining on Invasive Species

I enjoy how the headline “Tracking device attached to invasive python found inside larger, hungrier snake” conveys an entire story in just 11 words.Link: https://www.9news.com.au/world/burmese-python-snake-cottonmouth-florida-moccasin-usa-nature-news/705a45eb-2101-4c98-be1c-3c608 … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

The Weirdness of a Fun Race for Senate

John Fetterman is an extremely unorthodox candidate who I dearly hope is Pennsylvania’s next senator, despite his campaign’s persistent trolling.Link: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/davidmack/john-fetterman-dr-oz-pennsylvania-senate-race-memes-twitter | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

The First Second Gentleman

Kamala Harris is the first female vice president the United States has ever had. As a result, her husband Doug Emhoff is the first second gentleman in our nation’s history. He’s working to model what that role can entail, and being a quiet force for gender equality. “I always bri … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago

Phil Really Missed His Time to Shine

Down in New Zealand, a young fur seal recently broke into a home via a cat flap. There, the seal crashed for a few hours before eventually being herded back outside, then caught by a ranger and taken back to sea. That’s a fun little story for the family in question, but my favori … | Continue reading


@onefoottsunami.com | 2 years ago