Not So Fast

Even without screw-ups like thi, remotely synchronized racing is strange. | Continue reading | 8 hours ago

It’s a Very Low Bar

Bragging about “acing” a cognitive test should be an immediate, retroactive failure. | Continue reading | 3 days ago

A Small Accounting Discrepancy

Somebody somewhere is definitely going to jail. | Continue reading | 4 days ago

Ending the Glorification of the Wrong Side of History

Remembering history is different from glorifying it. | Continue reading | 5 days ago

A COVID-19 Eating Contest

With no crowd, the focus was even more on the awful spectacle of horrific consumption. | Continue reading | 7 days ago

Everything’s Coming Up Mr. Potato Head

I especially like that customers “were asked to continue browsing”. | Continue reading | 10 days ago

Buying Multiple Smaller Cakes Destroys Your Volume Discount

Let us eat cake. | Continue reading | 11 days ago

I’m Here for Beef Stroganoff

This is a great story, well told. | Continue reading | 12 days ago

Cross Party Lines, but Stay Six Feet Away

Also, turning this into a referendum on manliness is goofy, but whatever works. | Continue reading | 13 days ago

Purchasing My Very Own Custom Pumper

I am pumped about this pumper! | Continue reading | 14 days ago

Conan the Very Good Boy or Girl

Last year, there was considerable analysis done on pictures of the dog's business. Results were inconclusive. | Continue reading | 17 days ago

Topping the Box Office

I wonder about the tax implications of this. | Continue reading | 18 days ago

Second Thoughts

Did they even really have first thoughts? | Continue reading | 19 days ago

The SEC Had “Comments” for Hertz

Comment number one, this is awfully close to securities fraud. | Continue reading | 20 days ago

Now That’s Just Bad Luck

I'm enjoying picturing the meeting (or meetings) that followed, after this realization. | Continue reading | 21 days ago

Rethink the Police

Fund people, not police. | Continue reading | 24 days ago

Isaac Newton, Master Chef

Surely even in the 1600s, this was gross. | Continue reading | 25 days ago

Hire This Man

I hope at least one of these companies hires Abrate to finish the job for them. | Continue reading | 26 days ago

Hurts So Bad

To be fair, a 99.9999% chance of failure is not a sure thing. | Continue reading | 27 days ago

Dr. Khama Ennis Kicks Ass

She also probes ass, when medically necessary. | Continue reading | 28 days ago

It’s Just a Phase

Actually, it's a good look for the governor. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

Two Emails in Two Hours Is a Bad Sign

People really ought to stop and think more. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

Just Stay in Your Bunker

Put on a mask, you sickening toenail! | Continue reading | 1 month ago

Look Up to Her

Next, let's get out the chisels. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

Derek Chauvin, Fraudulent Voter

The poster boy for police abuse also committing voter fraud would certainly be very on-brand. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

This Is What She Does Now

Can the president be charged with trespassing? | Continue reading | 1 month ago

How Do You Kneel on a Neck for Nine Minutes?

Criminals are still human beings, with a right to exist. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

The Church Stunt

He's not scared! YOU were hiding in a bunker last weekend! | Continue reading | 1 month ago

Our Job Is Never Done

There is always something each and every one of us can do to make things a little better. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

Organized Crime

Worth noting, stealing mail is a very, very dumb crime, with low rewards and very high penalties. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

The Mind Boggles

At least we now have a short list of businesses not to patronize. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

The 1000-Year-Old Sturminster Newton Mill Is Back in Business

1,000 years is ridiculously impressive. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

The Flour Company Supplying America’s Sudden Baking Obsession

A company that's survived over two centuries is probably a good one. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

Like a Rhinestone Jockstrap

The jockstrap may also be haunted. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

Astro the Grouch

I'm not sure it counts as a “bobblehead” if the head doesn't bobble. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

“Money Stuff” Is Hilarious Financial Writing

Did “Tank Wars” cause the coronavirus? Experts say mMaybe! | Continue reading | 1 month ago

A Veil of Darkness

If you need proof of systemic racism, here it is. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

Much More on the Yellow Multipurpose Machine

Keep away, trainophiles! | Continue reading | 1 month ago

I Actually Probably Don’t Want to Know

I'm not sure which would be worse, using the microwave or the oven. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

Pizza Arbitrage

A free lunch isn't cool. You know what's cool? Getting paid to have lunch. | Continue reading | 1 month ago

They Don’t Need Masks When Nobody Is Flying

Thank you, Charles Kielkopf | Continue reading | 1 month ago

USPS’s New “Premium” Tracking

My mind is gone. | Continue reading | 2 months ago

Cooler Screens: Creeping on You in the Cold Drinks Aisle

Not everything that can be “smart”, should be. | Continue reading | 1 year ago

Milton Glaser’s Proposed Logo for Trump’s ‘Space Force’

“Space Force”. God. | Continue reading | 1 year ago