The Stephen Dixon Award for Short Fiction recognizes an emerging fiction writer who is experimenting with form and expanding the boundaries of storytelling. Our first runner-up is Maz Do with “When the Moths Came” published in issue 72 of McSweeney’s Quarterly. - - -August when t … | Continue reading
The Stephen Dixon Award for Short Fiction honors the extraordinary work and life of long-time McSweeney’s author Stephen Dixon. The prize recognizes emerging fiction writers experimenting with form and expanding the boundaries of storytelling. The inaugural winner of this year’s … | Continue reading
Ingredients 425 ml of Marley’s Spirit or Dandelion & Burdock Fizz 225 grammes of jellied eel blood (harvested by the muck swallows and mud larks that live under the Thames; if you can’t harvest fresh eel, store-bought is fine) 50 grammes of strong flour 50 grammes of piddling flo … | Continue reading
When my child is enraged that they can’t have a bowl of whipped cream and sprinkles in the morning, you might think I’d acknowledge the lost dream of their dessert breakfast, eulogize their very real feelings about this, verbalize their anger, and tell them I understand. But if y … | Continue reading
We believed we were capable of anything. We had already used 22,000 bagels to test 280 brands of toasters in North America. We sent twenty-five reporters to forty-five different countries to test six hundred kinds of alarm clocks. We recruited ninety ex-CIA operatives to embed th … | Continue reading
To help celebrate our twenty-fifth year of being on the information superhighway, we have reached out to some of our former columnists for check-ins and updates. Today’s columnist, Ali Fitzgerald, won our Column Contest in 2013 with her comic “Hungover Bear and Friends,” which ra … | Continue reading
Cut my hair too short Start trimming my ear hair Force me to have an opinion on the ’86 Mets to avoid a lull in the conversation Cut my hair longer somehow Start using a product I don’t recognize Start using a product I do recognize: Kikkoman Soy Sauce Start talking about me on t … | Continue reading
It’s time to decide who will govern our people. We’ve been hit with higher-than-normal inflation and seen costs for basic commodities rise. That’s why I’m voting for Gork the Merciless to plunder our village. Gork has promised to slaughter our families, sell our children, burn ou … | Continue reading
CLERK: Hi, Mr. Gordon. We’ll just get you checked in here and discuss options. For the oil change, we have standard oil, high mileage, and our premium full synthetic blend. ME: I’ll take full synthetic. CLERK: Okay, good choice. We’ve got your cabin air filter here, it’s a bit di … | Continue reading
2024 REPUBLICAN 4TH GOP PRIMARY DEBATE TUSCALOOSA, ALABAMA DECEMBER 6, 2023 - - -8:00 PM: The fourth and (hopefully) final primary debate opens by showcasing the GOP’s diversity with moderator Megyn Kelly, a blonde white woman, flanked by not one but two brunette white women. Kel … | Continue reading
EXT. SMALL TOWN BUS STOP – DAY (A beautiful woman with slightly wavy brown hair steps off a bus. She’s RACHEL, a corporate lawyer from The Big City.) WOMAN ON BENCH (OLD): Shabbat Shalom! RACHEL: And also with you! WOMAN ON BENCH (OLD): Oh, dearie, you don’t look like you’re from … | Continue reading
“At least 2,456 fossil fuel lobbyists have been granted access to the Cop28 climate negotiations, according to an analysis.” — The Guardian, 12/5/23 - - -Why did you use your climate summit speech to promote Oil World? Oil World is a global leader in fighting the climate crisis. … | Continue reading
Anne Carson’s writing does not concern itself with the question of genre, though it’s probably most accurate to think of her as a poet. Frequently she draws her materials from the distant past, often taking classical literature as a starting point. She does not derive from these … | Continue reading
Author’s Note: This article contains helpful tips for wrapping ONLY. For gift ideas, please see our previous guide for dads titled “WW2 Nonfiction and 12 Other Inappropriate Gifts For Tweens.” - - -Are you a middle-aged divorcé who’s spent one too many silent nights stuck inside … | Continue reading
Age 25: Sure, I’ll try rock climbing. No harness? No worries. My life is carefree because I’ve never seen or paid for a medical bill. I watched Free Solo and thought, “Alex Honnold is definitely on his parents’ health insurance.” Age 26: I will never try rock climbing. In fact, I … | Continue reading
On the whole, I love my job writing holiday gift guides. I get to curate beautiful lists designed to help you, the consumer, bring joy to your loved ones. According to data from my affiliate links, you have been receptive to most of my suggestions, from cashmere gloves to fancy o … | Continue reading
To help celebrate our twenty-fifth year of being on the information superhighway, we have reached out to some of our former columnists for check-ins and updates. Today’s featured columnist, Susan Schorn, is a former Column Contest winner. She wrote sixty-one essays of Bitchslap, … | Continue reading
1. “Go back to sleep, let me drive, let me think, let me figure it out.” 2. “I can’t get around the river in front of me.” 3. “I don’t know, the cookies make me nervous.” 4. “I’m so sorry, but the motorcade will have to go around me this time.” 5. “Why did you listen to that man? … | Continue reading
Dear members of the University community, The University administration respects all student protests, just not this one. Students have fought for many important causes over the years, and their right to protest is sacrosanct. In this case, however, we must arrest and slander the … | Continue reading
Hello there, neighbor. We are your friendly corporation moving in next door. We’re taking over this six-story building that used to house various small businesses, artists, and families. Integrating into your community is extremely important to us during this transition, so we’re … | Continue reading
Let’s microdose in my softest micro French terry sweatshirt gown. Let’s do Molly under my heritage-quality Molly Patchwork Quilt. Let’s celebrate the happiest season with the hug drug and a cheeky panty in boiled wool. I live in the Garnet Hill catalog like Barbie lives in Barbie … | Continue reading
Dear Pam, Thank you for thinking of me and my son for the past eleven years as you and the rest of your firm’s staff gather around to add your signatures and nothing else to the non-denominational Costco holiday cards you send out every December. The jolly gender-neutral snowpers … | Continue reading
Gabe Hudson passed away last week. It’s a terrible and unconscionable loss that doesn’t feel real yet, so I’ve spent the last few days reading through his old emails to me. They are utterly boundless in their enthusiasm for life, for writing, for reading, for books, and for every … | Continue reading
For six decades or more, Gary Snyder has written a poetry of experience. And a poetry, almost always, of a brusque wisdom with the quality—somehow, for me—of the weather in the Pacific Northwest. That lush cold, that abundance in the fog. Here is “For the Children,” from his coll … | Continue reading
To help celebrate our twenty-fifth year of being on the information superhighway, we have reached out to some of our current and former columnists for check-ins and updates. Today’s columnist, John Moe, is a long-time, hall-of-fame contributor to the Internet Tendency. His Pop So … | Continue reading
You gotta get this Tesla Cybertruck, bro. It’s great. Am I a paid spokesperson? Sort of. I’m a person who paid $8 a month to “spokes” for them. This thing is awesome, bro. You ever been driving down the road when a crazed band of gangbangers rolled through your suburban neighborh … | Continue reading
Polar Vest This down-filled vest is super soft and is guaranteed to keep kids warm and toasty. Your tween will flat-out refuse to wear it for no apparent reason other than “I just don’t like it,” even though it comes in what used to be her favorite color but apparently isn’t anym … | Continue reading
- - -For the first time ever, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency’s longtime columnist Rowdy Geirsson has translated his extensive archival research of anonymously recorded, authentic Norse lore into English. This new scholarly edition of The Impudent Edda comes with extensive footnote … | Continue reading
SHIPPED: Your Amazon Order of GaiaGulp Earth-Friendly Metal Straws and EcoGO Reusable Shopping Bags is on its way to you in Chicago. You’ve opted to forgo expedited shipping and have your items packaged together. This reduces your order’s carbon footprint by drastically cutting d … | Continue reading
A gourmet bottle of peppermint-flavored extra Virgin Mary Olive Oil A box of edible ornaments that are inedible Twin-size flannel sheet set patterned with twee cartoon Christmas mice drunk on eggnog An $11.99 festive patterned puffer coat and matching tiny beanie for your $6.99 b … | Continue reading
Originally published November 26, 2013. - - -And after the feaste, which did consist of water-fowl, and cod and bass and other fishes, and a great many wylde turkeys, the people of Plymouth did retire. And upon awakening they were greeted with many goodly savings, on itemes of co … | Continue reading
Project Objective Create a recurring seasonal campaign event that amplifies America’s official brand story of bloodless colonialism while simultaneously boosting food consumption and increasing sales of eighty-five-inch TVs in the middle of the night. Explore cross-promotional op … | Continue reading
There are so many reasons to look forward to Thanksgiving. There’s the food, of course, but there’s also the chance to reconnect with our families and share memorable experiences with our loved ones. It’s not just full bellies and smiles, though. We all have that one uncle who, a … | Continue reading
“An anti-L.G.B.T.Q. group is organizing a boycott of Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade over performances by nonbinary Broadway actors, in the latest attempt to force companies to reverse course on social issues that some far-right groups consider too liberal.” — New York Times - - - … | Continue reading
Every Thanksgiving, I watch the greatest comedy of all time: Planes, Trains and Automobiles. It’s beautifully written, intelligently directed, and the cast is absolute perfection. There’s just one thing that always bugs me. Why didn’t eagles take them to Chicago? You wouldn’t bel … | Continue reading
Fahrenheit 305 Guy Montag, a Miami-Dade School Board member endorsed by Ron DeSantis, is in charge of rounding up books deemed too dangerous for Floridians to read, such as The Diary of Anne Frank, Uncle Tom’s Cabin, and anything by a Latino author. He begins questioning his role … | Continue reading
Give yourself one point for each answer yes. 1. Are your pants unbuttoned before the appetizer is even put on the table? 2. Are you wearing a pilgrim hat and drinking your fourth High Noon? 3. Did you loudly ask what the turkey’s pronouns were, then smirk into your Modelo? 4. Did … | Continue reading
To help celebrate our twenty-fifth year of being on the information superhighway, we have reached out to some of our current and former columnists for check-ins and updates. Today’s columnist, Suzanne Yeagley, has written Interviews with People Who Have Interesting or Unusual Job … | Continue reading
1. When the mega-mansion developer said, “Build,” he willed the entire life of a neighborhood into despair. 2. This despair cannot be understood as referring to anything other than the complete loss or absence of hope, that is, the hope of ever knowing a quiet day again. 3. The p … | Continue reading
Urban parenting is a battlefield. The best nannies, the right schools—the pressure is immense. Every decision, none more so than what to call your child, is an opportunity to stand out and gain an advantage. Sure, your suburbanite friends might find it distasteful and intense, an … | Continue reading
Cheesy Flatbread Bolognese Parmesan Toast Rippers Italian Tostada Mozzarella Sauce Cruster Open-Faced Pepperoni Sandwich Four Cheese Marinara Burrito, Unrolled Topless Calzone Mexican Pizza (Italian-Style) Deep Dish Pinwheel o’ Cheddar Wet ’n’ Starchy Caprese Salad Detroit Style … | Continue reading
Walmart’s Great Value Original Fruit Smiles is not exactly a new food, for the recipe has clearly been handed down through fluorescent generations. But given a recent update, they are truly the only fruit snack worth eating. The only fruit snack with substance, tang, and mouthfee … | Continue reading
“The new Supreme Court ethics code released on Monday looks good on paper, experts in legal ethics said. But only on paper. Its lack of an enforcement mechanism means that it will operate on the honor system, with individual justices deciding for themselves whether their conduct … | Continue reading
A Notice About Your Account Greetings from Photobucket. We’re reaching out to let you know that your free account is scheduled to be deleted as Photobucket is moving to a paid subscription platform. If you’d like to keep your photos, please log in and upgrade to any one of our su … | Continue reading
What is it about Alice Oswald’s poetry that is so immensely compelling? It could be the tautness, the hard brightness, of the language, the sense that every word in every line is earned, desperately necessary, a matter of urgency. It could be the fact that the poems are consisten … | Continue reading
We all know that women are burdened with a litany of unrealistic beauty standards: thin waists, big lips, smooth skin, silky hair, and the most egregious, vaginas that look like big, sensual flowers. It’s like how one celebrity decided that low-cut jeans were a thing, and then we … | Continue reading
Hi there! Thank you for your message. I am currently in the office with email access. Due to the volume of distractions, I will not get any work done. Please expect a reply between 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. when I am home from the office trying to squeeze an entire workday into a few un … | Continue reading