1) There is an ongoing idea that stems from my youth which is still as true now as it was to me then. I have always been this – me In the birth of our youth, we are led to the steps to experience.We find ourselves in the doorways of experiments and learning, we grow, we […] | Continue reading
This was my first time . . .I was hired for a special police initiativeRather than arrest, process, and jailthey hired someone like me – a specialist, to direct the person to treatment to offer help or hope instead of going backto more of the same. They called me a specialistBut … | Continue reading
Life can be like looking down the barrel of a gun sometimes . . .the villain is bearing down, looking to take the shot. They call these little inconsistencies, “part of life,” or they’ll tell you that hey, “shit happens!” You know?Maybe sometimes, we forget our place on the stage … | Continue reading
1) More than my fascination for the twilight and more than my appreciation for the nighttime sky above Manhattan and more than how I dig the moon when it hovers above us and shines over the Hudson, or when, let’s say, in mid- summer, maybe late July or close to August, say like w … | Continue reading
1) My guess is this –It’s safe to say that my journey began a long, long time ago.Or, perhaps I should say it this way –A long time ago, in a lifetime, far, far away; a great story took place. And me, I am this story.I was living in a time of youth and confusion. […] | Continue reading
I figure here is as good a place as any. Today, right now.I figure I can end this one here with you and leave it at this because today is a celebration. Today’s an acknowledgement. It’s a day of achievement and yet, today is a heavy memory as well. I figure that now is a […] | Continue reading
Sometimes, you have to be lost to get found. Or maybe you’ll never know about what’s missing until one day, you find something in this world. You see something that you can’t live without. And maybe this happens all the time or; perhaps this only only happens once in a while. Or, … | Continue reading
Get ready. This is neither good nor bad no in-between. This is a ramble of thoughts without direction. But at least, this is from the heart,And sure, I’m frustrated sometimes. Who isn’t?It is zero, four hundred hours and the hours of sleep have escaped me once more. I am somewher … | Continue reading
There’s only a few more days left before i close this journal. But, before I go, I wanted to go back to where my so-called life began. I can still see itMy first real bedroom.I can see what it looked like the last time I left. I remember the way it was all empty and […] | Continue reading
I want to go somewhere now. Somewhere different or should I say, I want to take you someplace different. There’s no draw or public knowledge of these places. I want to take you to a small place in a big world which is really the trick. I want to find a place with a great […] | Continue reading
So, I’m doing this to make an introduction . . .I don’t know what she would say if she were here.Mom, that is.It’s been a long time since Mom was Mom, which is funny to say because moms are always Moms, right? Even if they are not the best version of being themselves; Moms will [ … | Continue reading
I don’t know if anyone has seen what we’ve seen. I also have no idea what someone’s take on this will be. But either way, that has nothing to do with this entry nor does this relive me of my intention. I don’t know if everyone can relate to the same smells or the same […] | Continue reading
Some people live. Some people don’t. Or, as Bukowski once wrote, “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” I happen to agree with this. I happen to believe that in spite of myself and in spite of our craziness; in spite of the calluses and the tough … | Continue reading
Perhaps this might be too much to put here. But yet, I’ll put this here because I have no place left to put it. But after all; that’s why I’ve built this place; this little chapel of my own that only exists in the steeples of my mind and yet; at least this exists. At […] | Continue reading
I am eight days and a wake up away from an anniversary. I say it this way because the number of days and the wake up was once used to determine the amount of time before returning to the so-called real world. I was somewhere about the age of 17 when I was told to […] | Continue reading
Once more, I have the need to say this. I am a fan of the underdog. I am a fan of the dogged, the unrelenting and the one who understands what it means to endure. I am a fan of the person who is not deterred by the word No! Why wouldn’t I be?I’m a […] | Continue reading
It’s amazing to me. Technology is growing so fast. Or maybe this all growing too fast, no?Cell phones are the new thing to have. And it’s true, there’s a line between who has which cell phone and who uses the updates or knows how.I spent an afternoon scrolling through my phone on … | Continue reading
Here it is, today. The first morning of Spring.I know that something is on its way. I know that changes are about to take place. I know this because life has always been this way. Everything changes. Time changes. The clocks change. The way we look changes. The way we act and the … | Continue reading
When you find yourself looking up at the sky, trust me. I am too.When you see yourself and you wonder if there’s anyone out there who gets it and I mean if there’s anyone out there who really gets it. Please, add me to the list. When the wind is cold or the rain is […] | Continue reading
I don’t know if I ever thought that any of this would work out for me. Most of all, I never expected life to turn into this, with me being here, right now. I’m not sure if I believed in myself as a person or the ideas that I could take myself to the next […] | Continue reading
Let’s not pretend anymore. Life has changed. The world has changed.The way we live and the way we interact with each other is different now.We’ve all gone remote, at least to some degree.Almost everything has a hands-free option now. There’s such a thing as “no touch” delivery wh … | Continue reading
Timing is interesting to me because in light of all that’s going on around me, trouble and turmoil, thoughts and feelings; yet, in the moment, I came across an old note of mine that was written as a divorced father of a girl who I knew was going off in a different directionThis i … | Continue reading
I can think of it now, The Old Man coming in the television room, which we call the den. He would ask, “What are you doing in here? Get outside!” We never had video games like the ones that kids have today. We had Atari. We had Pac-man. We had Asteroids. We had Elevator Action. [ … | Continue reading
And then there was the world, right there in front of us. But did we know it? Did we know anything, or did we only think we knew?Life was about to happen. And there we were, right on the verge of a new chapter; too afraid to turn the page and to eager to hold […] | Continue reading
There are a thousand things that you will see and hear. There will be things you’ll taste and things that you’ll smell. These things will last forever. This is good, trust me. There will always be life ongoing and unfolding because life will always happen, right in front of us. Y … | Continue reading
It is 3:33 in the morningActually, it’s only 2:33 but the world pulled a trick, which we call daylight savings time.I am awake (of course) when I would rather be sleeping.I am tossing and turning and sifting through random ideas, like “hey, how great would it be if this were summ … | Continue reading
I know I’ve told you about the farm and my own version of what I’d like to create someday. I want to build a farm of my own; however, my reasons and my intentions are not the same. My reason for this journey is no different from anyone else’s. In the beginning of my life, […] | Continue reading
Sure, I’ve been fed up before. I’ve sworn off things and gone right back to them the next day. I admit it, I have my struggles with change.I have my bouts the same as anyone else does. I’ve been at the intersection of doubt and hopeless and while standing at the crossroads of my … | Continue reading
It is sunrise again. The city is cool but not too cold. They say that spring will be here soon and that’s fine with me. Daylight savings is just around the corner which means the sunrise will be an earlier occasion. For now . . .The wind is moving but its not too sharp that […] | Continue reading
Alone. Misunderstood. I know you all too well. But that’s okay.Don’t worry.I know you well enough by now, which again, this is fine. I see you on the road and all around. I can see how far you’ve traveled. You’ve been around the world (almost,) which means you’ve seen the sights. … | Continue reading
So, it does get better. You do know this, right?Or, is this just something that people tell us when we first walk through the doors? Is this a way to get people to something new? Maybe . . .Maybe that’s it. Maybe the idea of telling people “it works if you work it,” is more […] | Continue reading
I never had much of a college experience. Then again, my head was never much for schoolwork, which was fine at the time. It was never a thing for me. School, that is. I never felt comfortable in the social caste systems. I never felt comfortable with the different variations of t … | Continue reading
There were times when I was sitting in an airport and waiting for a flight. I’m an early morning person. Either that, or some of my flights were late but regardless of the time, I have always been a fan of looking out of the big window, which overlooks the planes. I can see them … | Continue reading
If we want to talk about doses of nostalgia, then let’s talk about something which hits home for me. Let’s talk about something from the depths of our soul – and speaking of depths, let’s talk about the way this makes us feel, the memories, and the pictures that come to mind. Thi … | Continue reading
I mentioned something to you yesterday about the early sunrise. This is because spring is on the way, which is about to happen soon. And that’s fine because I like an early sunrise. I like the idea of an empty road, no one else is up yet, and no one else is around. There’s only [ … | Continue reading
Suddenly, it’s all vast and green, the hills, the fields, the leaves on the trees are all green again. They call this springtime.To me, I call this a seasonal rebirth. Everything that faded returns. Life blooms and the weather warms. It is the second day of March and as we spin a … | Continue reading
Sure, I get it. I was wild. I get that my youth was not pretty (to some) and I get that my stories might be either too crazy or even too disturbing. I get that too.But then again; to each is own. And while I do not live in my past or rally in the […] | Continue reading
Don’t kid yourself. Your thoughts have impact. Your thinking determines the direction of your day.It’s true. it is also true to say that we are very interesting creatures.We come from an interesting society; but more, we come from a life-long training center of how to live, how t … | Continue reading
When there is no room left for excuses, then there’s no more reasons to make up the lies. There’s no more time for half-hearted words or the empty promises to yourself. When there’s nowhere left to turn or there’s no place left to fall, then there’s no more room left to hurt. Thi … | Continue reading
I have found myself in this tussle between the then and the now. And more than once, I have lost myself to the ideas from my past. I have lost to battles that no longer exist because I have lived in the past. And more times than I can count; I have lost myself to […] | Continue reading
I am not always sure about what might come next. And I don’t know if the day is about to be good or bad and yet, sometimes, I have this feeling as if the entire world is about to fall off a cliff. Ever think this way? Ever worry about something unknown or unforeseen or […] | Continue reading
The only time you really lose is when you lose yourself to the comparisons of other people. You lose to the contrast of these inaccurate ideas of who’s who and who’s what or who is better and who’s worse?What is beauty? Who is beautiful? Who decides these things? Was there a poll … | Continue reading
I’m not sure why it’s a struggle to be honest about the way we think or feel. I’m not sure why it is when people say what they think or feel; someone will come by and say something like, “Hey, don’t think like that.”I suppose we live in a world where there’s not supposed to […] | Continue reading
I never minded the rain. Least of all the summer storms, which come out of nowhere. I never minded the way the clouds crept in, as if to show the sky was closing in on us. I know that this changed our plans but hey, life has a way of changing our plans when we […] | Continue reading
This one will not be for everyone. Then again, not everything is for everyone. I suppose this is more for me than anyone else. I suppose this entry is to define the contrast between who I was and who I’ve become. Or, maybe this is me looking to offer you a bridge, to come over an … | Continue reading
I wanted to enter this here to break the tension a little bit. I wanted to enter this as means of some lightheartedness, to break up the stories and soften the emotions a little bit. Now, to be clear; I do not condone teenage nonsense and I do not promote substance use. However, … | Continue reading
And I get it . . .It’s not so easy when you’re in the middle of it all. Everything around you is in turmoil and your thoughts are raging with the worst possibilities. The ideas of shame and exposure and catastrophe are imposing and the impending doom is unrelenting. I can say tha … | Continue reading
And suddenly . . .I’m right back to a time when I was alive. It’s the smells. It’s the aromas from my City. It’s the taste of something from the boyhood chapters of my youth. It’s the sound of cicadas chattering from the trees in the summertime and suddenly, I can remember when t … | Continue reading