Our city is proud to offer monthly trash pickup, every-other-day recycling pickup, and composting services. Are you in the present moment with us? Vibe a bit longer, then see when your intuition says to place the compost at the curb—that will be the correct time. But how do you k … | Continue reading
Q: Do I have to make room for people when the bus starts getting crowded? A: Not if you don’t want to. Even if the bus driver shouts, “Please move all the way to the back,” several times in a row over the loudspeaker, it’s really just a suggestion. Feel free to ignore them for as … | Continue reading
Just _____ Just checking in _______ Just checking in, sorry - - -Hey neighbor ______ Hey neighbor, could you drop the volume a smidge ______ Hey neighbor, could you drop the volume a smidge on your vintage pornography? - - -Babe, can I get an update ______ Babe, can I get an upda … | Continue reading
You were riding during rush hour. Why were you riding then? There are way too many cars on the road. If you were commuting, you should have contacted your boss and politely asked to work from 3:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. instead. You were riding at night or in the early morning. There … | Continue reading
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“Large school districts across Florida are dropping plans to offer Advanced Placement Psychology, heeding a warning from state officials that the course’s discussion of sexual orientation and gender identity violates state law.” — Washington Post - - -Despite media reports to the … | Continue reading
Sheila Muniz is delighted to be making her parenthood debut as Mom in Ainsley: Six Pounds Seven Ounces. She comes to the role after a recurring appearance as Cool Aunt (Jacob) and Cat Mom (Floof). She has also worked in Mid-Level Marketing Company (Sheila), where she will return … | Continue reading
Find a time to sit down and plan out the week ahead. Start by copying all your Google Calendar meetings into your notebook. Cross them out as meetings get rescheduled or canceled, so that by Friday your agenda looks like Picasso’s Guernica. Having a constantly outdated physical c … | Continue reading
Hi Steve. Hope the air where you are is somewhat breathable today! Just wanted to circle back around on that report. - - -Dear Judy, I hope this finds you without a collapsed power grid. :( - - -Jim, What a toxic spill, huh? Bigger than the last three! Anyway, wondering if you’re … | Continue reading
Let’s hear it for Wilco! I’m going to let the band get back to it in a minute, but first, I need to make an important safety announcement: Please be careful with what you put in your bodies at this festival. We’re getting reports there are some bad IPAs going around. I’m not tryi … | Continue reading
Welcome to Yoga with Aditi. I’m Aditi, and the man snoring in the corner is Biju Uncle. Today’s yoga series is for my fellow South Asians. Hop into something comfy—nighties with holes are encouraged—and let’s begin. Let’s start with a quick check-in. Notice what energy you’re bri … | Continue reading
A dreary afternoon. Rain patters against the windows. You’re inside getting cozy in your favorite recliner, about to open a new Goodreads tab. Ahh. There’s nothing quite like it, is there? When we dive into Goodreads, we get to explore exciting worlds brimming with possibilities. … | Continue reading
Dear Townspeople of Stars Hollow, You know me, Lindsay. While not the town’s prodigal daughter, I am also a young woman who was born and raised in this town (there are actually a lot of us, though we don’t get our own table at Luke’s or automatically become the town’s Ice Cream Q … | Continue reading
It is with a heavy heart that I declare my intention to keep our dinner plans for tonight. I understand that this news may come as a shock, given our beautiful and long-standing tradition of taking turns canceling on each other. I can already picture the sadness on your face as y … | Continue reading
Would you like to sign up for our newsletter? Yes! No thanks. I’m a big dumb dumb. I win the award for Biggest Dumb Dumb every single year. I have so many Biggest Dumb Dumb awards that the shelf I kept them on collapsed under the weight. People got hurt. When I go out to eat at a … | Continue reading
“Co-conspirator 1 is described in the indictment as an ‘attorney who was willing to spread knowingly false claims and pursue strategies that the defendant’s 2020 re-election campaign would not.’” — The New York Times - - -“A Time Person of the Year somewhere between 2000 and 2002 … | Continue reading
A few months before Mary Austin Speaker moved away from New York, her city of many years, she started writing poetry on her train commute across the Manhattan Bridge. The result, called The Bridge, is emblematic of Speaker’s buoyant, radiant poetry, at once involved in a communit … | Continue reading
Look at me! No, don’t look at the lollipop in my hair—look me in my unblinking dilated pupils. This nasty skin rash, which I probably got when Ella stuck her finger in my nose at preschool, is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Because the doctor hooked me up with a little … | Continue reading
Gather round, men, for tonight I shall finish my mission of vengeance against this cruel machine that mocks my attempts to understand the ways of the Almighty! My life’s goal is finally within my grasp, and soon I shall snare that SpongeBob SquarePants plush toy and spite the mal … | Continue reading
My sister’s baby Definitely wouldn’t bring my sister’s baby. That would be so unwise, so I can confidently say I wouldn’t bring them. That’s a good choice, right? Because then I’d have to bring the baby plus all the baby supplies. And I’d have the added difficulty of having to ta … | Continue reading
I get what I want, and this summer, I want Emily Dickinson. She is the hottest girl in Amherst. Did you see that white dress she insists on wearing every day? It reaches all the way to the floor, baby. Mark it down, before I leave Massachusetts, I’m going to bang that lady poet. … | Continue reading
Chicka Chicka Boom Boom Some people are wising up and removing this bawdy board book from impressionable kindergarten classrooms. The title alone is filthy. It encourages kids to join orgies, which is obviously how all those letters got injured up there in the so-called “coconut … | Continue reading
Our family has been FRYING UP CLAMS at the Clam ‘n’ Putt for more generations than we can remember. When it’s summer, you can count on two things: HOT SUN, and us here making clams, because Neptune totally fucking cursed our family. Basically, like a thousand years ago, one of ou … | Continue reading
“Earth just broke records for its hottest day” — Vox (7/26/2023) - - -We can’t believe we’re saying this, but for the first time since Satan’s fall from Heaven, Earth is hotter than Hell. To celebrate, we are opening our gates and allowing anyone from Earth to visit—not just the … | Continue reading
We realize there are a lot of educational toys out there, particularly those that teach STEM skills (science, technology, engineering, and math). In today’s crowded marketplace, it can be tough to know what will keep your children entertained and on track to become the next engin … | Continue reading
’Sup. It’s your best friend, Avery or something. As you can tell from the wind-whipped hair on the non-shaved half of my head, I rode my motorcycle here from my eclectically furnished studio apartment in our city’s equivalent neighborhood to the Lower East Side portrayed in Rent. … | Continue reading
1. Rent one big house together. Working “together” to choose a house, everyone should drag their feet and be overly polite until the bossiest one just takes care of it. The Boss should resent that they had to do everything. Everyone else should resent that The Boss got to make th … | Continue reading
“You can still circle back and touch base. But the vernacular of work life for many has changed just as much as their work has.” — The New York Times - - -“Goat teats and summer coats” I propose we start using this phrase to mean really drilling down and getting granular. Example … | Continue reading
“X is the future state of unlimited interactivity—centered in audio, video, messaging, payments/banking—creating a global marketplace for ideas, goods, services, and opportunities. Powered by AI, X will connect us all in ways we’re just beginning to imagine.” — Linda Yaccarino, C … | Continue reading
Daniel Brock Johnson’s second book of poetry, Shadow Act: An Elegy for Journalist James Foley, is a representation of the relationship between two friends. On the one hand, the journalist James Foley. On the other, the poet. It’s as if the two men were bound together so deeply an … | Continue reading
[CHERYL and ADAM sit on a designer couch in their West Village apartment that they can afford even though they don’t really seem to work. SARA enters.] SARA: Steve broke up with me! ADAM: Aw, sweetie, there are plenty of fish in the sea. CHERYL (gesticulating with a Bop It): Whic … | Continue reading
Calling all office warriors and lunchtime heroes, a brand-new FEED is coming to this location. If you haven’t yet visited one of our eighty-one other identical locations in the city that all popped up last month, you’re in for a delicious new way to get the fuel you need to finis … | Continue reading
1. “This is a life-changing opportunity.” 2. “We need to expand our line.” 3. “Don’t you want to get in on the ground floor of transforming someone’s life?” 4. “The clock is ticking.” 5. “Sure, there’s a large up-front investment of time and money, but trust us, the payoff is hug … | Continue reading
With apologies to Aqua. - - -She would collect name tags and uniforms like a poacher collects tusks. She was many things. She was a ballerina and a lawyer and a flight attendant and a pilot. When we first met, she was a model by trade. It was an occupation viewed by many as unski … | Continue reading
If you cannot decide whether to go to South America or British East Africa because you are getting bored with Paris, drink a full glass of whiskey. Drink one shot of absinthe if you are waiting to be seated at a restaurant. Drink two bottles of wine with dinner if you are enterta … | Continue reading
The hills west of the Anduin were tall and white. On its east side there were low shrubs and thin grass and no trees and rocks and stones and dirt near the road which led north and south alongside Mordor. Here they set camp with a small fire and pot simmering skinned conies for a … | Continue reading
“Now I become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” — J. Robert Oppenheimer, on witnessing the first detonation of a nuclear weapon. - - -What have I, J. Robert Oppenheimer, done? The deadliest weapon in history was made by my hand, leaving me the terrible responsibility to build a qu … | Continue reading
Well, registered voters of Bradford County. It’s been quite a ride. As my one and only term as transportation commissioner comes to an end, I can’t help but look back and wonder: Where did it all go wrong? Losing this election by the biggest voting margin in our state’s history w … | Continue reading
We’re looking for someone to take over a temporary lease while our bedmate goes on a once-in-a-lifetime visit to a chocolate factory. About Us We’re three grandparents who sleep in the same bed in the middle of our daughter/daughter-in-law’s one-bedroom efficiency. We spend all o … | Continue reading
Over two books, both published by The Waywiser Press, Eric McHenry has built up a world of poetry that’s at once lighthearted and serious, cantankerous and comical. It’s populated with lullabies and villanelles and references that defy easy category—ranging from, for instance, Ka … | Continue reading
I’ll be the first to admit music is not my strong suit. Of course, I did master the violin by age three, wrote my first opera at four, and was performing Wagner’s Der Ring des Nibelungen as a soloist with the Vienna Philharmonic in kindergarten—but those were the simpler days of … | Continue reading
Greed is one of the most popular sins, which explains why it inspired so many Bible verses. For example, Luke 12:15 reads, “Life does not consist in an abundance of possessions,” and was clearly written in a time before pinball machines and dirt bikes. Cussing is a confusing sin … | Continue reading
Come on, it’s the twenty-first century. I believe in equality between the genders. Or is it equity? Whatever e-word the gals are jabbering about, that’s what I support—100 percent. Cleaning? I take the living room windows; my wife takes the bedroom windows. I take the closet; she … | Continue reading
1. PSAT tutor 2. ACT proctor 3. Buying and selling GameStop index funds while I’m trying to collect the fucking homework 4. Youth soccer camp coach 5. Piano lessons and biweekly plasma donations 6. Wedding photographer 7. Wedding violinist 8. Lifeguard 9. Cadillac car salesboy 10 … | Continue reading
Greetings human! Welcome to the internment camp operated by your robot overlords. Congratulations on not being sent to the beheading farm—you have a skillset we consider valuable, or your head shape was deemed likely to break the beheader. Please proceed to the Sterilization Zone … | Continue reading
“Disney CEO Bob Iger Says Writers and Actors Are Not Being ‘Realistic’ With Strikes: ’It’s Very Disturbing to Me’” – Variety - - -Ever since I married Cinderella’s father I’ve only ever asked her to cook and clean and obediently serve myself and her stepsisters. But is she happy … | Continue reading
A generous salary, a hybrid work schedule, robust PTO, and the ability to put that anthropology degree to use at long last. The commute: minimal. The employer: focused on work-life balance and making a difference. The work: rewarding and enjoyable. In short, I thought I had found … | Continue reading
“Remote work poses risks to physical health.” — The Hill “Swollen eyes, a hunchback, and claw-like hands: What remote-workers will look like by 2100.” — The Daily Mail - - -Listen, it’s not me, Capitalism, saying you should be in an office under the watchful eye of a boss who con … | Continue reading