It's been a rough [checks calendar] 5+ years, minions, so this week I got to thinking: Why not add more clowns? You know, grumpy clowns: Murder clowns: Clowns with no face skin: Dead clowns... ... who are on fire... Clowns who look like they're made out of meat: And of course, cl … | Continue reading
Minions, if you want an occasion to be TRULY memorable, then only the worst will do. Do you think S.L. will be forgetting her wedding cake anytime soon? NUH-UH. So if you can't beat 'em, I say, join 'em! From baby showers: ...to Valentines: ...to an overwhelming sense of ennui: T … | Continue reading
♫ Spider-Man, Spider-Man ♪ Does whatever a spider can! Spins a web Any size! Catches thieves Between his thighs LOOK OUT! ♫ Here comes the Spider-Maaaan! Is he strong? Listen, Bud Spider-Man is a total stud He can float, he can fly! Just look into his soulful eyes OH YEAH ♫ That' … | Continue reading
And now it's time for One-Sided Conversations With Jen. Feel free to talk to me through the screen, though. I'm sure that won't worry your family and friends at all. Anyone here remember the game Hungry Hungry Hippos? I only ask because... ...well, no reason. ***** Hey, you know … | Continue reading
I think I'm ready to start eating more fruit, you guys. I'll, uh, have what she's having. Over at Epcot (the theme park, not our resident bunker) there's a Frozen-themed ride where the old Maelstrom used to be. That change upset a lot of fans, of course, because Maelstrom was the … | Continue reading
Hey, it's International Lace Week! Think we can find any Sweets with edible lace on them? (Sugar Delites, online cake supply shop) You bet your dainty lace doilies we can! Isn't this green dreamy? And look how perfect this black and white number is: (A Cake Occasion, UK) Unreal! … | Continue reading
It's "Take Your Houseplant For A Walk Day," minions, and wow are the plants excited. Just look how happy this flower is to see you. [insert "stamen-a" joke here] Of course taking your ficus for walkies is nothing compared to some of the strange occasions bakers celebrate. You kno … | Continue reading
We need modern tools for a modern age, minions. That's why I'm proposing we throw out the passé Rorschach ink blot test for psychological evaluation... and use cakes instead. "SO... [clicking pen, pushing up glasses, consulting clipboard]... "Tell me. "What do you see?" "I'm sorr … | Continue reading
Val's friends ordered her a Kansas University cake, with "Go Jayhawks!" on it. There was a little mix-up with the "KU" at the top, though: Give it a sec. (When in doubt, always add ellipses.) This bride and groom ordered a small wedding cake, plus a matching sheet cake to go on t … | Continue reading
Christina B. writes: I read that as "peed in the corner" at first, but bakers almost never do that. Almost. ***** Kendra H. wanted "Happy Birthday Deanie" in dark green. More proof you can't always believe what you read: This cake has been doctored. ***** And finally, Jaime J.'s … | Continue reading
Bakers, I want you to know that I know. I KNOW. Sometimes your customers are... weird. I promise I'll keep this brief. And hey, if someone with cash in hand asks you to draw Lebron James as an anesthesiologist, then by golly, you draw Lebron James as an anesthesiologist. I hear h … | Continue reading
There's a Sweet new trend going around with mostly Russian cake artists, and I think you guys are gonna love it: (Juso Cakes, Russia) Splash cakes! At least that's what I call them. I'm sure there's a more technical term. Some of these look like actual liquid splashes: (Shevtsova … | Continue reading
Sunday is "Legal Drinking Age Day," minions, and I bet some of you might feel like celebrating. ...with a badly drawn picture... of misspelled beer... on a cake. I mean, sure. ::shrug:: Or maybe you feel like exploring your creative side: Or expressing your inner poet: Or just le … | Continue reading
It's an immutable law of nature: parents have to embarrass their kids. HAVE TO. So to show how hep and "with it" she was, Michelle asked the baker to write, "Happy 10th Birthday, Dude!" on her son's birthday cake. And did that turn out well? Well, DUH. Oh hey, bonus poo palms! NO … | Continue reading
It's Bring Your Poet To Work Day, minions, a day I'm still choosing to believe is NOT a typo so that I can write bad poetry about bad cakes. My big face of ambivalence looms My small face of nonplussed disillusionment just kinda sits there ***** For but one wild and joyous moment … | Continue reading
Just think: this is the *fixed* version. LOOOK OOUUUUUT!! Gah. Hate it when that happens. And finally, I may not know what this is supposed to be, you guys, but I bet it's the "Jumbo Size." Lemme guess. Decorated for her pleasure. Thanks to David G., Dawn M., Amy R., Nate T., Tar … | Continue reading
It. Was. An. Itsy bitsy... Weirdly sheeny... Lumpy camouflage bikini... That I saw in the bakery display! An itsy slitsy... (ow) Armed and weedy: Yellow dirty dot bikini: O.o ...and I think that's enough for today! Thanks to Megan K., Deanna C., Cheryl R., Meghann E., Gina L., & … | Continue reading
I love watching the evolution of cake art, and today we're going to look at some fantastically fun designs like THIS: (By Lima Cakes) Aw yeeeah. This one reminds me of a shopping mall in the 80s, but I mean that in the most glorious and refined way possible: (By Malarkey Cakes, L … | Continue reading
Don't you worry, minions; there are lots of ways a baker can wreck your order. Maybe they'll be a little too literal: Or maybe they'll forget what homonyms are: Maybe they'll get extra creative and do whatever this is: o.o But if you're lucky - reeeeally lucky - then when you ord … | Continue reading
Like a lot of new parents-to-be, Jen and Scott asked for a cutesy bear on their baby shower cake. But instead, they got... EFFING PANDAS. I know, I know. At first glance you're like, "Nooo, they CAN'T be." Then you look closer, and you're like, "THEY TOTALLY ARE WHO MADE THIS CLI … | Continue reading
Christina ordered this cute owl cake: ... but instead, she got a real hoot: Hoooooo doggy. Rhiannon asked for this buttercream birch design: But instead: Birch? PLEASE. And finally, a little birdie told me Magda asked for this for her daughter's birthday: Buuut I'm pretty sure th … | Continue reading
Gina's birthday is the 4th of July, so last week her hubby John ordered a patriotic cake for the occasion. The bakery had several jars of plastic decorations sitting around, so John pointed at one and asked the bakers to put "some of those stars in the jar" on the cake. Which... … | Continue reading
Technique A: The "Decorative Candy Drizzle Embellishment" Step 1. Hold container in hand: Step 2. Invert container: Technique B: The "Elegant Victorian Baroque Fine Lace Ornamentation" Step 1. Hold piping bag over cake: Step 2. Squeeze Technique C: The "Parisian Silk Corinthian F … | Continue reading
To quote a wise cartoon crab, "The human world, it's a mess. Life under the sea is better than anything they've got up there!" I don't know if he's right, but this stunning hand-painted sea turtle almost has me convinced: (Cakes By Shafa) Look at the tiny trail of bubbles off the … | Continue reading
Right off the bat, minions, I should tell you today's sportsball cakes are all par for the course. (Hey, HERE'S A TIP.) I mean, sure, some will seem out of left field... ...but these are right up your alley. (I'll spare you the gutter-minded humor on this one.) And somehow these … | Continue reading
You guys, I really don't know how to say this. But... .... here goes. "Fourth OB July?" "Fourth oh bee July?" Which is it? Well, whichever, the important thing is that I wish you all a "Happ4" one, so here ya go: And now that that's done, I'll let you get back to enjoying your ce … | Continue reading
Holiday time, baby! Who gets to cut out early this afternoon for a long weekend? Huh? The rest of us will just be here, "working." Though to be honest, we may not have our full attention on what we're doing. Oops. Close! "What country is this, again?" You ever get a little punchy … | Continue reading
And now, John's Handy Reaction Gifs. (You might want to give this post a moment to load) When I see a date like this on a cake: When I see bakers trying to write text speak: When I can't tell if the cake is supposed to be dirty or not: When someone sends in a picture of a "good" … | Continue reading
Because this is the kind of thing I do to amuse myself. Thanks to Candice J., Audra M., Katie W., Katherine K., Deborah F., the L family, & Kimberly B. for reminding us the truth hurts sometimes, but everything's better with cake. | Continue reading
Now that Summer is officially here, let's look at some cool summer wedding cakes, and imagine all of these with a heaping scoop of ice cream on the side. :D Starting with the classiest dragonflies this side of the 1920s: (By Mira Que Tarta) I want to wear this whole cake in my ha … | Continue reading
It's America's birthday next week, e'erbody! Don't you hate it when you get to the party and/or bakery and everyone's started drinking without you? Of course, most folks know it simply as: 4th July of. Or July 4th of. Your choice. Yes, friends, it’s a day to salute all nations, b … | Continue reading
Hey bakers, you know how you all get together in shadowy back rooms and debate which new frosted horrors to unleash on your unsuspecting customers? Well, never thought I'd say this, but you've finally outdone yourselves. Blue Cake Tacos. Wow. That's like a whole new breed of wron … | Continue reading
Happy birthday, Happy Birthday song! You know what's coming next. [loudly and off key] ♫ Haaaaaappy... ♪ BIRDAY ...to you! Haaaaaapppy BISLHAY ...to you! Haaaaaaaaaapppy... Well, you get the idea. ('Butthday' is my favorite.) Anyhoo: Thanks to Lisa M., Kelsey D., Jason M., Stacie … | Continue reading
They asked for a sportsball cake that said "Way To Go!" They GOT a wedding cake that said: "Way you go" I love the lack of punctuation. It's basically the cake version of that unflappable old guy on a front porch watching the big action fight tumble down the street in front of hi … | Continue reading
Minions, it thrills my geeky little heart to see you Agent Carter fans ordering her iconic red hat as a cake: Ooooh. Aaaah. But I must admit, it's also a thrill to pull a new pun out of my hat, so.... Looks like someone... [SUNGLASSES] ...busted a cap. Thank you, thank you verram … | Continue reading
Anyone else finding it hard to focus lately? This past week I've been so scattered I couldn't even settle on a theme for today's Sweets. So after hours of frustration, I gave up and decided to embrace the meanderings of my beleaguered brain. That's right, you're getting 11 happy … | Continue reading
IN A WORLD Where NO ONE could spell "Father's day." 1 DAD Got HAMMERED. To become the ULTIMATE... ...HEAD CASE. There WERE puns. There WERE... wait, what? But mostly... There WERE really... REALLY Really bad ties. Hope your Father's Day was awesome, everybody - or at least wrecky … | Continue reading
So there's this hilarious wrecky outbreak happening across our nation's bakeries, but it requires a little explanation before you can truly appreciate how funny it is. Here's the deal: See that? That's an edible image sheet. These sheets are supposed to work like individual stick … | Continue reading
How To Celebrate National Hermit Week (by a prefessional hermit) Step 1) Cancel all your plans I'm sure you can think of a good excuse. Step 2) Stock up on essential food items Step 3) Jazzercise Just kidding. Step 4) Raid the toy box and assemble a make-shift homage to your favo … | Continue reading
PHOTOGRAPHY. This modern marvel has brought us many wonders. It allows us to see ourselves... as we've never seen ourselves before. ::long, judgmental pause:: Photography lets our parents embarrass us forever: Where would we be without photography? (Er, that was actually a rhetor … | Continue reading
Warning: "Seriously, John? You want me to put a warning on this?! This is the internet, man!" "Fine." You have been warned. Minions, I don't want you going off half-cocked today. You should always be FULLY cocked, when possible. Especially if your last name is Cox. Or if you don' … | Continue reading
We've all seen enough necktie cakes to last us a lifetime, right? So instead, I thought we'd celebrate Father's day with some famous dads in Pop Culture. After all, the dads on TV and in movies run the whole gamut of fatherhood. There are the dads who make us laugh: (The Cake Top … | Continue reading
And once again, everyone's* favorite: MISSED MARKS!!! (*May not be your favorite. You may prefer cakes that look like wangs. Which is totally cool. Weirdo.) Ashton H. wanted a pretty princess carriage like this: ...but I think she picked it up after midnight. Womp WOMP. Felicia F … | Continue reading
For some reason Courtney wasn't happy with the "mountains" she requested on her son's birthday cake: Can't imagine why. So she went back and explained she'd actually wanted RAISED mountains, not just flat drawings. Happily, the bakery agreed to fix the cake. And here's the finish … | Continue reading
Just when you think the age of hilarious literal cakes is over, that bakers have all caught wind of this blog and therefore wised up to writing the order instructions ON the cake... you get a glorious triple-header in one week. I like how the baker put the crown over the "Inside … | Continue reading
I know what you’re thinking… You're not wrong. It turns out there aren't a lot of big weddings going on for some reason. O.o Jennifer S. asked her baker to make an ombre cake. To be fair, Jennifer, your first clue should have been that your baker didn't already know what ombre me … | Continue reading
CW reader Tati snapped a photo of something... interesting... on display in a local bakery's window. Now, John and I have studied this thing at length (FOR SCIENCE!!), and unfortunately we can't seem to agree on what, exactly, it's supposed to be. Here's where you guys come in. O … | Continue reading
♫ Bees'll buzz, (TrudyCakes and Cookies, no location listed) Kids'll blow dandelion fuzz (Anka P, Slovakia) And I'll be doing what everyone does In summer (Debbie Brown Cakes, UK) A drink in my hand (Couture Cakes By Olga, Sri Lanka) My toes up against the burning sand (The Stabl … | Continue reading