I’m not sure why people mistake honesty, as if to mean that something is wrong or that when someone speaks from the heart, people assume something is ripping them apart. No.Sometimes, you need to say what’s on your mind.You need to vent.You need to let off steam, and yes, the ide … | Continue reading
In all fairness,I don’t believe that anyonecan pass their own test.What I mean is,I think it’s easy to point fingersor to assign blameand come up with excusesor rationalize your actswith ideas to justify the things we sayor do— But in all fairnessno one can pass their own test. L … | Continue reading
And then there is music. There has always been music, always playing and always singing to the heart in which, at some point, I rise and fall and find myself situated like a kid in the hallway, (remember?) waiting for the bell to ring and explode through the double-doors of some … | Continue reading
No one said this would be an easy task. Then again, no one ever told me that anything worthwhile would be easy.Nothing is ever easy. Or maybe there is no easy or hard—there just “is.” I don’t know why we can’t be honest. I don’t know why we have to hide what we think or […] | Continue reading
This is how life can be when we look or see ourselves as unworthy, or less-than.And I say this openly because I offer this as a means to expose how insecurity can destroy our ability to be happy. And who doesn’t want to be happy?Who doesn’t want to feel content?Who wants the worl … | Continue reading
America, I have not forgotten you. I have not forgotten what you mean to me, who you are, or how I feel when I hear them sing to you. I have not forgotten the rights and the wrongs or the mistakes from our past. I have not forgotten the people who have poisoned you and […] | Continue reading
It is beyond me. The world, I mean. People, places, and things are all beyond my control. No matter what I say or do, or no matter how I try, I have to learn that this is a fact.Even if it pains me, even if this breaks my heart, and even if I hate what […] | Continue reading
Am I afraid?Sure, I’m afraid.I’m afraid of a lot of things.But who says fear is such a bad thing? Fear tells us, “Hey, we have to be careful,” or “hey, something doesn’t seem right.” Above all things, fear is an excellent motivator. Fear can lead us to the breaking point, and fea … | Continue reading
I admit it.Sure, it’s easy for me to get in touch with “the other side” or the dark side, so-to-speak. And yes, I admit to my understanding of outrage and hatred. In fact, I understand jealousy, rage, contempt, fury, and wrath and revenge.I know all of these things, and I know th … | Continue reading
Keep in mind, this is part of a dreamwhich, in fairness, I have to say that my dreams are beyond me. But this one . . .This one was beautiful (to me) I want to embody more than just me.You know?No, I want to be more than who I am and more than just myself.I […] | Continue reading
I know we talk about things all the time—you and I . . .At the same time, there are days when I am alone and times when I am thinking, of course, and of course, I’m thinking all too much and all too often. And often enough, my thinking can become unfair or turn to […] | Continue reading
Before I go onward or forward in any direction, I have to say that I come here with no intention. I am not thinking when I write. I just write.I move. I let the words go and I pay attention to the keys as I type. I let the sound of my fingers poking the […] | Continue reading
These are just thoughts. That’s all.They are written in random order and without thought, without plan, without direction, and most times, I swear, I have no idea which way this will go.But I know where I want to go. I want to pull in close and feel the music, which is like somet … | Continue reading
Come to think of it . . .I think I’ll take a page out of your playbook.And so . . .Please, let me begin It was cold this morning. I suppose this is nothing more than a preface of what’s to come. And who knows what’s in store? Another chapter in a lifelong book? Another […] | Continue reading
I am thinking of the days of old, or the days of my yesteryear, only the years are decades ago. And there I was, alive and well, and crazy a young man on the prowl. I remember as if it were yesterday and yet, I remember this as if it were something that happened to […] | Continue reading
Here I go again, dreaming out loud with hopes that the words leave my heart and reach an altar peace somewhere, or somehow find my intended destination of something we’ve called happily ever after.I am not here to ask for immunity and nor am I expecting all to be healed or forgot … | Continue reading
Labor Day Weekend, 2024 Sunrise came later this morning. Your early resurrection was put on hold, at least briefly, or perhaps this is just for now. It is early but not as early as life allows. Time is ticking and life can be escaping us, right now; unless, of course, we choose t … | Continue reading
1) Ah. The beach . . .I have somewhere deep within my heart.I have the memories of my yesteryearand memories of old driftwoodwashed upon the shore,like a remnant of some past constructionor a sentimentof what it means to be alive onceand then forgotten. But me . . .I have not for … | Continue reading
Ah, just skip it.What a great idea this would be, to just skip it, or walk away, or to “cut out,” like we did when we were kids, remember?Skipping school, or cutting classes, and maybe finding ourselves in a group somewhere, like on some class trip of our own—only, there was no c … | Continue reading
There is, of course, the outstanding balance, which is something that I believe we should talk about.What I mean is I believe in the debts of the heart and equally, I believe in the “give and take” and the rise and fall of the tides, and further, I believe that not all that glitt … | Continue reading
Last ride on the ghost machine, this morning.Then again, or as the saying goes, there are last rides, and then, there’s the last and final ride,no thanks, or thanks to youFentanyl . . .Oftentimes, nobody knows which is whichor what comes next. Either way,the white train boarded t … | Continue reading
I can’t say that I know for sure about what’s out there. I don’t know if there’s an Old Man in the sky with a long gray beard or if there is a loving mother, as in Mother Earth, or as it is depicted in pictures, the Loving Mother, as in Hail Mary (full of […] | Continue reading
This has become something that I have to do. Writing, I mean. This is my daily choice. I have to start here because the alternative seems unlikable to me.My ideas to write are as important to me as breathing or eating and drinking. This is how I live. This is how I survive.This i … | Continue reading
Today is a good day. I know it is.Today stands for something. This means something to which I understand if the meaning is not the same to you as it is for me. But regardless of what this day means to you or to anyone else, still, I know that today is a good day. […] | Continue reading
Fear. . . I think that this is a good topic to discuss before I close this journal and move on to the next. Fear. I know that fear is an excellent motivator. Fear can make us run. Fear can make move or hide or at some point, fear can drive us to the understanding […] | Continue reading
I remember when there was a time when is was good to be wild. Do you? I remember a time when it was fine to risk everything and not care about what came next. And I swear, a World War could’ve taken place and I might not have noticed. A storm could have passed, a […] | Continue reading
Are you ready for a little dose of honesty?I am sending this out to with hopes to open the lines of communication, or better yet, I am offering this as a means to humanize that fact that yes, it’s okay to not be okay and above all things, I want to normalize that fact that […] | Continue reading
This one will be quick. But, I can’t promise that this won’t be sappy. So, I suppose there is no way to soften the edges or keep the world from its trips and falls. And no, there is no way to avoid real life and there is no way to stop real life from happening. […] | Continue reading
Nothing changes if nothing changes.Right? I know I go back to Newton when I think about how he said an item in motion remains in motion and an item at rest, remains at rest, unless altered by an outside source—and while I know that I paraphrase, only slightly, I think about life … | Continue reading
There is no point in denying the truth. There’s no reason to deny the inevitable and there is no reason to quit or surrender. At least, not now.I agree when you say life can be hard, I agree when I hear people say that life can be unfair. And I agree when people shake their […] | Continue reading
I assume that no matter what I say or regardless of what I might try to explain, or no natter how hard I try to express my feelings or to convey them to you in the simplest way possible, and regardless of how I might feel remorse or if I am sad or mournful, or […] | Continue reading
I agree that this is not intended for everyone. I don’t believe the following subject is something that most people will know about, nor should anyone have to know about this. However, in the sad desperation of hardship, or in the course of imprisonment, and whether this jail is … | Continue reading
I think about the times when some of my old friends made me laugh. And yes, I say this again and again, and I’ll say this now, repeatedly, until my last breath or until the hour of my death (amen).There are no friends like old friends.There are no memories like the memories that … | Continue reading
And here’s another good, “when” question.When is enough, enough? I ask this, as in how long do we need to keep this going? How long do we need to be angry before we realize that all we do is run in circles and keep the pain alive? Why do we have to keep the feuds […] | Continue reading
There are times when we go crazy.But don’t worry.I’ve been doing this for decades now.I’m pretty good at this tooBut— Despite the pain or despite the rumors and or the ugly tragedies we find; and despite the drama, or despite the grit in our teeth or the dust on our tongue, or th … | Continue reading
There’s a time when all is too confusing. And there are times when the truth comes out, which can be good or bad or painful, or not. But in the end, there is a time when life is reveled—and there’s a time when deep down, I suppose there’s a piece of me (or us) that […] | Continue reading
I like it when there’s silence. I like the moments with no sound except for the sound of your breath or the assumption of your heartbeat, which is pounding in my dreams, or thumping, like a source of something, which is everything, but unstoppable.I like the quietness of nighttim … | Continue reading
When —I have another “when” question, which I believe this is an important question to share in this journal. I have lived my life for a very long time, obviously. And I say this with the honest assessment that perhaps at times, my view or my perception of self is wrong or inaccu … | Continue reading
When there is nowhere left to fall or when there is nowhere else to turn, and when there is no more room for excuses and no more time, no more energy, and when there is nothing left but the harsh reality of “what is,” at least now, we can grow from here. Since I am […] | Continue reading
I suppose I was somewhere around the age of 18 or 19 when I started to realize that I had been lied to. I had been stolen, in a sense, and corralled in another. I was misled by own blindness and misguided by the inaccuracies of my environment and my peers and the poor assumptions … | Continue reading
This entry is number eighteen, and come to think of it, I don’t remember much about when I was 18. I know where I was, which was not the typical norm for most 18-year-olds. I know that I was living on a farm with a bunch of kids and grownups who came with problems of […] | Continue reading
I always go back to that same question that asks, when is it your turn?I believe this inspiration is more than just this journal. I believe this is more than a simple question about when, and even more, I believe in the soul’s right to inquire, and the heart’s need to be fulfille … | Continue reading
The bottom line is everyone needs “a day.”We all need a day when we can “cut class,” so-to-speak. What I mean is, we all need a time when we skip the daily routine and forget the grind and the responsibility of work or whatever the typical everyday routine is, and when at all pos … | Continue reading
I would assume by now that it’s clear. All of my journals have something to do with the way we think. Or perhaps I should say that all of my journals have something to do with the way I think. But to be clear, my journals are the only way I can talk to you—so, […] | Continue reading
There is a time when loss happens to us all. And this is unavoidable. But, this doesn’t mean we have to lose all the time and if we pay attention, perhaps we don’t have to lose to the same things ever again.Loss is real and maybe this isn’t something that should be taken lightly. … | Continue reading
I know there’s a place for me. And it’s nice and it’s warm and maybe it’s a small town, like, say, near a beach and this would be my spot away from the world. I assume the roads are quiet and the city is farther than distant and so is the life and the hassles […] | Continue reading
I never think much about the old days or the crazy ones that either degrade me as a person or that link me to an old stigma, which says that since I was “this,” then I will never be anything but “that.”I don’t like to think this way (anymore.)I never think much about the dark […] | Continue reading
Let’s be brief . . .What are you going to do when the moment is at hand?Are you going to sit and watch? Or will you take the shot or take the risk and run with it? I’d rather run with itAnd go. . .I’d rather feel the thrill. I’d rather take the bull by […] | Continue reading