As a member of the media, I believe that Vice President Kamala Harris owes the American people an explanation for changing her 2020 position on Medicare for All. Without transparency from our political candidates, voters cannot make an informed choice at the ballot box in Novembe … | Continue reading
“A Midwestern town grappling with the fallout from an influx of Haitian immigrants became a focal point for racist and xenophobic memes this week after Trump’s running mate, Sen. JD Vance (Ohio), claimed Monday that in Springfield, Ohio, people ‘have had their pets abducted and e … | Continue reading
Gabe Hudson was a remarkable writer and reader, who showered those around him with care and affection. He worked tirelessly to uplift other writers, to help them believe in themselves and the value of their work. For many, he was a beacon, an inspiration, the consummate literary … | Continue reading
On September 12, 2024—the birthday of the late writer Gabe Hudson—McSweeney’s is honored to announce the winner of the inaugural Gabe Hudson Prize. After Gabe’s sudden passing from complications due to undiagnosed diabetes in November 2023, his mother, Sanchia Semere, made a gene … | Continue reading
“In Tuesday’s presidential debate, former President Donald Trump again falsely claimed that Democrats support abortions ‘after birth’ and ‘executing’ babies.” — NPR, 9/11/24 - - - Concrete Shoe Baby Booties The little tyke can go either to the top of your expense list or to the b … | Continue reading
2024 Presidential Debate Philadelphia, Pennsylvania September 10, 2024 9:01 PM: The candidates enter the stage. Vice President Kamala Harris walks decisively to former President Donald Trump’s podium, introduces herself, and extends her hand to shake. Trump tells her to have fun … | Continue reading
BABY NAMES Matilda Archibald Benjamin Katherine Theodore CHILDHOOD NICKNAMES Tilly Archie Benji Kat Teddy NAMES FOR A JOB INTERVIEW Maddie Arch Ben Kate Ted NAMES FOR A REBELLIOUS TEENAGER Madison Ash Benny K Spyder PEN NAMES M. K. A. W. B. R. R. K-C T WRONG NAMES CALLED OUT BY A … | Continue reading
As we approach the third straight Most Important Election of Our Lifetime, many of us face the same question we faced the last two times. Specifically, do we really want to vote for that guy who is old and bonkers and dangerous? Sure, he totally seems like he’s in this only for h … | Continue reading
We here at the Department of Energy wanted to thank you for being conscientious about your energy usage this summer. Your efforts haven’t gone unnoticed. As a token of our gratitude, we wanted to highlight all the small but powerful steps you’ve taken to conserve energy over the … | Continue reading
1. Two trains are heading toward each other. Jane’s train left the station in Atlanta at 5 a.m., traveling north at 60 miles per hour. 1,124 miles away, Tom’s train left the station in St. Paul at 5:30 a.m., traveling south at 70 miles per hour. At what time will Jane’s train col … | Continue reading
A 2023 Column Contest grand-prize winner, Laurence Pevsner’s Sorry Not Sorry investigates why we’re sick of everyone apologizing all the time—and how the collapse of the public apology leaves little room for forgiveness and grace in our politics and culture. - - - Last month, a K … | Continue reading
1. Are you sure you’re really trapped? You don’t look that trapped. 2. But you’re too smart to be trapped in a well. 3. Yeah, I was trapped in a well once too. It was pretty dank. But the well just went away when I made sure to sleep more every night, eat protein at breakfast, an … | Continue reading
Republican vice presidential candidate J. D. Vance’s claims that childless women are “miserable” is insulting not only to women without children but to mothers as well. As a feminist, I am offended by this narrow and paternalistic definition of misery, and I strongly believe that … | Continue reading
Dear All, Thanks to everyone who attended the communications brainstorming session I moderated earlier this week. As a reminder, the question was which emojis we should include in next week’s message to employees impacted by our restructuring program. Here’s a brief recap of what … | Continue reading
Raising my beautiful cherubs is my sole purpose in life. I am a womb with two legs. Madame Bovary? More like Madame Ovaries. (I haven’t read the book, and I definitely didn’t check it out of the local library before my tradwife besties had it banned.) Please take away my rights t … | Continue reading
Zoë Hitzig’s newest, called Not Us Now, is a collection of poems written against—into the teeth of—the particular kind of algorithmic society many of us are now ensnared in. A society in which our moves are tracked and goaded by corporate systems for guiding behavior and feeling. … | Continue reading
Dear Whoever Is Trying to Hack into My Instagram Account, Hey, man. Just got that little automatic email you generated trying to hack into my Instagram account. Dude, no. You do not want to go in there. Seriously. This is for your own good. I may not know you, but I’m confident y … | Continue reading
The sun rose a blazing orange ball through the gray mist over the hill. Black dendritic shadows of rhododendrons pirouetted in a wild dance as a murder of crows pecked methodically at the detritus of some abandoned breakfast, unholy miners searching for a vein in cracked and buck … | Continue reading
It has recently come to my attention via internet outrage that I am in what is considered a “mixed-weight” marriage. Magazines, podcasts, and CNN are judging women who outweigh their husbands, even though Bridgerton said it was okay. But internet trolls say that it is absolutely … | Continue reading
Wow. Scyld Shiefling. We’re hearing more and more about him these days. They’re all talking about the things he’s done. Now that was a king. They’re saying he’s a lot like me. Great king, everyone feared him. Armies, entire armies, just throwing down their weapons, begging him no … | Continue reading
“So there I am, horns caught in the thicket. This Abraham fellow starts eyeing me, and I know this can’t be good. He just tried to ice his own flesh and blood. What’s he gonna do to a ram?” “Let’s back up,” the police officer said. “What did you say you were doing on the mountain … | Continue reading
Welcome back, families! There have been some changes to the pick-up and drop-off procedures, so make sure you familiarize yourselves before the first day. Remember, when in doubt, simply CIRCLE THE BLOCK. DROP-OFF This year, we will be dropping off by grade. Please drop off only … | Continue reading
Make this fall the best semester ever with NEW student deals on iPad. Buy an iPad for college, and for an indefinite time, get $180,000 in student loan debt.1 2 3 Plus, add AirPods to your purchase for a free $150 gift card! Arrive on campus ready to take on the world with a next … | Continue reading
It is that time of year again. Ice the beer, call your friends, and set up your big board because fantasy season is beginning. Yes, philosophy fans, it is time to build your department. To create your fantasy philosophy league, you will need ten colleagues. Before the start of th … | Continue reading
The Full-Frontal Pom-Pom Fun, playful, and an excellent reminder that it’s already time to schedule your annual mammogram. One size fits A to double D. Any pinching is fleeting. - - - The Gastric-Glow Three Pack These brightly colored fuzzy socks draw inspiration from the content … | Continue reading
My neighbor Craig is a prepper. For years, he’s been telling me the world is coming to an end, and for years, I’ve been ignoring him. Then one day I saw him digging with a shovel in his backyard. The bank gave him a second mortgage, he told me, and he was going to build a bunker … | Continue reading
One of the central tenets of writing is that you should always “write what you know.” In the words of acclaimed author P. D. James: “All experience, whether it is painful or whether it is happy, is somehow stored up and sooner or later it’s used.” And I truly adhere to this philo … | Continue reading
“The good news keeps coming for Vice President Harris. She has now not only made up ground in public polls in the swing states in her campaign for president, but has now actually taken narrow leads in three critical states that would put her at just enough electoral votes to win … | Continue reading
Dear Citizens, In light of recent political parlance, we are announcing that we are no longer trying to keep our city “weird.” We realize that this statement contradicts the campaign we have spent the past two decades and thousands of taxpayers’ dollars advocating for our city’s … | Continue reading
Been There, Smelled That explores the aromas of places around the world. Travel writer Maggie Downs investigates some of the world’s most potent smells, looks at how odor cultivates a connection to place, and presents how humans engage with smells, from scents that have endured g … | Continue reading
Adventure Log Main Quests It’s Time to Sign Up A pulsing light startles you as you pack another underwhelming school lunch into a backpack. A voice calls out, soft but urgent: “It’s time for The Child to play a Youth Sport.” In the local village, rumors are swirling. The Child’s … | Continue reading
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Has Dropped Out of [POLITICAL RACE HE HAS NO SHOT AT WINNING] and Will Endorse [ANOTHER POLITICAL MADMAN], with Reports Stating He’s Seeking a Position in [ARM OF GOVERNMENT HE KNOWS LESS THAN NOTHING ABOUT] Reports Surfaced That RFK Jr. Decapitated a [LARGE … | Continue reading
There’s nothing quite as satisfying as gardening. Whether growing vegetables or adding color to your backyard, all you need to cultivate healthy plants is sun and water. Except not that much sun. You don’t want to broil your plants. And lighten up on the water. You’re growing a g … | Continue reading
Thing with Ketchup, $10.99 What is the “thing” that comes with this ketchup, you ask? Surely you know by now that it doesn’t matter in the slightest, as whatever it is will serve only as a delivery method for your child to get as much ketchup in their mouth as possible before pul … | Continue reading
Though her family sometimes received food stamps and occasionally had their utilities cut off, Marcie Alvis Walker’s parents led her to believe that they were an average middle-class Black family. They encouraged her to pursue her dreams and told her that if she worked hard enoug … | Continue reading
A Magician's Venmo Transaction History | Continue reading
Our friends at The Believer sent a trio of novelists, poets, and critics to the Windy City to report from inside and around the Democratic National Convention. Daily installments of this limited series, which is inspired by Esquire’s 1968 coverage, will run on The Believer’s webs … | Continue reading
“With great power comes zero responsibility.” “I’d rather endure a radioactive spider bite than a mediocre writer’s diatribe.” “I’m not a hero. I’m a high-functioning alcoholic with a typewriter.” “Never trust a person wearing green. Green is the color of goblins, envy, and the w … | Continue reading
“Pro-Trump activists’ attempt to infiltrate DNC goes hilariously awry. Far-right commentators Jack Posobiec and Charlie Kirk went to the DNC. It did not go well for them.” — The New Republic - - - ABBOTT: He’s a great second baseman. COSTELLO: And what a home run yesterday! CHARL … | Continue reading
BREAKING NEWS First Date Moments Away EXCLUSIVE Sources: Man Not 6'2" Despite Saying So on Hinge THIS JUST IN Woman Texts Friends: “I don’t really feel like doing this tonight” LIVE Both Parties Arrive at Steakhouse HAPPENING NOW Woman Goes in for Hug, Man for Handshake NEW TONIG … | Continue reading
BEDROOM EXIT/INTO LIVING ROOM HER: Would you mind telling me where you’ve hidden my shoes? HER SISTER: What? Moi? I did nothing. No clue what shoes you’re even talking about. [Heavy laugh here, put it in front of mix, so it pops.] HER: I have a flame thrower in a storage unit in … | Continue reading
Last week, our friends at The Believer sent a trio of novelists, poets, and critics to the Windy City to report from inside and around the Democratic National Convention. Daily installments of this limited series, which is inspired by Esquire’s 1968 coverage, will run on The Beli … | Continue reading
Dear Parental Group LLC, Thank you so much for responding to my most recent proposal request for “Fun Stuff I Can Do.” Unfortunately, I won’t be moving forward with the course of action your organization provided. Please be assured that I closely reviewed the package you submitte … | Continue reading
Date: August 15, 2008 Name: Gila Pfeffer (nee Reinitz) Age: 34 Height: 5′3″ (OK, 5′2″) Weight: RUDE Who referred you to see us today? My ob-gyn referred me to this practice specifically, but if you’re asking whose idea it was to have a prophylactic double mastectomy, that’s all m … | Continue reading
“In a 2020 podcast interview discussing the benefits of grandparents in children’s lives, JD Vance agrees when the host says, ‘That’s the whole purpose of the postmenopausal female’” — Vanity Fair - - - Sure, I might be a childless cat lady with a solid career as a quantitative a … | Continue reading
All of us must play a part in lowering our nation’s political temperature. So I applaud Project 2025 mastermind Kevin Roberts for postponing publication to rewrite and tone down the violent rhetoric in his forthcoming memoir, Dawn’s Early Light: Burning Down Washington to Save Am … | Continue reading
Welcome to motherhood. It’s the hardest job on earth but also FUN and not hard. It’s the longest, shortest time. It’s organic but also Doritos. The rules are simple, not contradictory, but also not rules, because we are play-based. 1. You must never be boring, but also don’t be f … | Continue reading
Managing a massive concert tour requires keeping a lot of balls in the air, but as we were pulling into our next stop for P!nk’s world tour, I couldn’t help but feel like I was forgetting something. As we were preparing to rock Detroit’s Little Caesars Arena for a record-setting … | Continue reading