When Lil Nas X released his music video for the song “Montero (Call Me By Your Name),” I was shocked by his Satan-worshipping nonsense. As a straig... | Continue reading
“Republicans in Georgia sped a sweeping elections bill into law Thursday, making it the first presidential battleground to impose new voting restri... | Continue reading
We changed the notification sound to a man screaming into the ocean.We added a helpful bot that will automatically remind you each morning that yo... | Continue reading
Buds on trees. Flowers sprouting. A wholesome breeze, as best we can tell, from the hygienic confines of our shuttered apartment windows. Stopping ... | Continue reading
Why is this night in quarantine different from all other nights in quarantine?On all other nights, we stuff our faces with leavened or breaded foo... | Continue reading
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“The massive container ship Ever Given has been stuck in the Suez Canal for three days, halting billions of dollars in trade as vessels pile up at ... | Continue reading
1. Being picked last for every game of kickball in elementary school.2. The time I took a kickball to the face in elementary school.3. Every elem... | Continue reading
Paddington Bear“I’m Paddington. I’m from Darkest Peru. Where are you from?”The bible salesman took off his hat and stepped in out of the July hea... | Continue reading
- - -Wesley Brown’s 1978 novel, Tragic Magic, edited by Toni Morrison, is the first novel in McSweeney’s Of the Diaspora series, edited by Erica V... | Continue reading
As an Asian person, it’s comforting to know that, in difficult times, white allies will always be there to message me whatever they want. Here are ... | Continue reading
How should I structure my article’s title?The only acceptable structure for an article title is “Kind of Clever and Dated Pop Culture Reference: J... | Continue reading
1. I am sequestered in a room against my will with needy family members.2. My world is ruled by cruel and powerful people who determine my... | Continue reading
Are you going to Scarborough Faire?Yeah, I was planning on it. You want me to pick something up for you?Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.Okay,... | Continue reading
Dear Dr. Fauci,Who knew I’d be writing another letter — remember how we thought all this mishigas was only going to last a few months? Now here we... | Continue reading
“The Colorado attack is the 7th mass shooting in 7 days in the US.”— CNN, March 23, 2021- - -Everyone seems to be talking about all the car crash... | Continue reading
“The Colorado attack is the 7th mass shooting in 7 days in the US.”— CNN, March 23, 2021- - -Everyone seems to be talking about all the car accid... | Continue reading
“’The Falcon and the Winter Soldier’ provides an answer on who’s paying the Avengers, and the answer is: no one… Basically, the superpowered people... | Continue reading
“The Ladies Who Lunch” (Company): You consider yourself to be “above” social media but are addicted to it nonetheless. You’re still incensed over h... | Continue reading
I say, gentlemen, are you seeing this crevasse? What an absolutely perfect specimen.Of course, I’d heard tell of such wonders from members of the ... | Continue reading
Well, it’s that time of year again, and we hope you can join us for our second annual Zoom Seder. That’s right: another Zoom Seder. You thought we ... | Continue reading
1. Taking off your half-zip sweater.2. Nodding vigorously as your teen explains cryptocurrency.3. Reaching through a car window to retrieve your ... | Continue reading
Hello, Mrs. Cherry’s 5th-grade class. I am Batman’s butler, Alfred Pennyworth. Welcome to the inaugural Batcave Tour for Gotham’s School Children. ... | Continue reading
Meg vs. BethKnown as the sizzling hot sister, Meg March specializes in getting good looks and her outside game is unstoppable. She moves well with... | Continue reading
“A Georgia sheriff’s commander was widely criticized Wednesday after he seemed to provide an excuse for the man arrested in the shooting deaths of ... | Continue reading
“The sports bill, passed by one [Missouri] House committee last week and awaiting a vote in another, proposes a constitutional amendment requiring ... | Continue reading
Female Asian Massage Parlor Workers Tragically Perish Due to Unwise Career ChoiceLocal Christian Carried Away in Righteous Crusade Against Houses ... | Continue reading
Jesus Christ, top of the morning man, I’m wiped. Thanks for picking me up. I don’t do this too often y’know, hitchhiking. People usually don’t stop... | Continue reading
“Senator Mitch McConnell on Tuesday bluntly warned Democrats who are considering weakening or eliminating the filibuster to push through progressiv... | Continue reading
Art by Matt Smith- - -Now thing is, back in those dahk medieval times, Ireland was a biggah fuckin’ shitshow ’en the Big fuckin’ Dig evah was n’ ... | Continue reading
IAmong eighteen black squares,the only moving thingwas my cursor.III was of thirty mindslike a laptopwith thirty tabs open.IIIA student’s ... | Continue reading
You can take your story arc and shove it, Madeline. You’re just a book agent who hasn’t had a sale in decades. You don’t even have an MFA. When I w... | Continue reading
Firefly Lane by Kristin HannahI’ve been pulling this one from the shelves a lot. I only have 11 seconds between loading up each item, but through... | Continue reading
“Watson!” bellowed Sherlock Holmes from the Chesterfield, handing me his laptop. “What do you make of this?” It was thrilling to hear the old excit... | Continue reading
Chekhov’s Gun states that a gun introduced in the first act must be fired by the last.Stephen King’s Gun: A gun introduced in the story must later... | Continue reading
Hey, everybody. I think I’ve seen a lot of you in several different cities. I usually look a little rough, and my THE END IS NEAR! sign has always ... | Continue reading
The following was discovered (it hardly bears mentioning) beneath a huge pile of unread manuscripts in a literary agent’s office. - - -We, the lit... | Continue reading
I don’t know when it started for me, but I have criticized my body for as long as I can remember. Maybe it was the way the girls at school used to ... | Continue reading
It’s hard being a package. Sometimes we’re out in the cold for a really long time. Sometimes someone puts a bomb in us. Sometimes someone thinks th... | Continue reading
Come, ye children, huddle close to my warmth — not closer than six feet, mind! There you are. It gives an old crone such as myself vast pleasures t... | Continue reading
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Dear White Expat Men That I Have Met in China,Perhaps it is unfair of me to generalize. After all, not all of you are like this. I don’t want to m... | Continue reading
Ariel (The Little Mermaid)OPRAH: So when you struck the deal with Ursula to go to land, were you silent or were you silenced?ARIEL: … the latter... | Continue reading
“As I said last week, this is very simple, I never touched anyone inappropriately…no one ever told me at the time that I made them feel uncomfortab... | Continue reading
OPERATOR: Hello, what is your emergency, please?CALLER: Help! I live in a quiet English village where nothing ever happens.OPERATOR: What is your... | Continue reading
Congratulations, parents. I have come into your home as a birthday/Christmas/Daddy-hasn’t-been-around-in-a-while present. Consider it a blessing. I... | Continue reading
What he says: “I’ll call you.”What he means: “I’m going to text you. In a week. Maybe.”What he says: “Can we talk about this later?”What he mea... | Continue reading
Hey, I hate to be that guy. I really do. I hear what you’re saying, but I’m just going to have to play Devil’s Advocate here, because it’s movie ni... | Continue reading