“I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have. Because we won the state… I only need 11,000 votes. Fellas, I need 11,000 votes.... | Continue reading
Here at Time, we made several major changes in 2020. Now that 2021 is here, we’re rolling out a brand new set of regulations.A MinuteA minute use... | Continue reading
You finally did it. You cleaned the whole house. Every laundry basket is empty. Every countertop, decluttered. Every nook and every cranny—swept, S... | Continue reading
It was QUITE a year, and our most-read pieces provide a time capsule of sorts that records all the ups and downs, and downs, and way, way downs of... | Continue reading
Q: Mr. 20—2020: Please, Mr. 20 is my father. Call me Greg.Q: Many observers have deemed you perhaps the worst Year ever. How do you respond?2... | Continue reading
Our 5th most-read article of 2020.- - -Originally published April 30, 2020.- - -I’m the unnamed girl from Avril Lavigne’s 2002 hit, “Sk8er Boi” ... | Continue reading
Our 7th most-read article of 2020.- - -Originally published February 19, 2020.- - -It’s tough being a toddler. Having your every need met doesn’... | Continue reading
Our 8th most-read article of 2020.- - -Originally published March 25, 2020.- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -Click to ... | Continue reading
Our 12th most-read article of 2020.- - -Originally January 24, 2020.- - -Pregnancy is an intensely personal time, and when it comes to caregiver... | Continue reading
Our 13th most-read article of 2020.- - -Originally published April 29, 2020.- - -Dear Professors —It’s been a minute, right? A few months ago, ... | Continue reading
Our 15th most-read article of 2020.- - -Originally published March 16, 2020.- - -Due to concerns about COVID-19, our university recently gave me... | Continue reading
Our 16th most-read article of 2020.- - -Originally published January 31, 2020.- - -With all of the controversy surrounding my new novel, Memoirs... | Continue reading
Our 20th most-read article of 2020.- - -Originally published March 31, 2020.- - -The BathroomFrog stood outside the bathroom door. He could hea... | Continue reading
Originally published December 23, 2009.- - -Day 1On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree. Such a though... | Continue reading
At Manger Health Systems, we strive to provide you with the highest quality care when the inn is full and you need to give birth to the child of Go... | Continue reading
1. Finish what you startResilience is a difficult skill to learn, so work up to it in small doses. Instead of watching the first three seconds of ... | Continue reading
Comrades, friends, awakening proletariat, my name is Timothy Cratchit. Many of you know me by the ableist moniker “Tiny Tim,” bestowed upon me by ... | Continue reading
Every Who down in Whoville was sick of the rules,All the masks, sanitizers, and closure of schools.Caroling was banned along with the Annual Snow... | Continue reading
“House Speaker Nancy Pelosi on Monday faced criticism after saying that the $600 direct payments included in a new economic relief package are ‘sig... | Continue reading
Barack Obama's Favorite Swedish Death Metal of 2020 | Continue reading
Kids, take a seat. For years, your mother and I have assured you both that there’s no such thing as Santa Claus. We’ve reminded you over and over t... | Continue reading
Dear Smith’s Food and Drug Shopper,I couldn’t help but overhear your tirade in the dairy aisle as you loudly complained about how Land O’Lakes kow... | Continue reading
Things I Didn't Have on My 2020 Bingo Card Bingo | Continue reading
Mary, Joseph, and JesusThe Three Wise MenThe Magi’s Waze GPSThe Little Drummer BoyThe Little Oboe GirlInn KeeperInn Keeper’s son Tyler who do... | Continue reading
You’re upset. I get it. Watching these stop-motion films from your childhood is the only thing that makes you feel alive anymore. And rosy-cheeked ... | Continue reading
To the Valued Employees of our London Office,Congrats on another successful year of looking busy! We haven’t lost any clients, so we assume that y... | Continue reading
1. Every single surface of the room is sticky and coated with a fine, white powder.2. You’ve shouted, “Don’t touch that! Bag that up right now! Ba... | Continue reading
“Senator Johnson knows that Joe Biden won a free and fair election. He is refusing to admit it […] because it would be ‘political suicide’ to oppos... | Continue reading
The holiday season is upon us, and if you’re one of the thousands of conventionally attractive, workaholic marketing professionals from coastal big... | Continue reading
Posted by u/KarenInCana 2,100 years ago(Throwaway account so my husband’s cousin’s weird followers don’t pile on me later.)So I (23f) planned thi... | Continue reading
Dear Newsies,I’m trying to put myself in your shoes. I get that you’re a rag-tag bunch of rascals who, for some reason, smoke cigars at age 10. I ... | Continue reading
You thought it was just a song, but the whole thing really happened and I was there. I was the cashier when the “Christmas Shoes” were purchased, a... | Continue reading
Pride and Prejudice Elizabeth Bennet: Yes, of course, she would wear one — a mask can’t stop her from giving her opinions very decidedly for so yo... | Continue reading
While capitalism is still here, I may as well enjoy myself. After all, it’s not my fault.Yes, I think it’s completely absurd that a latte would EV... | Continue reading
Have I told you about the show we’ve been bingeing? You have got to watch Your Child’s Life. We are obsessed. It doesn’t get good until like Season... | Continue reading
To download a PDF of this entire list, click here.- - -Early in President Trump’s term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalog the head-spinning num... | Continue reading
So, you bought an ornamental nut sack. You went ahead and did it. It’s made out of classy teak wood, highlighting the wrinkles and sheen of the typ... | Continue reading
With apologies to Shirley Jackson.- - -The crew had gathered all their supplies, packed the van, and made their way to the White House through ear... | Continue reading
“With his legal options dwindling and time running out before a key electoral college deadline, President Trump on Thursday ramped up pressure on t... | Continue reading
Dear Local Hospitality Business Owners,Last night, while I and the rest of the state’s executive branch were dining in the finest Michelin-starred... | Continue reading
Ugly Holiday Sweaters for 2020 | Continue reading
Hope is the thing with feathers. Remember that! Visualize that! Especially during these harrowing times! Thank you, Emily Dickinson!See how the li... | Continue reading
There’s an old Yiddish insult: May you be like a chandelier — hung by day and burned by night…- - -May you be like the fountain at the Bellagio — ... | Continue reading
As a self-proclaimed cinephile, I’ll admit that sometimes my standards can be pretty high. My love for film is, ironically, the very same reason I ... | Continue reading
Slipping DiGiorno’s Croissant Crust Pizza free from its bag, you’ll likely hear the Red Baron cackle as he cruises past in his marinara-splattered ... | Continue reading
Mary first noticed the kid because he had been tagging along behind her son and his friends. Not joining in, mind you, always at a distance, just w... | Continue reading
In the current system, electoral college votes are apportioned to each state based on its U.S. Congressional delegation — one vote for each senator... | Continue reading
Hey, God. It’s me, Dan. Yes, the same Dan who stopped going to synagogue after he promised a temple full of friends and family on the day of his ba... | Continue reading