I’m Comic Sans, Asshole (2010)

Listen up. I know the shit you’ve been saying behind my back. You think I’m stupid. You think I’m immature. You think I’m a malformed, pathetic exc... | Continue reading


@mcsweeneys.net | 6 years ago

The Very Model of a Modern-Age Millennial

I am the very model of a modern-age millennial,I’ve got no cash, no house, no kids, and student debt perennial,I know the rules of Tinder, and I’... | Continue reading


@mcsweeneys.net | 6 years ago

List: Silicon Valley Startup or Plague-Ridden Feudal Business?

1. The culture is very youth-oriented; the business is populated entirely by men in their early thirties and one appallingly over-qualified unpaid ... | Continue reading


@mcsweeneys.net | 6 years ago

Please Explore My Conceptual Modern Gastropub Experience

Why eat food? Why not redefine food? Before the opening of my restaurant, I visited a hypnotist and told him to erase the definition of “food” from... | Continue reading


@mcsweeneys.net | 6 years ago

A Checklist for Writing Your First Think Piece

Did you remember to……use a bold, contrarian title that could help the piece go viral, e.g. “The Greatest Threat to America Is the Mindfulness Move... | Continue reading


@mcsweeneys.net | 6 years ago

Westworld Updates Its Privacy Policy

Dear Delos Destination Traveler,We are writing because we recently updated our privacy policy, and Westworld — a lawless, bloodful Wild West “amus... | Continue reading


@mcsweeneys.net | 6 years ago

Ferris Bueller’s Laid Off

It’s a beautiful spring day in suburban Chicago, and 50-year-old Ferris Bueller decides he just can’t deal with going into work.“I’m not well,” he... | Continue reading


@mcsweeneys.net | 6 years ago

Oh No, It’s Me, a Guy You Just Met, and I’m Already Talking About Elon Musk

We introduce ourselves and I ask, immediately, what you think of Elon Musk. You laugh, thinking I’m making a kind of topical joke. But no, the joke... | Continue reading


@mcsweeneys.net | 6 years ago