The Onion Editorial Board: All great journalists, and even those lesser journalists who don’t work for The Onion, eventually ponder why we do what we do. Is the point of reporting to illuminate the world around us, so that we may make meaning of it? Or is it to cause people in mi … | Continue reading
Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO, in an op-ed for The Onion: Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society — values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron. No … | Continue reading
SAN MATEO, CA—After spending the past three decades of his life being totally unable and unwilling to engage in any meaningful way with the world around him, James Parker, a local guy who sucks at being a person, told reporters Thursday that he saw huge potential in AI. “While it … | Continue reading
TALLAHASSEE, FL—Attempting his formal announcement again in an effort to compensate for last night’s glitch-ridden debacle on Twitter, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis reportedly relaunched his presidential campaign Thursday from inside a burning Tesla. “America deserves a president who … | Continue reading
The task of reporting is not a simple one. Each and every day, reporters and editors at publications like The Onion make difficult decisions about which issues should receive attention, knowing that our coverage will influence not only how people think, but also how they act. Thi … | Continue reading
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: | Continue reading
The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source. | Continue reading
AUSTIN, TX—Bemoaning the bureaucratic red tape that had been holding it back for the past year, the Covid-19 virus announced Thursday that it would move its operation to Texas full-time to escape burdensome regulations. “Shifting my operation to Texas will give me the freedom to … | Continue reading
PALO ALTO, CA—A new report published this week by researchers at Stanford University suggests that Americans spend the vast majority of each day staring at, interacting with, and deriving satisfaction from glowing rectangles. | Continue reading
MINNEAPOLIS—Calling for a more measured way to express opposition to police brutality, critics slammed demonstrators Thursday for recklessly looting businesses without forming a private equity firm first. “Look, we all have the right to protest, but that doesn’t mean you can just … | Continue reading
NEW YORK—Frustrated over its inability to penetrate the more lucrative market, Fox News is struggling to attract viewers in the younger 60-75-year-old demographic, sources reported Monday. “Despite pulling big numbers with the 76-to-90 crowd, there’s a lot more we can do to draw … | Continue reading
PARKLAND, FL—In the hours following a violent rampage in Florida in which a lone attacker killed 17 individuals and seriously injured over a dozen others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Wednesday that ther … | Continue reading