March 7, 2024  When my brother and I were children in the 1970’s my father loved to play records on the old hi-fi in our living room. His choices were, of course, as varied as his eclectic tastes– ranging from classical music, recordings of Shakespeare plays, songs by The Beatles … | Continue reading

March 6, 2024 When I was a small child the synapses in my brain finally linked up and I realized that I had a whole life in front of me – and that I’d eventually need to get a job. So, I churned through all the possibilities little boys consider. Maybe I would become a […] The po … | Continue reading

Most of the deep philosophical discussions I have with my daughter occur when she’s in the backseat while I’m driving. Yesterday was one of those times.  “How is God different from us?” she asked me as we waited at a traffic light. “You and I are finite,” I said. “We have a begin … | Continue reading

My father needed to have his hearing aids adjusted so, once again, I found myself going to Costco. Because there was a bad accident on the highway, we were half an hour late.  “There won’t be any handicapped spots,” I said, frustrated.  “You said that the last time,” my dad said. … | Continue reading

I was heading to the break room to grab a cup of coffee when I passed by the collection box for the school supply drive my department conducts every summer. It was empty, which was concerning because we were giving the supplies away in two weeks.    Feeling a ripple of anxiety, I … | Continue reading

Last Friday morning, I took my father to Costco to get hearing aids. Pulling into the crowded parking lot, I said to him, “I bet there won’t be any handicapped spots.”  “Why do you say that?” he asked.  “Because there never are at Costco.”  Whenever I take my mom and dad anywhere … | Continue reading

I was at work and about to go into an important meeting when my phone alerted me that I had a voice mail. It was my daughter’s summer day camp, informing me Natalie had a wardrobe malfunction.  “Your daughter wore white leggings today,” the recording told me. “And she’s embarrass … | Continue reading

A while back, Natalie and I were watching Ben & Holly, a cartoon about fairies and elves living in the forest, when she asked me if such fantastical creatures were real.  “Most people would say no,” I said. “But who knows? Just because we haven’t seen them doesn’t mean they aren’ … | Continue reading

As I drove to my parent’s nursing home after my workout, whatever invigoration I’d earned from my morning exercise seemed to be swiftly leaking out of my body. I needed coffee.  Pulling into a 7-11, I gathered up the remains of my post workout meal – a protein shake and an apple … | Continue reading

I like the gym I go to. They keep it clean; the equipment is well maintained, the staff friendly and they have a nice juice bar if your body needs a post-workout caramel flavored protein macchiato shake. I also like the variety of people who go there – old, young and, like me, so … | Continue reading

Since my sister-in-law was joining us for our weekend sojourn to Pennsylvania, I was ashamedly forced to ascertain the cleanliness of my car. Like most parents of a tender tyke, the interior of my fine Japanese ride was littered with the detritus of childhood; empty chocolate mil … | Continue reading

We were driving home from Pennsylvania when the low gas indicator on my dashboard began flashing.  “We need gas,” I told my wife.  “How many miles are left in the tank?” she asked. Using a switch on the steering wheel, I called up the diagnostics on my car’s computer screen.  “Tw … | Continue reading

My daughter and I were watching a James Bond flick when she said, “Why do all the girls want to kiss this guy?”  “Why do you think?” I said.  “Cause he’s handsome?”  “Maybe.”  “But then he goes and murders people.”  Shaking my head at my daughter’s accurate observation I said, “T … | Continue reading

“Hi,” the man said, extending his hand. “My name is Robert. But you can call me Bob.”  “Hi Bob,” I said, taking the man’s hand. “My name’s Stephen.” “You’re the new couple’s son.”  “That’s right.”  “How are they fitting in?”  “So far, so good.”  “I got here two months ago myself, … | Continue reading

“Why did grandma and grandpa have to move here?” my daughter asked as we drove out of the parking lot of my parents’ new assisted living facility.  “Mom and dad can no longer live by themselves,” I said. “Why not?”  “They’re old and need lots of help. They’ll be much happier here … | Continue reading

A couple of days ago, my wife texted me an article about a restaurant in California that hired a fake “priest” to hear the confessions of their waitstaff in order to uncover suspected wrongdoings by their workers. They got busted and were fined $140,000 to punish them for this an … | Continue reading

  My cart loaded with eggs for the food pantry, I made my way to the checkout area where, to my dismay, I found only two flesh and blood cashiers while the rest of my fellow shoppers were using the self-checkout gizmos. I hate those things.  The lines for the humanoid cashiers we … | Continue reading

“My chicken tastes weird,” my wife said.  “Could it be the marinade?” I asked.  “No. Taste it and see.” So, I did. The chicken was bad.  Sighing, I looked for waitress, but she was nowhere to be found. Another waitress happened to be walking down the aisle but, when I motioned he … | Continue reading

I was working out in my old college gym with my friend Eliza, surreptitiously glancing at the shapely backside she’d honed from running five miles a day. Hey, I’m only human.  “Want to go for a jog after this?” she said while powering through some bicep curls.  “I’m not much of a … | Continue reading

“My chicken tastes weird,” my wife said.  “Could it be the marinade?” I asked.  “No. Taste it and see.” So, I did. The chicken was bad.  Sighing, I looked for waitress, but she was nowhere to be found. Another waitress happened to be walking down the aisle but, when I motioned he … | Continue reading

“Daddy,” Natalie said from the back of the car – which seems to be the place all our deep conversations start – “How do you make a baby?”  “How do you think it gets there?” I countered. So much for a quiet ride home.  “Kissing? Through your spit?”  “Nope. But kissing’s involved.” … | Continue reading

A couple of months back, one of my co-workers stuck her head into my office and said, “There’s a guy downstairs wearing a skull mask walking around videotaping people.”  “What?” I replied.  “He’s scaring the shit out of everyone.”  “Aren’t the police handling this?’  “I don’t kno … | Continue reading

“Daddy,” my daughter said, from the backseat of the car. “Something’s bothering me.”  “What is it, honey?”  “The lady at church said most people go to – can I say a bad word?”  “Go ahead.”  “H-E-L-L.”  “She said most people are going to hell?”  “Yeah, like eighty percent of peopl … | Continue reading

It was Mother’s Day and my wife had just finished her celebratory breakfast when our neighbor knocked on our door.  “Sorry to bother you,” he said, studiously oblivious to the fact I was in my bathrobe, “But there’s a big raccoon in your yard.”  “That’s weird,” I said. “You don’t … | Continue reading

“That’ll be two hundred and thirty- five dollars, please,” the clerk said to the man ahead of me.   “You take Amex?” he asked.  “Yes, sir.” Then, after computers ascertained the man’s credit worthiness, the clerk handed him a bag filled with enough candy to put a Cape Buffalo int … | Continue reading

“The parking lot is packed,” my wife, said. “It doesn’t look good.”  “I’ll go inside and see,” I said. “You never know.”  “I’ll wait out here.”  Upon entering the restaurant, I went up to the hostess, “I know it’s a longshot.  But do have a table for two?”  The hostess smiled win … | Continue reading

“Daddy,” my daughter asked me, yet again, from the backseat of the car, “I want to talk about that thing.”  “It’s called puberty, Natalie,” I said. “You can say the word.”  “It’s a funny word.”  “It’s from a Latin word. They all sound funny. But lots of medical stuff is in Latin. … | Continue reading

“Daddy,” my daughter asked me from the backseat of the car, “Who do you look like?” “I look like me,” I said.  “No, I mean what famous person do you look like?”  “Mom says I look like Matt Damon.”  “Whose Matt Damon?”  “A famous actor.”  “Do you look like him?”  “I’m much better … | Continue reading

I was doing squats at the gym yesterday when a young woman stepped into the squat rack and picked up two five pound plates off the floor near my feet. Safety issues aside, that I might’ve wanted to use them was obviously no concern of hers. I’d have said something if I didn’t hav … | Continue reading

Several months ago, one of the cops in my town donated a near mint condition bike that used to be his daughter’s. “Barely a scratch on it,” he said.  “You could donate it to the thrift barn,” I told him, referring to a local outfit that accepts books, clothes, and toys, sells the … | Continue reading

My wife and were watching a show on Netflix about the subject of infinity when they trotted out an example that blew my mind. If you put an apple in a box and left it in there for an infinite amount of time, the apple would eventually decay and turn to dust, but all the […] The p … | Continue reading

My wife and I lead busy lives and, when we come home from work and deal with an energetic almost nine year old, we’re often exhausted when the subject of “What’s for dinner?” comes up. Last night we succumbed to laziness and went to a Japanese restaurant – sitting on bamboo mats, … | Continue reading

One of the perks of being a municipal employee is that I get the flu vaccine for free. No visits to the doctor or pharmacy – just go into the auditorium, roll up your sleeve, and get stuck.  “Will you also be getting the COVID vaccine today?” the clerk taking my information asked … | Continue reading

Lying on the operating room table, I was strangely calm. Looking at the surgical light hovering above me, I counted how many times I’d been put under anesthesia. No counting wisdom teeth extractions, getting broken bones set or colonoscopies, I’d been put under five times – once … | Continue reading

“My blood pressure’s going to be high,” I told the med tech. “Let me guess,” she said. “You have white coat syndrome.”  “Yeah,” I said. “That’s it.” The reading came out 140/72. Not as bad as I thought. When I took it at home that morning it was 120/70. I guess those deep breathi … | Continue reading

Years ago, when my wife to be and I were Christmas shopping in a ritzy mall replete with Tiffany, Hermes, Rolex and high couture retailers, we decided to get coffee in the VIP lounge to which Annie’s uber elite travelers credit card gave us entrée. When we got inside, however, ev … | Continue reading

Gabriel’s trumpet sounded, the end of the world came to pass, and the righteous were queued up outside Heaven’s Gate, clamoring to enter Paradise. “I can’t wait to get in,” one of them said. “I’ve worked so hard to get here.”  “I heard they serve a mean margarita at the Elysium C … | Continue reading

I saw this excellent and thought provoking article by Mary Pezzulo on Patheos and decided to reprint it here.  Nobody Prays at the Slumlord’s House I saw a post online recently, about people praying the Rosary outside the public library. It’s a rally they’ve planned to “make repa … | Continue reading

Yesterday, my wife texted me an article about a priest who resigned his pastorship of a Catholic parish because all the baptisms he’d performed over twenty years had been deemed invalid. That means all the subsequent sacraments those unbaptized souls had received – like marriage … | Continue reading

My wife was stuck at work, so my daughter and I were enjoying a quiet dinner when she asked, “Daddy? How many girlfriends do you have?”  “I don’t have any girlfriends” I said. “I’m married to your mother.” “Did you have girlfriends?”  “Yes.”  “How many?”  I paused before answerin … | Continue reading

It was the morning after my daughter’s eight birthday and, since she had the day off from school she got to sleep in late. Taking advantage of the quiet, I made myself breakfast, put on a pot of coffee and then, after I’d stowed the dishes in the dishwasher, retired with my java … | Continue reading

A few weeks ago, in order to wean my daughter from those Barbie shows she’s always watching, I suggested we watch a nice nature program instead. After spinning up a list of National Geographic shows on my smart television, I told my daughter to pick one and, since she thinks shar … | Continue reading

Many years ago, I dated a lovely and kind woman who hailed from Dallas, Texas. Her late father was a theologian of some renown at Southern Methodist University and had been on the faculty committee that investigated a scandal involving the school’s Division One football team – re … | Continue reading

I’m allergic to cats. A friend of mine has three or four of them, necessitating mass quantities of Claritin if I want to go inside his house. Don’t get me wrong, I like cats – they’re graceful and beguiling creatures – but they turn me into a sneezing snotty mess within minutes. … | Continue reading