My old roommate Joey had a theory about names. “Basically, everybody should get to pick their own,” he said one Sunday morning, lazily sprawled across the couch flipping channels, his pale and hairy belly sticking out of his undershirt. “I mean, why should the biggest part of my … | Continue reading
Moonlit skies, stained plush seats, and a quietly revving engine combine to form a perfectly cozy late night bed on the long drive home. Whether you’re a baby in a carseat, a teen getting a lift from the party, or Grandma cabbing home from Bingo, there’s nothing like drifting int … | Continue reading
Polar ice caps are melting, pirates are storming the seas, wars are heating up around the world, and the stock market is in a deep freeze. Dude, it’s getting pretty ugly out there. If you’re like me, sometimes you think about putting on boots and a raincoat, battening down the ha … | Continue reading
Bass thumping, heart pumping, joint jumping, it’s a buzzing Saturday night on the dance floor. And nothing makes that party stronger or conga longer more than knowing Daylight Savings Time peels our clocks back an hour tonight and showers us all with some free weekend. Yes, when … | Continue reading
Plump and juicy, fat and full, a new tube of toothpaste holds a future full of hope and promise just behind its clean cap and dent-free logo. Yes, whiter teeth, brighter smiles, and a world without bad breath are just a few minutes of gentle scrubbing each day away. And unlike a … | Continue reading
It’s late, it’s dark, it’s quiet. You’re tossing and turning, wrapped tightly in a mummy’s tomb of crumpled sheets and flat pillows, while your bed buddy blissfully slumbers on. Maybe you try laying perfectly still, flipping the pillow, or taking deep breaths timed to Subconsciou … | Continue reading
Movie theatres sure are trying. Let’s see, they made the seats taller, screens bigger, cushions comfier, and gave cup-holders permanent status. They want us to sit back, relax, and enjoy a nice, quiet evening in our perfect seats. There’s just one problem, though: that armrest. Y … | Continue reading
All hail the mighty brow. Folks, I ask you: what’s not to love about these shaggy forehead caterpillars? Let’s rack them up: 1. Sweat-B-Gone. Your shiny, slippery forehead is the perfect runway for sweat to launch straight into your eyes, stinging and blinding you as you go about … | Continue reading
AWESOME! Photos from: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here | Continue reading
Toilet bowl stains are a fact of life. Big billowy dustballs are going to pool under the couch, crumbs will form communities on your kitchen counter, flyers and junk mail will pile by the door and, let’s just face it, once in a while your place will just stink. But hey, it’s not … | Continue reading
There are a few types of Frisbee tosses out there: 1. The Sideways Roller. Even the best frisbee tossers can’t avoid the occasional Sideways Roller. This is when the frisbee hits the ground almost immediately, and then rolls away in a sharp, spinning circle. For some extra points … | Continue reading
Okay, straight up: you know those big kettle drums you see in the symphony? The ones being pounded with padded drumsticks by a bald guy in a tuxedo? Well, the sound of rain from inside the tent feels like living in a kettle drum. Now, let’s be honest. The best thing about the sou … | Continue reading
Stress level goes up. Stress level goes down. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
See ya later, pins and needles. Welcome back, blood. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
When it’s a dark, summer night, and you’re cruising around town, bass thumping, head bumping, rocking out in the backseat, let me ask you something: what feels nicer than slipping your hand out the window and letting that cool breeze wash right over you? If you said not much, bab … | Continue reading
After a lot of pinching, tweezing, and biting out pops that annoying little sliver of wood, leaving behind only a tiny, satisfying puncture hole. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
Sure, maybe the collar’s stretched out, the iron-on’s wearing off, and a moth chewed a few holes in the back, but how good does that translucent, tight-fitting second skin feel when you squeeze into it and rock it down the street? AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
Believe it, folks: I went to the gym last Saturday. Yes, flabby belly, spaghetti-thin arms, bright white sneakers and all. Though it may surprise you, I am not a walking talking hulk of a man. No, I’m a scrawny knee-pushups kind of guy who spends more time taking sips of water, t … | Continue reading
Crack open a fresh box and get ready for a neuron-splattering headrush. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
Because they can walk, fly, and swim. Ducks 3, humans 2. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
You know the one. The cap is long gone, the end is chewed up, but that trusty ballpoint, she keeps flowing like Niagara Falls. Loyal, failsafe, and inky to the bone, that one really good pen might be stashed on top of the fridge, deep in a dresser drawer, or down at the bottom of … | Continue reading
Alright, let’s break it down. New Socks Day is great for four big reasons: 1. Treat for your feet. Face it, your feet got it bad. Big toes get stubbed, dry skin gets rubbed, and bunions grow on your baby toe. Squeeze those caked and cracked pita-bread heels into tight shoes all d … | Continue reading
And suddenly you’re just hanging onto its back with your arms tucked firmly under its bottle nose, your face salty and stinging, your hair matted across your ears, as you’re whisked safely across the ocean on the ride of your life. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
Because let’s face it: the best stuff in the joint is generally silkscreened on an XXL T-shirt, printed on a novelty oversized pencil, or reduced to a tiny plastic key chain. Monet coasters and Van Gogh posters stuff shelves by the front door so you can pop in and out real quick … | Continue reading
[digg=http://digg.com/television/7_Cheesiest_80_s_TV_Theme_Songs] TV theme songs are a dying breed. Networks flash zooming logos or three-second jingles in place of the overextended 60-second song explaining how Gilligan and crew ended up on the island or what Will Smith is doing … | Continue reading
Just tap that elbow in the rib cage a bit, maybe pat the belly, or if you’re feeling particularly brave, give a big kick to the back of the knees while loudly whispering Shhhhhh in their ears. If that still doesn’t work, it’s time to roll them on over, and don’t worry: if they w … | Continue reading
Grumbling tums make the pizza come every time. Scope this scene: It’s late at night, clock clicking past three in the morning, you and your friends are laying on a torn, potato chip crumb covered couch, sporting big grins, slack jaws, droopy eyes, and sweaty T-shirts. You’re half … | Continue reading
Just look at this adorable little rascal with his tiny puppy paw stuck in the toilet paper roll and all. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
Cavities hurt. Yesterday I got two of them filled real tight with the hard, white cake. First they sat me down in the loungy, blue leather dentist chair and then tipped me back so the blood poured into my brain and filled up my eyeballs. Then they dressed me up with a plastic bib … | Continue reading
Nobody likes pennies. Sure, maybe in the 1800s they scored you a handful of gumballs or the evening edition of your local Times-Express, but these days they’re barely worth 1% of a Snickers bar. Go on, lick the edge of a Snickers next time and scrape off a few molecules of chocol … | Continue reading
Stinking up the can at work is terrible. Let’s face it: there are no fans to turn on, windows to open, spray cans to spray, or matches to light. No, you’re on your own in this non-anon, dimly lit den of suit-and-tie hellos and on-the-job head nods. Whatever dark cloud you’re rele … | Continue reading
Sorry, environment. We’re in a bit of a hurry here. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
Say some kind and generous soul left seven unused minutes on the parking meter and left you with three big choices. First of all, you could go with the No Dollar Dash. This is where you do some quick mental math and figure you can run all your errands before the time expires. If … | Continue reading
Okay, a few years back my eleventh grade Chemistry class began with Ms. Serevetas handing out textbooks. A small woman wearing big glasses and a big labcoat, she just introduced herself and then began calling us up, one by one, to the front of the room. It was the first day so no … | Continue reading
Look, there it is, wedged way down in the couch cushions the whole time. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
Six or seven years ago my friend Alec ran an Oscar Pool. You just filled in a little piece of scrap paper, paid Alec five bucks, and then whoever got the most picks right took home the big $25 pot. Then maybe they celebrated by buying a whole pizza or pre-paying the next five poo … | Continue reading
I don’t play the lottery very often, but when I do I’m pretty sure I’m going to win. I take pains to ensure all my family members’ birthdays are evenly covered as I carefully color in all the bubbles and then hand my sheet to the convenience store cashier. Kicking cigarette butts … | Continue reading
Because at that moment you go from a lazy potato chips ‘n’ naps fan laying on the couch in a crumb-covered pile of sweatpants, bedhead, and BO to an insightful sports critic with a sharp eye, quick tongue, and backup second career. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
Smack dab in the middle of the movie’s big scene, it always happens. Everything gets tense for the big courtroom finale or championship football game, and then all of a sudden the defense attorney or opposing coach turns out to be that guy from some other movie and you just can’t … | Continue reading
I met Chris Kim in September, 2005 in Boston. A tiny Korean guy with thin eyes hidden behind thick glasses under a well-worn and faded ball cap, he looked kind of mousy under awkwardly baggy clothes and behind a soft voice. And even though neither of us drank much, we met at a ba … | Continue reading
You’re here because of salt. Honestly, according to our egghead pals at Wikipedia, salt’s ability to preserve food was a foundation of civilization. People figured out that they could take their food with them, and skipped town with a lunch bag to see what was over the hills. Sal … | Continue reading
Well, they might not be named after you specifically. Maybe they just happen to have the same name. But then again, who knows really? I mean, all we know for sure is that your names match and you were born first. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading