In her own time. Those four words are more important than I can express. I am not sure I can put into words the incredible moment my autistic daughter had yesterday, but I am going to try. Yesterday, Kya asked to “go in the car to the dollar store for Elmer’s glue.” So we headed … | Continue reading
Dear Son, When I found out I was pregnant with you, I fell in love at first heartbeat. We called you little niblet because in our first ultrasound and picture, you were this little bean, but we heard a strong heartbeat. It was amazing to feel you move and hiccup in my belly. I re … | Continue reading
There is a memory I often share about Mother’s Day. In fact I think it’s even in my book. It impacted me so deeply. So much so that I’m still talking about it 11 years later. My son Cooper is the one who first made me a mom. Today he is 13 years old. He has a diagnosis of severe … | Continue reading
My son, I like to write you these little notes so that one day, when I’m old and gray, and my memory isn’t so good, I can remember you. Your life. And us. You are 13. You are a teenager. When you were diagnosed with autism all those years ago, and the future felt confusing, maybe … | Continue reading
There have been a lot of ups and downs during this autism life. The highs are so high and the lows are so low. This causes a lot of emotional turmoil within. There have been some really hard times throughout my autistic daughter, Alyssa’s life. The grief period after diagnosis is … | Continue reading
I’m struggling. There, I said it. The weird thing is, I don’t know everything I’m struggling with. It seems to be a few things, but the one that I think is at the fore front of it all is loneliness. How can I be lonely? I have a beautiful wife that I see and talk to every night. … | Continue reading
I get that question a lot lately. It typically comes from someone new to my life. A fellow sports parent. A stranger at a party. A grandparent at the park. See when I tell people I have four kids, ages 2 to 13, people ask questions. What schools do they go too? What sports do the … | Continue reading
Really sweet story I wanted to share with you. My son Sawyer is 11 years old. When I describe him I use words like smart, athletic, kind, and empathetic. I honestly think he got the best parts of his Dad and me. And of all four of my kids, I worry the most about him. That surpris … | Continue reading
I have four kids. My older two are 13 and 11. Brothers. Cooper is 13. He loves trains and DVD cases and bright colored paper. He is part fish and would live in the water if I let him. He does not like sports. Not one bit. But he adores sitting in the sun with a queen sized comfor … | Continue reading
Does she know she has been fighting her entire life? She fought to get nourishment and to breathe as a tiny baby. Fifteen years later she continues to fight. Fight for comfort, fight for words, and fight for peace within her own body and mind. Does she know she was born into a wo … | Continue reading
This morning I walked downstairs to my sweet boy sitting on the couch, surrounded by his treasures. He waved. It was quick though. He was very busy watching his shows. He takes his show watching very serious. Especially on early mornings. ‘Cooper, it’s mom’s birthday today!’ I sa … | Continue reading
I committed a pretty big social media mistake once. Well, way more than once since then, but I remember this one specifically because it was my first. It was well over 6 years ago, but I still shake my head at how tone deaf I was. I posted a quote on Instagram to my hundred follo … | Continue reading
As a mama I often feel like my mind is a Rolodex of memories. With four babies, I have so many of them. Births to birthdays, first smiles to first steps. Preschool graduation. Home runs. Road-trips. Some are readily available. Resurfacing often, bringing simultaneous smiles and t … | Continue reading
My 13-year-old son Declan is non-speaking, autistic and uses an AAC device to communicate. We haven’t moved at all yet Declan is in seventh grade and has already attended twelve different schools. That is a lot of change for someone who doesn’t tolerate routine change well. We lo … | Continue reading
Yesterday, I went on a field trip to the Minnesota Zoo with my oldest son Cooper and his class. It was pretty amazing really. He is 13 and autistic and it’s a really big deal that his class goes on field trips because not all special education programs do. But it’s so good. It’s … | Continue reading
,When I think about that little newborn baby—the first one I birthed, the first true obsession of my life—I recall the haze of sleepless nights and the excitement of new life. Babies are so raw and new; they wholly need you. You carry them and everything they will one day become. … | Continue reading
My son, I wonder if you will always reach for my hand when we are walking. I wonder if you will always be precious and innocent. I wonder if you will always gasp at birds and at squirrels. I wonder if you will always point to airplanes. And wave to strangers. And bark when puppie … | Continue reading
It’s 64 degrees out today. In April. In Minnesota. The pool is set at 80 degrees. We opened it this weekend. Our second son Sawyer has had multiple friends over to play. They jump. They shoot hoops. They talk baseball and hockey and Fortnite and girls. Our third son Harbor doesn’ … | Continue reading
There were tantrums, There were fears. There were meltdowns. There were tears. There were hard times We just had to get through, But on the other side—smiles Just look at you! The blessing of seeing Grandparents, Traveling and out of routine. Can be hard at times for you, But it’ … | Continue reading
Two years ago, before we understood all that we do now, we were making our way through a very difficult time with our daughter. She was self-harming, and as it is for all families supporting children who have this disposition, we were frantic to help. She was just plain as day, t … | Continue reading
I never thought I would have four kids. I’m not sure if I’ve ever shared that before. I thought two, maybe three. But four? It still surprises me sometimes. Four is loud. Four is chaotic. Four is wonderful. Four is fulfilling. A few days ago on Easter I woke up first. Which most … | Continue reading
I took two of my kids on a walk this morning. It’s our first real spring like day in Minnesota. Sawyer rode his bike and I pushed the little one in the stroller. Five minutes in, Sawyer’s bike tire popped. Like dramatically. Like in a cartoon. WHOOOSH the air blew out. His face f … | Continue reading
Autism Spectrum Disorder became a constant companion in our life one April day a five years back. I think back to that day and realize both how naive and how unprepared I was for the journey ahead. There are a lot of things I would go back and tell myself on that day that I sat w … | Continue reading
When you have a child diagnosed with autism, it’s not about you as the parent. At least that’s what we are told. Your sole focus becomes helping your child. Getting them the help they need. Services. Supports. Therapies. Education. And so on. That’s the role of a parent. And that … | Continue reading
When you don’t have a child with a disability, you don’t think too much about it. Until your life is touched by it, you think about it differently; it’s personal. Of course, everyone knows there are individuals with disabilities, but it’s not directly affecting your life. There i … | Continue reading
I could tell you a hundred things this kid has taught me in his thirteen years. More than most adults I know honestly. I had no idea when I was pregnant with my first born that he would end up being the teacher that I needed. Or that a child would turn me into the person I was me … | Continue reading
There comes a day where you realize that admitting autism is hard isn’t a choice you have to make, but rather it’s a moment in time where the struggle of special needs parenting goes from secret to unable to mask it any longer. This switch happens when people start to recognize m … | Continue reading
At the park last night, one of these boys played with boys his own age. He went up the slide and scaled the jungle gym like an acrobat. One of these boys chased after the older boys. They tickled him and he loved the attention. He went down the slide a hundred times and said…’mom … | Continue reading
Have you ever purchased a very challenging jigsaw puzzle just for the sheer joy and feeling of accomplishment you’ll get once you’ve successfully assembled it? The larger the quantity of pieces the better right? As I stare at those 5,000 pieces dumped onto my counter top and begi … | Continue reading
Sometimes, I find myself thinking about her. The one who probably rises at 5 am to do something wild like go for a run or attend hot yoga. Her time management skills are impeccable. A Caesar salad is a treat for her, and she’s diligent about drinking water every day. She excels a … | Continue reading
The thing with growing tiny humans is they are always changing. Learning. Absorbing. Getting bigger. My son Cooper is 13 years old. He wants to ride an Amtrak train more than anything. He wants to have a party with his three friends, Dexter, Peyton, and Landon. He loves going to … | Continue reading
For me, as a mom, this parenting autism life, especially alongside my neurotypical children, has often like a contradiction. A double-edged sword or sorts. A constant contradiction of joy and grief, both coexisting and intertwined. Neither wrong. A few days ago, I walked into a g … | Continue reading
We practice. We practice everything. I remember in the beginning l, after the diagnosis of autism was said out loud, feeling overwhelmed about all of the things my son needed to learn. Things that came seemingly easy for most children. Walking safely, using silverware, speaking, … | Continue reading
Oh vey, if it only were that easy. Has anyone made a comment when you were trying to feed your child and said, “Oh, don’t worry so much. They’ll eat when they’re hungry?” I can relate to this all too well. Growing up, I was obsessed with bologna sandwiches. Nothing else would com … | Continue reading
When we are out in public, my biggest worries are not about how my autistic son will act. Instead I worry about how the world will react. I don’t worry about his mannerisms. Or his uniqueness. Because I know exactly who he is and how he is going to behave. And that he is learning … | Continue reading
I just came from a coffee date with a wonderful mother who has a daughter like my Cooper. The power of the internet brought us together. She wants to change the world like I do. She wants to take away the stigma and the fear and educate like I do too. Over coffee, we talked like … | Continue reading
What do I say to friends and family? The awkwardness of the parent’s thinking: “How are they going to respond, what am I going to say back, etc.” Kind deeds go a long way with someone going through a rough time. Has a friend or family member just received a diagnosis for them or … | Continue reading
My daughter is 15 years old. She is autistic, has sensory processing disorder, and anxiety. She spends much of her day trying to calm both her mind and her body. There are very few things that are able to regulate both of those things simultaneously. A long walk in nature on a su … | Continue reading
I never want to come across as having it all together. Because the honest truth is, I do not. No one is doing it all. And if they claim to, then they are either lying, have a lot of help, or forgot how hard it is raising tiny humans. I don’t share too often the tough parts. I’m a … | Continue reading
A few nights ago, during family movie night, I found my lap wide open. I wasn’t holding a wiggly toddler. I wasn’t grabbing snacks or drinks. I was alone, in a recliner, feet up. Now this may not sound rare to most, but as a mom of four, I often feel like my body is comparable to … | Continue reading
Pictures, pictures, and more pictures. I’ve been taking them since my parents gifted me my first camera on my ninth birthday. This was before smartphones and the frenzy of capturing every moment took hold. I love it. Sometimes, after the exhausting bedtime routine, I lie in bed a … | Continue reading
As parents raising children on the autism spectrum, we’re no strangers to the stereotypes and misconceptions that surround autism. Unfortunately, these stereotypes often support the stigmas and misunderstandings, and even get in the way of our children’s access to the support and … | Continue reading
When my son was diagnosed ten years ago, I knew nothing of the diagnosis. Not a thing. I researched of course. I found Rain Man. And dark grainy videos on YouTube of individuals on the spectrum struggling. I wondered where my son would land. The savant side? The hard to watch sid … | Continue reading
I need your help moms and dads… I need you to teach your kids about kids like mine. The ones in the other classrooms at school. The faces you may not recognize in the yearbook. My son is 13 years old. He’s a 7th grader this year. He also is autistic and technically nonspeaking on … | Continue reading
My son, I want to make a few promises to you. Because we have a lot of stigmas to shatter around autism. And you are just the kid to do it. With a little help from your old mom. I will carry you on my back when you can’t walk yourself. I will hold your hands to my face when you f … | Continue reading
What colours do you see? I cannot put into words what those five words meant to me, but I’m going to try. Hope Fierce Determination Unstoppable My daughter Kya is 13 and on the autism spectrum. She was diagnosed at two and a half. She was nonverbal. When my daughter was diagnosed … | Continue reading
But mama, “What is autism?” My sweet daughter innocently asked me. I let out a long sigh I had been holding in while she asked. And I let out what sounded like a laugh, only because it was a hard question that I truly didn’t have an answer for. “What is autism?” That’s a question … | Continue reading
I wonder if they realize how hard it is to have a child who cannot have a conversation. I wonder if they realize it’s even harder to place that child on a bus to be with people you don’t really know. I wonder if they realize we are counting on them to follow a well-written educat … | Continue reading