My first journal was written in an attempt to save my own life. This is important for me to express because the action it took to create that journal was important to the details of my life, in which case, this is what’s brought me to this point. This is what’s brought me to the … | Continue reading
Before we go one step further, I would like the record to reflect that I come from a time that existed before filters. There were no cell phones or camera phones and at best, the smartest phone we had at the time was a cordless phone. Yes, I did have a rotary phone in my […] | Continue reading
I will say that there’s an art to the way we live. And to each their own, or it least, I think this is what people say. We all have our ways. We all have our own little quirks and personal fashion. I can say that yes, although we’re perfectly unique and individual; there’s a […] | Continue reading
The following is a bit of uncomfortable truths; however, in the efforts to answer the question, truth is exactly what this entry calls for. So, in the ideas of love or in the mention of what love is or if love is real; my answer is yes. Of course love is real. But where does […] | Continue reading
Maybe the goal is to defy your fears every day. Maybe fears alone are not so bad. Maybe this is just a case of the mind looking out for us.To keep us safe. . .And that’s fine.Maybe the fears of being hurt or being lost; or maybe the worries we have are only intended to […] | Continue reading
One thing’s for sure. We have to make this very real. And when I say “this,” I mean our plans for the future. Know what I mean?This means we have to plan ahead. We have to make our goals realistic and attainable; otherwise, we can lose sight of our reward system and then find our … | Continue reading
The on thing that I know about life is that everyone lives it. Everyone goes through something and essentially; the one thing I know about life is everybody is recovering from something. Everyone has a past and a secret. But more, everyone has had to face adversity of some kind. … | Continue reading
There is a saying that Moms always know best . . .Maybe this is true; however, I’m not sure if all moms know best. But I am sure that moms have ways of saying things that stay with us for a very long time.The world has certainly undergone some changes since Mom has been around. [ … | Continue reading
I was in a roomful of people with different credentials and letters after their name. Each person in the room had a position in a field that I was hoping to enter. Each person had school behind them. All of them had more than one degree. And then there was me. There was no title. … | Continue reading
And here we are again. (Aren’t we?)We’re on the verge of a decision. We’re on the verge of fear and dealing with the problems of what comes with indecision. We’re in the purgatory of emotions and thoughts. Here we are again, unsure, hopeful, wondering, wishing that something woul … | Continue reading
The truth is life is a journey. Along the way, we are going to find new discoveries. We are going to learn, change our mind and update our thinking. We are going to meet people and see new things. We are going to live each day being a new chance at a new life. This […] | Continue reading
Back on the farm, it was just before Christmas and all the members of the house gathered to watch a special movie. We were all together in the main room to watch a movie called Boys Town. To be clear, I was never into old movies or black and white films. At best, the only […] | Continue reading
My intention with this is simple. I want to normalize how common we are and that although we’re all different in our own way; life happens to everybody.I think now is a good time for a moment of truth.I think it would be best to say that since our thoughts are the direction of ou … | Continue reading
I used to listen when people would tell me about myself.I used to buy into this too. And after a while, I started to wonder why?Why am I allowing myself to submit to the predictions and the judgments of other people? I never questioned any of this. I just listened and accepted. I … | Continue reading
I have news for you.Moments will happen that come without warning. And sometimes, life has a way of throwing us off. Sometimes, people betray us. Sometimes, we say mean things. We can be hurtful at times. We can grow and we can fall. We can only take so much or so it seems and ju … | Continue reading
Ever hear a song that brings you back to a time when you were much younger. The world was a different place then. I was different and so were you, of course. I’m not sure what I knew or what I thought. Then again, I’m not sure if I was aware of anything. At the […] | Continue reading
In answer to the question, I will admit that this is a tough one for me to tackle. However, in answer to the question, I believe it is necessary to tell the world what I was thinking and that somehow, I was confused by an internal narrative that misled me to believe that somethin … | Continue reading
I will make this one quick and yes, indead, I think this might sound to be a bit sappy. But sappy or not; I will report this to you out of love and solidarity.Over the years, I have been fortunate to create new friendships. Some of these friendships are actually old connections f … | Continue reading
The following entry is an old journal entry. This is a rant of mine from back when I was working with an opiate overdose recovery team. I was angry at the time and a bit all-over-the-place. But this is an answer to some of the questions I get.Why did I choose to get involved with … | Continue reading
I love it when I see them on their first day. They are the young ones, the newbies. They’re fresh in the world and just starting out in the working world. I love the look in their eyes; partly intimidated, partly unsure of what to expect, and partly nervous, partly hopeful, part … | Continue reading
It is the first sunrise of a new year. The morning is unusually warm here in New York but the sky is pretty and the hour is quiet. I write this to you in a deep stage of thought. But more, I offer this with an honest version of myself, and to be truly introspective; […] | Continue reading
There is a story from my past which I am not too sure how the details go. However, for this entry I will do my best to be as true to the story as I can be. The story takes place in a typical suburban neighborhood on Long Island where a young man looked to […] | Continue reading
I suppose I wasn’t sure what to expect. This is the thought that came to me when it was early and my schedule had changed. My Sunday morning routine was altered by one special cause. Rather than wake up and journal before heading over to the homeless shelter, I had to make an hou … | Continue reading
In the case of me vs the world or wait, better yet, as it is in the case of most kids when faced with a letter that came home from school, or in answer to the main question which is the question I will be answering throughout this journal; oftentimes, there was an obvious answer … | Continue reading
Here’s a little introduction to a journal that will be based on the ever-popular question known as : What the hell were you thinking?The answers to this will range from “I don’t know” to, “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Now, in all fairness; I am certainly not the first … | Continue reading
Before we go forward, this is not about religion.This might not be for everyone. However, this is written for those who find themselves “out there” and without any hope. This is a little piece about hope and salvation but not the typical kind. This is about redemption and forgive … | Continue reading
I will leave this here and let this be enough for now. I will leave this with you as my witness and say that yes, there are things I wish I could see again. There are times I wish I could relive and if it were possible, there are memories that I wish I could […] | Continue reading
I know that I mentioned a few things about a bus ride in my previous entries. One bus ride in particular was a trip back home when The Old Man was dying.I remember how cold it was yet the bus was warm. Maybe the bus was too warm but for the time being, it was […] | Continue reading
Today is a special day . . . It was 33 years ago when I stepped onto a bus out of Monticello, New York. I was young and scared. The ride was long and strange. It was Christmas Eve and the sky was gray. I chose to take a window seat on a mainly empty […] | Continue reading
Suddenly, I am on a trip and to put this simply, I am only a passenger. But wait, let me explain.There are choices to make, which train to go on? Do I take the train on left or right? Either way, both trains head to the same destination. Both trains depart at the same time […] | Continue reading
I want to take you now to an actual view of real life. This is not just my view or my life, but more, this is a view that will help translate and explain what it’s like to live with a certain mindset. Here. Take this. It’s an envelope. And inside are the contents of […] | Continue reading
I am sitting here with you now, alone, in the dark, and writing during the early hours of morning. This is before the day breaks and the sun sets sail. It is cold outside and winter is about to take its place on the main stage. I noticed the stars last night, which means that […] | Continue reading
There was a friend of mine who used to say, “I am as God made me.”This means, I am who I am. Or in his case, this means he is who he is.But this is me and in the version of myself, there are other parts of myself in which I say yes; this is […] | Continue reading
There was a morning, cold as ever in the month of November. I was only about nine years-old at the time and the hour was early. I remember this was a morning at football practice. I remember the frost on the ground and the cold mist was rising up from the icy grass. I remember [… … | Continue reading
I don’t know what you see. At least, not really. I talk about this often but the phenomenon of sight is not provably the same from one eye to another. I cannot say that I know for sure what the colors red or blue will look like to someone else. I can’t tell how yellow […] | Continue reading
I still think about this day, a Sunday morning, when I was back on the farm. I remember this because I had to go home for a day to see him. And by him, I mean The Old Man.I was taken home for a visit after learning that my Father had a heart attack. I […] | Continue reading
Today’s entry will be about a window that is more current in time. This window is me of course; however, this is a version of me that I have been trying to become for almost 50 years. And I say this because who I am now is relevant. I’m a man that’s lived on either […] | Continue reading
We take you now to a midnight view of what it means to be “awake: when the rest of the world is asleep and peaceful.And t all starts with just one thought. Then it’s two. The three. Next, you’re awake and you’re lying in bed, thinking about things which only serve to keep you up. … | Continue reading
Ever look at the clouds? Ever notice them and think about their formations? I figured that since we talked about the secrets of jigsaw puzzles, I might as well tell you about the clouds.I figured this would be a good time to give you a view from the beaches and explain a little m … | Continue reading
I suppose my reason for this journal is to give you a view of more than just a typical day in the life of another human being. This is me and yet, I am not the only one in this world who looks and thinks or feels and worries. I am not the only one […] | Continue reading
There is a little town about 26.8 miles east of the Midtown Tunnel which leads into New York City. The town is known as East Meadow. This was, is, and will always be my town. This is where I come from. This is where life happened. I grew up here. I learned here. I saw […] | Continue reading
In short, I’d like to show you something. Or better yet, I’d like to take you on a trip with me.Are you ready? Good, then let’s go.I want to be out there, far away, on that great ocean plateau of absolute nothingness. There’s no one around. There’s no one to interfere with the sk … | Continue reading
What we’re about to do is go back to a time that was influential to my early survival. I will not make any excuses or look to alter, minimize, or glorify any of this as to which; I want to be as clear when I report that none of this was cool. None of this […] | Continue reading
So, you freak out sometimes.Yeah. Me too It’s not crazy. Not at all. No, it’s just this thing that happens. It’s a thing that comes from inside, which is something that I have or maybe we have. Maybe everyone has it and in reality; we all freak out sometimes.Maybe, this is all ju … | Continue reading
There is a long standing argument that to someone who believes they have nothing, there is someone else who sees them as a person with everything. And yet, there is a person who has everything and to them, as if they have nothing. And so it goes this way sometimes. Life.Or is it … | Continue reading
This trip will be a little different today –This will take us around the world and back again, from youth to the present. To be clear, I think this trip was necessary for me. I think this will help us build some understanding between us about why we say things and why people lie. … | Continue reading
This one comes without apology and to be clear; I have had the great pleasure of working with and being in the presence of the greatest people in the world. And to them; what I am about to say will make senseThere are times when my emotions are high and times before I speak or [… … | Continue reading
I assume that like most people, I have places in my life that are more like special sanctuaries or places of reverence than anything else. These are places that lead me toward feelings of comfort or solace. I come here when I need comfort or a place to go think or find understand … | Continue reading