Summer is coming to an end, and you know what that means…It’s your LAST CHANCE to socialize with me, a first-grade teacher, before I start setting... | Continue reading
Douglas Kearney is known for a poetry that aims to refuse rules and assumptions except for those he invents or consents to. An impossible ideal tha... | Continue reading
Timothy is becoming a man on October 18, 2021. He has a sober understanding of what this means. As Timothy’s father, Dr. Nagle, PhD, and I have bee... | Continue reading
August On day one, be seen taking your students out for a walk. Send a message. The message is: Here I am. Also: This is not a big deal. When yo... | Continue reading
This Girl Is on Fire: Tapping the Secret Power of Temperature DysregulationHere Come the Scarves: Flattering Fashions for Your New NeckMood-surfi... | Continue reading
Deep in the woods of Pepin, Wisconsin, a little girl named Laura Ingalls lived with her Ma, Pa, sister Mary, and Baby Carrie. When Uncle Sam said t... | Continue reading
“Mike Richards, the executive producer of ‘Jeopardy!’ who was tapped to succeed Alex Trebek as host of the venerable game show franchise, announced... | Continue reading
Yusef Komunyakaa has a gift for naming unexpected likenesses, and also a gift for endings, and the two things converge in a poem like “Bedazzled”:... | Continue reading
So you’re a writer who’s just been dumped by a writer—the fourth one in three years—and you’ve decided to make a change. No more writers for you! W... | Continue reading
2021 Parenting Back-to-School Bingo | Continue reading
What fresh hell is this under your bed?Brevity is the soul of the conversations you have with me.The cure for boredom is curiosity. So, for the l... | Continue reading
Fried CalamariTendrils crusted in grit assail my palate. Begotten of the sea, yet containing the essence of a carnival. Fried and without end. At... | Continue reading
The Complete CatastropheThere’s no arguing this one. Quite what [artist/band] was thinking when [pronoun] recorded this travesty is a mystery for ... | Continue reading
I have 39 moving boxes that I need gone. Take them all, and they’re FREE. Leave me with 5 or less and they’re $10. Leave me with 6–10 and t... | Continue reading
Q: Do I have to kill the snake? A: University guidelines state that you have to “defeat” the snake. There are many ways to accomplish this. Lots o... | Continue reading
Hello! Welcome to your first and final flight to space.Let me be the first to say that it has been so, so sad that Earth has been ravaged by war, ... | Continue reading
This July, Bumble settled a lawsuit brought by a man that claimed the app’s “ladies swipe first” policy discriminated against male users. In additi... | Continue reading
Dear Architect,Welcome to my home! I hate it.See, I’m no maximalist, but I’m kind of a sucker for walls. They leave a little something to the ima... | Continue reading
Dear Colleagues:I hope that you and everyone you know or have ever known is safe. As you are likely aware, the COVID-19 pandemic has upended our l... | Continue reading
From: Ty@gmail.comSubject: Your Beanie Babies may be worth millions! Find out how much you could earn TODAY!Does Platti the Platypus still have h... | Continue reading
This piece originally appeared in McSweeney’s 57. To get stories like this at your doorstep four times a year, subscribe to the Quarterly today. -... | Continue reading
“20 Years of Defense, Erased by the Taliban in a Few Months” — Headline from the New York Times, 8/14/21- - -Wow. This is disastrous. After twent... | Continue reading
It was a hot afternoon. The sun seemed seven inches away. My apartment was acrid and smelled like piss. I lurched over to the other room and found ... | Continue reading
Before they are released into the world to terrorize ninth graders, shapes must pass a rigorous examination and trial period under the prestigious ... | Continue reading
Leif ErikssonThe person with his eyes closed wears a gigantic horned helmet. He’s easily able to find the other swimmers because they won’t stop c... | Continue reading
Things haven’t exactly been going great for me right now. I’ve hit the age where, when you tell people you’re single, they no longer exclaim, “Let ... | Continue reading
“Alec Baldwin described New York governor Andrew Cuomo’s shock resignation on Tuesday as ‘tragic’ and appeared to suggest that so-called ‘cancel cu... | Continue reading
Wow. A guy accidentally murders his father and has sex with his mother a few hundred times, and all of a sudden he’s got a “complex.” Super cool, t... | Continue reading
A week after the state attorney general found he sexually harassed multiple women, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo said in his resignation speech that h... | Continue reading
At True2U, we believe all bodies are beach bodies. Our company stands for female empowerment. We want our customers to feel confident in their own ... | Continue reading
When I was a little girl my dream was to populate the Earth. While the Earth did seem to already have a population, I wished to fill my country, th... | Continue reading
Okay, first off, we LOVE the new report. It’s big, it’s bold, it’s scary. Really going to freak people out. Bravo. It’s practically perfect—we just... | Continue reading
Do you like it? It’s been so long since we’ve all seen each other in the school pickup line without our masks! Renee, your Invisalign came out grea... | Continue reading
You may have seen The 48 Laws of Power on your human housemate’s bedside table and wondered whether you could pick up any tricks. Alas, it was writ... | Continue reading
“We are turning our only home into an uninhabitable hell for millions of people.” —United Nations“Record-setting heat wave shows that climate chan... | Continue reading
Have you herd?! It’s almost time for fall sorority and fraternity recruitment, cuties! If you’re rushing Delta Delta Variant this year, below you’l... | Continue reading
Long time no see, Society. Listen, I’ve spent more money on skincare products in the past year than in any other period in my entire life. Why? Wel... | Continue reading
Please come work for us. We’ll do anything. We’ll give you free parking. We’ll give you 10 percent off in-store purchases. We’ll give you company s... | Continue reading
Like many innovations, I was at first misunderstood. Some called me ugly. Advertising executives laughed in my face. The bullying hurt, but I had a... | Continue reading
Pickle-Ice Flavored Freeze Pops are, horrifyingly, exactly what they sound like. Van Holten’s—a company known for making the sloshy, individually p... | Continue reading
As a woman working in corporate America, I used to hate when men would interrupt me. But as I’ve progressed in my career, my mouth has shut and my ... | Continue reading
In a room hidden behind a bookcase are a fireman’s pole and enough foosball tables to conjure enough writerly thoughts for several stars to be born... | Continue reading
Well done, traveler: you’ve found me. Whether by siege, quest, prophecy, or a series of flashbacks juxtaposed with low-angle shots of a sad tree, I... | Continue reading
Dear Ovaries,It’s been a swell thirty-some years carting you gals around. I don’t have many complaints, but I do have one suggestion: I’d love for... | Continue reading
Hello students!With the deadline to submit proof of your COVID vaccine just around the corner, we would like to update you with some exciting news... | Continue reading
Dear readers,Here at the The True America Institute, we hold ourselves to the highest standards of accuracy and integrity in our communications. T... | Continue reading
Once upon a time, there was a queen who was known as a “wicked stepmother,” although she was actually just misunderstood. It wasn’t easy ruling ful... | Continue reading
Ribbon Cutting Ceremony for a Luxury Condominium Building in Palo AltoThank you for gathering here at the site of a what will be a state-of-the-a... | Continue reading