1. The original working title of So was Jo as Peter Gabriel intended to make an album devoted to Facts of Life’s Jo Polniaczek.2. Peter wanted t... | Continue reading
It’s a tale as old as time. Democrats propose some pie-in-the-sky bill that involves a ton of government spending, and then, when you ask them how ... | Continue reading
Beaver of Fine Arts: This Week's Pop Quiz: Your Enne-dam Personality Type | Continue reading
Jen, I am so sorry. It has been too long since we’ve gotten to catch up! I’ve been dropping the ball as a friend lately. But I guess that’s just wh... | Continue reading
“The Supreme Court said on Monday it will hear a challenge to a Mississippi law barring almost all abortions after 15 weeks of pregnancy, setting u... | Continue reading
Maybe this work Zoom call isn’t the time for what I’m about to do here, but our boss Kevin has shared his screen to display a prompt that literally... | Continue reading
Hey little girl. Pardon. Young lady? Hello, young lady. Is your daddy home? I mean, your father? I mean, is there an adult home?Or are you, in fa... | Continue reading
Shouted “5! 6! 7! 8!” in the grocery store, just to see if anyone would break into a little soft-shoe.Made the other five members of my household ... | Continue reading
Let’s face it: streaming is broken. Content constantly disappears from your favorite platforms, new services pop up every day, and each streamer co... | Continue reading
It’s not that I don’t care about you. It’s just that I’m really busy writing my thesis. Also, if you were to come to me crying, I would perceive yo... | Continue reading
(Mobile readers: rotate screen to landscape for better view of charts.)- - -“Over a third of consumers (36%) say their consumption of cheese has i... | Continue reading
Hi guys. LOVING the poem here in Analytics and sorry for the delay on the review. Just a couple of suggestions to amp up engagement and SEO. As you... | Continue reading
Model in a baseball cap: Chic, easy-breezy, sporty yet feminine.Me in a baseball cap: Garth from Wayne’s World.- - -Model in overalls: Sun-dapple... | Continue reading
StrangersMOM: So if a strange man says I asked him to pick you up after school, what do you do, Henry?TODDLER: Ask him what my name is. If he get... | Continue reading
Wings are my vice. I love ripping meat off the bone with my teeth. Is there a poem yet about the refreshing feeling of wet naps after wing night? T... | Continue reading
Welcome to Tortured Artists, a writing residency where you’ll be forced to endure the profession you claim to love for more than 30 minutes at a ti... | Continue reading
Illustration by Arne Bellstorf.- - -This piece originally appeared in McSweeney’s 63. To read more from this issue, subscribe by July 15. - - -T... | Continue reading
It has arrived, oh feeble ones, the time for my automobile to barrel through your vicinity and announce my prowess—my vital and irrefutable masculi... | Continue reading
Philadelphia is her government name. You can call her “Philly,” if you’re family.Philly knows how to say water. Don’t tell her how to use her u’s... | Continue reading
First off, I just want to say that I’ve been blown away by the positive response to my flag. I hadn’t made a lot of flags before, but the feedback ... | Continue reading
“A beloved childhood experience, or a petri dish of germs? Public ball pits will reopen in August.” — Headline from the Boston Globe, 5/5/21- - -H... | Continue reading
1. Morning CoffeeLike all true friends, Morning Coffee brings out your best. This warm, invigorating companion is always there for you, even when ... | Continue reading
Design— Round 1 spacing was excessive. Definitely need more than three teeth.— Dave to minimize the spacing, throw a couple more teeth in there. ... | Continue reading
Depending on whom you ask, the use of the active voice over the passive is arguably the most fundamental writer’s maxim, thought to lend we... | Continue reading
I’m so sorry, sir — did I just crush your foot? I don’t know how that happened. I’m not even sure how I got here, to be honest. Today is Mother’s D... | Continue reading
A CardTake that 1099 you got from your 9th side hustle you took just to make rent, and fold it in half. Then fold it again. Don’t worry, you don’t... | Continue reading
Another New York City mayoral race is upon us, and there’s a wide variety of candidates from all kinds of backgrounds and ideologies vying for thei... | Continue reading
Years ago, I presided over a complex international divorce and custody arrangement, resulting in an unconventional legal ruling in which each of th... | Continue reading
1. “It’s really hot up here. Hotter than I expected.”2. “Whoa, you need to take it down a few notches, hon. This isn’t Medea.”3. “I have... | Continue reading
Dear Prospective Teacher,Are you passionate? I mean, REALLY passionate? Are you so passionate it hurts?Because here’s the thing: People rant abou... | Continue reading
This privacy policy describes the processing of information collected by, provided to, or snooped on by your children. This policy describes the wa... | Continue reading
1. The whole ship is going down. I mean the entire freaking ship.2. You think to yourself, “I’m pretty sure we were assured in some paperwork some... | Continue reading
I’m sorry. Why the hell did I just say that? I’m nervous. Blah. Come on in.Don’t worry about taking off your shoes. I’ve never worn shoes inside m... | Continue reading
“More than half of adults in the United States have been inoculated with at least one dose of a vaccine. But daily vaccination rates are slipping, ... | Continue reading
INT. DEATH STAR – CORRIDOR[As CHEWBACCA and HAN SOLO evade capture, STORMTROOPER 1 and STORMTROOPER 2 stand and chat.]STORMTROOPER 1: Lisa starte... | Continue reading
Dear Lord Vader,You have said in recent weeks that everyone in the Empire must soon return to work in person. I’m afraid I have to disagree. Stayi... | Continue reading
TO: Tim Cavanaugh, P.E., VP of Structural EngineeringRE: Volunteering at the STEM Career Day at my son’s middle schoolHi Tim,STEM Career Day a... | Continue reading
(Click codes for translations.)- - -1.Starting off with a classic. Every Morse code fan worth their salt knows this inside joke!2. Getting a ... | Continue reading
Do not be alarmed as I am everything that has been, everything that is, and everything that will ever be. You saw me in the sparkling gossamer that... | Continue reading
Hey there, abandoners-of-all-hope!We’re thrilled to announce that the fires have been stoked, the pools of blood refilled, and the harpies’ talons... | Continue reading
With more and more Americans being fully vaccinated, they are ready to return to work and leisure activities. Here are guidelines for when it’s saf... | Continue reading
Every couple of years, some hotshot said the 1990s were back. No one took it seriously. The ’90s were long gone, dead as the Noid or print media. J... | Continue reading
Hey, I’m the self-checkout machine at the CVS you frequent. Have to be honest here — it feels like you haven’t been yourself lately. You’ve placed ... | Continue reading
We have BOOKS!Big books, small books, tall books, short books.Books for all your READING needs!Ask us about our NO-INTEREST LOANS.No money? No ... | Continue reading
We, the management of Capital Venture Partners, are thrilled to announce that effective immediately, Gonzo Media and its various subsidiaries will ... | Continue reading