1. “Weston Road Flows”2. “Orlando Sleepin’”3. “In My Feelings”4. “Too Good”5. “Final Fantasy”6. “Over My Dead Body”7. “Coy Joy”8. “Wandering... | Continue reading
Q: When did you work as a mystery shopper?A: It was 2014 to 2017. At the time, we had a young daughter at home and we couldn’t pay for daycare, so... | Continue reading
“Senator Mitch McConnell said on Monday that the ‘loony lies and conspiracy theories’ embraced by Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene amounted to... | Continue reading
Sometimes it feels like the things we learned in school are useless (especially considering they could have been teaching us to do taxes or pick go... | Continue reading
“I just love winter,” said the man from Northern California.- - -“It’s so fun to get all bundled up and brave the outdoors,” said the man whose wi... | Continue reading
“DIANE! IT’S PHIL! YOU KNOW THE GRAHNHAWG YOU BLEW OFF FOR PROM 26 YEARS GO. It’s been a while.” — Punxsutawney Phil drunk-dialing his high school ... | Continue reading
1. Your Fiddle-Leaf Fig plant sits atop a jade throne in the Fifth Court of Feng-Du.This should raise a huge red flag since Fiddle-Leaf Figs are t... | Continue reading
There’s no place like home. This private basement bedroom is perfect for long weekends, holiday stays, or extended visits. Departure dates are flex... | Continue reading
“The Road Not Taken (AKA Kappa Party ‘07)”Two roads diverged in the woods where Sig Ep has their “Bonfire & Babes” party, and I — I took my ... | Continue reading
“GOP congresswoman [Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene] blamed wildfires on secret Jewish space laser.” — New York Magazine, 1/28/21- - -INDICATIONS AND ... | Continue reading
“The reason the market is doing what it’s doing is people are sitting at home getting checks from the government… This fair share, is a BULLSHIT co... | Continue reading
The big runup in the stock market has people worried. There are reasons to think it’s headed for a major decline, what with the pandemic still ragi... | Continue reading
Dear Strangers, Friends, and Family,I’m glad you are all here as I’d like to take a moment to thank you for helping me through, what I’m gathering... | Continue reading
Communicating effectively is one of the most important life skills you can have. Whether it’s a networking event or an evening with high society at... | Continue reading
Communicating effectively is one of the most important life skills you can have. Whether it’s a networking event or an evening with high society at... | Continue reading
AITA for giving my child the yogurt she asked for?I (43/m) gave my daughter (2/f) the yogurt she requested repeatedly, and she had a meltdown as i... | Continue reading
Mocha chocolateIs all over my apronI need a new oneManager Brian Doesn’t think it looks that badBut what does he know?Last week I saw himMak... | Continue reading
“Facing swelling political pressure and numerous lawsuits by businesses forced to shut down, Gov. Gavin Newsom of California on Monday lifted a str... | Continue reading
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High School Theater Bingo | Continue reading
1. Teach your child the 4 C’s: Confidence, Courage, Cry, and Cut. Your child must have CONFIDENCE when sitting upon the toilet, and COURAGE if the ... | Continue reading
- - -In Your Hands is a Trove of Remarkable Queer FictionIt’s contradictory and capacious. When thinking about curating this issue, I decided to ... | Continue reading
“It’s time to stand up against the muzzling of America.” — Senator Josh Hawley in a tweet, and similarly in an op-ed for the New York Post.- - -Hi... | Continue reading
Doctor, I’ve been feeling really strange these past few days. I haven’t really felt this way in about four years. My chronic migraines have complet... | Continue reading
Harvard: I would shiv someone to answer a question in class.Yale: I wrote a Pulitzer-nominated play about the time I shivved someone to answer a q... | Continue reading
“Sorry you feel the cake I made is a bit dry, Paul. It was meant to commemorate the life of my best friend from childhood. He died when we were ten... | Continue reading
Alarm clock rings and Mama groans.Lil Llama’s still learning from home.Mornings fill Mama with crushing dreadas Llama whines, “My Chromebook’s d... | Continue reading
“This is Just to Say”I have eatenthe eggsthat wereon the counterwhichyou were probablysavingfor breakfast.They weren’t moist or savorylik... | Continue reading
Now that I have reached the age of 65, I cannot more vehemently express my great relief for no longer having to shop around for expensive health in... | Continue reading
Well, they say you should never trust a politician, and it seems I’ve been duped.I consider myself to be a high-information voter. I follow a vari... | Continue reading
6:30 AM: I wake before dawn, screaming from my nightmares. My three love interests burst into the room. They all have one-syllable names like Shale... | Continue reading
Okay, Jerry. I’ll let you have that one. Allowing Dread Lord Nyarlathotep — God of a Thousand Forms, Stalker Among the Stars — a shot at President ... | Continue reading
We used to get Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies from a little window at the back of the junior-high cafeteria. They were 25 cents and the second th... | Continue reading
To download a PDF of this entire list, click here.- - -Early in President Trump’s term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalog the head-spinning num... | Continue reading
1. Gather your guns and place them in the government-approved rainbow trash bag. The bag should have arrived in your mailbox attached to your mail-... | Continue reading
“The White House on Monday released the report of the presidential 1776 Commission, a sweeping attack on liberal thought and activism that calls fo... | Continue reading
“The White House on Monday released the report of the presidential 1776 Commission, a sweeping attack on liberal thought and activism that calls fo... | Continue reading
Hey, Ted! It’s me, OLD GUY. I’m reaching out to you, my creator, to better understand my character.Your depiction of a legendary ad agency in decl... | Continue reading
Democrats’ proposal to raise the minimum wage to $15 an hour will be an absolute disaster for small businesses like my own, Gruel & Unusual Foo... | Continue reading
"The first version on the breaking news story on the BBC News website carried the headline: ‘Talented but flawed producer Phil Spector dies aged 81... | Continue reading
“President Donald Trump is preparing to issue around 100 pardons and commutations on his final full day in office Tuesday, according to three peopl... | Continue reading
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To smileSimple past: I smiled.Present: I smize behind my mask.Present continuous: I am squinting jovially and half-nodding at strangers on the s... | Continue reading
These past two weeks have been dark. And I know a thing or two about darkness, because I’m the prince of it. And while I enjoy chaos and carnage as... | Continue reading
Reading the beautiful, longing, inspired poems in Blizzard, Henri Cole’s new book, I marvel that, no matter the subject — from peeling potatoes, to... | Continue reading
IntroductionYou know when you look up an online recipe, only to sift through a mountain of pointless information just to get to the only section y... | Continue reading
To download a PDF of this entire list, click here.- - -Early in President Trump’s term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalog the head-spinning num... | Continue reading
“I urge my colleagues to vote against this divisive impeachment and realize that dividing America will not save this Republic. I urge my colleagues... | Continue reading