Our contestant tonight is Mom, a 30-something from Virginia and a veteran of the competition. Mom has been the sole competitor on our show this wee... | Continue reading
1. The coronavirus is a new disease that can kill people.2. Kamala Harris is a U.S. citizen who is eligible to hold office, including the Vice Pre... | Continue reading
Our good friend, poet Ilya Kaminsky, knows contemporary poetry like no one else. We’re proud to be publishing his mini-reviews and one-question int... | Continue reading
With apologies to Gil Scott-Heron- - -You will not be able to plug-in, turn-on, and cop-out, because you can only watch on your phone and will pro... | Continue reading
In recent weeks, President Trump has promised we’d see a coronavirus vaccine by November 1st, a date which many have called “politically motivated,... | Continue reading
1. Write a self-portraiture to remind yourself, after six months of doomscrolling, that you still possess an unmediated, material form.2. After An... | Continue reading
Our good friend, poet Ilya Kaminsky, knows contemporary poetry like no one else. We’re proud to be publishing his mini-reviews and one-question int... | Continue reading
Only polling volunteers may view these instructions. The US Senate commissioned this voting booth design specifically for the 2020 Presidential Ele... | Continue reading
With apologies to David Bowie.- - -Campus Health to Freshman TomCampus Health to Freshman Tom Swab your brain and put your face mask onCampus H... | Continue reading
Introducing SCENTS OF PRE-COVID. Enjoy the nostalgic fragrances of life B.C. (Before COVID) with this new candle collection.- - - | Continue reading
Take a moment to get comfortableAnd take a seat in a tiny chairIn your classroomNow that school is done for the day andYou have the room to you... | Continue reading
To be read before the 2020 Presidential Election. Register to vote here.- - -Early in President Trump’s term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalo... | Continue reading
Uncle Ken posts on Facebook that his Amazon package was stolen by Antifa. Roll a Persuasion check with disadvantage.- - -You come to a T-shaped in... | Continue reading
A doctor’s visit is a beautiful thing. It’s a union between a person who needs medical care and a professional who can offer that medical care. But... | Continue reading
Dear Students of Rydell High,After much consideration, we have decided to open for the upcoming school year. We have laid out specific guidelines ... | Continue reading
Way back in late February, we started to hear rumors about having to lock ourselves inside for three weeks — a length of time that now seems positi... | Continue reading
“My mother has an expression. Clean as a whistle, sharp as a tack.” – Joe Biden“My father had an expression. He said, ‘The only conflict that is w... | Continue reading
Girls, I have a confession: I’m seeing my ex again. Yep, the model. The FiveThirtyEight elections forecast model — the statistical analysis designe... | Continue reading
Copyright 1982The following is an excerpt from Passable in Pink: The Novelization, originally published in 1982 to coincide with the film of the ... | Continue reading
I’m seeing mandatory mask rules at more stores and restaurants, and as a staunch defender of civil liberties, I’m appalled. The government can’t fo... | Continue reading
“Today, we have many terms for romantic relationships between women: lesbian, bisexual, same-sex and queer, among others. In the late 1800s and ear... | Continue reading
Lakeland, Florida- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are facing ... | Continue reading
Recently, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced her endorsement of Rep. Joseph Kennedy III in the Massachusetts Senate primary. Her decision ... | Continue reading
Dear Students,As we all deal with the greatest challenge our community has ever faced, this university administration is pleased to announce yet a... | Continue reading
“Police have charged Kyle Rittenhouse, 17, with murder in connection with the shootings that killed that man and another protester after he drove t... | Continue reading
Salida, Colorado- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are facing b... | Continue reading
My baby has been in quarantine his whole life, and I’m panicked he will be developmentally stunted. There are so many experiences and enriching act... | Continue reading
“Are we really surprised that looting and arson accelerated to murder? How shocked are we that 17-year-olds with rifles decided they had to maintai... | Continue reading
- - -AUTHOR NOTEI have been collecting scrap materials for over 25 years. Gathered from crowded junk drawers, dusty supply closets, and the... | Continue reading
Lexington, Massachusetts- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are ... | Continue reading
Thanks for going on my first run with me. Just wondering. Are my feet supposed to feel like I’m smashing them into a pit of burning coals?Yeah? Co... | Continue reading
Monday MorningToad woke up.In his bed was last night’s dinner plate.And last night’s water glass.And last week’s pile of laundry.“Drat!” Toad ... | Continue reading
Why couldn’t my bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!It lies rusting in my garage, a reminder that everything once young and shining will ... | Continue reading
#109, Takeout: To achieve orgasm, fuck dinner. Order takeout.#467, Passive Couch: To achieve orgasm, sit on opposite sides of the couch and watch ... | Continue reading
Maple Valley, Washington- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are ... | Continue reading
Dear esteemed literary agent,I worked in President Donald Trump’s White House and I’m seeking representation for my tell-all book, in which I’ll r... | Continue reading
Beaver of Fine Arts: "Welcome Back! Your Classroom Is Down the Page and to the Left" | Continue reading
Dear Students,Due to our adjusted schedule this year, certain deadlines may have escaped your notice, so please consider the following changes fro... | Continue reading
“… This is one of the toughest times we’ve had in quite a while. But one thing I know for sure: The last thing we need in the thick of so many chal... | Continue reading
Greenbelt, Maryland- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are facin... | Continue reading
We’re so glad that you’re considering spending some time in bustling little Ashtabula, Ohio. Most likely, you’re here because you’re a big Bob Dyla... | Continue reading
Monday MorningToad woke up.In his bed was last night’s dinner plate.And last night’s water glass.And last week’s pile of laundry.“Drat!” Toad ... | Continue reading
Strutting out of your tent in a Hawaiian shirt, hula skirt, and coconut bra, then disconnecting Frank’s oxygen tank.Waking up the sherpa to see if... | Continue reading
One hundred and sixty days ago, I started watching a TV show that won’t let me go. It’s called Family Call, and it’s on the Zoom Network. The chara... | Continue reading
I regret to inform you that New York no longer exists. Unfortunately, as soon as it was out of my sight on our family trip earlier this year, it di... | Continue reading
The best way to keep the children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the bike tires. Not that they had anywher... | Continue reading
Hampton, Virginia- - -With national leadership urging schools to reopen this fall despite rising cases of COVID-19, classroom teachers are facing ... | Continue reading
Imagine if our teachers had reported back to work in July.That they’d been summoned in early for quarantine, not to their rectangular, utilitarian... | Continue reading