The four girls were friends. In a small town, friends make the days long and the sadness short, though it is still there. The turtlenecked girl wor... | Continue reading
The wood of my desk is the color of a deer’s hide but not as soft. I set my laptop on the sturdy wood. It is an old MacBook Pro that has lost its s... | Continue reading
1. Could be described as “willowy”2. Rarely nourished, though often surrounded by food described with a passion reserved, by some, for orgasms3. ... | Continue reading
The Part That Was Excited to Vote This Year (2019 – 2020)The Part Of Me That Was Excited To Vote This Year was violently murdered at the age of o... | Continue reading
Pediatrics ResidentColumbia University Irving Medical CenterNew York, NY- - -This is part of our series, Flattened By the Curve, which features ... | Continue reading
I can’t believe how careless people are being about this virus. At our house, we have been taking the strictest precautions since March. We stay in... | Continue reading
Dear tenant,Please note that due to extenuating circumstances, we have updated the terms of your lease. They are listed below: Your rent will be... | Continue reading
I am a pair of salmon-beige, men’s size 34, Eddie Bauer cargo shorts, and I have a tasteful number of pockets.Since the day that George Washington... | Continue reading
Finally didn’t miscarry one!This baby melted my heart… and my frozen eggs. All of them. And then another round.At $50,000, kinda thought I’d get ... | Continue reading
Clinical PsychologistStanford University, Counseling and Psychological ServicesStanford, CA- - -This is part of our series, Flattened By the Cur... | Continue reading
“We need a graduate program,” said the Faculty.“Who will build it?” wondered the Chair.“The Little Red Hen will build it!” said the Faculty.“I w... | Continue reading
Legna Rodríguez Iglesias is the author of My Favorite Girlfriend was a French Bulldog (McSweeney’s 2020), named a July selection by Ms. Magazine, L... | Continue reading
Bari Weiss recently resigned from her position as an op-ed editor at the NY Times.- - -Dear Neighbors,It is with sadness that I write to tell you... | Continue reading
Welcome to Public School Airlines!This is your captain speaking. Well, maybe I should say “intern captain” since I’m still completing my flight tr... | Continue reading
RECEPTIONIST: Maternity ward, may I help you?CALLER: Yes, I’m calling about my son. He was born at your hospital in 2011, and I was wondering if I... | Continue reading
My name is Chrissy Hartzell. I’m 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. I’m a succe... | Continue reading
Friends A show about six best friends who just happen to be all white because it’s the ’90s.The Andy Griffith ShowA show with equal distribution... | Continue reading
Welcome to Your Taxes: The Board Game! — the game you can’t not play. This brand-new 2020 edition is sure to challenge even the most skilled player... | Continue reading
Assistant Professor of Pediatrics Columbia University Medical Center New York, NY- - -This is part of our series, Flattened By the Curve, which ... | Continue reading
Oh, so you took the virus with you to the suburbs and disseminated it far and wide? Well, let me tell you — I just have ONE question…Do they have ... | Continue reading
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Emerson Whitney is author of this year’s transcendent Heaven, a meditation on mothers, self, and trans identity. Them. calls Heaven “the trans memo... | Continue reading
How good would you say I am at lying?Would you still love me if I moved to an off-the-grid commune?How long did you claim me as a dependent?How ... | Continue reading
Welcome, everyone, to this live 45-minute ‘80s throwbacks spin class! I’m so excited to be joining the SoulCycle family as your newest instructor. ... | Continue reading
O, how I miss the nightclub!Her neon sign flickers through the smog: “Chateau Chateau.”Her sweet stench (garbage, sweat) swaddles me like a babe.... | Continue reading
“The world is a different place, but we feel really prepared to operate in this new environment that we’re in,” says Josh D’Amaro — the new chairma... | Continue reading
Social WorkerYale New Haven HealthNew Haven, CT- - -This is part of our series, Flattened By the Curve, which features the voices of doctors, nu... | Continue reading
[DISCLAIMER: This course is not a lesson in how to eat a lobster (we’re not ignorant, but we’re not morbid, either), or how to become a lobster (to... | Continue reading
1. What is the middle name of the person who founded your school and thus unwittingly triggered this descent into hell you’re now experiencing?2. ... | Continue reading
In light of recent events, we here at Anthropologie would like to take a minute and reflect on how our company can do better for our customers and ... | Continue reading
Editorial FellowNew England Journal of MedicineBoston, MA- - -This is part of our series, Flattened By the Curve, which features the voices of d... | Continue reading
1. You’ll be given a set of rules to follow that everyone will promptly ignore.2. No one is allowed to leave the building until a solution has bee... | Continue reading
Read Part 1- - -Art by Matt Smith- - -So now Muirchertach n’ his guys ahr rampagin’ all ovah fuckin’ Ireland wearin’ their iconic leathahcloaks ... | Continue reading
To be read before the 2020 Presidential Election. Register to vote here.- - -Early in President Trump’s term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalo... | Continue reading
With a few basic household items and modified mechanical devices, you’ll be fully prepared for a safe and effective re-entry into in-person classro... | Continue reading
DACA recipient Adrián Escárate hosted a conversation between Jose Antonio Vargas, undocumented journalist, filmmaker, and founder of Define America... | Continue reading
Chelsey Chelz here. Are you running out of things to watch on Netflix and Amazon Prime during the pandemic? Watch me, Chelsey Chelz, this evening... | Continue reading
College University is thrilled to announce our search for the Director of the Colorblind Rainbow Center for Campus Diversity (CRCCD). Despite layof... | Continue reading
#ReopenKaffeTheatre Troupes Are Essential!Squires Against LockdownDon’t Believe the Liberal Printing Press!The Black Mongol DeathNo Mandatory ... | Continue reading
Stanford University School of MedicineStanford, CA- - -This is part of our series, Flattened By the Curve, which features the voices of doctors,... | Continue reading
1. “Lin and Tyler are drawing circles. Tyler’s circle has twice the diameter of Lin’s circle. Tyler thinks that his circle will have twice the are... | Continue reading
Met the man who developed the system of international symbols we all know — woman with triangle skirt, straight-armed man, cigarette with “NO” slas... | Continue reading
SUBJECT: Please Help, My Mommy® of Two Years Malfunctioning?ATTN: Customer Service RepresentativeI am writing to you seeking assistance with a p... | Continue reading
My name is Amaya Ibañez-Brown, I am 12 years old and live in South Minneapolis. On Tuesday morning, May 26, I heard about the terrible murder of Ge... | Continue reading
It has never been a choice for me. Just a feeling I get. It starts with a kind of rumbling, almost like an earthquake from the dark pit of my stoma... | Continue reading
- - -Shortly after my husband and I moved to Charlotte from Chicago, I made a trip back to Illinois to help my dad go through my mom’s things. In ... | Continue reading
Dear Faculty,We realize that it may be difficult to grasp how social distancing will work in college classrooms this fall. To better aid you in pr... | Continue reading
Your skin is like a chocolate latte with swirls of caramel drops.Sometimes you say, “Oh word?” even when no one is speaking.The other characters ... | Continue reading