Dear Children: All my real estate, savings, and tangible assets are to go to all of you, and if you don’t want them, to Goodwill or the thrift shop. Or just find someone who looks like they need them. Some things that don’t look like much are more valuable than you might think, l … | Continue reading
I understand she’s wonderful. I have no serious critiques. My only concern is… is she electable? I know she’s a fantastic communicator. Every clip of her I see, I’m blown away by her knowledge, poise, and warm meme-able laugh. I just worry about what others think of her. Not ever … | Continue reading
Shakespeare! Neither before nor since has there been a man with such mastery of words and humanity. It is the bedrock upon which the foundation of modern literature is comfortably perched. Most importantly, it’s something I fully comprehend, even though I choose not to explain my … | Continue reading
A 2023 Column Contest grand-prize winner, Laurence Pevsner’s Sorry Not Sorry investigates why we’re sick of everyone apologizing all the time—and how the collapse of the public apology leaves little room for forgiveness and grace in our politics and culture. - - - Around the worl … | Continue reading
Please help me. I’ve accidentally become the perfect choice to be Kamala Harris’s running mate. And I really, really don’t want to be VP. Last week, I had everything going for me: I am white male middle-aged governor of a crucial battleground state, have a 72 percent approval rat … | Continue reading
A Rock: Feel how solid it is. How smooth. How heavy. Like, really heavy. Good lord. Was your kid lugging it around all week? Is this the burden we all bear—lugging around rocks that we thought, for just a fleeting moment, were special? What rocks in our own backpack can we unload … | Continue reading
I receive my Call to Adventure in the form of a text. It is not from a real person. It states that a prescription beginning with INS is ready. The Call to Adventure comes at an inconvenient time. I am inhabiting my Ordinary World, which means I am having a snack and don’t have pa … | Continue reading
You know, I wouldn’t say this to just anyone. I’m not one to gam and gossip around the old grog-cooler. But I know you’re a good New England boy working your hardest to crew this vessel just like me, so let’s talk straight. Be honest: Have you noticed the harpooners getting a lit … | Continue reading
1. Cash In Hand 2. Robb Bank$ 3. Bryson Tiller 4. Quincy B 5. Toto Jr. 6. Jagerbomb 7. Ghostemane 8. Bluetooth OLD 9. Wifisfuneral 10. Blueface 11. Zatchmo 12. Tiffanys Diamond 13. Ugly God 14. Russ 15. Wendy 16. Marcy Mane 17. Greek Air 18. Hit Plus 19. Eclips 20. The Real Melad … | Continue reading
American: I am out of the office between 10 p.m. and 4 a.m., I am so, so sorry. European: I am out of the office from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. (for tapas). - - - American: I am in the bathroom, and will respond to your email from the toilet. European: I am taking my government-mandated … | Continue reading
“The bid to bring the Summer Olympics to Boston in 2024 fell apart nine years ago… Many community leaders and residents were supportive of the idea, and some expressed disappointment when the bid was canceled.” — The Boston Globe, 7/24/2024 - - - Rotary Cycling No Blinker Merging … | Continue reading
Replace all Department of Education employees with sunglass-wearing dudes filming themselves ranting in pick-up trucks. Abolish DEI hiring policies and ensure jobs are only given based on nepotism. School children will start every morning reciting the pledge of allegiance and/or … | Continue reading
1. I’ve put this body through a lot. 2. I’ve done the same routine over and over for years. 3. I wear a nerdy windbreaker. 4. One of my most important goals is getting as much gold as possible. 5. People suspect I’m a different age than I say I am, but no one’s been able to prove … | Continue reading
Support for WNYC is brought to you by: It Needs More Lemon. Taste this chicken for me, will you? It’s missing something. Yep, more lemon. Okay, taste it again. Better? Use code MORELEMON at checkout for 50 percent off your first order. Wait, now it’s missing salt. Support for WNY … | Continue reading
We are thrilled to announce our upcoming season, which absolutely must dig us out of the red or it will be our last season! But no one is stressed, because ART! We are excited to share this rich and extremely safe collection of shows with you, our patrons. Hurry now to order your … | Continue reading
Hey, I’m the manager of the restaurant you’re dining at, and— just a quick heads up— it looks like you ordered the only dish on our menu that comes on a different type of plate. How fun is that? Before you ask, yes, it’s flamboyant—excessively so. Yelp reviews have described this … | Continue reading
(Click here for a refresher on the tragic events of the “Larger Than Life” video.) - - - I won’t sugarcoat it, boys: I’m incensed. We pulled you out of cryosleep after a millennium because we’d heard that, back in A.D. 1999, you’d conquered the Chartz—an evil alien race that’s de … | Continue reading
This week, a resurfaced video of Donald Trump’s running mate, J. D. Vance, calling childless cat ladies like me miserable and uncaring went viral, making me more concerned than I already was about what my life might be like under an administration so hostile to women’s sexual, re … | Continue reading
“Will Chamberlain, a conservative lawyer who worked on Ron DeSantis’s presidential campaign, posted on X that Harris ‘shouldn’t be President’ because she doesn’t have biological children; ‘becoming a step-parent to older teenagers doesn’t count,’ he said." —New York Times, 07/23/ … | Continue reading
Though her family sometimes received food stamps and occasionally had their utilities cut off, Marcie Alvis Walker’s parents led her to believe that they were an average middle-class Black family. They encouraged her to pursue her dreams and told her that if she worked hard enoug … | Continue reading
One hundred-meter breaststroke for computers, one giant leap for mankind. We at OpenlyBadAI are thrilled to debut our most awesome leap yet in artificial intelligence: the first-ever AI Olympians. If you’ve been on the fence about AI, get ready to have your mind blown watching ou … | Continue reading
We are so proud to be publishing your masterpiece. We want this book to be huge. We want the face of every commuter buried in its pages. We want every e-reader in America to glow with it. To make this happen, preorder sales are essential. We have to spread the word! But you alrea … | Continue reading
Sorry, everybody, I hate to be that guy, but what’s going on with the apocalypse orgy? It’s happening, right? Do we have any more details about it, or are we just going into this whole doomsday orgy thing completely off the cuff? Seriously, what are the logistics behind the apoca … | Continue reading
You are using 85 percent of your Google storage. If you don’t upgrade soon, you will lose the ability to receive emails and upload new photos. Click here to upgrade. - - - You are using 87 percent of your Google storage. If you don’t upgrade soon, you will lose the ability to rec … | Continue reading
Dining Room High Top Even Higher Top Low Top (normal chairs around a coffee table) Bar Seating Outdoor (sidewalk) Outdoor (back patio) Outdoor (overgrown garden that’s a breeding ground for mosquitoes) Table in Striking Distance from Pool Table The Pool Table Table in Collision P … | Continue reading
“MAGA Republicans are subjecting Vice President Kamala Harris to a barrage of racist and sexist attacks as she has stormed out in front as the likely 2024 nominee…GOP Rep. Tim Burchett of Tennessee said that “100 percent, she was a DEI hire” insisting of Biden’s choice of Harris: … | Continue reading
Attention: If you’re a single man over thirty making at least $150,000 a year but you’re ashamed of your pestos and bouquets garnis, stop what you’re doing and register for my twelve-part video program. In just six short months, I will turn you into a black-belt-certified fresh h … | Continue reading
“Ms. Harris, 59, could be inclined to turn to someone from a swing state that the party needs to win. She is also likely to turn to a male running mate, Democrats said, to give the ticket balance.”- The New York Times - - - 1. Reliable White 2. Nice White 3. Polite White 4. Incre … | Continue reading
In 1985, the cartoonist Alison Bechdel first published her friend Liz Wallace’s joke that she wouldn’t watch a movie unless it had two female characters who exchanged dialogue about something other than men. Over the last forty years, the Bechdel Test has proven far too challengi … | Continue reading
VeriMark. Welcome to Us. This is our website. Here you will come to find who we are. Because you’ve seen our name. Somewhere. VeriMark. A trusted name. Because it’s so ambiguous and strong, you won’t question it. You’ve got your veri, and you’ve got your mark. As in, we very much … | Continue reading
If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, it stays with you for the rest of your life. Yet I could not ignore the visions of myself in Los Angeles. They said there was a place called Santa Monica. It called to me. I have never been drawn to the rugged America … | Continue reading
The hills across the valley of the Ebro were long and white. “They look like white elephants,” said the girl. “Whatever,” shouted the man, not bothering to look up. “Waitress,” he shouted to the señorita behind the bar, “nueve cervezas.” He thought that “nueve” meant “two” in Spa … | Continue reading
We are writing to inform you that Your Body (“you,” “yourself,” “your aging body”) has updated its terms of service, which apply to the use of all your Parts and Areas. These terms will apply only to Your Once-Useful Body and may differ from Other People’s Bodies, Which Are Still … | Continue reading
Been There, Smelled That explores the aromas of places around the world. Travel writer Maggie Downs investigates some of the world’s most potent smells, looks at how odor cultivates a connection to place, and presents how humans engage with smells, from scents that have endured g … | Continue reading
“Readers weigh in on Biden: Please go, Joe. Most don’t think he can win again and wish he’d make a graceful exit.” — Headline from op-ed in the Boston Globe, 7/17/24 - - - Once upon a time, there was a marvelous king. Well, “marvelous” may be an overstatement, but most reasonable … | Continue reading
I hope you’re all excited to get rehearsals started. The script is strong, the set designs are amazing, and the whole theatrical community is looking forward to what we’re putting up. There’s only one problem. We just can’t find enough boys to do the Broadway play. I know. It was … | Continue reading
I found my sister’s diary seven years after her death. It was in my parents’ storage room. I felt weird about the encounter, but I really wanted to read the diary. Plus, it’s not like my sister could walk in to bust me. After my sister died, my parents had to pack up her apartmen … | Continue reading
Modern medicine has failed us. To live full, healthy lives, we must go back to what nature intended. That means real food, vigorous exercise, and a byzantine combination of unregulated dietary supplements. Prehistoric man led a simple life. No sunscreen, no pasteurized milk, no F … | Continue reading
“‘I am not a senator, a governor or a former cabinet secretary,’ J.D. Vance wrote on the first page of ‘Hillbilly Elegy,’ by way of establishing his regular-guy bona fides. That was all true in 2016, when Vance was a former Marine and Yale Law School graduate with ‘a nice job, a … | Continue reading
“It is incredible that such an act can take place in our country.” — Donald Trump, writing on Truth Social after an attempt on his life, 7/13/24 - - - It is a sad time in American history, folks. A crazed gunman attempted to assassinate me, Donald Trump, in an act of hatred and v … | Continue reading
“Today, we’re all MAGA.” — Headline from The Spectator the day after an assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump, 7/14/24. - - - Decades ago, when a pasty, Jodie Foster–obsessed visitor to Miskatonic County attempted to render Azathoth back into the voidverse, the D … | Continue reading
I can’t believe you’ve never heard this album before. Dal Snagwood is one of the foundational comedians of the 1970s. He was so smart and incisive—almost more like a philosopher. Every comic from the ’90s says that this is the one that inspired them to try it, and those guys are … | Continue reading
Monday, July 15 9:00 p.m. The Banshees of the Bottomless Abyss wail the national anthem. 9:05 p.m. Axuloth, Slayer of Mortals, lays out his plan to stop the Great Replacement. 9:20 p.m. Arizona Senate candidate and election truther Kari Lake explains that Joe Biden couldn’t have … | Continue reading
They’re arrogant. They don’t like us very much. It’s more or less okay to apply preconceived blanket statements to this country. They think they’re cooler than we are. Friends greet each other with a gesture that’s weirdly intimate. More sex happening over there. More dynamic foo … | Continue reading
It turns out that building a humongous casino in a small city next to a mid-sized river, nowhere near a big city, the ocean, the desert, or good weather, excludes you from the “destination” designation. This means not many people want to come to lose their money in your oversized … | Continue reading
Independents once lived only in prairies and deserts in the United States. Today, they thrive almost anywhere there are ranches, farms, or ultimate Frisbee courses. Sometimes, they even live among people. It may seem charming when you spot one sitting on the fence, but don’t forg … | Continue reading
Hie thee hither that I might pour my spirits in thine ear On all that impedes thee from the Oval Room. Thane Axelrod summoned me today to betray my nature But follow my sense, when I say, my liege: What’s done is done. The enterprise is shot. In the past, thou hast found in me a … | Continue reading
When our great-grandfather Seb Ancestor built Ancestor Fields Farm 140 years ago, he was guided by a vision of earth-borne food harvested and passed along to the consumer as naturally as possible. His original dream began with fresh grains and produce handpicked by one of his fou … | Continue reading