Fade to fuzz. It’s always a sad scene when you’re bumping down the highway and your old faves start fritzing out on the radio. Yes, you wince as songs start missing notes and DJs start garbling the weather…. before eventually just dissolving into the distance. Staring back throug … | Continue reading
The first day was scary. When you opened the door everything was a giant swirling abyss of new teachers, new faces, new rules, and new places. So you tiptoed in smiling and shaking hands, learning passwords and policies, and staring around the busy cafeteria holding a red plastic … | Continue reading
I blew it last week. A friend came over after work for that homemade meal I’d been promising her. Since my standard dinner lately has been a plate of nachos and a couple spoons of Nutella I figured it was high time to cook a proper meal. It started well: I snagged a fancy pasta [ … | Continue reading
It sounds like the warm and windy start of summer. It sounds like the cool and quiet finish to fall. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #417 The sound of water lapping against a dock appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Say goodbye kitchen puddles, wet socks, and half-filled cubes. Say hello to AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #418 Carrying the ice cube tray you just filled up all the way back to the freezer without spilling appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Doors can be trouble. Strutting to the mall, strolling to the store, you spy those glassy doubles in the distance just waiting for you to size them up and give them a big push or pull. Sure, it looks easy, but we all know it’s nothing but. Nope, thanks to years of tense negotiati … | Continue reading
The middle of your back is no hands land. Those itchy islands off the coast of Spine Beach see a lot of shade and a lot of showers but not much scratchy, scratchy fingernail loving. When you’re itching hard you might try the ol’ Reverse Angle Elbow Bender a couple times before gi … | Continue reading
Never stop wailing. When you’re singing along with the lyrics of a song and a guitar solo starts up make sure you keep onnnnnn going. We can’t have dead air in your steamy morning shower or all the fans will just hear the sound of you soaping up your armpits and blowing your nose … | Continue reading
We’re all pretty much the same. Packed tightly in our skintight skin is a bumpy clump of slippery organs and brittle bones. Yes, you’re a pile of bones, I’m a bucket of blood, you’re a slab of muscle, I’m a chunk of chub. And no matter what we got squeezing through our veins, zoo … | Continue reading
And here’s the pitch. The bat cracks and the ball smacks high into the twilight sky. Eyeballs pop, voices cry, and the crowd rises as the ball dives down to the stands. Popcorn is dropped, gloves are smacked, and heartbeats thump as it rushes towards our seats. AWESOME! Photo fro … | Continue reading
These are the rules of the sea. If you’re on a boat you must wave to anyone who waves at you from another boat, you must wave to anyone who waves at you from land, and you must initiate waving to as many other boats as possible. The only way you can avoid these rules […] The post … | Continue reading
Forget speeding up, forget slowing down, forget twisting your neck in twelve different directions. Nope, now’s your chance to calmly merge without any worries and enjoy a smooth and relaxing drive home. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #425 When you’re merging into traffic and … | Continue reading
Plastic wrap is trouble. When you’re peeling a new sheet from the flimsy cardboard box I’ve got just two words for you: watch out. We both know that plastic wrap loves blowing in the wind and get all stuck to its bad self. Next thing you know you’re trying to frantically unpeel i … | Continue reading
Thanks for taking the fall, little guy. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #427 Blaming your fart on the dog appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Thanks, surprise full-length mirror. Without stopping our struts we’re able to sneak secret glances in your silvery buildings, glossy storefronts, or silent lakes. We stare superfast so strangers don’t think we’re mistaking the sidewalk for a runway. Of course, we manage to look … | Continue reading
We took a trip last weekend. My friends Mike and Jes had a baby so we jumped in a car and headed down the highway to visit the three-month old pile of diapers, flab, and giggly charm. She was a stunner, too — cute and cuddly, silent and smiling, she was passed around like a […] T … | Continue reading
Cold pizza is just the beginning. Now, make no mistake here: breakfast has a lot going for it already. Yeah, we’re talking fresh brewed coffee, sizzling bacon, and hot, fluffy pancakes. Nothing wrong with waking up groggy and heating up the dirty frying pan, flipping down the toa … | Continue reading
Can you spot a fake? While flipping magazines at the dentist office or sitting casually at a restaurant table I’ll mindlessly start staring at the flower bouquet and start wondering if they’re real. I always think they’re fake at first but then my eyebrows furrow and I stare in d … | Continue reading
It’s like the universe knew you were coming. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #432 When the crosswalk changes to walk just as you approach it appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Suddenly the shuffling crowds parts and you’re at the front of the line. Suddenly your boss quits and nobody else can do her job. Suddenly you’re on deck during a late inning tie game. Suddenly your sister’s finished opening her Christmas present. Suddenly you’re next. AWESOME! P … | Continue reading
Toppings are tough. The other day I was watching movies with my friend Shiv when our stomachs started rumbling and we decided to dial for dinner. I got up and grabbed a stack of crinkly takeout menus from the junk drawer and we flipped through all the fancy ones before settling o … | Continue reading
Check out that sexy plastic tray. Welcome to the crowded food court, workplace lunch room, or high school cafeteria. Thin napkins and ketchup smears cover tables as wailing babies and french fry fumes fill the air. It’s time for lunch so your stomach’s grumbling and all you can t … | Continue reading
Come on in. When you’re first in the car it’s time for some smoooooth sitting. Yes, you’ve got your pick of the seats before anyone else gets in there. Do you want the chipped orange plastic one in the corner with the Coke spilled on it or the stained yellow one in front smeared … | Continue reading
Hello out there. Staring out your airplane window and spotting another plane cruising calmly through the clouds feels a bit mysterious and magical. The open skies are suddenly traffic lanes from The Jetsons and you get to take a brain step back at how far we’ve come… While our an … | Continue reading
It’s what your parents were going to call you but didn’t. Flipping through baby books, chatting at bedtime, you better believe your folks had alternate identities in mind before you borned out. They thought about nicknames, shortforms, and tributes. They thought about spelling, r … | Continue reading
Sunglasses are a form of comfortable and protective eyewear that help prevent strong sunlight and UV rays from damaging your eyes. They are a popular fashion accessory, too. Try them at a restaurant, in a car, or on the beach. AWESOME! The post #439 Checking somebody out and not … | Continue reading
I knew you would never leave me, PIN. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #440 Correctly guessing an old password you haven’t used in a while appeared first on 1000 Awesome Things. | Continue reading
Do you know that rickety bridge scene from the movies? Violins screech and kettle drums swell as our hero tiptoes across a dangerous rope bridge swinging wildly over a dark canyon at the pulsing climax of the film. The audience gasps and grips their armrests as she kicks a loose … | Continue reading
Do you ever find yourself chatting with friends when someone suddenly says “Hey, how did we start talking about this?” That’s when you find yourself quickly unwinding your off-the-rails conversation by jumping backwards through scattered anecdotes and interconnected stories. As y … | Continue reading
Sunlight shimmers and glimmers across shaky waves as treetops twist into melted shadows. Silence clogs your ears as you drift alone in your secret underwater chamber deep in the ocean darkness or shallow in the backyard pool. Bubbles scream up all around you as you float like an … | Continue reading
Let’s hit the suburban roller coaster. When you’re a little kid riding backwards in a wood-paneled wagon there’s few things as fun as hitting a gut-twisting bump over a little hill on the highway. Or maybe you’re at the back of the schoolbus, bouncing like jumping beans as you ri … | Continue reading
Gardening ain’t for sissies. Nope, if you’re getting down with the kneel down you know planting flowers, growing herbs, and trimming hedges is tough business, baby. Sun’s beating wavy rays, dirt’s clumping in your eyes, and worms squiggle in all directions as you attempt to plant … | Continue reading
Nose, what’s your deal? We’ve been cursing you for the past hour for your snotty head-plugging ways. Breathing wasn’t happening and we were left mouth-gasping for air every few seconds to bypass your thick bulletproof wall of headglue. And you remember when we tried blowing our b … | Continue reading
Ding-dong. The door opens to you on the porch in your just-washed jeans and crispy clean shirt staring into a sweaty sea of strange faces. You walk in and stumble past a pile of shoes and a kissing couple while awkwardly scanning the room for some friendly faces. Stepping a bit d … | Continue reading
Drift and dream into that crispy clean. It’s always good when you can leave the sheets outside and let the sun do what the sun does best: be hot, heat things up, keep being hot. Just clothespin your business to the line, point up at the giant fireball in the sky and say “Over to … | Continue reading
Midnight is long gone. Maybe you’re crowded around a kitchen table pasting construction paper onto poster board, squirreled into sleeping bags on a cold basement floor, or drinking cold coffee and leaning over laptops before tomorrow’s big deadline. Either way, it’s time to face … | Continue reading
Believe it. It’s your girlfriend at the lunch table doing her dad’s lecture with a bizarre sailor with a sore throat inflection. It’s your grandson at Thanksgiving pretending to be his angry first grade teacher, hitting the squeaky high notes with fist thumps and furrowed brows. … | Continue reading
That was a close one. Last night you hit the pillow without a safety net and fell into a free-falling slumber with no end in sight. You could have slept all day, you could have slept all night, but somehow you got up just in time. Yes, you sprung up like a Jack-in-the-Box with yo … | Continue reading
Embrace your inner monkey. Dirty crumpled socks, dropped Doritos, rogue pen caps: We see you there. Yes, we see you right in the crosshairs of our toes and we’re about to scoop you up with a good old fashioned foot scrunch. Bending over is overrated. Picking things up with your f … | Continue reading
Time for some fun in the sun. Spiking volleyballs in the backyard, tossing frisbees at the beach, or just running around in your bathing suit on the scorching sand, it’s always fun getting hot and sweaty before racing to the edge of the dock or tip-toeing to the front of the divi … | Continue reading
My friend Mike taught me the power of Mustache Maintenance. Whenever we running late on a Friday night back in college Mike would race up the stairs and shave off his mustache fuzz in ten quick seconds. It took away his dirty upper lip look without taking all the time of a full s … | Continue reading
Get your mash on long. Get your mash on strong. How great is it that a bunch of rock-hard brown things yanked from the dirt can turn into a creamy smooth-n-salty canvas of deliciousness right in the middle of our plates? I’m talking salty lumps, I’m talking tasty bumps, I’m talki … | Continue reading
Man, I’m a master of the Ghost Loan. This is where I borrow someone’s favorite book and them promptly leave it on my shelf for months without touching it. Sure, I see it, I look at it, I think about it, I want to read it, but I just… don’t. And then I keep it […] The post #456 Wh … | Continue reading
Let’s face it. We’re all idiots who love cranking taps and have no idea when reckless shaving and face-washing shenanigans might flood our bathroom floors. Thanks for watching our backs, little hole. AWESOME! There will be a special announcement on 1000 Awesome Things this Friday … | Continue reading
Enjoy the silence. Maybe you’re an early bird who goes jogging on the cool sand as the sun rises. Ocean waves quietly lap to shore together with twisted messes of dark seaweed and chipped seashells as faint orange sunbeams peek over the horizon… Or maybe you’re a sand stroller go … | Continue reading
Once upon a time we didn’t have forks. Yes, our ancient ancestors were forced to scoop saber-tooth tiger brains out with twigs, hold woolly mammoth meat over the fire with spears, and eat prehistoric pies with a spoon. According to our egghead pals at Wikipedia, although the Anci … | Continue reading
Close your eyes and let your brain slip back … You’re a tiny tot holding big hands walking down a sandy beach. As the sun sets over the glittery water the salty ocean breeze hits your hair and your feet squish into cool sand as somebody suddenly yells out “1-2-3 Wheeeeeeeeee!” Yo … | Continue reading
Nothing’s worse than popping into first and noticing you’re flirting with the big E. Suddenly you’re late for work, the date’s on hold, and your party’s stalled in the parking lot. Yes, jumping in a car and noticing it’s out of gas ranks pretty high on 1000 Annoying Things, that … | Continue reading