Thanks for choosing to fly overseas during one of the most challenging times in recent history. Since every state and country has its own complicat... | Continue reading
“Manchin, a centrist Democrat, has objected to key provisions of a multi-trillion-dollar reconciliation bill that would slash planet-heating emissi... | Continue reading
I appreciate the hard work that went into this essay. It has many merits, but it also has something profoundly and disturbingly wrong with it. In f... | Continue reading
If your oxygen levels are depleted, will you consent to supplemental oxygen via nasal tubing? If you’re acting like a dog in a cone and do not unde... | Continue reading
1.JERRY SEINFELD: This is a 1995 Land Rover Defender, and everything about it says adventure. Which is perfect, because today I’m getting coffee w... | Continue reading
Q: Will there be a hiring freeze?A: The change has come. There is no search. But there is, there is that hope and that interpretation and sometime... | Continue reading
My first task of the day is always something hard but important: I murder God.When I get a job interview, a first date, or a shot at sex, I look t... | Continue reading
Welcome to the Rockcrop Farms Community Supported Agriculture (CSA). Thank you once again for supporting your local farm. Here are some answers to ... | Continue reading
Roh way, Raggy. Roh way on your rife am I retting raccinated. Rot on your rife, Raggy!Why? Why? First, ris is my rody. And because it is my rody I... | Continue reading
1. You and 500 other people compete for the chance at one prize due to the rigged economic system and bad life decisions that have landed you in a ... | Continue reading
I have been assigned the important task of researching our sixteenth president, Abraham Lincoln, and presenting my findings to my colleagues in Ms.... | Continue reading
Foraging in my local Trader Joe’s, my face reflects the orange hue of its seasonal displays as I wander the aisles on a hunt for a new fall item to... | Continue reading
“Mitch McConnell on Saturday told Attorney General Merrick Garland that parents ‘absolutely should be telling’ local schools what to teach amid a ... | Continue reading
Dear Mr. Simon,Let me begin by saying that I am generally a fan of your work. My mother used to sing me “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme” as a ... | Continue reading
FBI CASE FILE 19-86:Operation “Say Hello to Your Little Friends”The BABY-SITTERS CLUB (“BSC”) is an organized-crime enterprise that rose to power... | Continue reading
Do you love to be interrupted during a rare moment of respite? Can you plaster on a smile and generate impromptu dialogue? Do you enjoy small peopl... | Continue reading
I wake up in my log cabin. The first thing I do is pop outside to forage for some breakfast mushrooms. Once I’ve got a good handful, I roast them o... | Continue reading
1. COVID-19 and the related lockdowns have been hard on all of us. We want you to know: it’s OK to not be OK.2. If you need to work through your l... | Continue reading
Art by Matt Smith- - -Fuckin’ hwæt!Ah some shit, right? I don’t really know, but that’s how all those ancient Brahmin rat bastahds talked back i... | Continue reading
FOR USE ON SOCIAL MEDIA, ZOOM, AND REPLY-ALL EMAILS. | Continue reading
“You’re gonna want to set aside the next 20 minutes to read this NY Times Magazine piece about a complicated ‘bad art friend’ relationship involvin... | Continue reading
The Facebook Apologies team is at the forefront of navigating a wide array of global atonements. As a member of the Apologies team, you’ll find inn... | Continue reading
IIlustrations by Ellie Hajdu.- - -Wi-FiToad was writing an email.Suddenly, the Wi-Fi disconnected.Toad restarted his computer.The Wi-Fi still... | Continue reading
“More lockdown please.”“Mom look bad. Need bath. Why sleep clothes? Hmmm?”“Mom pants please walk.”Looks at large hole in the yard next to Mom“C... | Continue reading
What they say: 2/2 teaching load.What they mean: It will actually be a 4/4 after two years of budget cuts and faculty attrition.What they say: S... | Continue reading
Hello, I’m someone you used to know. Pretty well, in fact. We had some good conversations. We saw eye to eye on all the important things. We laughe... | Continue reading
“I agree with you one thousand percent. We’re all on the same page, gang.” — Senator Joe Manchin, from the top of his yacht yesterday, responding ... | Continue reading
“The $3.5 trillion Biden plan isn’t socialism, it’s marxism.” — Sen. Marco Rubio, Twitter, 9/30/21- - (Karl Marx addresses a large crowd)KARL MA... | Continue reading
Admittedly, this plan raised some eyebrows when I brought it up with my husband.First just: “What?”Then: “Seriously, what the hell are you talkin... | Continue reading
Hello, this is your kid’s school calling. So, your kid said her daddy dropped her off today. I could still see him if I stepped outside, but I know... | Continue reading
The Shire from Lord of the RingsThe Shire used to be the best-kept secret of Middle Earth, but tourists have been flocking there lately because of... | Continue reading
There’s a reason why boxed macaroni and cheese is cheese-flavored. And it has nothing to do with “mac and cheese” being a perennially beloved comfo... | Continue reading
Is your pain in your ankle?No.Did your pain appear after sleeping weirdly one time in your thirties and then stay with you for the rest of your... | Continue reading
Thank you for your interest in saving the lives of precious, little six-week-old embryos all across our great state of Texas. By committing to join... | Continue reading
Experts, the CDC, and the media keep telling us that seat belts dramatically reduce the risk of death and serious injury when using a car. But I’ve... | Continue reading
“When it comes to the current state of the global supply chain, weakness is everywhere. Massive dislocations are present in the container market, ... | Continue reading
As a freelancer, there are a few key ways to ensure your invoices get paid on time. Consider the following options to find out whether or not you h... | Continue reading
Fellas, it’s tough out there. After going unchecked since the onset of time, a day of reckoning has come for men. More than just being held account... | Continue reading
Making friends as an adult can be challenging. Especially if, like me, you’re the celestial ruler of Tartarus, the abode of the damned. I spent so ... | Continue reading
INTERVIEWER: So your movie is a huge box office and critical hit.ASIAN AMERICAN CELEBRITY: It is, it’s insane.INTERVIEWER: How do your parents fe... | Continue reading
“To His Coy Mistress”Baby, if we had more time,This coyness, Mary, ’d be no crimeWith nowhere else on earth to goWe’d drive around and take it ... | Continue reading
My unwavering commitment to the equality of all people, to dismantling the hegemony that has kept so many oppressed for so long, is my raison d’êtr... | Continue reading
Thank you for joining us for a date this evening. Before we move forward in the process, we’d like you to fill out this brief survey. We’re asking ... | Continue reading
Scenes from Overlook Elementary | Continue reading
In honor of the release of Dear McSweeney’s: Two Decades of Letters to the Editor from Writers, Readers, and the Occasional Bewildered Consumer, cr... | Continue reading
1. Lily passed peacefully, immediately after her therapist finally laughed at one of her jokes.2. After a valiant battle with imposter syndrome, O... | Continue reading
Originally published October 1, 2019.- - -Amanda Uhle spoke with Shelly Oria on the WCBN podcast Living Writers about the collection Oria edited, ... | Continue reading