Mario KartYou and the seven other members of your grad school cohort are competing for the last tenure-track job in the Mushroom Kingdom. It’s a s... | Continue reading
Welcome to the impromptu start of my non-fungible token (NFT) career. I’m so happy you’re here to witness the first steps of what I hope to be a ve... | Continue reading
Dear Sam and Sylvie,This is to inform you that, effective immediately, your mother and I will be parenting asynchronously. This is not a punishmen... | Continue reading
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first introduced the “five stages of grief” in her book On Death And Dying. Initially based on her stud... | Continue reading
Greetings, colleagues —As we start planning our return to the office, we wanted to give you a gentle heads-up that we’ve made a few changes to our... | Continue reading
INT. BIG CITY HEDGE FUNDTessie Jacobs (30-something, blonde) stares at a bar graph with two columns: “money” and “not money.” Her boss (you know h... | Continue reading
OldieHalf crampFailslideKickflopShakieBackside flabFeeble grindCricked grindBoredslideMcWistCrabbylerialAlley-oopsNo-computeInward mea... | Continue reading
Hello, it’s me, the long strand of Christmas lights hanging from your house. You may not remember that I exist, it’s been so long since you acknowl... | Continue reading
Dear students of WR112 – Personal Writing,I apologize for the delay in returning your graded personal essays. As you may or may not be aware, I am... | Continue reading
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” — quote often misattributed to Benjamin Franklin. (His original line was probably about... | Continue reading
“My warning, if you will, to corporate America is to stay out of politics,” said Sen. Mitch McConnell, who has long argued that corporate donations... | Continue reading
1. What was once a beautiful creature has suddenly transformed into a vicious, cruel monster with lovely hair.2. Its presence makes all living cre... | Continue reading
“Donald Trump and Tucker Carlson led rightwing backlash after Major League Baseball said it would not play its All-Star game in Georgia because of ... | Continue reading
The first public literary reading I ever gave was at Manhattan’s Le Poisson Rouge for a now-defunct magazine’s issue showcase. I was 21 years old a... | Continue reading
As president of TD Bank, I manage $1.7 trillion in assets, but the only thing that brings me joy is our little plastic pens. Cash is a social const... | Continue reading
I’m proud of my work as an auto mechanic, and nothing gets me more excited than souping up a ride for somebody. Normally, the satisfaction of a job... | Continue reading
“In May, a swarm of billions of cicadas known as Brood X will emerge from the earth after hibernating for the past 17 years.” — Slate- - -1. S... | Continue reading
“Our house, in the middle of our street.”Dear Homeowners: As you may have noticed, our development constructed a new roadway surrounding your home... | Continue reading
FROM: Simon Peter (simon.peter@alphaomega.org)TO: All MembersDATE: Wednesday, March 25, 33SUBJECT: Message from the Boss: NAILED IT!!Hey team!... | Continue reading
Give Yourself a BreakStart by naming and acknowledging the trauma: you’ve suffered, been crucified, died, been buried, and descended to hell. Now ... | Continue reading
When Moses showed up out of nowhere to shepherd “the Chosen People” out of Egypt, I had a sinking feeling that we Jews were once again “chosen” for... | Continue reading
“Federal investigators are examining whether Rep. Matt Gaetz engaged in a relationship with a woman that began when she was 17 years old and whethe... | Continue reading
This trial still has weeks to go, but I am already at my breaking point. I narrowed down my career options to court stenographer and dental hygieni... | Continue reading
Ugh, really? Across the United States, cases have started rising… again? A new, more transmissible and deadly variant has established itself (tell ... | Continue reading
“April Fools’ Day… dates back several centuries to the Middle Ages.” — WorldHistory.us- - -April 1, 1424: A woman in Edinburgh serves her no-good ... | Continue reading
PreparationWhile vaccinations are underway and offices are preparing to reopen their doors, management nationwide faces a great challenge: how to ... | Continue reading
Jason VoorheesMr. Voorhees has long been a proponent of masking and is considered a public health folk hero. When not taking long, contemplative w... | Continue reading
“Have you noticed a strange army of Amazon employees on Twitter recently, claiming that Amazon doesn’t engage in union-busting and disputing storie... | Continue reading
Our stars have finally aligned! Indoor dining is coming back, and a well-deserved stimulus payment is in my bank account. So I’m putting on pants a... | Continue reading
When Lil Nas X released his music video for the song “Montero (Call Me By Your Name),” I was shocked by his Satan-worshipping nonsense. As a straig... | Continue reading
“Republicans in Georgia sped a sweeping elections bill into law Thursday, making it the first presidential battleground to impose new voting restri... | Continue reading
We changed the notification sound to a man screaming into the ocean.We added a helpful bot that will automatically remind you each morning that yo... | Continue reading
Buds on trees. Flowers sprouting. A wholesome breeze, as best we can tell, from the hygienic confines of our shuttered apartment windows. Stopping ... | Continue reading
Why is this night in quarantine different from all other nights in quarantine?On all other nights, we stuff our faces with leavened or breaded foo... | Continue reading
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“The massive container ship Ever Given has been stuck in the Suez Canal for three days, halting billions of dollars in trade as vessels pile up at ... | Continue reading
1. Being picked last for every game of kickball in elementary school.2. The time I took a kickball to the face in elementary school.3. Every elem... | Continue reading
Paddington Bear“I’m Paddington. I’m from Darkest Peru. Where are you from?”The bible salesman took off his hat and stepped in out of the July hea... | Continue reading
- - -Wesley Brown’s 1978 novel, Tragic Magic, edited by Toni Morrison, is the first novel in McSweeney’s Of the Diaspora series, edited by Erica V... | Continue reading
As an Asian person, it’s comforting to know that, in difficult times, white allies will always be there to message me whatever they want. Here are ... | Continue reading
How should I structure my article’s title?The only acceptable structure for an article title is “Kind of Clever and Dated Pop Culture Reference: J... | Continue reading
1. I am sequestered in a room against my will with needy family members.2. My world is ruled by cruel and powerful people who determine my... | Continue reading
Are you going to Scarborough Faire?Yeah, I was planning on it. You want me to pick something up for you?Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.Okay,... | Continue reading
Dear Dr. Fauci,Who knew I’d be writing another letter — remember how we thought all this mishigas was only going to last a few months? Now here we... | Continue reading
“The Colorado attack is the 7th mass shooting in 7 days in the US.”— CNN, March 23, 2021- - -Everyone seems to be talking about all the car crash... | Continue reading
“The Colorado attack is the 7th mass shooting in 7 days in the US.”— CNN, March 23, 2021- - -Everyone seems to be talking about all the car accid... | Continue reading
“’The Falcon and the Winter Soldier’ provides an answer on who’s paying the Avengers, and the answer is: no one… Basically, the superpowered people... | Continue reading
“The Ladies Who Lunch” (Company): You consider yourself to be “above” social media but are addicted to it nonetheless. You’re still incensed over h... | Continue reading