“Your response when you see children wearing masks as they play should be no different from your response to seeing someone beat a kid in Walmart… ... | Continue reading
Hello and welcome to my home. Yes, I did answer the door extremely quickly, thank you for noticing. I was just here inside, sitting quietly in my c... | Continue reading
Beaver of Fine Arts: Career-Launching Moves for Pond Life Stardom | Continue reading
This here’s a tale for all the teachersGradin’ those papers in the empty bleachersTry to turn Zoom bugs into featuresLookin’ for the choir but j... | Continue reading
1. “I’m not gonna ask you if you just said what I think you just said.”2. “I have never met anyone so passionate and dedicated to a belief as you.... | Continue reading
Hello there! I could barely see you through the adorable scruff that covers my little puppy face. My eyes are so cute and tiny. I hear you praying ... | Continue reading
There are many products purporting to clear up the complexities of your ovulation cycle, but mother nature (and the Starz network) has provided the... | Continue reading
Did you get the COVID-19 vaccine?A) Yes, because I’m ready to get back out there and start partying again!B) Yes, because I am haunted ... | Continue reading
So, I hear your parents finally got their second dose, huh? Moderna? That’s great. You’re probably feeling a whole lot better about visiting them n... | Continue reading
I should start by mentioning that I (F1035) had just come out of a so-called “fairy tale” relationship with O. (M1037). Technically, O. and I are s... | Continue reading
So, Walter Mondale shows up in heaven the other day, and I’m all eager to talk to him because I’m kind of a political junkie — see Richard III — bu... | Continue reading
The scientific consensus is clear. We’re facing an urgent carbon crisis that is already drastically affecting the world around us. We know that it’... | Continue reading
“I’m glad I ran into you today @AOC to plan our debate about the Green New Deal. After I finish reading all 14 pages, like we agreed, I’ll schedule... | Continue reading
“I’m glad I ran into you today @AOC to plan our debate about the Green New Deal. After I finish reading all 14 pages, like we agreed, I’ll schedule... | Continue reading
Can I just say, I am so sick of hearing about Nostradamus. I mean, obviously, the comparison has been there for ages, but last year was harder than... | Continue reading
“As the nation reacts to the guilty verdict a jury handed to Derek Chauvin in the killing of George Floyd, Republican-led states are introducing pu... | Continue reading
Amanda Uhle spoke with Nikita Lalwani about her new novel, You People, which Publisher’s Weekly says, “surges with passion, intrigue, and a rigorou... | Continue reading
1. No one wants to say it out loud, but the public expects you to die for your district.2. As the day begins, everyone lines up six feet apart... | Continue reading
Hey, how’s it going? I’m a Salad Bar, and we’re back. Know what that means? It means the pandemic is pretty much over.What, you don’t believe me?... | Continue reading
Write an Agatha Christie-style mystery where a woman leaves a room for five minutes and returns to find the keychain left on her desk is now missin... | Continue reading
A young dad, feels 98Won the lottery, blew it on childcare that dayIt’s a french fry in your ChardonnayIt’s a fresh diaper grabbed two seconds t... | Continue reading
“Matt Gaetz has denied ever paying for sex, and over the past two weeks has sought to frame the [sex-trafficking of an underaged girl] allegations ... | Continue reading
Dear Faculty in Hell,In addition to synchronous, asynchronous, blended, and hybrid online courses, faculty are encouraged to adapt the following f... | Continue reading
"On Friday, Punchbowl News obtained a document detailing the ‘America First Caucus,’ which would be led by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene and Rep. Pau... | Continue reading
“Fox News host Sean Hannity has described Adam Toledo, the child shot dead by a Chicago police officer, as a “13-year-old man,” drawing comparisons... | Continue reading
Hello, toddler! So, you’ve tested your parents with colic, broken their will to live during sleep training, then lulled them into a false sense of ... | Continue reading
Angels in AmericaSubject: SUBMIT, SUBMIT TO THE WILL OF HEAVENGREETINGS PROPHETTHE GREAT WORK BEGINSI I I I KNOW THAT I CAN COUNT ON YOUR FINAN... | Continue reading
Now that we’re vaccinated, I’m going to go insane. I’m talking tonight, you and me, shots on shots, blacking out, dancing until dawn… well, maybe n... | Continue reading
Heyyyy, girl. It’s me: Low-Rise Jeans, returning after a decade of R&R in the back of Paris Hilton’s closet. Yes, it was painful being the firs... | Continue reading
As a centrist Democrat, I like many others, have been concerned about the rise in clowns waiting behind the shower curtain to stab us to death. Obv... | Continue reading
Dolly Parton’s Tennessee house is five minutes from mine. There are tour buses parked out front most days. My son always thought she was sending hi... | Continue reading
Would you rather answer the school district’s “Return to Buildings” survey, OR undergo a colonoscopy without anesthesia?Would you rather be hated ... | Continue reading
Would you rather answer the school district’s “Return to Buildings” survey, OR undergo a colonoscopy without anesthesia?Would you rather be hated ... | Continue reading
Hear me! I am Alexander the Great, Madman of Macedonia, Accursed Conqueror of the World, and I absolutely suck at the board game Risk.You’d think ... | Continue reading
This house is really gorgeous. I love the acres of lush backyard, the seven king-sized bedrooms, the self-cleaning bathrooms, and the price is righ... | Continue reading
Beaver of Fine Arts: Mid-Term Grades Are Due Wednesday, Good Luck | Continue reading
What’s in it?Every woman deserves to know exactly what’s in her birth control. Rush is a Canadian progressive rock power trio whose golden era is ... | Continue reading
At 5 PM every day, you get an urge… to walk through the synthetic floral section of your local Michaels.You’re living paycheck to paycheck but spe... | Continue reading
“This Is Just To Say”I have eaten, the plumsthat were inthe iceboxspecificallybetween the milk and cheesethe block of cheddar and the 2% mil... | Continue reading
Mario KartYou and the seven other members of your grad school cohort are competing for the last tenure-track job in the Mushroom Kingdom. It’s a s... | Continue reading
Welcome to the impromptu start of my non-fungible token (NFT) career. I’m so happy you’re here to witness the first steps of what I hope to be a ve... | Continue reading
Dear Sam and Sylvie,This is to inform you that, effective immediately, your mother and I will be parenting asynchronously. This is not a punishmen... | Continue reading
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first introduced the “five stages of grief” in her book On Death And Dying. Initially based on her stud... | Continue reading
Greetings, colleagues —As we start planning our return to the office, we wanted to give you a gentle heads-up that we’ve made a few changes to our... | Continue reading
INT. BIG CITY HEDGE FUNDTessie Jacobs (30-something, blonde) stares at a bar graph with two columns: “money” and “not money.” Her boss (you know h... | Continue reading
OldieHalf crampFailslideKickflopShakieBackside flabFeeble grindCricked grindBoredslideMcWistCrabbylerialAlley-oopsNo-computeInward mea... | Continue reading
Hello, it’s me, the long strand of Christmas lights hanging from your house. You may not remember that I exist, it’s been so long since you acknowl... | Continue reading