Jesus Christ, top of the morning man, I’m wiped. Thanks for picking me up. I don’t do this too often y’know, hitchhiking. People usually don’t stop... | Continue reading
“Senator Mitch McConnell on Tuesday bluntly warned Democrats who are considering weakening or eliminating the filibuster to push through progressiv... | Continue reading
Art by Matt Smith- - -Now thing is, back in those dahk medieval times, Ireland was a biggah fuckin’ shitshow ’en the Big fuckin’ Dig evah was n’ ... | Continue reading
IAmong eighteen black squares,the only moving thingwas my cursor.III was of thirty mindslike a laptopwith thirty tabs open.IIIA student’s ... | Continue reading
You can take your story arc and shove it, Madeline. You’re just a book agent who hasn’t had a sale in decades. You don’t even have an MFA. When I w... | Continue reading
Firefly Lane by Kristin HannahI’ve been pulling this one from the shelves a lot. I only have 11 seconds between loading up each item, but through... | Continue reading
“Watson!” bellowed Sherlock Holmes from the Chesterfield, handing me his laptop. “What do you make of this?” It was thrilling to hear the old excit... | Continue reading
Chekhov’s Gun states that a gun introduced in the first act must be fired by the last.Stephen King’s Gun: A gun introduced in the story must later... | Continue reading
Hey, everybody. I think I’ve seen a lot of you in several different cities. I usually look a little rough, and my THE END IS NEAR! sign has always ... | Continue reading
The following was discovered (it hardly bears mentioning) beneath a huge pile of unread manuscripts in a literary agent’s office. - - -We, the lit... | Continue reading
I don’t know when it started for me, but I have criticized my body for as long as I can remember. Maybe it was the way the girls at school used to ... | Continue reading
It’s hard being a package. Sometimes we’re out in the cold for a really long time. Sometimes someone puts a bomb in us. Sometimes someone thinks th... | Continue reading
Come, ye children, huddle close to my warmth — not closer than six feet, mind! There you are. It gives an old crone such as myself vast pleasures t... | Continue reading
Click table to enlarge. | Continue reading
Dear White Expat Men That I Have Met in China,Perhaps it is unfair of me to generalize. After all, not all of you are like this. I don’t want to m... | Continue reading
Ariel (The Little Mermaid)OPRAH: So when you struck the deal with Ursula to go to land, were you silent or were you silenced?ARIEL: … the latter... | Continue reading
“As I said last week, this is very simple, I never touched anyone inappropriately…no one ever told me at the time that I made them feel uncomfortab... | Continue reading
OPERATOR: Hello, what is your emergency, please?CALLER: Help! I live in a quiet English village where nothing ever happens.OPERATOR: What is your... | Continue reading
Congratulations, parents. I have come into your home as a birthday/Christmas/Daddy-hasn’t-been-around-in-a-while present. Consider it a blessing. I... | Continue reading
What he says: “I’ll call you.”What he means: “I’m going to text you. In a week. Maybe.”What he says: “Can we talk about this later?”What he mea... | Continue reading
Hey, I hate to be that guy. I really do. I hear what you’re saying, but I’m just going to have to play Devil’s Advocate here, because it’s movie ni... | Continue reading
I’ve been hearing a lot of buzz about raising the minimum wage, which hasn’t changed since 2009. I also haven’t changed since 2009, and why would I... | Continue reading
LEVEL 1: DOG WHISTLE OVERVIEWDUO THE OWL: Translate the following from Racist Dog Whistle to English:Voter ID laws are important to avoid voter... | Continue reading
ACT I, SCENE IEXT. THEBES TOWN CENTER. Evening. The gazebo at town center stands empty but for two cloaked young women, from a distance, perhaps ... | Continue reading
“White House press secretary Jen Psaki on Thursday defended President Biden calling the decision of two GOP governors to lift mask mandates as ‘Nea... | Continue reading
I am looking for someone — anyone —to purchase my biggest mistake, my most brutal nightmare, the godless creation of my worst impulses: my 4-bed, 3... | Continue reading
Are you stressed? Worn out? Astonished by the enormous number of mothers who have dropped out of the workforce in the last year since the Coronavir... | Continue reading
You’re an author with writer’s block, so your agent sends you to her villa in Tuscany for a month-long vacation to help you find your inspiration.... | Continue reading
Not sure how that happened. I did not think my personal stuff was connected to this. So strange. And just a note, this is not my main bank account.... | Continue reading
“Now 6 Dr. Seuss books are cancelled too? When history looks back at this time it will be held up as an example of a depraved sociopolitical purge ... | Continue reading
Casting Notice for the Next Great British Bake Off | Continue reading
Remember me? The girl who turned all your friends against you in seventh and eighth grade? The one who orchestrated daily loogie hockings to a chor... | Continue reading
Dear Applicant,Thank you for your interest in our graduate English program. We regret to inform you that your Imposter Syndrome was woefully misdi... | Continue reading
Miss Havisham-ingYou’ve been quarantining for twenty years and you’re experiencing major FOMO (Fear Of Marital Overtures). You take all the usual ... | Continue reading
What is Christopher CrossFit?Christopher CrossFit is an adult-oriented fitness program for men, women, and bodacious cowboys that focuses on stren... | Continue reading
All of the administrators at Northvale County Public Schools are committed to work-life balance for all of our teachers and staff during these tryi... | Continue reading
Team, it looks like there has been some concern lately regarding the company’s internal operations and the circumstances surrounding several recent... | Continue reading
I don’t care if Monday’s blue. God is dead. Or if Tuesday is utterly desaturated to the point where all choice is arbitrary, Wednesday too. Thu... | Continue reading
“Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene is facing sharp criticism after she posted an anti-transgender sign outside of her office, directly across the hall fr... | Continue reading
“Oh, go on! Try it!” his friends taunted. “We always knew you were a blockhead but, we never knew you were a chicken — bawk bawk bah-gawk!” they cl... | Continue reading
“Even with coronavirus vaccines on the way, many epidemiologists do not expect their lives to return to pre-pandemic normal until most Americans ar... | Continue reading
Aristotle: Believes everyone else in his pod is either too cautious or too reckless.Mill: Studiously reads economists’ SSRN preprints to form opin... | Continue reading
Hey there, youngblood. You must be the new recruit. Welcome to this Chrome window. Well, don’t just stand there with your bookmarks hanging out. Co... | Continue reading
“Sending $250/$350 per month/per child to everyone, with no work requirement, is welfare. Being pro-family means being pro-work.” — Sen. Marco Rub... | Continue reading
1. Every single day, the sun hangs low on the horizon, and its slanting rays fill you with dread at the horrors to come.2. You’re not sure how you... | Continue reading
Q: When is it appropriate for me, a middle-aged white guy who hosts a podcast, or writes op-eds, or posts as a prominent blogger with a healthy Twi... | Continue reading
Beaver of Fine Arts: "Your Self Portrait Was Due Yesterday": Student Reactions According to Their Zodiac Sign | Continue reading
All of us here at McSweeney’s mourn the passing of Lawrence Ferlinghetti. He was our north star and compatriot in this small but feisty world of Sa... | Continue reading