When I heard that the globalist oligarchs and fat cats in the Washington marshland were conspiring to invest in alternative, non-whale-based energy... | Continue reading
Lester Sloan began his photography career as a cameraman for the CBS affiliate in Detroit, then worked as a staff photographer in Los Angeles for N... | Continue reading
“The National Institutes of Health is prepared to aggressively defend its assertion that its scientists helped invent a crucial component of the Mo... | Continue reading
“Elon Musk, the head of Tesla, attacked Sen. Bernie Sanders on Twitter on Sunday after the lawmaker from Vermont tweeted that ‘we must demand that... | Continue reading
Among the most troubling experiences I’ve had in the COVID era has been witnessing the shocking eating habits of my colleagues during Zoom meetings... | Continue reading
That your daughter? Adorable! My kid’s over there, in the Ramones tee.Can you even with these kids? Not yet three and already obsessed with the sa... | Continue reading
As a multi-billionaire, I take offense to seeing myself portrayed in the media as a manipulative murderer—someone who forces the poor to kill each ... | Continue reading
Thank you for calling the US Department of Veterans Affairs. To help us better serve you, please choose from the following options:If you are call... | Continue reading
This week, conservative thinkers announced the formation of the University of Austin, whose aim will be to produce “antifragile” graduates and purs... | Continue reading
As a business owner who’s lobbied hard to strip rights and privileges away from workers, I am confused and frankly disturbed by the number of peopl... | Continue reading
What they say: We’ll regroup and come back to you with formal feedback.What they mean: We’d like to get off the phone so you can’t hear us tear yo... | Continue reading
“Arizona Rep. Paul Gosar was facing criticism after he tweeted a video that included altered animation showing him striking Rep. Alexandria Ocasio... | Continue reading
I am a demigod. I am a reptile. I am capable of destruction. I am also capable of falling in love.Although I am not cautious with buildings, cars,... | Continue reading
Dear faculty,We are living in turbulent times, with intractable partisanship on all sides of the political spectrum. Institutions of higher learni... | Continue reading
While I’ve enjoyed the last few weeks we’ve been together, I’m feeling a bit uneasy about a few red flags.Specifically, the fact that I have not s... | Continue reading
Fellow airline travelers, I know that you hate my baby. There’s no reason to sugarcoat it. You despise this helpless, defenseless infant. I see the... | Continue reading
BOOBS: Omigod, how much longer do we all have to wait??ABS: You’re just impatient because you think it’ll be you again this year.SHOULDERS: As if... | Continue reading
“I’ve never figured out what critical race theory is, to be totally honest, after a year of talking about it.” — Fox News host Tucker Carlson, 11/... | Continue reading
“Billionaire Charlie Munger is bankrolling the design of a massive dormitory at the University of California, Santa Barbara. The $1.5 billion proje... | Continue reading
Greetings, fair countrymen. It is I, William Shakespeare, sending word from beyond the grave. I have seen the influence of my canon, and I’ve relis... | Continue reading
Hi EMILY,Due to COVID-19, your friends here at Federal Student Aid kindly paused your student loan payments and set your interest rate to 0%. But ... | Continue reading
1. Ambient beeps2. Seems like it would be more fast-paced than the others3. You get it, and then, all of a sudden, no, you don’t4. Special codes... | Continue reading
Oh hello, I didn’t see you there. I’ve been busy crouching here perilously on a snow-capped tree stump, staring into the craggy cavern below, and t... | Continue reading
10. Purple Rain, Prince and the RevolutionThis amazing album from one of music’s true visionaries has it all: legendary ballads, top-notch funk, a... | Continue reading
Honestly, this sleepy New England fishing village with a dark past was so much better 175 years ago when I started haunting it. It was this malevol... | Continue reading
Hi Laurie,I feel terrible even asking this right now. I know you’ve been having a difficult time after what that awful Michael Myers did to you an... | Continue reading
“Scintillate” is a word Paul Muldoon uses in the third line of his fourteenth collection, and though he’s talking about light oscillating and flick... | Continue reading
What the cat will do is lose its mind trying to fit into the tightest, narrowest space. The cat will scoop dry food out of its dish with its paw an... | Continue reading
“To reflect who we are and the future we hope to build, I’m proud to share that our company is now Meta.”— CEO Mark Zuckerberg announcing Facebook’... | Continue reading
“Men shot by Kyle Rittenhouse can be called ‘rioters’ and ‘looters’ but not ‘victims,’ judge rules.” — Washington Post, 10/26/21- - -The most imp... | Continue reading
- - -Flowers For Sick People is a multimedia art and health project by McSweeney’s friend and author Tucker Nichols.Sickness can be a deeply isol... | Continue reading
Literary Desserts of the Damned | Continue reading
Beaver of Fine Arts: Your Costume Says It All: The Six Creative Types on Halloween | Continue reading
The Two A.M. Instagram ShopperPaying-for-Two-College-Educations BarbieThe Person Whose Fucking Pants Used to FitMare of Easttown But WorseBig E... | Continue reading
If Frank O’Hara were a salt-of-the-earth, lightning-struck woman with a master’s in social work who’d grown up in the middle United States and wrot... | Continue reading
Dear Tiffany & Co.,I’d all but given up on ever being able to remember the time I had a life-threatening disease when, lo and behold, the ad f... | Continue reading
1. Did you just look at the clock thinking it was 3 p.m. to discover it’s only 9:40 a.m.?2. Do you have half a bag of freeze-dried mango in your p... | Continue reading
There’s a lot of speculation in the mainstream media about which issues will dominate the 2022 midterms. But as usual, the press is clueless about ... | Continue reading
Are the lights flickering?A. Yes, that is a special effect to create a fun spooky atmosphere.B. Yes, the power grid is failing, and we aren’t goi... | Continue reading
There’s a moment in Nate Klug’s most recent collection, Hosts and Guests, in which he gives a supercharged—and very personal—gloss on the word quie... | Continue reading
Hello Jim. Nothing says “hello and goodbye” as succinctly as a message that begins confidently in black and is otherwise entirely copy-and-pasted f... | Continue reading
Those leftist Atreides weirdos are politicizing sandworm attacks on Dune to control us and keep us in lockdown forever!Okay, clearly the sandworms... | Continue reading
Mario, Luigi, and ToadBased on the classic video game characters, this group costume perfectly encapsulates your life—both because your baby, like... | Continue reading
The left is playing morality police once again, attacking the core principles Americans hold dear. They have assaulted the traditional family value... | Continue reading
Farah Ali is the author of People Want to Live (McSweeney’s 2021). Set in Pakistan, this debut collection features award-winning short stories abou... | Continue reading
Thanks for choosing to fly overseas during one of the most challenging times in recent history. Since every state and country has its own complicat... | Continue reading
“Manchin, a centrist Democrat, has objected to key provisions of a multi-trillion-dollar reconciliation bill that would slash planet-heating emissi... | Continue reading