Hi EMILY,Due to COVID-19, your friends here at Federal Student Aid kindly paused your student loan payments and set your interest rate to 0%. But ... | Continue reading
1. Ambient beeps2. Seems like it would be more fast-paced than the others3. You get it, and then, all of a sudden, no, you don’t4. Special codes... | Continue reading
Oh hello, I didn’t see you there. I’ve been busy crouching here perilously on a snow-capped tree stump, staring into the craggy cavern below, and t... | Continue reading
10. Purple Rain, Prince and the RevolutionThis amazing album from one of music’s true visionaries has it all: legendary ballads, top-notch funk, a... | Continue reading
Honestly, this sleepy New England fishing village with a dark past was so much better 175 years ago when I started haunting it. It was this malevol... | Continue reading
Hi Laurie,I feel terrible even asking this right now. I know you’ve been having a difficult time after what that awful Michael Myers did to you an... | Continue reading
“Scintillate” is a word Paul Muldoon uses in the third line of his fourteenth collection, and though he’s talking about light oscillating and flick... | Continue reading
What the cat will do is lose its mind trying to fit into the tightest, narrowest space. The cat will scoop dry food out of its dish with its paw an... | Continue reading
“To reflect who we are and the future we hope to build, I’m proud to share that our company is now Meta.”— CEO Mark Zuckerberg announcing Facebook’... | Continue reading
“Men shot by Kyle Rittenhouse can be called ‘rioters’ and ‘looters’ but not ‘victims,’ judge rules.” — Washington Post, 10/26/21- - -The most imp... | Continue reading
- - -Flowers For Sick People is a multimedia art and health project by McSweeney’s friend and author Tucker Nichols.Sickness can be a deeply isol... | Continue reading
Literary Desserts of the Damned | Continue reading
Beaver of Fine Arts: Your Costume Says It All: The Six Creative Types on Halloween | Continue reading
The Two A.M. Instagram ShopperPaying-for-Two-College-Educations BarbieThe Person Whose Fucking Pants Used to FitMare of Easttown But WorseBig E... | Continue reading
If Frank O’Hara were a salt-of-the-earth, lightning-struck woman with a master’s in social work who’d grown up in the middle United States and wrot... | Continue reading
Dear Tiffany & Co.,I’d all but given up on ever being able to remember the time I had a life-threatening disease when, lo and behold, the ad f... | Continue reading
1. Did you just look at the clock thinking it was 3 p.m. to discover it’s only 9:40 a.m.?2. Do you have half a bag of freeze-dried mango in your p... | Continue reading
There’s a lot of speculation in the mainstream media about which issues will dominate the 2022 midterms. But as usual, the press is clueless about ... | Continue reading
Are the lights flickering?A. Yes, that is a special effect to create a fun spooky atmosphere.B. Yes, the power grid is failing, and we aren’t goi... | Continue reading
There’s a moment in Nate Klug’s most recent collection, Hosts and Guests, in which he gives a supercharged—and very personal—gloss on the word quie... | Continue reading
Hello Jim. Nothing says “hello and goodbye” as succinctly as a message that begins confidently in black and is otherwise entirely copy-and-pasted f... | Continue reading
Those leftist Atreides weirdos are politicizing sandworm attacks on Dune to control us and keep us in lockdown forever!Okay, clearly the sandworms... | Continue reading
Mario, Luigi, and ToadBased on the classic video game characters, this group costume perfectly encapsulates your life—both because your baby, like... | Continue reading
The left is playing morality police once again, attacking the core principles Americans hold dear. They have assaulted the traditional family value... | Continue reading
Farah Ali is the author of People Want to Live (McSweeney’s 2021). Set in Pakistan, this debut collection features award-winning short stories abou... | Continue reading
Thanks for choosing to fly overseas during one of the most challenging times in recent history. Since every state and country has its own complicat... | Continue reading
“Manchin, a centrist Democrat, has objected to key provisions of a multi-trillion-dollar reconciliation bill that would slash planet-heating emissi... | Continue reading
I appreciate the hard work that went into this essay. It has many merits, but it also has something profoundly and disturbingly wrong with it. In f... | Continue reading
If your oxygen levels are depleted, will you consent to supplemental oxygen via nasal tubing? If you’re acting like a dog in a cone and do not unde... | Continue reading
1.JERRY SEINFELD: This is a 1995 Land Rover Defender, and everything about it says adventure. Which is perfect, because today I’m getting coffee w... | Continue reading
Q: Will there be a hiring freeze?A: The change has come. There is no search. But there is, there is that hope and that interpretation and sometime... | Continue reading
My first task of the day is always something hard but important: I murder God.When I get a job interview, a first date, or a shot at sex, I look t... | Continue reading
Welcome to the Rockcrop Farms Community Supported Agriculture (CSA). Thank you once again for supporting your local farm. Here are some answers to ... | Continue reading
Roh way, Raggy. Roh way on your rife am I retting raccinated. Rot on your rife, Raggy!Why? Why? First, ris is my rody. And because it is my rody I... | Continue reading
1. You and 500 other people compete for the chance at one prize due to the rigged economic system and bad life decisions that have landed you in a ... | Continue reading
I have been assigned the important task of researching our sixteenth president, Abraham Lincoln, and presenting my findings to my colleagues in Ms.... | Continue reading
Foraging in my local Trader Joe’s, my face reflects the orange hue of its seasonal displays as I wander the aisles on a hunt for a new fall item to... | Continue reading
“Mitch McConnell on Saturday told Attorney General Merrick Garland that parents ‘absolutely should be telling’ local schools what to teach amid a ... | Continue reading
Dear Mr. Simon,Let me begin by saying that I am generally a fan of your work. My mother used to sing me “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme” as a ... | Continue reading
FBI CASE FILE 19-86:Operation “Say Hello to Your Little Friends”The BABY-SITTERS CLUB (“BSC”) is an organized-crime enterprise that rose to power... | Continue reading
Do you love to be interrupted during a rare moment of respite? Can you plaster on a smile and generate impromptu dialogue? Do you enjoy small peopl... | Continue reading
I wake up in my log cabin. The first thing I do is pop outside to forage for some breakfast mushrooms. Once I’ve got a good handful, I roast them o... | Continue reading
1. COVID-19 and the related lockdowns have been hard on all of us. We want you to know: it’s OK to not be OK.2. If you need to work through your l... | Continue reading
Art by Matt Smith- - -Fuckin’ hwæt!Ah some shit, right? I don’t really know, but that’s how all those ancient Brahmin rat bastahds talked back i... | Continue reading
FOR USE ON SOCIAL MEDIA, ZOOM, AND REPLY-ALL EMAILS. | Continue reading
“You’re gonna want to set aside the next 20 minutes to read this NY Times Magazine piece about a complicated ‘bad art friend’ relationship involvin... | Continue reading
The Facebook Apologies team is at the forefront of navigating a wide array of global atonements. As a member of the Apologies team, you’ll find inn... | Continue reading