IIlustrations by Ellie Hajdu.- - -Wi-FiToad was writing an email.Suddenly, the Wi-Fi disconnected.Toad restarted his computer.The Wi-Fi still... | Continue reading
“More lockdown please.”“Mom look bad. Need bath. Why sleep clothes? Hmmm?”“Mom pants please walk.”Looks at large hole in the yard next to Mom“C... | Continue reading
What they say: 2/2 teaching load.What they mean: It will actually be a 4/4 after two years of budget cuts and faculty attrition.What they say: S... | Continue reading
Hello, I’m someone you used to know. Pretty well, in fact. We had some good conversations. We saw eye to eye on all the important things. We laughe... | Continue reading
“I agree with you one thousand percent. We’re all on the same page, gang.” — Senator Joe Manchin, from the top of his yacht yesterday, responding ... | Continue reading
“The $3.5 trillion Biden plan isn’t socialism, it’s marxism.” — Sen. Marco Rubio, Twitter, 9/30/21- - (Karl Marx addresses a large crowd)KARL MA... | Continue reading
Admittedly, this plan raised some eyebrows when I brought it up with my husband.First just: “What?”Then: “Seriously, what the hell are you talkin... | Continue reading
Hello, this is your kid’s school calling. So, your kid said her daddy dropped her off today. I could still see him if I stepped outside, but I know... | Continue reading
The Shire from Lord of the RingsThe Shire used to be the best-kept secret of Middle Earth, but tourists have been flocking there lately because of... | Continue reading
There’s a reason why boxed macaroni and cheese is cheese-flavored. And it has nothing to do with “mac and cheese” being a perennially beloved comfo... | Continue reading
Is your pain in your ankle?No.Did your pain appear after sleeping weirdly one time in your thirties and then stay with you for the rest of your... | Continue reading
Thank you for your interest in saving the lives of precious, little six-week-old embryos all across our great state of Texas. By committing to join... | Continue reading
Experts, the CDC, and the media keep telling us that seat belts dramatically reduce the risk of death and serious injury when using a car. But I’ve... | Continue reading
“When it comes to the current state of the global supply chain, weakness is everywhere. Massive dislocations are present in the container market, ... | Continue reading
As a freelancer, there are a few key ways to ensure your invoices get paid on time. Consider the following options to find out whether or not you h... | Continue reading
Fellas, it’s tough out there. After going unchecked since the onset of time, a day of reckoning has come for men. More than just being held account... | Continue reading
Making friends as an adult can be challenging. Especially if, like me, you’re the celestial ruler of Tartarus, the abode of the damned. I spent so ... | Continue reading
INTERVIEWER: So your movie is a huge box office and critical hit.ASIAN AMERICAN CELEBRITY: It is, it’s insane.INTERVIEWER: How do your parents fe... | Continue reading
“To His Coy Mistress”Baby, if we had more time,This coyness, Mary, ’d be no crimeWith nowhere else on earth to goWe’d drive around and take it ... | Continue reading
My unwavering commitment to the equality of all people, to dismantling the hegemony that has kept so many oppressed for so long, is my raison d’êtr... | Continue reading
Thank you for joining us for a date this evening. Before we move forward in the process, we’d like you to fill out this brief survey. We’re asking ... | Continue reading
Scenes from Overlook Elementary | Continue reading
In honor of the release of Dear McSweeney’s: Two Decades of Letters to the Editor from Writers, Readers, and the Occasional Bewildered Consumer, cr... | Continue reading
1. Lily passed peacefully, immediately after her therapist finally laughed at one of her jokes.2. After a valiant battle with imposter syndrome, O... | Continue reading
Originally published October 1, 2019.- - -Amanda Uhle spoke with Shelly Oria on the WCBN podcast Living Writers about the collection Oria edited, ... | Continue reading
Here’s the thing about men. We’re fearless.We punch through BRICKS with our BARE HANDS. We ride DIRT BIKES and eat SALTY MEATS. We’re also not eve... | Continue reading
Thank you, everyone, for completing the Faculty Success Survey. During these challenging times, we understand that many of you are feeling great st... | Continue reading
God came to Adam and Eve and said that one of them would have to bear children. Adam puffed his chest out and answered in a tone of cocky confidenc... | Continue reading
In the current era of hyper-partisanship, many have taken to using out-of-context quotes by us and asking what we would think of pretty much any po... | Continue reading
When I was in college I found my way to the study of history because I’m interested in what and how we remember, but I found my way to poetry—or po... | Continue reading
- - -Preorder Kimberly Harrington’s new book BUT YOU SEEMED SO HAPPY. You can also buy a version of this BINGO card at Sapling Press. | Continue reading
GUN WITNESSHeather Chapman | 5 Bradford LaneSubject: Loud bang at 11:28 p.m.?Did anyone else hear a series of loud bangs last night? It woke my... | Continue reading
Beaver of Fine Arts: Pop Quiz: A Beaver's Study Guide to Art History | Continue reading
Art by Fritz Lang- - -This piece, selected by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie for the 2021 O. Henry Prize, originally appeared in McSweeney’s 55. To get... | Continue reading
This piece, selected by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie for the 2021 O. Henry Prize, originally appeared in McSweeney’s 56. To get stories like this on yo... | Continue reading
The Sixth Circle of Hell will be closed Tuesdays until further notice. Due to government handouts, no one wants to dangle you heretics over lakes o... | Continue reading
Heat, in Sandra Lim’s stunning new collection The Curious Thing, is understandable. Can be described. “Our bodies swelled and stank,” she writes of... | Continue reading
Dear BIPOCStudent6,Congratulations! You have been accepted into A Musical Theater Program That Is Now Accepting Multiple People of Color! Yes, yes... | Continue reading
Dear class,I am extremely pleased with the work you all were able to accomplish this semester. I know we all faced some adversity over the past fe... | Continue reading
Years ago, as many of you know, I, Agatha Trunchbull, was driven from my career in education by a telekinetic pest with a vendetta against me. I ha... | Continue reading
Muslims will “never forget” 9/11 for very different reasons. The fact that even writing that sentence feels blasphemous speaks to the guilt that Mu... | Continue reading
I hadn’t the slightest idea that my life would change. It was two weeks into my freshman year of college. I was living away from home for the first... | Continue reading
1.In a remote community in nineteenth-century Sweden, a husband and wife—the grocer Johan (Max von Sydow) and the pianist Karin (Liv Ullmann)—deba... | Continue reading
Teachers: COVID has thinned the applicant pool for administrator positions. YOU can fill the need for fresh educational professionals TODAY. Simply... | Continue reading
As the 20th anniversary of the September 11th attacks approaches, I recognize that our country should learn about those tragic events, but I take i... | Continue reading
“Despite the irony of furious takedowns and defensiveness inspired by a show about treating people with respect, Ted Lasso has become a shibboleth ... | Continue reading
Neo, this is your last chance. You take the blue pill—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take th... | Continue reading