Hey, how’s it going? I’m a Salad Bar, and we’re back. Know what that means? It means the pandemic is pretty much over.What, you don’t believe me?... | Continue reading
Write an Agatha Christie-style mystery where a woman leaves a room for five minutes and returns to find the keychain left on her desk is now missin... | Continue reading
A young dad, feels 98Won the lottery, blew it on childcare that dayIt’s a french fry in your ChardonnayIt’s a fresh diaper grabbed two seconds t... | Continue reading
“Matt Gaetz has denied ever paying for sex, and over the past two weeks has sought to frame the [sex-trafficking of an underaged girl] allegations ... | Continue reading
Dear Faculty in Hell,In addition to synchronous, asynchronous, blended, and hybrid online courses, faculty are encouraged to adapt the following f... | Continue reading
"On Friday, Punchbowl News obtained a document detailing the ‘America First Caucus,’ which would be led by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene and Rep. Pau... | Continue reading
“Fox News host Sean Hannity has described Adam Toledo, the child shot dead by a Chicago police officer, as a “13-year-old man,” drawing comparisons... | Continue reading
Hello, toddler! So, you’ve tested your parents with colic, broken their will to live during sleep training, then lulled them into a false sense of ... | Continue reading
Angels in AmericaSubject: SUBMIT, SUBMIT TO THE WILL OF HEAVENGREETINGS PROPHETTHE GREAT WORK BEGINSI I I I KNOW THAT I CAN COUNT ON YOUR FINAN... | Continue reading
Now that we’re vaccinated, I’m going to go insane. I’m talking tonight, you and me, shots on shots, blacking out, dancing until dawn… well, maybe n... | Continue reading
Heyyyy, girl. It’s me: Low-Rise Jeans, returning after a decade of R&R in the back of Paris Hilton’s closet. Yes, it was painful being the firs... | Continue reading
As a centrist Democrat, I like many others, have been concerned about the rise in clowns waiting behind the shower curtain to stab us to death. Obv... | Continue reading
Dolly Parton’s Tennessee house is five minutes from mine. There are tour buses parked out front most days. My son always thought she was sending hi... | Continue reading
Would you rather answer the school district’s “Return to Buildings” survey, OR undergo a colonoscopy without anesthesia?Would you rather be hated ... | Continue reading
Would you rather answer the school district’s “Return to Buildings” survey, OR undergo a colonoscopy without anesthesia?Would you rather be hated ... | Continue reading
Hear me! I am Alexander the Great, Madman of Macedonia, Accursed Conqueror of the World, and I absolutely suck at the board game Risk.You’d think ... | Continue reading
This house is really gorgeous. I love the acres of lush backyard, the seven king-sized bedrooms, the self-cleaning bathrooms, and the price is righ... | Continue reading
Beaver of Fine Arts: Mid-Term Grades Are Due Wednesday, Good Luck | Continue reading
What’s in it?Every woman deserves to know exactly what’s in her birth control. Rush is a Canadian progressive rock power trio whose golden era is ... | Continue reading
At 5 PM every day, you get an urge… to walk through the synthetic floral section of your local Michaels.You’re living paycheck to paycheck but spe... | Continue reading
“This Is Just To Say”I have eaten, the plumsthat were inthe iceboxspecificallybetween the milk and cheesethe block of cheddar and the 2% mil... | Continue reading
Mario KartYou and the seven other members of your grad school cohort are competing for the last tenure-track job in the Mushroom Kingdom. It’s a s... | Continue reading
Welcome to the impromptu start of my non-fungible token (NFT) career. I’m so happy you’re here to witness the first steps of what I hope to be a ve... | Continue reading
Dear Sam and Sylvie,This is to inform you that, effective immediately, your mother and I will be parenting asynchronously. This is not a punishmen... | Continue reading
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first introduced the “five stages of grief” in her book On Death And Dying. Initially based on her stud... | Continue reading
Greetings, colleagues —As we start planning our return to the office, we wanted to give you a gentle heads-up that we’ve made a few changes to our... | Continue reading
INT. BIG CITY HEDGE FUNDTessie Jacobs (30-something, blonde) stares at a bar graph with two columns: “money” and “not money.” Her boss (you know h... | Continue reading
OldieHalf crampFailslideKickflopShakieBackside flabFeeble grindCricked grindBoredslideMcWistCrabbylerialAlley-oopsNo-computeInward mea... | Continue reading
Hello, it’s me, the long strand of Christmas lights hanging from your house. You may not remember that I exist, it’s been so long since you acknowl... | Continue reading
Dear students of WR112 – Personal Writing,I apologize for the delay in returning your graded personal essays. As you may or may not be aware, I am... | Continue reading
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” — quote often misattributed to Benjamin Franklin. (His original line was probably about... | Continue reading
“My warning, if you will, to corporate America is to stay out of politics,” said Sen. Mitch McConnell, who has long argued that corporate donations... | Continue reading
1. What was once a beautiful creature has suddenly transformed into a vicious, cruel monster with lovely hair.2. Its presence makes all living cre... | Continue reading
“Donald Trump and Tucker Carlson led rightwing backlash after Major League Baseball said it would not play its All-Star game in Georgia because of ... | Continue reading
The first public literary reading I ever gave was at Manhattan’s Le Poisson Rouge for a now-defunct magazine’s issue showcase. I was 21 years old a... | Continue reading
As president of TD Bank, I manage $1.7 trillion in assets, but the only thing that brings me joy is our little plastic pens. Cash is a social const... | Continue reading
I’m proud of my work as an auto mechanic, and nothing gets me more excited than souping up a ride for somebody. Normally, the satisfaction of a job... | Continue reading
“In May, a swarm of billions of cicadas known as Brood X will emerge from the earth after hibernating for the past 17 years.” — Slate- - -1. S... | Continue reading
“Our house, in the middle of our street.”Dear Homeowners: As you may have noticed, our development constructed a new roadway surrounding your home... | Continue reading
FROM: Simon Peter (simon.peter@alphaomega.org)TO: All MembersDATE: Wednesday, March 25, 33SUBJECT: Message from the Boss: NAILED IT!!Hey team!... | Continue reading
Give Yourself a BreakStart by naming and acknowledging the trauma: you’ve suffered, been crucified, died, been buried, and descended to hell. Now ... | Continue reading
When Moses showed up out of nowhere to shepherd “the Chosen People” out of Egypt, I had a sinking feeling that we Jews were once again “chosen” for... | Continue reading
“Federal investigators are examining whether Rep. Matt Gaetz engaged in a relationship with a woman that began when she was 17 years old and whethe... | Continue reading
This trial still has weeks to go, but I am already at my breaking point. I narrowed down my career options to court stenographer and dental hygieni... | Continue reading
Ugh, really? Across the United States, cases have started rising… again? A new, more transmissible and deadly variant has established itself (tell ... | Continue reading
“April Fools’ Day… dates back several centuries to the Middle Ages.” — WorldHistory.us- - -April 1, 1424: A woman in Edinburgh serves her no-good ... | Continue reading
PreparationWhile vaccinations are underway and offices are preparing to reopen their doors, management nationwide faces a great challenge: how to ... | Continue reading
Jason VoorheesMr. Voorhees has long been a proponent of masking and is considered a public health folk hero. When not taking long, contemplative w... | Continue reading