What he says: “I’ll call you.”What he means: “I’m going to text you. In a week. Maybe.”What he says: “Can we talk about this later?”What he mea... | Continue reading
Hey, I hate to be that guy. I really do. I hear what you’re saying, but I’m just going to have to play Devil’s Advocate here, because it’s movie ni... | Continue reading
I’ve been hearing a lot of buzz about raising the minimum wage, which hasn’t changed since 2009. I also haven’t changed since 2009, and why would I... | Continue reading
LEVEL 1: DOG WHISTLE OVERVIEWDUO THE OWL: Translate the following from Racist Dog Whistle to English:Voter ID laws are important to avoid voter... | Continue reading
ACT I, SCENE IEXT. THEBES TOWN CENTER. Evening. The gazebo at town center stands empty but for two cloaked young women, from a distance, perhaps ... | Continue reading
“White House press secretary Jen Psaki on Thursday defended President Biden calling the decision of two GOP governors to lift mask mandates as ‘Nea... | Continue reading
I am looking for someone — anyone —to purchase my biggest mistake, my most brutal nightmare, the godless creation of my worst impulses: my 4-bed, 3... | Continue reading
Are you stressed? Worn out? Astonished by the enormous number of mothers who have dropped out of the workforce in the last year since the Coronavir... | Continue reading
You’re an author with writer’s block, so your agent sends you to her villa in Tuscany for a month-long vacation to help you find your inspiration.... | Continue reading
Not sure how that happened. I did not think my personal stuff was connected to this. So strange. And just a note, this is not my main bank account.... | Continue reading
“Now 6 Dr. Seuss books are cancelled too? When history looks back at this time it will be held up as an example of a depraved sociopolitical purge ... | Continue reading
Casting Notice for the Next Great British Bake Off | Continue reading
Remember me? The girl who turned all your friends against you in seventh and eighth grade? The one who orchestrated daily loogie hockings to a chor... | Continue reading
Dear Applicant,Thank you for your interest in our graduate English program. We regret to inform you that your Imposter Syndrome was woefully misdi... | Continue reading
Miss Havisham-ingYou’ve been quarantining for twenty years and you’re experiencing major FOMO (Fear Of Marital Overtures). You take all the usual ... | Continue reading
What is Christopher CrossFit?Christopher CrossFit is an adult-oriented fitness program for men, women, and bodacious cowboys that focuses on stren... | Continue reading
All of the administrators at Northvale County Public Schools are committed to work-life balance for all of our teachers and staff during these tryi... | Continue reading
Team, it looks like there has been some concern lately regarding the company’s internal operations and the circumstances surrounding several recent... | Continue reading
I don’t care if Monday’s blue. God is dead. Or if Tuesday is utterly desaturated to the point where all choice is arbitrary, Wednesday too. Thu... | Continue reading
“Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene is facing sharp criticism after she posted an anti-transgender sign outside of her office, directly across the hall fr... | Continue reading
“Oh, go on! Try it!” his friends taunted. “We always knew you were a blockhead but, we never knew you were a chicken — bawk bawk bah-gawk!” they cl... | Continue reading
“Even with coronavirus vaccines on the way, many epidemiologists do not expect their lives to return to pre-pandemic normal until most Americans ar... | Continue reading
Aristotle: Believes everyone else in his pod is either too cautious or too reckless.Mill: Studiously reads economists’ SSRN preprints to form opin... | Continue reading
Hey there, youngblood. You must be the new recruit. Welcome to this Chrome window. Well, don’t just stand there with your bookmarks hanging out. Co... | Continue reading
“Sending $250/$350 per month/per child to everyone, with no work requirement, is welfare. Being pro-family means being pro-work.” — Sen. Marco Rub... | Continue reading
1. Every single day, the sun hangs low on the horizon, and its slanting rays fill you with dread at the horrors to come.2. You’re not sure how you... | Continue reading
Q: When is it appropriate for me, a middle-aged white guy who hosts a podcast, or writes op-eds, or posts as a prominent blogger with a healthy Twi... | Continue reading
Beaver of Fine Arts: "Your Self Portrait Was Due Yesterday": Student Reactions According to Their Zodiac Sign | Continue reading
All of us here at McSweeney’s mourn the passing of Lawrence Ferlinghetti. He was our north star and compatriot in this small but feisty world of Sa... | Continue reading
Why shouldn’t I get an MFA? That’s a tough one, but I’ll take a shot. Say I’m getting an MFA, and my professor puts a canvas on my desk, something ... | Continue reading
My mind is expanding, my horizons are broadening. I’m washing the dishes while having a cutting-edge audio experience learning about the Plague of ... | Continue reading
“States still must give standardized tests this year, Biden Administration announces.” — Education Week, 2/22/21- - -“Laura! Mary! Carrie! Time fo... | Continue reading
Not only am I VP of Reproduction for this household, but I’ve also been the end-user of this Small Child for over three years now. I’m going to giv... | Continue reading
Love, ActuallyLAURA LINNEY’S CHARACTER: Want to have sex, hot guy from my office?HOT GUY FROM HER OFFICE: Sure!LLC (answering her phone): Hey, b... | Continue reading
Dragon seeks smart, motivated intern to help manage a sprawling cavern of various golden treasures. This is the perfect opportunity for a go-getter... | Continue reading
Hey, it’s me: Short Afternoon Walk. As you may have noticed, you’re all turning to me an awful lot these days. Don’t get me wrong, I love what we h... | Continue reading
I SpyThe children stealthily watch out of the front windows to see who can be the first to spy with their little eyes the delivery person who will... | Continue reading
Jane looked in the mirror discontentedly. Every time she saw her reflection, she was reminded that despite being 14 and hot, she looked like an 18-... | Continue reading
“As Texas was battered by an icy storm and widespread power losses that left millions of residents freezing and fearing for their safety, Senator T... | Continue reading
Is dating a challenge for you? Do you find it hard meeting the right person? Well, sulk no more because now an emotionally damaged human can be de... | Continue reading
“As Texas faced record-low temperatures this February and snow and ice made roads impassable, the state’s electric grid operator lost control of th... | Continue reading
I am not a picky eater. I regularly eat boxed mac and cheese, not just Kraft but the $0.35 generic box that tastes little more than bleach flour an... | Continue reading
“This shows how the Green New Deal would be a deadly deal for the United States of America.” — Texas Governor Greg Abbott on the massive cold-weath... | Continue reading
Hey, all. It’s Me, God. I just wanted to let everyone know I’ve decided to give you Lent off this year. Instead of the usual “give up something imp... | Continue reading
I am a local. That means I am from here. Where are you from?Never heard of it.I was born and raised here. Not born technically, but raised. Well,... | Continue reading
“The nation’s top public health agency said Friday that in-person schooling can resume safely with masks, social distancing and other strategies, a... | Continue reading
Whether you are working from your DC office or your home in LA or New York, here’s all you need to know to become an expert on Iran.1. Always refe... | Continue reading
Oh, hey there. I couldn’t help but notice that you were staring at my legs. No, you did not slip on a patch of ice and somehow wake up on a tennis ... | Continue reading