Bed: A group of tired women. Coalition: Women who are tired of hearing about their reproductive rights getting trampled on. Guys: Actually, a group of women. Girls: Actually, a group of fully grown women. Old Bats: A group of women who used to be goths in high school and still li … | Continue reading
Dear Americans, During your country’s recent presidential campaign, President-elect Trump spoke about the threat of climate change: “So they talk all the time about how the ocean will rise in five hundred years, one-eighth of an inch, who the hell cares?” Now, before you decide w … | Continue reading
It’s me, that woman you barely remember from your tenth-grade homeroom who keeps turning up on your Facebook page like a cold sore. Before the election, I mainly posted wine o’clock memes and pictures of my grandbabies; I never publicly declared who I was voting for. But I can sa … | Continue reading
Tired of apple picking and morally opposed to pumpkin patches? Welcome to our cranberry bog. Founded in 1616 and then founded again in 2017, Giving Thanks Cranberry Bog is a family-owned and -operated bog. Located in the Midwest region of the Northeast, our bog offers an array of … | Continue reading
The goal of any author isn’t to write the next great American novel or take home a Pulitzer Prize—it’s for Nicole Kidman to turn their book into a hit limited series. The literary industry lives or dies at the hands of actresses who, in the hopes of actually playing a three-dimen … | Continue reading
Without cigarettes, I would not have survived my childhood. My mother smoked a pack a day—more than a pack when our circumstances grew dire, and/or she was bound to the state via a prison cell, a mental ward, or the welfare office. Bump that pack up to a pack and a half. She coul … | Continue reading
It’s been a tough stretch, and it’s not looking like it’s going to get better any time soon. I know that for months we’ve been saying, “We’re not going back,” but actually, I am. I’m headed back to 2014. Hop in, if you want to join me. If you’re asking, “Why 2014, exactly?” then … | Continue reading
Unbelievably, President-elect Trump hasn’t even been inaugurated yet, and he’s already solved so many of the problems he talked about on the campaign trail. Almost as if they were never there at all. I’m so glad I voted for him. I was really outraged about inflation. But miraculo … | Continue reading
Hello, I’m currently searching for a chastity belt. Not for purity or protection but for one purpose only: locking up my optimism so it never sees the light of day again. EVER. As a 33-year-old Black woman, my optimism has the nerve to keep hanging around, “trying to find the goo … | Continue reading
“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.” — Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. - - - The arc of the moral universe is feeling pretty stiff this morning. The arc of the moral universe overslept. The arc of the moral universe didn’t sleep at all. The arc of the … | Continue reading
“Resentment against elites proved to be deeper and more profound than many in both parties had recognized.” — NYT “Many other billionaires and industry titans have thrown their support behind Trump. Now, some could be in the running for cabinet posts, while others may wield influ … | Continue reading
What Kwame Dawes does in Sturge Town, his far-reaching new collection, is what he’s done book after book: create worlds in a music, and a music for the fleeting world. The first of five sections in the collection is “ … the rapid softening of light …” and then “ … all of light’s … | Continue reading
It is a gloomy moment in American history. Kamala Harris has lost the election. Donald Trump and his radical right-wing henchman will soon be the most powerful people on earth. Still, we Democrats can rest easy, knowing that we did a few of the things in our power to stop them. H … | Continue reading
Anyone who says that rape and sexual assault allegations don’t have any impact on men’s lives needs to look at the facts. Our nation has condemned a serial sexual abuser who has long been plagued by assault and rape allegations to run the entire country. So the next time you thin … | Continue reading
Once, there was a deceitful, misogynistic shepherd boy. He spent his days spewing racist lies, showing off the large flock his father had handed to him, and fondling sheep. Then, one day, he took a great breath and sang out, “Wolf! Wolf! A wolf is coming!” The villagers came runn … | Continue reading
Once again, Donald Trump has won the American presidency. In the autopsy, pundits will cite broad factors of the electoral environment like inflation, immigration, distrust of liberal institutions, the right-wing echo chamber of alternative media, and backlash to the Biden foreig … | Continue reading
“Mr. Trump’s first term was better than expected… the authoritarian rule that Democrats and the press predicted never appeared. Mr. Trump was too undisciplined, and his attention span too short, to stay on one message much less stage a coup. America’s checks and balances held… We … | Continue reading
I admit, it was tricky for me, a white male swing-state voter, to decide who deserved my vote in this election. But in the end, I cast my ballot for Donald Trump along with over seventy million other Americans. And I promise you that decision has nothing to do with my hating wome … | Continue reading
Cat-Hair-Covered Yoga Pants: Voted for Harris Toupee-Hair-Covered Suit Pants: Voted for Trump Bear-Hair-Covered Vintage L.L.Bean Board Shorts: Wrote in “RFK Jr. + The Worm” Pants Worn Only Every Four Years That Were Bought by Someone Else: Voted for Jill Stein Frayed Corduroys Th … | Continue reading
"I Voted" Stickers for Voters Outside Swing States | Continue reading
Well, another presidential election is here. Again. It feels like only yesterday that we were waiting in line for hours to cast our ballots, slowly rocking in front of the TV while the Big Map turned bruised colors and stress-eating leftover Halloween chocolate like a dog intent … | Continue reading
Our friends at 270 Reasons are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to … | Continue reading
People always ask me, “Why are you so sad, Eeyore? Is it because of the election?” Election Day or regular day, it’s all the same to me. Here’s my advice for accepting the inevitable. Take a Deep Breath It’s not much of an activity, but then again, I’m not much of a donkey. Vote … | Continue reading
Our election forecast model is the most rigorous data-driven tool available. It aggregates and weighs polls, draws on fundamentals like the economy, validates forecasts based on complex statistical vetting, and generates thousands of Bayesian election simulations to explore the l … | Continue reading
Thank you for your email. This is an automated response to let you know that I will be away from my desk on Wednesday, November 6. As you may be aware, the presidential election in the United States could be decided by the evening of November 5, and I will be up all night either … | Continue reading
Our friends at 270 Reasons are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to … | Continue reading
“Former President Trump is sowing doubt about the election results in Pennsylvania less than one week before Election Day, making explosive and misleading claims about fraud.” — The Hill - - - This election [WILL BE / IS / WAS] rigged! They have illegally stolen this election fro … | Continue reading
It’s come to this: the 2024 presidential election is a toss-up. Fifty-fifty. All the polls say this could go either way. This isn’t how I saw this playing out in July. After Biden dropped out, my victory was all but assured. But you can’t count a historically unpopular moron like … | Continue reading
How to Burn Off
Halloween Candy Calories:
2024 Election Edition
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Our friends at 270 Reasons are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to … | Continue reading
I realize the former president can sound a bit rough to some, but that’s why he connects with so many people. He simply tells it like it is. He’s a man of conviction who will not do the terrible things he has repeatedly promised to do. This is why I plan to vote for him. As a man … | Continue reading
MODERATOR: Welcome to our final presidential debate. Per the rules agreed upon by both candidates, President Trump is allowed to have Cyril, his African grey parrot, on his shoulder throughout the debate, but he may not receive advice or answers from him. Vice President Harris is … | Continue reading
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Our friends at 270 Reasons are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to … | Continue reading
“I should have used Saran wrap, but I’m not above eating the stale remains of the pickleball player’s soul.” I yawn out a plume of black flies, then slither out of bed and over to the Keurig machine. In my haze, I accidentally puncture the last pod with a gnarled claw, causing co … | Continue reading
Listen, I get it. You’ve been lurking in this creaky old house for centuries. It’s your time to shine—Halloween is your Super Bowl. But could we maybe hold off on the supernatural terror until after the election? I’m barely keeping it together. You’ve been doing a stellar job wit … | Continue reading
Our friends at 270 Reasons are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to … | Continue reading
With apologies to Edgar Allan Poe. - - - Once upon a midnight dreary, While I slumbered, weak and weary, In a cozy townhouse In the suburbs of Cleveland, While I dozed off, nearly snoring, Suddenly there came a roaring From the baby monitor That lay on my nightstand. “’Tis just t … | Continue reading
“The stand-up comedian Tony Hinchcliffe took the stage early in former President Donald J. Trump’s rally at Madison Square Garden on Sunday, hurling a wave of insults and vulgar statements at minority groups including Jews, Latinos and African Americans.” — New York Times - - - A … | Continue reading
“The stand-up comedian Tony Hinchcliffe took the stage early in former President Donald J. Trump’s rally at Madison Square Garden on Sunday, hurling a wave of insults and vulgar statements at minority groups including Jews, Latinos and African Americans.” — New York Times - - - A … | Continue reading
Excerpts from Side A of this year’s worst-selling Halloween cassette tape. To listen to the audio versions of these sketches and others, click here. - - - 1. Running into an Ex You’re Still in Love with at the Grocery Store LAURA: Dave, is that you? YOU: Babe! I mean, Laura. How… … | Continue reading
Our friends at 270 Reasons are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to … | Continue reading
“After the Washington Post announced it would not endorse a presidential candidate in this year’s election or in the future, its billionaire owner remains silent as the newspaper’s staff are in turmoil.” – CNN - - - The Starfleet Gazette will not be endorsing a candidate in the u … | Continue reading
Halloween Michael Myers breaks through your front door. He informs you that your son volunteered you to bring a “homemade sweet treat” to the kindergarten holiday parade, which is in two hours. Psycho You hit it off with a cute guy and agree to move in with him. He neglects to te … | Continue reading
Our friends at 270 Reasons are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to … | Continue reading
It’s a platform, right? A platform you stand on. Not too big, not too small. Platform-sized. You get the picture. The platform is flat. I guess that goes without saying. Who ever heard of a slanted platform? A slanted platform is a ramp. A ramp is not what I’m pitching. Wait! The … | Continue reading
You left your most recent dinner party to read the latest Muhlenberg Poll of the PA 7th Congressional. You’ve developed an involuntary facial tic triggered by the word “toss-up.” You had one of those special dreams again with Steve Kornacki, where you were the map. Does this soun … | Continue reading