1. If you want onions on your steak, you must say “whiz wit.” But to play it safe, don’t pronounce any “h” in any word while ordering. For example,... | Continue reading
Dear Tevye,This letter is to inform you that you are in gross violation of the rules of this Homeowners’ Association (HOA). Please note the follow... | Continue reading
1. Are you a teacher?☐ Yes✅ You are cleared to enter the building.☐ Wait, what? Aren’t you going to ask whether I’ve tested positive for COVID-1... | Continue reading
A group of toddlers is called a chaos.A group of kindergartners is a “Why can’t I be the line leader?”A collection of salt is called a lot. A col... | Continue reading
“Personally, I don’t need an immediate license to party like it’s February 2020, but I want some indication from lawmakers and medical experts tha... | Continue reading
Here at Time, we have made a number of changes over the last couple years. Now that 2022 is here, we’re announcing several major updates.A Minute... | Continue reading
The War on DrugsYou make your own paella and take super long naps on Saturday. Like over two hours, consistently. You prefer the smallest possible... | Continue reading
Yo, bros! Think you’ve got what it takes to be one of our Omicronies? Find out why our brand-new, hotly talked about squad is on everyone’s minds (... | Continue reading
So I just wanted to take a minute to touch base with everyone regarding the recent announcement by Human Resources that I would be featured in thei... | Continue reading
Thank you for calling East Hill Elementary’s absentee reporting and contact tracing hotline. Please listen carefully, because our menu options have... | Continue reading
Inspired by the surge in COVID-19 cases across the United States, we at Pantone are disappointed to introduce our 2022 color of the year: Horrible ... | Continue reading
Ho there! I am a humble laborer at Cooper & Watson Ironworks, and though my life is filled with sweat and toil, I await the day this factory wi... | Continue reading
“Private insurers will soon have to cover the cost of eight at-home coronavirus tests per member per month, the Biden administration said Monday. ... | Continue reading
Americans are locked in a heated debate: Should we close public schools due to this new wave of deadly scorpions? And while some might beg to diffe... | Continue reading
“If you’ve spent much time on Twitter in recent weeks, you’ve doubtless seen the grids of green, yellow, and gray squares that have swept across t... | Continue reading
Dear Teachers,As we continue to grapple with unavoidable disruptions caused by the pandemic, it’s important that we remain prepared and flexible f... | Continue reading
In light of the recent Omicron wave and the skyrocketing pediatric hospital admissions, we’ve compiled a list of questions from concerned parents. ... | Continue reading
If you’re anything like me, this past couple of years has given you a lot of jobs you never asked for: I became a therapist to my burned-out cowork... | Continue reading
Use this guide to understand why your opinion about mid-pandemic schooling policy is wrong. If you believe kids should attend school in-person, rea... | Continue reading
Hello! Welcome to the Lyon Street Coffeehouse and Drip-Bar. We’re serving a special coconut-infused matcha latte today. It’s not for me, but you lo... | Continue reading
“My low-skilled workers, my cooks, my dishwashers, my messengers, my shoe-shine people, those who work at Dunkin’ Donuts — They don’t have the aca... | Continue reading
Hey everyone! I hope this link is okay to post. If not, mods, please accept my sincere apologies. I’ll take it down so fast. My hand is vibrating o... | Continue reading
Dear Parents,Hope you had a wonderful, relaxing break with family and friends. We’re delighted to welcome you back to school as we celebrate a ret... | Continue reading
Birds. Most people just know them as those loud things that are always flapping around the sky like jackasses, but there’s actually much more to th... | Continue reading
Esteemed colleagues, musicology scholars, delegates from the CDC and C+C Music Factory, thank you for joining me today. As you are aware, I, Doctor... | Continue reading
1. “Watch Your Step, Mr. Frumble”: Banana Peel as Dilemmatic Cipher for Urban Decay in Scarry’s Busy Busy PeopleDepartment: Literature Advisor: M... | Continue reading
Jesus, man. What? I swear to God. I don’t think you even want to watch the show. If you didn’t have a complete meltdown when I started the show fro... | Continue reading
Despite the efforts of scientists and science journalists to define and contextualize public health information, the exhausting and rapidly changin... | Continue reading
You head out from Plymouth Rock in your covered minivan. You stock up on provisions: one side of beef, a pallet of goldfish, and three hundred bent... | Continue reading
The Argentinian writer Jorge Luis Borges, blind, dared to say anything that happens to an artist that does not destroy them is a gift. I don’t know... | Continue reading
PrefaceI have undertaken the horrendous thing: the Men’s Health New Year Reboot Challenge.There, I have said it! You will laugh at me, as you wou... | Continue reading
Thanks to all our readers, writers, and supporters for sticking with us this year. Onward to 2022!- - -1. OH MY FUCKING GOD, GET THE FUCKING VAC... | Continue reading
Our 21st most-read article of 2021.- - -Originally published March 22, 2021.- - -The Engineering School at Central University seeks a qualified ... | Continue reading
Rudolph laughed.He laughed at the outdated traditions, the belief that the greatest achievement in any reindeer’s life was to serve Santa’s whims.... | Continue reading
The problem with poetry is the poem. The problem with the novel is the novel, with music music, and so on. Any form is, in a certain light, limited... | Continue reading
Each December 25, two billion people celebrate the anniversary of my most successful act of personal branding: the birth of my son, Jesus Christ, o... | Continue reading
TIME AND SCENE. A modest suburban home in Hohman, Indiana. The patriarch’s Leg Lamp—a major award for besting his opponents in a contest of words—d... | Continue reading
Together, we made it. It’s hard to imagine a more challenging set of circumstances than those we all faced this last year: the ongoing pandemic, ev... | Continue reading
’Tis the season for drinking red cocktails and devouring things wrapped in bacon while wearing chunky-knit sweaters. Holiday parties and booze go t... | Continue reading
Holiday greetings. It is I, Winston George Higgensbooth Sr., real estate tycoon and hater of children and Christmas cookies… or at least that’s wha... | Continue reading
The personal essay demonstrates your ability to write clearly and concisely on a selected topic and helps you distinguish yourself in your own voic... | Continue reading
Jesus: Single in his thirties Me: Single in her thirtiesJesus: No known kids Me: No known kidsJesus: Gospel included messages from Matthew, Mar... | Continue reading
Jean Valentine, Federico García Lorca, Adam Zagajewski, Vinícius de Moraes, Pier Paolo Pasolini, Po Chü-i, Mahmoud Darwish, C. K. Williams, Derek W... | Continue reading
Mom! Mom, psst! Mom!! Come here! Look, look at that! The new decorative figurine previously placed on our mantel is in the bathroom.Mom, mom! He’s... | Continue reading
1. Your magical powers can light up a room.2. Everyone laughs at you and calls you names.3. A red biological emission is the source of deep shame... | Continue reading
“Disgraced comedian [Louis CK] ran an ad for his latest comedy special during ‘Saturday Night Live,’ sending social media into a flurry.” — Yahoo, ... | Continue reading
It’s beginning to look a lot like March 2020Everywhere you goTake a look at testing lines and then notice they’re long againWith healthcare work... | Continue reading
We have an opportunity to build desperately needed housing in our neighborhood to address racial inequality, increase class mobility, lift barriers... | Continue reading