My friends Mike and Kathryn had a baby last year. I was out visiting them on the west coast recently and we spent a quiet night on the couch playing with their diaper-clad, chubby-legged, wide-eyed son Malcolm. We took turns rocking him, yanking on his toes, and holding him above … | Continue reading
Things start, things finish. Just sometimes not at the same time. 1. Ketchup and mustard. While you’re fart-squeezing that big bottle of ketchup I’m guessing the squat bottle of yellow mustard is still sitting pretty full right beside you, even though it expired in 2005. No need … | Continue reading
AWESOME! | Continue reading
It’s a Solo Chuckle. Laughing when you’re by yourself happens when you’re watching a forwarded video in your dimly lit dormroom, lying in the La-Z-Boy catching a TV Treasure Chest Moment, or just having a little Laugh Echo as you’re about to fall asleep. Now there’s something spe … | Continue reading
I have a slow commute. Living downtown and working in the burbs means I jam through highways and sidestreets coming home every night. Sideways rain and hockey games slow everything down and sometimes I find myself tire-crawling all the way. I’m a fidgety person so when I’m stuck … | Continue reading
Nothing worse than a wobbler. Water glasses start spilling, silverware starts clattering, and conversations get the bump-off when the table goes thumping and your dinner plate gets jumping. That’s when it’s time to quadruple-fold a napkin and get your hands dirty in those tiny pe … | Continue reading
Here’s one for you. Did you know that pockets and purses are distant cousins? Well, sure enough, grandma, it’s true! See, there were once no pockets. Before the 1500s everyone presumably stuffed cell phones into socks and stored minivan keyless remotes under top hats. But eventua … | Continue reading
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc] Thank you for showing us the power of passion. And thank you for being AWESOME! Stay hungry. Stay foolish. | Continue reading
It’s pretty simple. A line of kids hold hands on one side of the playground while a kid from the other side runs at them with a head full of steam and tries to bust through. The game’s not over until the field is littered with broken arms, bloody noses, and shattered glasses. It’ … | Continue reading
Baby, you can drive my car. At least sometimes I feel that way when I’m caught in a yellow-light staredown and suddenly find myself death-gripping the wheel while make that split-second decision to fly through or slam the brakes. It’s very stressful. If you’re like me sometimes y … | Continue reading
My friend Chad doesn’t run. Sure, he does a lot of things well, like teach, be a great friend, and write a blog, but the man doesn’t run, doesn’t enjoy running, and doesn’t think about running. Nope, he’s no bib-wearing, calf-stretching, fancy-shoe-buying runner, and you know wha … | Continue reading
Do you remember wearing a diaper? Well, you did, you did, and you looked good in it, too. You crawled around hallways, yanked the dog’s tail, and screamed like a banshee in that diaper-padded butt. Chances are good someone took pictures of you doing it. Chances are good the camer … | Continue reading
I went to the airport yesterday. Obviously, I got jacked on parking and my little pick up trip turned into a twelve-dollar fine for swerving around the maze-like lot for twenty minutes. On my way out I stopped at the Pay For Parking machines and, sure enough, all of them were pac … | Continue reading
And that weird smushy brown thing on the bottom. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
It’s the center of all taste. First off, icing that was smeared or drizzled on top a few hours ago is guaranteed to hit the cinnamon roll bulls eye which means your last doughy bite is loaded with that sweet white gold. If you’re lucky the icing will have crisped just slightly so … | Continue reading
Down with reality shows. Tossing strangers on a beach in Costa Rica, surrounding them with boom mics, and overdubbing dramatic music is starting to get old. I’m not saying sweaty cooking competitions, suspenseful scale weigh-ins, or watching people who think they can dance dance … | Continue reading
It’s time to forget the corporate bigwigs smoking cigars, swimming in gold bars, and driving fast cars for just a second. Suddenly you and the cashier are on the same team. AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
Okay, you know what’s awkward? That ten to fifteen minutes before the movie starts on opening night. Seriously, it’s a jumpy whisper-fest in red plushy tundra as everyone runs in, jockeys for prime seats, and elbows for armrests. Saving seats gets stressful and without rules ther … | Continue reading
Grocery shopping, cake making, and cake baking means somebody’s big wet eyes are twinkling like stars for you. Hey, they went to the store, dropped coin on flour, and waited in long lines before coming home and sweating up a storm in the kitchen. Beating eggs, mixing bowls, and p … | Continue reading
Thank you cheap motel, apartment next door, or international airport. You just delivered four big bars of AWESOME! Photo from: Joey Harrison | Continue reading
We used to read newspapers. Do you remember waking up on Saturday morning and tiptoeing onto the ice cold porch to grab that tightly wound paper in the plastic bag? After tossing it on the kitchen table you’d tear it open and fill the air with the stale stench of newspaper ink, h … | Continue reading
I used to have a man purse. Somebody bought one for me a few years ago and I found myself strapping it on around town while I was in school. Once the cell phone and wallet got tossed in there everything else was fair game. I’d stuff a burrito in before the movie, skip plastic … | Continue reading
AWESOME! | Continue reading
Step into the breeze. After the sun dips down and the day goes by, the houselights flick on and fill streets with checkery yellow teeth. Moonbeams shine softly on tree branches, warm winds whisper through black hedges, and a still and soothing softness settles over everything lik … | Continue reading
We didn’t used to download. Nope, after spending a few weeks saving money from mowing lawns, shoveling driveways, or delivering papers it was time to get on a creaky bus and head downtown to the record shop. After walking around dusty aisles, chatting with the snobby staff, and f … | Continue reading
Welcome back to your afternoon. Welcome back to getting things done. Welcome back to fresh air. Welcome back to AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
Tennis is classy. Fans don’t paint their faces silver, put on a pair of horns, and stand waving giant cardboard signs while sipping from Beer Hats. No, they sit in hushed crowds, whisper politely, and eat berries and cream on Saturday mornings. Players are classy too with their s … | Continue reading
Buffets are chemistry labs. You’ve got every element on the Foodiodic Table sitting in front of you in tiny black plastic containers. There’s smeared clumps of feta and pickled beets in the salad bar, greasy cheese pizza congealing under table lamps, and mini chocolate eclairs si … | Continue reading
AWESOME! Illustration from: here | Continue reading
Bathtubs are crystal balls. Soak in them long enough and you’ll get a wrinkly idea of what you’ll look like in years. Brothers and sisters, since skin creases will wedge into the cracks and corners of all of our bodies over all of our lives we’ve got two big choices on living wit … | Continue reading
Don’t get me started on airports. Look, I love flying as much as the next guy but sometimes it feels like we’re grunting cows being poked from pen to pen. Check-in, customs, and security mean lines up the yin yang and through it all we’re papery flurries of passports, boarding pa … | Continue reading
It’s about authenticity. It’s about being you and being cool with it. It’s about baggy turquoise capris, striped maroon jumpsuits, and neon track pants. Yes, when you walk by an old person sporting some colorful and comfortable pants with flair, do us all a favor and give them a … | Continue reading
Brain, you´re funny. Who knows what caveman electrons are firing you up on a daily basis? Something must have been programmed in a while back to make it so enjoyable to pop bubble wrap, hear frozen puddles crack, or stab those little buttons on top of the soft drink cup lid. Clic … | Continue reading
Beat the beep. Toss that bowl of instant oatmeal, can of Chef Boyardee, or salty plate of last night´s stir-fry into the microwave and get ready for sixty seconds of tornado-twisting action in the kitchen. When the door slams and the plate starts turning, it´s time to start scrub … | Continue reading
AWESOME! Illustration from: here | Continue reading
Living in a big city can be lonely. Friends scatter and splatter in all directions and people dear to your heart fling themselves across state lines, borders, and deep dark oceans. And while calling your friends has gotten a lot cheaper, let’s be honest: It’s still hard to line e … | Continue reading
Hey, sometimes you’re in the mood for a few drinks. Big bottle of Merlot over a romantic spaghetti dinner, clinking beers floating in an icy cooler beside the tent, Jello shooters before the bars in college, or bubbly flutes of champagne for the big New Year’s bash. Whatever your … | Continue reading
Babies take a while to walk. If you’ve seen it happen, you know there is plenty of falling, crawling, and bawling. Hey, there’s a reason most two-year-olds are covered in fat lips, skinned knees, and coffee-table-dented foreheads. Learning to walk ain’t easy. Sure, you did it and … | Continue reading
You gotta love the Egyptians. According to our egghead pals at Wikipedia our taste-loving ancestors from Egypt started putting gravy on food over 5000 years ago. Seriously, hieroglyphics in the tomb of Djer, an early first dynasty pharaoh, show diners feasting and drinking from g … | Continue reading
AWESOME! Illustration from: here | Continue reading
Sleep lines are any line on your body when you wake up from sleep. They’re little indents on your arm from the pillow case zipper. They’re creases on your face from your corduroy covers. They’re just cute little lines and dents on your arms and legs that tell everyone that you ju … | Continue reading
It’s known as the Paper Towel Pile. Germophobes, you know what I’m talking about. It’s that filthy stash of crumpled wet paper towels sitting in a pathetic heap behind public bathroom doors. Bacteria conscious citizens aren’t above using paper towels like gloves to avoid touching … | Continue reading
Bombs away. Bring on big splashes, wet clothes, and hot sunny afternoons of AWESOME! Photo from: here | Continue reading
We love your kids. We do, we do, they’re cute, they’re adorable, they’re beautiful little Future You’s who will rule the Earth just fine when we’re all done living. And it’s fantastic they won bronze in high jump, scored a Wise Man part in the Christmas play, and got an “A” in t … | Continue reading
It’s been a long day. Flick off the lights and rest your broken bones in bed. Collapse under the covers, twist out your spine, and crumple into your cozy cotton cocoon. Feel your eyes warm your lids after long hours looking at the screen. Let your jaw unclench, let your blood swi … | Continue reading
I have short hair. People, this is what happens when you’re going bald. Now I’ll probably always have short hair and I’m really hoping it doesn’t go too far out of style. Because if the new thing becomes dreads, french braids, and ponytails, then I’m screwed. You may as well thro … | Continue reading
I’m no tennis pro. Yet somehow this past weekend I got tricked into playing a game with my brother-in-law Dee. I hadn’t played tennis in years, but Dee and I managed to scrounge around my dad’s basement to find two wooden rackets and a tube of balls. Even though each tennis ball … | Continue reading
You can’t fake a peach. Juice and candy companies keep trying with their Fuzzy Peach gummies and sugary peach drinks. But those molar-clogging sugar clumps never do the real peach justice. They’re an insult to peaches everywhere and mock the regal beauty of the Lord Of All Fruits … | Continue reading