This privacy policy describes the processing of information collected by, provided to, or snooped on by your children. This policy describes the wa... | Continue reading
1. The whole ship is going down. I mean the entire freaking ship.2. You think to yourself, “I’m pretty sure we were assured in some paperwork some... | Continue reading
I’m sorry. Why the hell did I just say that? I’m nervous. Blah. Come on in.Don’t worry about taking off your shoes. I’ve never worn shoes inside m... | Continue reading
“More than half of adults in the United States have been inoculated with at least one dose of a vaccine. But daily vaccination rates are slipping, ... | Continue reading
INT. DEATH STAR – CORRIDOR[As CHEWBACCA and HAN SOLO evade capture, STORMTROOPER 1 and STORMTROOPER 2 stand and chat.]STORMTROOPER 1: Lisa starte... | Continue reading
Dear Lord Vader,You have said in recent weeks that everyone in the Empire must soon return to work in person. I’m afraid I have to disagree. Stayi... | Continue reading
TO: Tim Cavanaugh, P.E., VP of Structural EngineeringRE: Volunteering at the STEM Career Day at my son’s middle schoolHi Tim,STEM Career Day a... | Continue reading
(Click codes for translations.)- - -1.Starting off with a classic. Every Morse code fan worth their salt knows this inside joke!2. Getting a ... | Continue reading
Do not be alarmed as I am everything that has been, everything that is, and everything that will ever be. You saw me in the sparkling gossamer that... | Continue reading
Hey there, abandoners-of-all-hope!We’re thrilled to announce that the fires have been stoked, the pools of blood refilled, and the harpies’ talons... | Continue reading
With more and more Americans being fully vaccinated, they are ready to return to work and leisure activities. Here are guidelines for when it’s saf... | Continue reading
Every couple of years, some hotshot said the 1990s were back. No one took it seriously. The ’90s were long gone, dead as the Noid or print media. J... | Continue reading
Hey, I’m the self-checkout machine at the CVS you frequent. Have to be honest here — it feels like you haven’t been yourself lately. You’ve placed ... | Continue reading
We have BOOKS!Big books, small books, tall books, short books.Books for all your READING needs!Ask us about our NO-INTEREST LOANS.No money? No ... | Continue reading
We, the management of Capital Venture Partners, are thrilled to announce that effective immediately, Gonzo Media and its various subsidiaries will ... | Continue reading
“A private school in Miami, citing false claims, bars vaccinated teachers from contact with students.” — New York Times, 4/26/21- - -1. You are ac... | Continue reading
“Your response when you see children wearing masks as they play should be no different from your response to seeing someone beat a kid in Walmart… ... | Continue reading
Hello and welcome to my home. Yes, I did answer the door extremely quickly, thank you for noticing. I was just here inside, sitting quietly in my c... | Continue reading
Beaver of Fine Arts: Career-Launching Moves for Pond Life Stardom | Continue reading
This here’s a tale for all the teachersGradin’ those papers in the empty bleachersTry to turn Zoom bugs into featuresLookin’ for the choir but j... | Continue reading
1. “I’m not gonna ask you if you just said what I think you just said.”2. “I have never met anyone so passionate and dedicated to a belief as you.... | Continue reading
Hello there! I could barely see you through the adorable scruff that covers my little puppy face. My eyes are so cute and tiny. I hear you praying ... | Continue reading
There are many products purporting to clear up the complexities of your ovulation cycle, but mother nature (and the Starz network) has provided the... | Continue reading
Did you get the COVID-19 vaccine?A) Yes, because I’m ready to get back out there and start partying again!B) Yes, because I am haunted ... | Continue reading
So, I hear your parents finally got their second dose, huh? Moderna? That’s great. You’re probably feeling a whole lot better about visiting them n... | Continue reading
I should start by mentioning that I (F1035) had just come out of a so-called “fairy tale” relationship with O. (M1037). Technically, O. and I are s... | Continue reading
So, Walter Mondale shows up in heaven the other day, and I’m all eager to talk to him because I’m kind of a political junkie — see Richard III — bu... | Continue reading
The scientific consensus is clear. We’re facing an urgent carbon crisis that is already drastically affecting the world around us. We know that it’... | Continue reading
“I’m glad I ran into you today @AOC to plan our debate about the Green New Deal. After I finish reading all 14 pages, like we agreed, I’ll schedule... | Continue reading
“I’m glad I ran into you today @AOC to plan our debate about the Green New Deal. After I finish reading all 14 pages, like we agreed, I’ll schedule... | Continue reading
Can I just say, I am so sick of hearing about Nostradamus. I mean, obviously, the comparison has been there for ages, but last year was harder than... | Continue reading
“As the nation reacts to the guilty verdict a jury handed to Derek Chauvin in the killing of George Floyd, Republican-led states are introducing pu... | Continue reading
Amanda Uhle spoke with Nikita Lalwani about her new novel, You People, which Publisher’s Weekly says, “surges with passion, intrigue, and a rigorou... | Continue reading
1. No one wants to say it out loud, but the public expects you to die for your district.2. As the day begins, everyone lines up six feet apart... | Continue reading
Hey, how’s it going? I’m a Salad Bar, and we’re back. Know what that means? It means the pandemic is pretty much over.What, you don’t believe me?... | Continue reading
Write an Agatha Christie-style mystery where a woman leaves a room for five minutes and returns to find the keychain left on her desk is now missin... | Continue reading
A young dad, feels 98Won the lottery, blew it on childcare that dayIt’s a french fry in your ChardonnayIt’s a fresh diaper grabbed two seconds t... | Continue reading
“Matt Gaetz has denied ever paying for sex, and over the past two weeks has sought to frame the [sex-trafficking of an underaged girl] allegations ... | Continue reading
Dear Faculty in Hell,In addition to synchronous, asynchronous, blended, and hybrid online courses, faculty are encouraged to adapt the following f... | Continue reading
"On Friday, Punchbowl News obtained a document detailing the ‘America First Caucus,’ which would be led by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene and Rep. Pau... | Continue reading
“Fox News host Sean Hannity has described Adam Toledo, the child shot dead by a Chicago police officer, as a “13-year-old man,” drawing comparisons... | Continue reading
Hello, toddler! So, you’ve tested your parents with colic, broken their will to live during sleep training, then lulled them into a false sense of ... | Continue reading
Angels in AmericaSubject: SUBMIT, SUBMIT TO THE WILL OF HEAVENGREETINGS PROPHETTHE GREAT WORK BEGINSI I I I KNOW THAT I CAN COUNT ON YOUR FINAN... | Continue reading
Now that we’re vaccinated, I’m going to go insane. I’m talking tonight, you and me, shots on shots, blacking out, dancing until dawn… well, maybe n... | Continue reading
Heyyyy, girl. It’s me: Low-Rise Jeans, returning after a decade of R&R in the back of Paris Hilton’s closet. Yes, it was painful being the firs... | Continue reading
As a centrist Democrat, I like many others, have been concerned about the rise in clowns waiting behind the shower curtain to stab us to death. Obv... | Continue reading
Dolly Parton’s Tennessee house is five minutes from mine. There are tour buses parked out front most days. My son always thought she was sending hi... | Continue reading